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RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 8:48:31 AM   
grlneedstolearn


Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline 		i personally would never play without a safe word, nor would i look for a Dom who does not have a safe word. What if you push the stranger to his breaking point and he comes back and presses charges against you? i would rather be safe than sorry in the long run.

(in reply to DommeHannah)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 8:49:33 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Do you REALLY think that the use of a safe word offers you legal protection?

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to grlneedstolearn)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 8:50:37 AM   
bipolarber


Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline 		This tiresome subject, yet again... (sigh)

Let's just cut to the chase, eh?

Safewords are a good idea for newbies, and folks who are just starting a relationship. Once you learn how to read each other, you can probably dispense with it. Better to have one and not need it... than to need one and not have it... blah, blah, blah....

(in reply to Solinear)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 8:51:34 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: grlneedstolearn

i personally would never play without a safe word, nor would i look for a Dom who does not have a safe word. What if you push the stranger to his breaking point and he comes back and presses charges against you? i would rather be safe than sorry in the long run.

Oh my.... are you serious in that you actually believe a safeword provides legal protection?

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(in reply to grlneedstolearn)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 9:15:10 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Do you REALLY think that the use of a safe word offers you legal protection?


Honestly, I regretted bringing that up in a post....

But at the same time, if I were into being a pro domme, I think I would demand the use of a safeword (not that this would negate my responsibility if things went wrong). It just seems like in a scene about fantasy and role play (which that is the what pro domming is about) that it would be one way to check out of the scene if the customer did not like what was happening... their dollar, they want to stop... they should be able to.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 9:15:36 AM   
HardnRuff


Posts: 213
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline 		I Liken the safeword to having auto insurance . You hope you never have to use it but it is always nice to know it is there . I cannot always be in My girls head.... Just My opinion

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(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 9:33:06 AM   
LadyLynx


Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline 		using a safeword is communicating......when it comes to playing with someone I do not know, then I would not play without a safeword. or a safe call.  Before playing I discuss with them the different parameters of what activity both of us want to do. there is also discussion of limits, and what their concepts are of limits.  like someone who believes that limits are like rules that should be broken, weeellll then I don't want to play with them. on ethier end.  I have before and would again walk out on someone who has espoused such beliefs.  (not against others who want that, it is just not my thing.)

_____________________________

Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

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I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to HardnRuff)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 9:44:09 AM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		Are these people mailing saying "hello i wanna play but use no safewords" The same ones when asked if they have and hard limits in bdsm they say NO you can do what ever you want ! ?Although when you unroll knives and fire play equipment they say what are you doing  i have a fear of those and cant do it ...but you said no limits  everything is fine oooh yes meet my  sheeep too .Upon a first or new meet and exchange use or atleast give the option of the outwords so these that maybe brave in words can push a panic button when the deeds come that they are not ready for .Some can talk a big game until the events become too real for them .

(in reply to LadyLynx)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 10:20:45 AM   
johnbainum


Posts: 13
Joined: 11/18/2007
Status: offline 		Playing without a safe word can get you into trouble. In Florida, a man was put in jail due to ( no safe word ) the lady charged him with rape so he is gone for 10 to 20 years. I would say with strangers, or anyone  have a safe word & contract signed by them ( before ) any sex act.

(in reply to DommeHannah)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 10:30:08 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Seriously....safe words and signed contracts offer you no protection in a court. BDSM contracts are not legally binding.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to johnbainum)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 11:31:44 AM   
MystressDream


Posts: 345
Joined: 7/11/2004
From: Colorado
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: johnbainum

Playing without a safe word can get you into trouble. In Florida, a man was put in jail due to ( no safe word ) the lady charged him with rape so he is gone for 10 to 20 years. I would say with strangers, or anyone  have a safe word & contract signed by them ( before ) any sex act.


Wow... I read this and a mental image popped into my head...

On a date... nice dinner... conversation... sharing a kiss.... embrace... things start to heat up....

Then one of the people pulls out a pad of paper, or even worse, a template of an already prepared contract... and says, "Ok... we can have sex, but only under these terms and conditions.  And, I have a special word you will have to know so if I decide I want to stop you will do so."

A whole new concept to dating.... <chuckle>


_____________________________

Knowledge and experience are wonderful things to share. When we stop asking questions, we might as well "hang it up".

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(in reply to johnbainum)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 11:46:25 AM   
SirJohnMandevill


Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bipolarber

Safewords are a good idea for newbies, and folks who are just starting a relationship. Once you learn how to read each other, you can probably dispense with it. Better to have one and not need it... than to need one and not have it... blah, blah, blah....


What the man said! After a while, the only time my former sub and I used safewords was during impact play. When (if?) I have someone again, I'll insist on safewords until I feel comfortable with the new person.

Oh...don't forget safe signals for when a sub a gagged.... 

Les (Illegitimate son of Zippy the Pinhead and the 50-Foot Woman

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to bipolarber)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 11:51:27 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Do you REALLY think that the use of a safe word offers you legal protection?


(just using your post to go off of mist)

I highly doubt any safeword or other agreement would offer any legal protection for wiitwd.   Contacts and agreements to do something illegal are null and void in their entirety.  However, having read the entirety of the other recent trainwreck of  a thread on this subject, I did often think that those that do allow one but don't follow the use of the word might end up having that used against them should something go wrong.  If the use of a safeword is withdrawing consent and one continues despite that, well...you see the problem.  Keep in mind, I said "IF".

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 11/18/2007 11:53:41 AM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 12:26:18 PM   
ItalianSMistress


Posts: 427
Joined: 1/19/2007
From: Niagara Region Ontario Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DommeHannah

In the past few month I have had more and more requests for play withour a safe word.

I always play ssc, but My regular submissives sometimes do not get a safe word .
But I am really shocked about strangers sending Me this request.

Anyways how do Y/you feel about not playing with a safe word (specially with Strangers)? 



I dont use a safeword with My pets, but I would NEVER do a session with someone I did not know well anyway

_____________________________

Governess

"Dominance is the ability to create a hunger in someone that's so strong they will do anything, anytime, anywhere just to please you."


http://italianmistress.livejournal.com/


(in reply to DommeHannah)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 12:38:04 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Playing without safe words does not always equate to playing without communication.

Erin -- Your reply was regarding my post.  Nowhere did I say anything about play without safewords being the same as play w/o communication.  I said that I have concerns for "no safeword" scenes between strangers and the uninitiated.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 12:50:53 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLynx
using a safeword is communicating......when it comes to playing with someone I do not know, then I would not play without a safeword. or a safe call. 

I think this may be one of the keys.  I don't play with someone I do not know, therefore I don't feel the need to communicate via safewords.  We communicate in oh so many ways without needing them BECAUSE we DO know each other so well...............luci

< Message edited by slaveluci -- 11/18/2007 12:51:32 PM >

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(in reply to LadyLynx)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 3:08:40 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DommeHannah

In the past few month I have had more and more requests for play withour a safe word.

I always play ssc, but My regular submissives sometimes do not get a safe word .
But I am really shocked about strangers sending Me this request.

Anyways how do Y/you feel about not playing with a safe word (specially with Strangers)? 


As I consider a safe word to be anything that will pause or halt the scene (including "no", "stop" and "stop or I'll call the friggin' police!"), I wouldn't play without some sort of safe word (be it "no" or "banana") with a casual partner and certainly not with a stranger. However, I also realize that uttering the safe word, whatever it is at the moment, will not transport me to a land of mystical fairys. Perhaps they feel a safe call or what other safety measure they have in place is enough.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to DommeHannah)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 3:13:22 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		I wouldn't do it with someone inexperienced because they might not know what triggers you could hit. But with someone who has plenty of experience, knows what needs to be avoided, knows how they usually react, can give you information about their body language so you can read them well, and with whom you have had a lot of preplay conversation; why not?

(in reply to Solinear)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 4:52:04 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Playing without safe words does not always equate to playing without communication.

Erin -- Your reply was regarding my post.  Nowhere did I say anything about play without safewords being the same as play w/o communication.  I said that I have concerns for "no safeword" scenes between strangers and the uninitiated.


My apologies, I did not intend for it to be a specific reply to your post.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 5:22:11 PM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

But at the same time, if I were into being a pro domme, I think I would demand the use of a safeword (not that this would negate my responsibility if things went wrong). It just seems like in a scene about fantasy and role play (which that is the what pro domming is about) that it would be one way to check out of the scene if the customer did not like what was happening... their dollar, they want to stop... they should be able to.


Yes, I agree.  Pro-Domming is so much different.  The top is providing a service in exchange for $.  The customer has the right to say "stop, I don't want any more." 
 
Where and how legal protection was brought in to the conversation, I don't remember, but I doubt that the provider would have much of a legal leg to stand on, regardless of safeword, should the customer decide to press charges. 
 
In some states pro-domming is considered prostitution with or without a sex act.  In some states wiitwd is simply illegal, regardless of whether or not money is exchanged.  No safeword protection with the law.

_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 40
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