Kink, just wondering.... (Full Version)

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Aneirin -> Kink, just wondering.... (11/17/2007 7:26:10 AM)

Of this kinky world within a world we all seem interested in, what are people's expectations of it?

Reading these forums, I see lots,

... those that do and relate their experiences,

...those that want to do, and in that case may be wrongly labelled a 'wannabe'

... and those whom I think who write with genitalia in hand, fantasists, but hey, each to their own

But what of kink, do we all really want, or is being here a personal journey into knowing and understanding oneself?

How many never really get there, but are content in being within a community of like minds?

I just wonder sometimes if the idea of kink holds more glamour than the reality,

... that reality which is to settle with a partner and live a happy existance and grow together in perfect understanding, unity where the two become a whole.

What do others think?



IrishMist -> RE: Kink, just wondering.... (11/17/2007 7:33:01 AM)

quote:

what are people's expectations of it?

I can not and will not speak for others; but for myself.... I have absolutly NO expectations at all.
quote:

  But what of kink, do we all really want, or is being here a personal journey into knowing and understanding oneself?



My being here... On this website... is nothing more than a place for me to entertain myself. I made my journey and am quite comfortable to laze at the end now, with no initiative to start all over.
quote:

  How many never really get there, but are content in being within a community of like minds?


this is just me but I don't see this as a community...just as people coming together who enjoy a variation of the same thing, along with some who just find entertainment in it.
quote:

I just wonder sometimes if the idea of kink holds more glamour than the reality, 


for some it does, yes; for others no



mistoferin -> RE: Kink, just wondering.... (11/17/2007 7:33:09 AM)

Tossing around ideas in my head is a cool pasttime, but I can't imagine doing so and not follow it up by actively participating. For me, there would be no point. It would be kind of like being very hungry and daydreaming about a meal but never actually eating.



MissBathsheba -> RE: Kink, just wondering.... (11/17/2007 7:35:33 AM)

I am here to learn things to help enhance my real life experiences.  It is also helpful to see that others have the same interests and desires and also to learn about new things that I never thought about or knew anything about.  



Sexynmentalinkc -> RE: Kink, just wondering.... (11/17/2007 8:05:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin

Of this kinky world within a world we all seem interested in, what are people's expectations of it?




I gave up on expectations a long time ago. If you get stuck on an expectation, it's a recipe for let down and disappointment. I prefer to keep expectations low (or non-existant) and be pleasantly surprised. Any sort of kinky 'world within a world' I inhabit is there for My growth, understanding, learning, wisdom and yes...enjoyment. To find a fulfillment that's not quenched by other means. *shrug*




quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin

But what of kink, do we all really want, or is being here a personal journey into knowing and understanding oneself?




If the two? The latter.  The kink(s) is but a means to an end. The mental and metaphysical fulfillment of BDSM is 'the meal', the kink is just the presentation and menu.



quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin

How many never really get there, but are content in being within a community of like minds?




More than quite a few, I suspect. Not everyone is equipped with the like-minded and willing partner to "get there". I can't see how only being in a like-minded community could, in and of itself, be fulfilling enough...but that's a subjective issue (witness the number of folks that are email-only or so on, due to various reasons).

There's clearly a set of folks that are comfy with no R/T but another set that *must* have it - and everything in between. If there's one thing I've seen, it's that the flavors of lifestyle out there vary and there's as many opinions and visions (sometimes overlapping) on how kink/BDSM lifestyles should go.



*tips his hat*

- Mr. S



azropedntied -> RE: Kink, just wondering.... (11/17/2007 8:33:45 AM)

Expectaions can equal great disapointments  ,agendas not ment are never good .I have tossed those out long ago .



LadyPact -> RE: Kink, just wondering.... (11/17/2007 8:51:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin

Of this kinky world within a world we all seem interested in, what are people's expectations of it?

Reading these forums, I see lots,

... those that do and relate their experiences,

...those that want to do, and in that case may be wrongly labelled a 'wannabe'

... and those whom I think who write with genitalia in hand, fantasists, but hey, each to their own

Personally, I think that's a fair assessment.
quote:

But what of kink, do we all really want, or is being here a personal journey into knowing and understanding oneself?

How many never really get there, but are content in being within a community of like minds?

There's always going to be a portion who never get there.  It's very much the same as, say, a group of folks who are interested in skydiving.  If you have a number of people who discuss the subject on the net, all of them may say how great it might be to experience it, but how many really will?  Some won't ever do it, due to circumstances or fear of the acitvity.  Some will go out and "take the plunge" once.  Some may actually love it so much that they won't give it up until their bones are too brittle to risk it.  How many will fall into each catagory is a crap shoot.
quote:

I just wonder sometimes if the idea of kink holds more glamour than the reality,

... that reality which is to settle with a partner and live a happy existance and grow together in perfect understanding, unity where the two become a whole.


One thing that you have to realize is that, in this lifestyle, there are going to be different situation.  Since I'm poly, I'm not going into the "two" part.
 
For those living an active BDSM lifestyle, I'd have to say it's the reality.  Some of U/us out there really are doing it.  If the fantasy was better, W/we wouldn't be.  Sure, the fantasy sounds off the charts.  You don't have to deal with the mundane everyday things that every person has to do in life.  The grocery shopping or the car pooling.  If it were all fantasy, I'd be in fetishwear everyday, beating people to My heart's content.  Sooner or later, somebody has to pay the light bill or run to the post office.  Those of U/us who are doing it understand and accept those things.  It's life, just with extra flavor.



missturbation -> RE: Kink, just wondering.... (11/17/2007 11:02:14 AM)

quote:

Of this kinky world within a world we all seem interested in, what are people's expectations of it?

To be able to live true to myself in it.
 
quote:

... those that do and relate their experiences,

That would be me [:D]
 
quote:

...those that want to do, and in that case may be wrongly labelled a 'wannabe'

That was me when i first joined this site.
 
quote:

... and those whom I think who write with genitalia in hand, fantasists, but hey, each to their own

Indeed. [:'(]
 
quote:

But what of kink, do we all really want, or is being here a personal journey into knowing and understanding oneself?

Being here as in cm? or the world of kink?
Both would be a personal journey etc.
 
quote:

How many never really get there, but are content in being within a community of like minds?

Who knows?
 
quote:

I just wonder sometimes if the idea of kink holds more glamour than the reality,

I would imagine so.
 



















LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Kink, just wondering.... (11/17/2007 11:38:49 AM)

Oh I would say a majority of the time people's expectations and rose colored fantasies have to get knocked "down" a peg or two before they can make real progress towards who they are.  It's a rough road, but necessary.  I'm not saying "abandon hope all ye who enter here."

I'm saying "you can try to fly without an airline ticket across a ravine, or you can pick your way through the hills slowly on the ground- but if you make the choice to fly, it's not the ravines fault when you fall and hurt yourself."




MadRabbit -> RE: Kink, just wondering.... (11/17/2007 11:48:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin

I just wonder sometimes if the idea of kink holds more glamour than the reality,



This is why the Internet really cracks me up.



Kana -> RE: Kink, just wondering.... (11/17/2007 1:45:13 PM)

Of this kinky world within a world we all seem interested in, what are people's expectations of it?
Nada, but I expect lots of myself and any partner I have. Otherwise expectations are just pre-meditated resentments

Reading these forums, I see lots,
So do I

... those that do and relate their experiences,
Yep

...those that want to do, and in that case may be wrongly labelled a 'wannabe'
Maybe

... and those whom I think who write with genitalia in hand, fantasists, but hey, each to their own
Who am I to judge?There are those in the first categories who sometimes I think have less of an idea than those in the latter. But then again, hey, it takes a whole lot of different people to make the world go round.Sorry, my focus stays on me and mine, only.Sometimes I am entertained, sometimes disgusted, whatever.

But what of kink, do we all really want, or is being here a personal journey into knowing and understanding oneself?
I know myself, I don't need any help there.
Kink I can find, thats no big deal
But its the connection I seek, always have. The passion of the fire, burning bright, burning deep.Its the taste of life.

How many never really get there, but are content in being within a community of like minds?
I have no idea, nor do I care.Frankly its none of my business.

I just wonder sometimes if the idea of kink holds more glamour than the reality,
Of course it can, but then again, fantasy, no matter how vivid can never hold a candle to reality.

... that reality which is to settle with a partner and live a happy existance and grow together in perfect understanding, unity where the two become a whole.
Why just two? He says chuckling, there are many here who seek different ideals than that for a variety of reasons.

What do others think?
C`est la vie

_____________________________



bipolarber -> RE: Kink, just wondering.... (11/17/2007 2:28:47 PM)

I think we all enter the kink/BDSM world with rose colored glasses, as LA has said. But the learning curve is steep, and we seem to get a more realistic view within a fairly short span... (I've noticed it to be about two years or so.)

The thing is, for me anyway, kink is something I was pretty much born with. So, I can either sit my life out, and try to fit in with the rest of the mundane, vanilla world, or I can own up to it, and try to find others like myself. I prefer the latter. Mostly I do this because I don't like the feeling of feeling so different... and having to feel that way alone. Being alone sucks! So I go to munches, I go to play parties, and I go to huge conference type events... all to meet others, and remind myself that I'm NOT crazy, I'm NOT a freak, and I am NOT alone! The fact that I occasionally seem to fall into some nice relationships now and then, is a nice dollop of ice cream on top of the pie! And the cherry on top is the sheer number of really cool, self-actualized folk I've met in this community.

The online version of this is a part of that, but not one I take as seriously as when I'm at a real life event. The very nature of online allows the Id of so many to run rampant. They lie about who they are, what they are all about, and they even diliberately attempt to piss you off by being rude and nasty at times... (when the signal to noise ratio is really low) But look at this site as an example! I've met some wonderful people here! LA, LaTigresse, Domiguy, Zarius, among many, many others.... and only a handful of outright assholes! (Mostly in that fantasy world part of the MB)

Yeah, I'm turning into an old fart. I still remember the days of seedy back rooms at little bars tucked away in the industrial part of town, the bath houses, responding to ads in "contact papers." Most of all, I remember feeling like I was in the movie "Deer Hunter" every time I went to go meet someone.

The internet has been a godsend to kinky folk. 

What are my expectations?
Finding others.
Not feeling alone.
Some good conversation.
Occasionally, a relationship with someone special. (Maybe once every few years)
A chance to keep my sanity by not giving in to the feelings of being "the only one in the world who's into this."

That's all.



BoiJen -> RE: Kink, just wondering.... (11/17/2007 2:54:14 PM)

lol...kinky.

I get off in the spiritual and emotional sense by pain...sexually I'm a freak.

In life I seek enlightenment and happiness. And occassionally (often and with enthusiasm) amazing SM sex.

Spiritual highs and emotional highs get me excited in a sexual sense...so they link to eachother.

I seek to know myself at my core. And I seek to "see" Her at Her's. To understand. And through physical beauty, sometimes denial, and lots of creativity I learn and am more enlightened each day. And I am graetful.



laurell3 -> RE: Kink, just wondering.... (11/17/2007 3:10:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin

Of this kinky world within a world we all seem interested in, what are people's expectations of it?

Reading these forums, I see lots,

... those that do and relate their experiences,

...those that want to do, and in that case may be wrongly labelled a 'wannabe'

... and those whom I think who write with genitalia in hand, fantasists, but hey, each to their own

But what of kink, do we all really want, or is being here a personal journey into knowing and understanding oneself?

How many never really get there, but are content in being within a community of like minds?

I just wonder sometimes if the idea of kink holds more glamour than the reality,

... that reality which is to settle with a partner and live a happy existance and grow together in perfect understanding, unity where the two become a whole.

What do others think?


The reality is that one never really "gets there".  We are always changing, growing and discovering ourselves.  Getting there would be boring for me.  The process of evolving and understanding myself as a human being doesn't have much to do with my kink.  In that arena, as in all arenas of life I strive and sometimes struggle to understand my part, feelings, expectations and hopes and change them where necessary.

With regard to kink however, I do believe there are many that believe the word Dominant means white knight, and sadly, while it would be nice if that were true, it isn't.  We're all human and have limitations.  I didn't realize the extent to which I had some similar beliefs until I started switching and meeting subs that wanted to believe I was wonder woman here to fix their every problem (although I was never quite that bad).  Although I'd love to have the lasso and glass plane, I am not her, and sadly those types are in for a bit of a fall.  But such is life, we live, we learn, we go on.  It's not really negative to have high expectations, we all do at some point about things, but whether they ever become reality is the true question.

With regard to the community; companionship, laughter and at times reading others viewpoints and suggestions as sounding board against my own is why I am here.  It's amazing that you can actually learn alot about yourself from other people.



SirJohnMandevill -> RE: Kink, just wondering.... (11/17/2007 7:16:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3
The reality is that one never really "gets there".  We are always changing, growing and discovering ourselves. 


Well said! As I told someone today, having never been fortunate enough to have a 24/7 D/s relationship, I don't know with certainty how I'd handle all the details. To me, a true D/s LTR doesn't come ready-to-wear. I would expect my submissive and I both to grow into our respective roles.
 
Les (Illegitimate son of Howdy Doody and June Cleaver)



Celeste43 -> RE: Kink, just wondering.... (11/17/2007 8:13:29 PM)

Not everyone wants to settle with a partner and grow as two. Some people like more than two and others prefer to just have friends and live alone. There's room here for everyone, including those who might have done in the past, and may again in the future but are content for the moment just discussing topics of interest.



sexyred1 -> RE: Kink, just wondering.... (11/17/2007 8:21:10 PM)

First off, I don't believe there is a "community". All this is, is a website of people seemingly interested in BDSM. There is nothing else that bonds anyone here at all.

Second, why would anyone have any expectations out of kink or anything else in life? If you have no expectations, you are likely to be less disappointed.

I know that I made the mistake of thinking I was special my entire life and that I deserved and expected to find happiness and contentment.

Then I lived life and experienced much loss and smashed dreams and smashed expectations.

So kink or not, don't have expectations of anything; just do the best you can to make it through each day.



juliaoceania -> RE: Kink, just wondering.... (11/17/2007 8:40:08 PM)

I think I am a boring person. I enjoy things like reading, writing, organizing things, collectibles and antiques. I like economics and politics... there is nothing glamorous about my life, even though I am kinky.

I do not pay attention to the wannabe label, although there has been one recent thread where I was tempted to toss that out there.. but I resisted...lol



Kirren -> RE: Kink, just wondering.... (11/17/2007 8:58:56 PM)

expectations are like fantasies, when you have them, once you realize them, the thing you wanted can never live up to what you wanted it to be, imagined it could be, or even hoped for.

We have moments of steam, passion, heat and fire. We have seconds of our life that pass and we linger in them always chasing the high of the next moment that could be the one we had before, always knowing some where deep down that it will be a close second.

I come here, to this site, to seek people who will share with Me, or that I can share with. Offering some tid bit along the way to make their life, or My own, more bearable.

A community...is as Red said, something where there is common ground, while kink and BDSM seem to be common, they in no way tie us to one another. After all, we would then have to send out a million christmas cards a year...and who can afford the postage? So we simply find the ones that come the closest.

In all honesty, each of is a "wannabe" in some way or another. We want to be different, we want to be seen as special and exciting, we want this or want to be that...few people can say and be truthful when they say they are happy with themselves in totality.

I think in the long run, it should be about exploration of self, exploration of the world, exploration of sexuality and the mutual pleasure that can be gained from another human.




MissMagnolia -> RE: Kink, just wondering.... (11/17/2007 9:08:17 PM)

And then there are the ones like me, for whom domination isn't a kink. I don't scene, I don't play, I don't feel the need to hurt anyone, I don't dress up to do it, I don't have a bag full of paddles and whips, etc. I simply train a slave to do whatever I want him to do. I have no interest in making a slaves life journey a mystical experience, or helping them grow as a person. I don't find domination sexually exciting.

I am simply a dominant personality who expects a slave to follow my orders.



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