laurell3
Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: simplyserves
quote:
ORIGINAL: CdnExplorer
You're certainly not alone. Depersonalization and degradation are things I'm just not ok with. It makes humiliation a touchy area for me too.
I think the root of it is that it puts me into a defensive mode, which pulls me right out of a submissive frame of mind. Then I'll start feeling bad about myself etc, and the whole thing is over. The hard thing is that a lot of portrayals of femdom depend on this kind of play, so if you're not into that you can really feel like you don't fit in anywhere.
I think in large part it's a matter of degree and context. Personally I enjoy degradation, humiliation and embarrassment but these things shouldn't imply feeling bad about yourself.. For instance I've served women who enjoyed making me perform degrading acts, but it was done to show the level of my submission to them or because they enjoyed it as entertainment. My pleasure came from knowing I was an object of amusement.
The tricky part is, with any form of emotional or psychological play, people have buttons that make them feel more submissive or more open and buttons that make them feel defensive or closed off. I can certainly empathize with your position though, having felt the same way in some cases.
Take for example, if you're okay with being naked while the dominant is clothed. This is a fairly light form of humiliation but for some people it's so powerful there are entire libraries of videos and stories depicting it and it would probably be considered over the top by some.
I think de-personalization and degradation, as with all largely psychological forms of play, are very relative. Being called "slave" for instance, is a form of de-personalization and foot worship is a form of degradation. Neither are characterized as such because they're considered light activities.
Ultimately what's important is to feel respected, as odd as that sounds in the context of humiliation or degradation. Maybe appreciated is a better term. The difference really, between people who really like these types of activities and people who don't, is how quickly that security dissolves, but all D/s is based on humiliation. Humiliation is after all only the act of being humbled. Being the lowercase s is by it's nature an act of humility.
I agree. It takes quite a bit of knowlege of the other person to know where to go, when to go there, what to stay away from and when to stop. People that assume they can fling insults at a new partner and be successful amuse me. Then again, as is pointed out here, what is horribly humiliating for one is just hot for another, knowlege and time communicating is the key.
This is another thing when I started I said, I will never do it. However, as I aged, I became more confident with who I am and learned that in the right relationship with someone that knows me very well and knows where NOT to go, it can be pretty intense and fulfilling.
I will say one thing about this type of play. I have found it should almost always be done with open communication and aftercare to make sure you are both on the same page emotionally with how you truly feel about each other regardless of how you played. Having someone walk away thinking everything that was said was meant, in many cases, would be detrimental to the relationship.
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I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.
When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.
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degradation as a tough limit - 
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