Kana
Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
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i have been a member of this "Lifestyle" for over a decade now and i have learned so much from people in all the different facets of it. There is one thing though that never ceases to amaze me. We, as in "Lifestylers", face so much opposition from those who do not understand the lives we lead. And, i know at least for myself, that i have spent countless hours talking to people about my life choices in an effort to bring some understanding. I don’t attempt to get anyone to understand my choices, never have, most likely never will. What I do with me and mine behind closed doors is none of anyone’s business as long as it’s between consensual adults. There are some rash assumptions stated in this missive, this is one of them. We also all have felt that feeling of being looked at differently, ostracized, or ridiculed for who we are. We all know how much it hurts and how terribly frustrating it can be to feel like no one else knows or identifies with you. Nope, never felt that way because of BDSM at all. I never cared much if people identified with me or not. Frankly I enjoy looking in from the outside more often than I am a joiner.
We talk so much about finding BDSM and feeling like we are finally home and being finally at peace knowing we are not alone in this big scary world. I never talked at all about finding BDSM. It’s something I do, part of who I am, just like I am white and Irish. Finding some kinky people either live or on the net never made me feel at home either. Home feels like home, surrounded by the things I love, with the people I care about, that’s home.
So then i have to ask, where do we (some not all of us) get off doing the same thing to others who have found there home here? What right do we have to say others are wrong, gross, unacceptable, etc. when we meet someone who has a different kink than we do? Why shouldn’t I judge? I am an intelligent man with a highly developed sense of morals hammered out on the anvil of hard and often bitter experience. Talk to the people whose daughters were victims of men like Ted Bundy. He sure had a different kink. I have the right to say I feel something is reprehensible and the responsibility to say it if I feel safety is potentially being endangered. Don’t lay your morality on me.
If we want there to be a change in the world were EVERYONE is accepted and embraced for who they are then we need to BE the change we want to see in the world. How can we demand to be heard and seek out acceptance if we cannot provide that to our peers? How can we stand tall and proud if from within we are squabbling and tearing one another down? Ah, to be 25, let me be very honest. I don’t want to see a world where everyone is accepted regardless of his or her particular activity or belief. I don’t have any desire to live in a homogenous world of cultural relativity. I don’t even want to change the world Hell, my shoulders aren’t broad enough, and when would I get time for a lunch break. And who is this “we” anyways. Don’t include me in anything without my permission first. Why should I depend on anything external to allow me to stand tall and proud. That’s an internal thing and nothing can take that fro me. I have to give that away and its not going to happen.
It is time for a change. We need to challenge ourselves to be tolerant of everyones life choices, to present ourselves as a united front to the "vanilla" world. In a world that embraces streamlining, mainstreaming, and intolerance as virtues, we need to lead by example and be the change we want to see in the world. We scoff at the sissy boys, cringe when watersports or scat is mentioned, say someone isn't a Top or a bottom just because they do it differently than we do. Again who is this we, I don’t. Just because I might not agree with someone’s kink, that gives me no right to scoff. This is just hypocritical and destructive. Why? For me to evaluate what I find acceptable and what I do not, why is that wrong? I am an anarchist, a revolutionary and a rebel. I believe in freethinking and chronic self-evaluation. In a society that increasingly emphasizes conformity I am an anachronism. I don’t need to be tolerant of anything I don’t choose to.
So, then, i issue a challenge to each and every one of us. Search out someone who doesn't share your particular kink and learn about it. Talk to one another. Through communication comes understanding and through that, tolerance and eventually unity. That is my challenge to us all. Be the change. Challenge yourself to grow and gain knowledge and understanding and by doing so we can change the world for the better one person at a time. The ideal is nice, and the ending is the one thing I concur with. I cannot change anything, but I can change me. Gandhi said be the change that you seek, so my thoughts are get off the soapbox and do. Just don’t tell me how or what to do.
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RE: On Tolerance and Understanding - 
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