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Value vs. Status Part II - 11/15/2007 6:08:07 AM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline 		Inspired by MasterFireMa'am's post on value and status...

In a poly household how does value and status look with multiple s-types?

I don't know so I'm asking.
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RE: Value vs. Status Part II - 11/15/2007 6:13:26 AM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		good question....i have some ideal romantic notions...but...then i go...no...i don't want that...lol....hmmm....
waits for answers from others....cause i think i have some severely skewed views on the subject...told one thing, shown the compelete opposite...


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RE: Value vs. Status Part II - 11/15/2007 6:28:32 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I find it works about the same as monogamous relationships- you just have more pieces to consider.

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RE: Value vs. Status Part II - 11/15/2007 6:35:15 AM   
MidnightMaiden


Posts: 142
Joined: 10/22/2007
Status: offline 		That is like asking which of my 3 children I value more, or is more important, or I love more.
They are all equal, always will be no matter how often I see them, where they go, what they do.
Same with the men in my life, whether they are in my poly relationship or I am in theirs.

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RE: Value vs. Status Part II - 11/15/2007 6:49:36 AM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		but if a man in your life becomes completely unhealthy to you, you would remove them completely from your life...right? would you do the same for your child?

< Message edited by chellekitty -- 11/15/2007 6:50:08 AM >

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One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

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RE: Value vs. Status Part II - 11/15/2007 7:06:43 AM   
MidnightMaiden


Posts: 142
Joined: 10/22/2007
Status: offline 		I am reminded of my teenage kids, who have given me more grey hairs than I care to count.
And I made the comparison in reference to a relationship where all members are/have been together a long time and its healthy/working.  I didn't mean it to include broken/fractured/destructive relationships... all things change, there is always a variable to consider. 

Just as in the original post about value vs status, the concepts that a lazy dom has less value, a disobedient slave has less value etc.  If all parties are working towards the happiness of the relationship as a whole (ie functioning properly) then they do have equal value.  Thirds are still equal portions, or fifths, etc

And yes, if a child became so broken/fractured/destructive that one was abusing another, I would remove them from the relationship for their protection and the protection of my other children until help had been sought.

< Message edited by MidnightMaiden -- 11/15/2007 7:10:41 AM >

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RE: Value vs. Status Part II - 11/15/2007 7:38:13 AM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		i guess this is where i make a distinction...i have relationships with adults...when they are no longer in the relationship, i no longer have any responsibility for them, when i speak of children, they are not adults....i have a responsibility for them until they are adults, at which point they become offspring, not children...

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One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

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RE: Value vs. Status Part II - 11/15/2007 7:47:45 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Don't disown your offspring. The may have to foot the bill for your Nursing Home later.

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RE: Value vs. Status Part II - 11/15/2007 8:14:57 AM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline 		And what about poly relationships that demand a "primary" and "secondary" type situation? What does that mean in relation to value and status? Is it mearly a matter of who came first? What if the "primary" felt they are simply entitled to their "place" because they showed up first...no matter how much effort and energy they may or may not be putting into the situation compared to the "secondary"?

I'm not talking about children as I don't think the same feelings and therefor the same rules apply.

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RE: Value vs. Status Part II - 11/15/2007 8:17:32 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I find it works about the same as monogamous relationships- you just have more pieces to consider.


how do you see this. I do not see that. I think dynamics are totally different

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RE: Value vs. Status Part II - 11/15/2007 8:44:02 AM   
Daddyskittin


Posts: 58
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

And what about poly relationships that demand a "primary" and "secondary" type situation? What does that mean in relation to value and status? Is it mearly a matter of who came first? What if the "primary" felt they are simply entitled to their "place" because they showed up first...no matter how much effort and energy they may or may not be putting into the situation compared to the "secondary"?

I'm not talking about children as I don't think the same feelings and therefor the same rules apply.



Daddy, and I are very much the primary... secondary family... with us the who came first is a factor... Daddy can't not acknowledge all the years we've known, and been together... but with us it has nothing to do with effort, and energy but with the feelings we have for each other... and especially for Daddy his feelings of there isn't anyone else who he could be and feel the way he does with me...

In reguards to the compairing poly status, and children... the children come first with us... whether it's our children or their children... it's a completely different ballgame there.



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RE: Value vs. Status Part II - 11/15/2007 9:07:33 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

And what about poly relationships that demand a "primary" and "secondary" type situation? What does that mean in relation to value and status? Is it mearly a matter of who came first? What if the "primary" felt they are simply entitled to their "place" because they showed up first...no matter how much effort and energy they may or may not be putting into the situation compared to the "secondary"?

I'm not talking about children as I don't think the same feelings and therefor the same rules apply.



Hi Jen,

What you're describing sounds a great deal like a power struggle to me.  Not every reason to desire a poly relationship is a good reason.  For better or worse, there are individuals who seek poly relationships specifically so that they may assert authority in a hierarchy.  This isn't so different from a girl who joins the cheerleading squad with the express purpose of becoming the head cheerleader.  Sure, the cheerleaders are all equal, but the head is 'first' amongst equals, and doesn't want to be on the squad otherwise.

The thing about poly relationships, though, is that occasionally they're formed with the intention of having a primary D/s... and the search for a second s-type is driven by the power mechanic more than it is by the desire to actually include another person in the relationship.  The s wants a D powerful enough to hold more than one s.... yet values the primary s so highly, that his/her worth to the D is validated.  Woe be to the secondary s if they should desire a relationship based on emotion in this case; that's just not part of the agenda.  Add a splash of crazy, kinky sex into the mix like frosting on a mud cake, and serve.

I know my own situation functions, because we don't focus on who came first, or who's more important.  We all met on the same day, everyone is equally important, and we all make time for each other.  I think it works well, because we all know and enjoy our roles relative to the other.  I enjoy being the dominant, my submissive loves both submitting to me, and dominating the slave, and the slave revels in her role at the bottom.

Stephan

< Message edited by Stephann -- 11/15/2007 9:12:25 AM >

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RE: Value vs. Status Part II - 11/15/2007 1:01:25 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I think of it as almost any family structure.  If you picture a mobile (as in those cute doo-hickies that hang over baby cribs), it has a center, which all the other pieces flow around.  There is a balancing act - when one piece moves, the others also move in whatever direction they need to, to keep the balance.  The balancing core would be the Master/Mistress.  The dangly pieces would be the slaves/submissives.  Each plays a part in keeping balance.  When one is out of whack, it affects the group.When all are in sync, they are in perfect balance.   But the core is the foundation of the balance they wish to achieve.

I don't assign measurements of value, because I believe it's ever shifting.  In my relationship the Master has the higher status, however, and that does not shift.

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RE: Value vs. Status Part II - 11/15/2007 1:07:00 PM   
DarkDaddyZ


Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline 		I think that there needs to be dynamic and responsiblities laid out in every poly family.  While I believe in a primary partner, it's important in that all members of the family know their worth and don't feel "less than" the primary partner.  In some of my past relationships, my primary partner has "pissed on the tree" without my knowledge or without me looking....nothing good can come from that.

Z-

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RE: Value vs. Status Part II - 11/15/2007 1:13:01 PM   
wisteriaV


Posts: 438
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline 		In our situation its easy. There is one MAN in control and that is Master Vanatru. There will never be another Dom male in the home. Any other female or sub couple that may join Masters family would be my equals but being with Master longer I would have more experience to share and help teach the new members of the family. I don't have to worry about being "replaced" because Master and I are established and nothing short of death would break our bond.

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RE: Value vs. Status Part II - 11/15/2007 2:02:26 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		For me: everyone has equal value (imagine that). I feel that humans have inherent value in a similar way that they have inherent beauty. The status of people is defined by the heirarchy I have. Right now, that's defined by the kind of collar they have. In the future it may or may not be decided that way. Regardless, I'm at the top of the heirarchy.

Master Fire


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RE: Value vs. Status Part II - 11/15/2007 7:46:25 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I find it works about the same as monogamous relationships- you just have more pieces to consider.


how do you see this. I do not see that. I think dynamics are totally different

Because adults aren't really "free."  There's kids, there's health, there's family, there's work, there's bills, there's religion- there's a whole HOST of responsibilities and priorities a person grows into, grows attached to, finds important to who they are- and very few people can/want to toss ALL of them aside at a moment's notice for their partner.

What happens instead is that they find someone (even a master) who values and respects those priorities within their lives as they grow together.

Other people is just another set of priorities.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Value vs. Status Part II - 11/16/2007 3:10:14 AM   
peterK50


Posts: 433
Joined: 1/12/2006
Status: offline 		Interesting concept, the value of an uncollared maleslave seems to be zero. They're plentiful & easy to come by, like rocks on the beach. The pretty ones may get picked up & examined more often but are just as easily discarded.

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RE: Value vs. Status Part II - 11/16/2007 6:31:09 AM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		thats why a person must value themselves...submissive, slave, Dominant, switch, vanilla, or purple headed giraffe (winks at laurell), male or female....you can't go about waiting for someone to place a value on you...you make yourself valuable by learning skills and being knowledgable and being a productive member of society...volunteer or do something....don't just sit there and complain....

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One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

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RE: Value vs. Status Part II - 11/16/2007 7:58:53 AM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

Inspired by MasterFireMa'am's post on value and status...

In a poly household how does value and status look with multiple s-types?

I don't know so I'm asking.




A doctrine of equality in "status" and "value" among servants is what I have seen and known to work. Open hierarchal structures can and do exist, but only within a group of humans who each possess tremendous maturity and resolve to honor and serve their Keepers and the collective of which they are a part.



< Message edited by amayos -- 11/16/2007 8:02:07 AM >

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