RE: DON'T THE RULES GO BOTH WAYS?

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RE: DON'T THE RULES GO BOTH WAYS? - 11/21/2007 2:10:02 AM

shootingstar67

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my Dominant better never punish me for a rule he can't himself keep.
Also nobody in their right mind would be that honest with me.

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RE: DON'T THE RULES GO BOTH WAYS? - 11/21/2007 2:34:56 AM

eyesopened

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Feelings are neither right nor wrong, they just are. i would not expect exclusivity without actually meeting but i think it is boorish for the guy to have mentioned his encounter to you. It may be that he wanted you to know that while you are dragging your feet (i'm not saying you are, but i don't know every conversation you've had) there was another sub who was not dragging her feet. i would have simply told him how glad i am that he's found someone and that i hope they will be very happy and then i would cross him off my list and move on.

It is this type of senario that has kept me very reserved until that first meeting.

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RE: DON'T THE RULES GO BOTH WAYS? - 11/21/2007 6:12:14 AM

smilezz

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Being online and expecting each other to remain monogamous is unrealistic. That's just how "I" see it.

As far as respect goes....yeahhhh, it could go both ways....that was not the title of the thread though. Should rules go both ways? No....unless you both have discussed rules and them going both ways.

Online relationships are hard. I have been there, I know...so I am not speaking out of my ass on this. Once it is taken to r/t.....ehhh, time for new discussion.

Good luck,

~smilezz~

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RE: DON'T THE RULES GO BOTH WAYS? - 11/21/2007 6:18:10 AM

domiguy

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Wait till he sends you some of his pee in the mail ....And then reaches throught the computer and forces you to drink it.

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RE: DON'T THE RULES GO BOTH WAYS? - 11/21/2007 12:06:03 PM

smilezz

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LMAO!

And here folks is where the term: "If i could reach through that screen and bitch slap the person" came from.

If ya gotta send pee through the mail ..... THERE'S YOUR SIGN!

*laughs*

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RE: DON'T THE RULES GO BOTH WAYS? - 11/22/2007 7:05:43 AM

Vanatru

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Him telling you about the other person makes sense, so there aren't secrets. Him relating the entire encounter was pretty stupid. Since there's no way I'd commit to a relationship until I knew it would work out in person, I certainly wouldn't hold anyone else to that either, at this point. Online anything seems to be pointless (other than for intros and communicating, and it's limited in that regard even).

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RE: DON'T THE RULES GO BOTH WAYS? - 11/22/2007 10:30:57 PM

pinkme2

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One thing I've noticed with the certain Doms I've spoken to casually online... That they all wish for ME to be chaste, only speaking to them, etc. until we meet, but they do not follow this themselves.. I realize that part of this is the whole Dom/sub thing, but in reality, until I have an actual r/t relationship with someone, I'm going to keep playing the field.

So, I'd run from this prick... Good luck.

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RE: DON'T THE RULES GO BOTH WAYS? - 11/23/2007 8:19:38 AM

Solinear

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I think everyone is looking at the whole "It's just an online relationship" thing from the wrong end. Here's my twist on that theme:

It's just an online relationship - dump him and pick up any one of the other 975 guys that have sent you e-mails... preferably not the scary ones (well, that could be 972). No online relationship is worth this much headache and heartache. Is he trustworthy? Who cares, it's an online relationship and if it's even an issue for debate, then it's not worth finding out. Did he think he broke your hard limit (motivation is always relevant)? It's an online relationship and if he wants to he can lie to you and say it wasn't and while good liars would be able to get away with it face-to-face, anyone can tell a good lie online. Just dump him.

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RE: DON'T THE RULES GO BOTH WAYS? - 12/3/2007 5:07:50 PM

kinkypuppy2

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One of the drawbacks of a "on line relationship..
Its a D/s relationship sorry its NOT fair or equal..
if you cannot deal with it then its not for you.

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RE: DON'T THE RULES GO BOTH WAYS? - 12/4/2007 9:30:15 AM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kinkypuppy2

One of the drawbacks of a "on line relationship..
Its a D/s relationship sorry its NOT fair or equal..
if you cannot deal with it then its not for you.

Not all dom/sub relationships involve the dom being a manwhore. You would be surprised how many monogamous doms there are, happily settled with their one.

And you might be surprised to learn that there are doms who actually (gasp) keep their word. They agreed on exclusivity as long as they were seriously talking. He tacitly agreed when he said he would respect this limit. He didn't say he would only be exclusive after they first started fucking. He agreed outright and then broke his word.

Now I know a lot of people don't work this way, but the op does and the dom accepted that this was something she needed. And lying is not part of my D/s relationship, even if it is part of yours.

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RE: DON'T THE RULES GO BOTH WAYS? - 12/4/2007 12:36:17 PM

BrokenSaint

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If limits were set, and agreed to by both parties then yeah. He should have kept to them.

Thing is, well the net itself has blurred things over the years. Blurred the lines of freindships, relationships etc. Personally I tend to view it as just as binding as real life. I don't play a persona online like some do. I just be me. But then some of that is tied in to the very nature of the person and how comfortable they are on the net. For me, it's like a second home, with me wherever I go provided an access point. Have friends I chat to nearly every day in vent (ventrilo, voice chat program), on Im, etc. Occasionally meet up on vacations, etc. Does the fact that the majority of the friendship being online make it any less worthwhile? Certainly not in my view.Indeed as certain very close friends have moved out across the country, the contact becomes more online as well, blurring the lines further. A ld relationship, or one starting online follow the same kind of deal. Both people have to be just that kind of person.

While I personally would never consider an only online relationship (starting one on the net and meeting is a bit different), if he indeed agreed to be in one, yep, he fucked up. But then again. You weren't looking really for opinions were you? You know what you want to do. Regardless of what any of us say.

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RE: DON'T THE RULES GO BOTH WAYS? - 12/4/2007 12:44:14 PM

breatheasone

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quote:

i would have simply told him how glad i am that he's found someone and that i hope they will be very happy and then i would cross him off my list and move on.

I did EXACTLY this to a "Dom" that I was considering last year. So him telling me his little conquest story back fired on him....

Edited to add: This was a local guy though, and we had met a few times in person.

< Message edited by breatheasone -- 12/4/2007 12:46:51 PM >

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Post #: 52

No, they don't. - 12/4/2007 1:22:37 PM

Stephann

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobbie9395

Good afternoon. I have been communicating with a DOM with whom I have begun an online D/s relationship. My responses to the tasks he assigns me, my ability to obey, and my attitude will determine if we will actually meet. He is totally aware that one of my hard limits is that I do not share in any shape or form. I do not share myself and I will not share him. Please let me say, I DO know that humiliation is part of the lifestyle and I have no problem with that, as long as my hard limits and his hard limits are respected. He called me Friday evening and proceeded to relate to me every detail of an encounter he had with someone a couple of days earlier. He had contacted her online last weekend. At this point, since we have NOT met, but considering the fact that he has stated we have begun an online D/s relationship, are we expected to respect each other's hard limits? He's angry with me because I became a bit upset about his encounter. All I'm asking is shouldn't the respect go both ways? If we ARE in this online relationlship, I need to respond to him as if I were his sub. Isn't the reverse true? He needs to respect my hard limits, which we had previously discussed. I hope I've explained this in an understandable way. Your responses will determine what kind, if any, apology he gets from me. If I'm wrong, I have absolutely no problem with apologizing. I am totaly new to this lifestyle and want to do the right thing.

RE: DON'T THE RULES GO BOTH WAYS?

No, they don't.

You make rules for you, he makes rules for him. If you don't like his rules, find someone who's rules are more compatible with your own. He doesn't 'need' to do anything.

Stephan

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