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RE: Natural or struggle? - 11/19/2007 9:27:14 AM

MistressDolly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: StacyCat

Would you rather have a submissive who easily falls into the submissive role, or one who has to struggle internally to submit, but still does it?

Many of the people I talk with talk about submission being "natural" to them, that they naturally put others before them, even when not in a relationship. I am the opposite. I am a selfish person, I think mostly of myself (but, ive been single for a while, so that is a usual way of thinking for me.)

So, submitting would be a semi mind fuck for me. It would be a major mental undertaking, even as my actions would be submissive in nature. Of course, I would hope this would become easier as the relationship and submission deepens, but the initial journey would be hard.

So, which is better, when starting a relationship? Someone who easily submits, or someone who submits through mental struggle?

Do away with the struggle by giving up the idea of "submitting". Perhaps you'll find fullfillment in "bottoming" instead. (?)

< Message edited by MistressDolly -- 11/19/2007 9:28:20 AM >

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RE: Natural or struggle? - 11/19/2007 12:52:58 PM

Tigrita

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I know this is in ask a master, and I can't speak as to what masters value, but I can tell you you aren't alone. I also agree with whoever said selfishness is a good thing. I think it is a serious ocupational hazard of submissives to be all too willing to give up what is best for themselves in favor of what would put an easy grin on a dominant's face or avoid facing conflicting needs.

As far as struggle to submit, I've been described as switchy, or as putting out a lot of 'top energy'; I'm assertive, stubborn, I certainly am not generally submissive. But I do crave to be dominated, and to be submissive to one who shows me the strength I crave to inspire, and in some circumstances, force my submission. Once I find someone who's strength I respect this way though, I become very sweet and submissive. A couple of things are still challenging, hard on my pride, but we approach them with understanding of eachother, and we grow together that way.

My Man describes some girls as 'oozing submissiveness' and I see how much that lights his fire. I certainly am not one of those girls, but I figure there is something he likes about my spunkiness too, or else he wouldn't be with me.

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RE: Natural or struggle? - 11/19/2007 3:57:16 PM

StacyCat

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDolly
Do away with the struggle by giving up the idea of "submitting". Perhaps you'll find fullfillment in "bottoming" instead. (?)

I do bottom. My Top and I have a good relationship, in which my physical wants are fulfilled, as well as her desire to Top someone who can get such a release.

However, there are things that I am not fulfilled with in just the "bottoming" role. But, that is an option.

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RE: Natural or struggle? - 11/20/2007 12:51:42 AM

feralkyttin

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Just a thought.

Is struggling not natural, no matter HOW we identify ourselves?

At what point does personal responsibility become a factor in this equation? Boondocks

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RE: Natural or struggle? - 11/20/2007 12:36:30 PM

Stephann

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quote:

ORIGINAL: StacyCat

Would you rather have a submissive who easily falls into the submissive role, or one who has to struggle internally to submit, but still does it?

The question is a bit like the old "would you prefer to date a blonde or brunette." Of course I'd rather date a redhead

Seriously, neither form of submission is better or worse. Tigrita mentioned how I can almost smell submission in a woman. She's a woman who struggles a little with her submission. My slave, on the other hand, revels in it. I value them equally, and enjoy them both. There is no 'one is better' for me.

Having said that, not all dominants wish to actually dominate their s. Accepting submission (vice actively dominating) works best with a submissive who easily falls into submission. This has a great deal more to do with compatibility of personalities than it does a specific type of submission.

Take care,

Stephan

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RE: Natural or struggle? - 11/20/2007 9:23:18 PM

Padriag

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quote:

ORIGINAL: StacyCat

So, which is better, when starting a relationship? Someone who easily submits, or someone who submits through mental struggle?

Neither.

I want someone who obeys. They will either obey, or they will be gone. There endeth the discussion.

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RE: Natural or struggle? - 11/20/2007 9:54:54 PM

Qithoras

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In my eyes its not an either or question, there are multiple levels of gray to consider.

Personally, I like to take things slow. It's a combination of her being willing to be with me, learn from me (and in some cases teach me) and how much I have to nudge her to help that along.

That being said, I would not prefer either option as itself. Someone who submitted to me, easily, with devotion, without any effort on my part would seem like a waste, and one who struggled too much would get me caught up in the chase, nothing more.

Like alot of the answers given to questions on collarme, it's about personal choice, usually combined with middle ground.

Hope this helped.

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RE: Natural or struggle? - 11/23/2007 5:09:52 PM

greeneyedreamer

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I mean does submission come naturally to you. Do you naturally want to please people? Do you naturally want to make them happy? Do you try to nurture everyone? Like i said, this is all my personal opinion. Nothing else... Just my own takes on submission... Dreamer

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RE: Natural or struggle? - 11/23/2007 9:15:49 PM

daddyncherry

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

Having said that, not all dominants wish to actually dominate their s. Accepting submission (vice actively dominating) works best with a submissive who easily falls into submission. This has a great deal more to do with compatibility of personalities than it does a specific type of submission.

Take care,

Stephan

What a great way to put this....my Daddy is much like this..accepting my submission, expecting me to just submit to him rather than to pry and force or coerce it out of me....i either do and we are together or i don't......and.....

There are times when it is easier than others, and sometimes when he has to take a more active approach, but those are the exception rather than the rule.

i am also one of those that is typcially submissive...reveling in it...it doesn't take much to make me submit IF i have first chosen to do so.....i am not super dominant out in the world at large and when i am it is strictly as a defense mechanism or out of plain fear.

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