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Like a ringing in my ears that will not go away - 11/15/2007 9:53:33 PM

TermsConditions

Posts: 446
Joined: 11/13/2007
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After lurking for a long time, this is my first ever de-lurk.

I am very confused about my submissive feelings. I think understanding would remove some of the "out of control" feelings I have.

Is it even possible for me to understand?

Would someome point me to the beginning of the path of enlightenment?

I understand that subs are the krill of the D/s ocean.And this post has to have been repeated in some form many times before and must be tiresome to see. I appreciate your reading it.

< Message edited by TermsConditions -- 11/15/2007 10:01:43 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: Like a ringing in my ears that will not go away - 11/16/2007 1:36:04 AM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

TermsConditions,

quote:

I understand that subs are the krill of the D/s ocean.

This isn't quite the enlightenment you seek, but it is important none-the-less. The only submissives who are "krill of the D/s ocean" are those who think and behave as if they are. Compatible submissive partners are as hard to find as any other kinky partner (dom, domme, switch, etc.). You can make yourself stand out from the crowd by being a polite, honest, kind, intelligent, communicative human being. Forget about the Internet, BDSM bourgeoisie (and for that matter the proletariat too). Just be yourself and you've conquered half the battle.

Welcome to Collar Me. Glad to see you've decided to join in. :-)

Elan.

(in reply to TermsConditions)

Post #: 2

RE: Like a ringing in my ears that will not go away - 11/16/2007 4:24:30 AM

TermsConditions

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Joined: 11/13/2007
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Thanks for your response and the welcome. I was lashing out at myself in frustration and in the process managed to insult, lets see, just double-checking ... looks like I managed to insult everyone. Heartfelt but not very well thought out. I'm much better at lurking.

(in reply to ElanSubdued)

Post #: 3

RE: Like a ringing in my ears that will not go away - 11/16/2007 4:33:07 AM

Oumae

Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline

Read and ask questions, talk to people and listen... even if what they like isn't for you, you will have learnt at least that much.

Welcome to the boards.

Oumae

_____________________________

Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

(in reply to TermsConditions)

Post #: 4

RE: Like a ringing in my ears that will not go away - 11/16/2007 4:57:07 AM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Dear TermsConditions, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Welcome to the forums.

It is my belief when starting out anywhere, as to understand personal drives, feelings, emotions and feel like drowning in the sea of 'unknown' and no direction is clearly seen as 'land' is not in the horizon; can be frustrating indeed.

I am of the belief that you are not alone in undertaking the personal journey as to discover what submission means to you and the journey in finding a partner that compliments your goals and the life one wishes to lead.

Experience is the best teacher. One cannot gain but so much behind the monitor and safety behind a created personality and or screen name and or character. I find, that each person teaches me many things. Not only do people teach me about them, they also teach me how to treat them and understand them.

One thing that is important, is to know what you will not accept. It is important to know what you will accept. Then work on the grey area of what you haven't experienced first hand as to give a fair judgment as to decide where they are in your personal tolerance areas and what things in life you can compromise and how much to compromise. Being honest with others, will save a lot of misunderstandings. It is ok to be new and it is ok to slow down in a pace where you can experience the moment and understand it.

I am afraid that in D/s--it takes time to find someone that matches well. All relationships require some compromises--even on the Dominant's side. Just please do not try to pretend to fit into everybody's criteria as to get 'lucky.' It is best to be alone and lonely, rather than with someone who makes you miserable and want the first exit available as to leave.

Please consider attending local BDSM support and education groups. Please consider going to munches as well as BDSM conventions, presentations, demonstrations and feel free to ask questions when the time is right for all concern.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to TermsConditions)

Post #: 5

RE: Like a ringing in my ears that will not go away - 11/16/2007 7:33:44 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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The krill of the D/s ocean! What an amazing analogy---and I do hope that you come to find that it isn't true!

I can only say "what she said" as regards Lady Hugs' post. It takes time to find one's place, and it is a constant process. I find that I rethink my views often, based on what others have to say. Much of the time I find that my views are right for me, but there are always many more new ideas to consider. Try to remain open.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 6

RE: Like a ringing in my ears that will not go away - 11/16/2007 8:25:23 PM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TermsConditions

Would someome point me to the beginning of the path of enlightenment?

Not to sound like a cryptic Buddist, but the beginning and the end will only be found within you. The more you read, experience, and look within yourself; examining what you see and feel, then writing about it and listening to the words that naturally flow from your heart and soul, the further down the path you will travel as you learn from what you discover when you process your feelings about the events you experience or read about from others. It's a path of never ending self-discovery. There are many books on the subject and countless topics that can be searched within the archives here on CM. I wish you well on your journey and most of all welcome to posting on the boards of CM!

- pixel

Collared to Majik

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to TermsConditions)

Post #: 7

RE: Like a ringing in my ears that will not go away - 11/17/2007 12:23:01 PM

TermsConditions

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Joined: 11/13/2007
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Thank you, Oumae, for your kind post, your thoughtful advice, and your welcome.

(in reply to Oumae)

Post #: 8

RE: Like a ringing in my ears that will not go away - 11/17/2007 12:41:47 PM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

Terms, let me tell you a story.

My Pet and I are learners in life and particularly learners in the BDSM world. We started out re-inventing the wheel, which was fun. When we had trouble, we had love and communication skills to fall back on. I remember one night in particular where she was feeling anxious. Empathy led me to feeling like the war-movie scene where the war continues in full speed but all the character hears is a white-noise whine. I imagined her, My Pet, in that position. She was lost in submission. Cognitively paralized, in a way. It made me realize I hadn't made the rules of her world clear. You seem like a philosophical cat, and that may be an issue leading to your "out of control" feelings.

I can't fathom the complex emotions of being a submissive. I try, but in the end their based on assumptions and second hand knowledge. Even harder, to be a male submissive in a world that yells "Males need to be dominant." In my opinion, you have a very difficult lot in life. My advice is for you to make peace with who you are. Whoever that may be.

How do you feel out of control, what are you losing control of?
Are you not ready to give up control?
Who is the power going to?
Do you trust them with that power?

It is possible for you to understand.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to TermsConditions)

Post #: 9

RE: Like a ringing in my ears that will not go away - 11/17/2007 12:52:49 PM

TermsConditions

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Joined: 11/13/2007
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LadyHugs, Thank you for your sharing your thoughtful advice and for your gracious welcome.

In your experience and observation, is it possible to know "why" ? I'm certain that if this were knowable it would be necessarily different for each person seeking an answer.

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 10

RE: Like a ringing in my ears that will not go away - 11/17/2007 1:10:44 PM

CdnExplorer

Posts: 227
Joined: 2/12/2007
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Is it possible to know why? It depends on what you're really asking. Why do you need to submit? That is a complex question that many eventually give up on, because in the end it only matters in terms of understanding yourself. Once you gain that understanding the reasons you feel this way become a bit less important. Honestly for myself, the core of it has always been part of me. There have been many events through my life that have changed the way that I express my submissiveness and the needs that I have. Understanding those bits helped, but ultimately don't answer "why".

This was a pretty difficult phase for me. The big thing was analyzing my emotions and figuring out where they were coming from, which eventually led me to understand that the core of my submission was a need for trust and vulnerability. It might help to start keeping a private journal and record the thoughts that you have about it all.

(in reply to TermsConditions)

Post #: 11

RE: Like a ringing in my ears that will not go away - 11/17/2007 2:55:53 PM

TermsConditions

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Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline

Thank you LadyHibiscus. I do not really beleive my "krill" statement. I beleive people are more complex than that and D/s is much, much, more complex than I appreciated before I posted here initially. I appreciate your advise to keep an open mind. I am quick to judge and this often does not serve me well.

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 12

RE: Like a ringing in my ears that will not go away - 11/17/2007 3:46:22 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I can share some wise advice that was shared with me...that was shared with him...

-----
Ask yourself three questions:
1) Who are you?
2) What do you want?
3) What are you willing to pay to get it.

Answering 2 and 3 will often, but not always, lead to the answer of 1.
-----

Most people think that what they will have to pay is something positive in their live that they don't want to give up, say, moving from a good job in order to go live with their Dominant. What most people don't realize is: often the price is having to give up NEGATIVE views of themselves in order to get what they want.

So, are you willing to give up the idea that you are krill in order to stand out?
Are you willing to give up your quest to 'understand' in order to 'just be'?
Are you willing to step out and learn from real people rather than reading a book or an internet article?
Are you willing to give up everything that does not serve you in order to surrender and serve whom you're called to serve?
Are you willing to give up the idea that you are not worthy in order to serve your Self?

Master Fire

< Message edited by MasterFireMaam -- 11/17/2007 3:47:07 PM >

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to TermsConditions)

Post #: 13

RE: Like a ringing in my ears that will not go away - 11/17/2007 6:46:35 PM

LadyHugs

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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Dear TermsCondition, Ladies and Gentlemen,

The 'why' is often a question to which will never have an answer. A 'why' is a question if you really look at it. It would be easy to explain 'why' you are a man and why you became a man with roots to your conception in the womb. The why is easier to explain as to the genetics that give pre-disposition to many things as to 'why' you are created like a unique tapestry.

Many questions as to 'why' you have this feeling, this calling and many rational internal mental dialog with yourself (in general terms). But, like trying to answer the questions as a child when asked by another person--"Why do you like your favorite color?" I for one cannot explain anything other than the favorite color calls to me and I prefer it above all other colors if given a choice. I really have no explaination as to how I came to be drawn to my favorite color. It is certainly not the favorite color of my parents, my relatives--so, I cannot say that I was influenced by my enviorment and or my social exposure. I just knew as a little girl which colors I preferred. Thus, sometimes the question of why will just have you go in a frustrating and un-ending circle to explain 'what is.'

Sometimes being over analysing one's self--you miss other things and or opportunities. Sometimes it takes experiencing many things that have the elements to your feelings as to rule out what is and what is not the feelings you wish to ask 'why' to. But, it is my observation that no two answers are alike when it comes to answering as to why a person becomes a fire fighter, a police officer and a listing of so many professions in life. It is the same with those who are inspired to go into religion and serve there. To some it is a calling, some a draw, some a need and some see it as something else. Each person has to struggle as to 'why' but--a lot of people shove 'why' to the side for a while and explore life for the understanding as to the reason of why an explaination must be obtained instead of just accepting what is. Sometimes it just needs to be accepting that the fire fighter before you is 'just is' and not be caught up on trying to establish the beginning bud of how the fire fighter evolved into what is.

I prefer to accept myself as is. Not dwelling on the nitty gritty of why I came to be what and or who I am. I have grown and each step I was 'who' I am and not dwell on why I am. Just like my favorite color--I accept it because it 'just is' my favorite color. When asked why--I often can only reply that the favorite color is 'just is.' That said, I am not identified just by my favorite color. I am a person with many aspects. I have my own unique tapestry sewn by life itself and though beautiful and with flaws--I am because I know I exist 'as is' and leave it to others to be caught up with asking 'why' like a child endlessly asking a parent 'why' they cannot as to exhaust the parent and the final word is--because I say so. As an adult--we are the final word about ourselves--Instead of asking why--ask why not as well.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

< Message edited by LadyHugs -- 11/17/2007 6:53:49 PM >

(in reply to TermsConditions)

Post #: 14

RE: Like a ringing in my ears that will not go away - 11/17/2007 7:08:45 PM

HaveRopeWillBind

Posts: 514
Joined: 7/15/2006
Status: offline

Terms,

Often the "Why" question is the wrong one to ask.

For an example let's say that instead of finding yourself to be a submissive person substitute instead the thought that you were a person born with only one arm. Now you could spend your life agonizing over the "Why?" that should happen, or "Why?" to you. A much better question to ask yourself would be "How?" How do I deal with life with one arm? How do I accomplish all that I want from life? How do I fit into a career that will suit me and provide for my needs?

Sometimes the "Why?" question doesn't really need an answer, sometimes things just are. Far better to accept that and then proceed from there on the "How" to make life as satisfying and fulfilling as possible.

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 15

RE: Like a ringing in my ears that will not go away - 11/17/2007 7:55:55 PM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

Hello terms,

I'd like to know more specifics about the feelings you're struggling with.

You say in your post that you are very confused about your submissive feelings. Can you narrow that down? Seriously: try to recall the state of confusion that prompted you to post after 'lurking' for so long. What submissive feelings are you having? What exactly is it in those feelings that is confusing you? Are you confused by the impact of submissive fantasies, or are you confused by feeling 'submissive' towards someone that you know and admire? Open up a bit and give us a chance, we're really not such a bad lot. ; )

You also say in your post that you want to understand, what, your submissive feelings? Are you trying to say that you don't understand why you are having them, or that you don't understand the effect those feelings have on you? Or are you trying to say that you don't understand where the feelings originate from?

There's a LOT of room for interpretation there! Can you help us out with more specifics about what it is you don't understand? Begin with "I don't understand...." and then finish the sentence about 5 or 10 times, then pick a few of them and post them.

As for removing some of the 'out of control' feelings you have, again, take a piece of paper or a blank word document, and type: "I feel out of control because...." and finish the sentence 5 or 10 times. Come back and post them and ask for feedback. Chances are someone else has struggled with the same thoughts and will gladly explain how they coped with them.

For example: "My submissive feelings are out of control...(and this is just hypothetical here by way of example).....are out of control because I can't work at the office anymore without daydreaming about having a Dominant tie me up head to toe...."

Give it a try.

Defining the questions is often the hardest part of exploring something new.

Welcome to the boards. Oh, yes, and if you are the krill, I am the Baleen.... ; )

TexasMaam

< Message edited by TexasMaam -- 11/17/2007 7:58:39 PM >

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

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RE: Like a ringing in my ears that will not go away - 11/17/2007 8:26:45 PM

dcnovice

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Joined: 8/2/2006
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quote:

I understand that subs are the krill of the D/s ocean.

Bear in mind, of course, that the entire marine ecosystem would collapse without krill.

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to TermsConditions)

Post #: 17

RE: Like a ringing in my ears that will not go away - 11/17/2007 8:53:37 PM

AFlyInYourWeb

Posts: 284
Joined: 8/30/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TermsConditions

I am very confused about my submissive feelings. I think understanding would remove some of the "out of control" feelings I have.

Is it even possible for me to understand?

I've been a submissive over thirty years. I've had a few very good experiences. I do not want to even guess at how much poorer my soul would be today if I had failed to submit to those Ladies. I would have missed the best parts of my life. I hope you get to see that part one day.

I think MasterFireMaam gave you excellent advice, succiently put.

_____________________________

Stories: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=334308
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=335720
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=336666
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=337911

(in reply to TermsConditions)

Post #: 18

RE: Like a ringing in my ears that will not go away - 11/17/2007 9:11:55 PM

TermsConditions

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Joined: 11/13/2007
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Thank you Pixel. for your insights and your warm welcome.

.

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 19

RE: Like a ringing in my ears that will not go away - 11/17/2007 10:00:53 PM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TermsConditions

Thank you Pixel. for your insights and your warm welcome.

You're very welcome. As others have noted, it's not the "why" that matters. It's learning to accept and love the submissive part of you that exists within that will provide the peace of mind you seek.

Learning not to judge yourself for having the desire to submit, especially when you're likely judging yourself by following the typical thought patterns instilled within you by a vanilla society that doesn't understand this lifestyle, will definitely take you a long way toward reaching the happiness you seek. Letting go of the guilt you may feel about having the desire to give your submission to another is a freedom in itself that will unload a great amount of weight from your shoulders, of that I can definitely attest and assure you!

It doesn't happen overnight and is something that one needs to explore by keeping track of their thoughts and feelings as they arise; replacing them with positive ones when they become aware of the ones they'd like to rid themselves of.

As I said before, it starts from within, and ultimately ends there too! No one else can change how you feel about yourself and the submissive nature within you except you! Have faith and with time and persistence, you can do it. Be proud of your submission to the woman you desire to serve and the strong man you are inside for embracing that part of you.

- pixel

Collared to Majik

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to TermsConditions)

Post #: 20

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