stella41b
Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Daddysnikayla
i have been a member of this "Lifestyle" for over a decade now and i have learned so much from people in all the different facets of it. There is one thing though that never ceases to amaze me. We, as in "Lifestylers", face so much opposition from those who do not understand the lives we lead.
Interesting topic. However who are the 'we' and the 'lifestylers'? And where is this opposition coming from and from who?
From what I can see you're based in the States, you're in a heterosexual relationship blessed by marriage.
We can make an allowance for you living in a small town in perhaps a strong religious community, but try say, being a pre-op transsexual female just starting out in a tiny village in the north of Romania, or better still a homosexual couple in Algeria, a lesbian couple living in the northern Islamic part of Nigeria where the discovery of your relationship could lead to you being taken forcibly from your home, lynched, arrested, beaten, tortured, imprisoned, hanged or even stoned to death - now that to me is intolerance.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Daddysnikayla
And, i know at least for myself, that i have spent countless hours talking to people about my life choices in an effort to bring some understanding.
This is where I feel you're going wrong. These are your choices, nobody else's. You don't need their understanding, and besides you just won't get it. Deal with it.
I know what I'm saying here. I'm a TS female. Between 1995 and 2005 I was a well known playwright and stage director in Poland. I came out in female gender publicly in support of equal rights for gays, lesbians and transgendered people in Poland prior to the Warsaw Equality Parade in November 2005. This led to a very sudden and spectacular downfall which took about ten days I lost everything - my career, reputation, work, home, friends, contacts, the media, acknowledgement of 10 years of artistic work, to end up homeless, rejected and abandoned in snow covered streets in Warsaw sleeping in temperatures of up to minus 15 degrees, it took me four days to hitchhike back across Europe, and which took a further year back home in the UK to give me any basis in life.
I may return to professional theatre at some point in the future, I have theatres waiting, but for now I'm taking a career break until I'm almost through with my gender reassignment and just doing drama workshops. Even today my name and the very mention of my work is taboo in Polish theatre.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Daddysnikayla
We also all have felt that feeling of being looked at differently, ostracized, or ridiculed for who we are. We all know how much it hurts and how terribly frustrating it can be to feel like no one else knows or identifies with you.
Again I agree with you here to a point. I live a life where nothing comes easy, I'm a TS female going through gender reassignment, just under 6ft tall, with a weight problem, and I'm totally open and honest about who I am. I'd even offer to swap places with you for a week to give you a perspective of what I have to go through and deal with constantly, only I'm not much into male Dom Daddy types, and I don't think your Dom would fancy me much anyway.
I'm mid-transition, the hormones are only just starting to kick in, and everything's a challenge, housing, employment, meeting people, sometimes even going to the store for groceries. I get called the names every so often.. 'faggot', 'trannie', 'batty man', 'poofter', I've had faeces smeared on my front door, as for finding some sort of regular employment.. forget it. Some people come into my life for the wrong reasons, satiate their curiosity and disappear.
Sure I could get all upset and play the victim, but hell, other people have got it far worse than I have, and I don't give a monkey's what anyone else thinks. I know who I am, so do my doctors, the people in my life, my family, my Mistress, my friends, everyone knows that the three words which define me are female, lesbian and submissive. Didn't spend any time talking about it with anyone, just let people work it out for themselves, mentioned it.
I follow one path and that is the path dictated by my inner Soul, this is the voice I listen to, and this is my path through life. People can get all upset and agitated that I'm being myself and refusing to be like them but you know, I spent thirty odd years trying to be who everyone wanted me to be to my detriment and it almost killed me.
Why does it matter what anyone else thinks about what you do? Are you looking for an audience? Why seek validation from others over who you are and what you're into? Guess what, I sought that validation and it kept me from knowing my true self for 28 years, three years longer than you've been alive. It was wrong. Society isn't going to change to suit you, so it's best for you to find your own niche in society. Each time you walk down a crowded street you're accepted into society, the intimate details of your relationship and what goes on in your bedroom isn't really all that necessary.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Daddysnikayla
We talk so much about finding BDSM and feeling like we are finally home and being finally at peace knowing we are not alone in this big scary world.
Try replacing the word BDSM with the word 'Master' or 'Guru'... You make it sound as if it's some sort of weird religious cult. Ah yes, the esoteric secrets of BDSM.. Wear the costumes, observe the rituals, light the candles and get the floggers out.
The last place you should be feeling 'safe' and 'at home' is the BDSM community, for just like the big scary world the BDSM community contains both good and evil good people who do good things and good people who do not so good things. There's some really dangerous people out there. This is why trust, communication and friendship are so important.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Daddysnikayla
So then i have to ask, where do we (some not all of us) get off doing the same thing to others who have found there home here? What right do we have to say others are wrong, gross, unacceptable, etc. when we meet someone who has a different kink than we do?
We don't, but there's a lot of people around nowadays who appear to have forgotten what it means to mind your own business.
What is this about meeting someone who has a different kink? Is this the same thing as GMS? (GMS - Gay Male Syndrome - where when getting to know you one of the first things a gay male will tell you is that he's gay, as if it's some sort of achievement). Everybody has got some sort of kink. Going down on someone strictly speaking is a kink. I've got more kinks than a 1960's rock band.
People tend to become hostile and prejudiced when it's shoved in their faces. I don't have anything against heterosexuals, really. many of my friends are heterosexuals, and most of my neighbours are too. Heterosexuals can be quite nice people. But they have this annoying habit of assuming that they're normal and nobody else is, and the public displays of intimacy, the tonguing of each other and French kissing in public can be quite distasteful.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Daddysnikayla
If we want there to be a change in the world were EVERYONE is accepted and embraced for who they are then we need to BE the change we want to see in the world. How can we demand to be heard and seek out acceptance if we cannot provide that to our peers? How can we stand tall and proud if from within we are squabbling and tearing one another down?
Sorry to say but I've grown up. I'm quite happy with the change in me. It's caused me to accept the world as it really is, not how I'd like it to be.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Daddysnikayla
It is time for a change. We need to challenge ourselves to be tolerant of everyones life choices, to present ourselves as a united front to the "vanilla" world. In a world that embraces streamlining, mainstreaming, and intolerance as virtues, we need to lead by example and be the change we want to see in the world. We scoff at the sissy boys, cringe when watersports or scat is mentioned, say someone isn't a Top or a bottom just because they do it differently than we do. This is just hypocritical and destructive.
You write 'we' - is this a we with you included?
This paragraph I like very much.. you have potential, political potential. You should seriously think about being a politician. I mean this most sincerely. Your heart is in the right place. If you were a Democrat I'd vote for you. I'm sure a lot of others would too.
However I feel you need to stop and think a bit more, take a look around you. There's just two problems with this united front and this challenge to the vanilla world. The BDSM community like it or not is part of the vanilla world. When your Daddy Dom goes to the office and work he goes not as Daddy Dom (I could be wrong here, but this is what I'm assuming) but as a vanilla man.
The other problem is the BDSM community is like the Trangendered community. I spent some years in Warsaw working with others to establish a very very small Transgendered community, and like the BDSM community the Transgendered community spans both genders and is very wide and diverse - you've got female to male transsexuals, male to female transsexuals, post-op transsexuals, -pre-op transsexuals, non-op transsexuals, full time transvestites, part time transvestites, closet transvestites, drag queens, sissies, panty wearers, panty fetishists, crossdressers, and drag kings - none of whom are ever going to find any common ground with all the others. The same situation can be found in the BDSM community.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Daddysnikayla
So, then, i issue a challenge to each and every one of us. Search out someone who doesn't share your particular kink and learn about it. Talk to one another. Through communication comes understanding and through that, tolerance and eventually unity. That is my challenge to us all. Be the change. Challenge yourself to grow and gain knowledge and understanding and by doing so we can change the world for the better one person at a time.
Here yes, as a previous poster has said, you're preaching to the converted. Consider that being actively involved in this community or 'lifestyle' of you prefer (I'm starting to think of the term 'alternative interests' is more accurate for some - as for me myself I cannot really say I'm now part of the 'lifestyle' but have moved onto the Artimesian lifestyle) that you do change and develop.
Some don't. These are not the 'wannabes' but the wheniwassers.
Yes like the aged politicians there are the aged, jaded, nostalgic BDSMers, who have their own communities, scenes, rituals, playrooms, equipment, costumes, etc. They play from time to time, when they can find the time, but usually it's just talking about other people playing, and when they used to play - when they begin sentences with 'when i was..' these are the wheniwassers. They become excellent theorists, you find them on the Internet, but they have health problems, too much work and 'other commitments', but they still attend munches and local community events such as fetish fairs, etc.
There was something else but I've forgotten what I wanted to add. It's long enough anyway.
Oh right. Being an idealist in this world can be painful. It can also be dangerous.
Martin Luther King had a similar message, and was killed. John F Kennedy, and he was assasinated. John Lennon was also shot.
I sacrificed the earlier part of a career in theatre for my ideals.
It's going to take much more than you, me and all of us put together to change this world.
You wrote 'be the change' - in those three words you hit the nail on the head. Be the change. Don't fight the world or the people around you, but live with them, among them, in harmony, without dictating to them, telling them that they're wrong, or telling people how it should be. Accept them for who they are, not who you want them to be.
The Jews have a saying, which comes from the Holocaust and the Second World War as seen in the film 'Schindler's List' about Oskar Schindler, the Nazi Party activist who helped to start the Second World War by staging agitation in Katowice in the south of Poland, but who later saved the lives of many Jews in his enamel factory in Krakow.
'Save one person, and you save the world.'
< Message edited by stella41b -- 11/17/2007 1:12:32 PM >
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