What goes first? (Full Version)

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Tigrita -> What goes first? (11/18/2007 7:09:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirsinini

This kinda answers my perpetual question ~~
do you give your
body
mind
heart
or service first?



I thought that was an interesting question from another thread, so with Sirsinini's permission I'm putting it out there!  Just kind of a poll, to see how people think about this and approach these relationships.

Personally the mind is 100% first!  They have to win over my mind, and engage it, and I give it to them in the sense of opening it to what they desire and how we connect on a mental level.  The heart follows quickly with that, because my heart is a sucker for someone with a sexy brain.  The body gets reved up by both of those as soon as the oportunity arises, and then service stems from the complete connection and passion that we share.  It has progressed this way in both of my D/s relationships.  I firmly believe that my heart could not go to someone I didn't have a mental, intellectual connection with, and my body would not deeply lust for someone who didn't stimulate both my mind and heart. 



IrishMist -> RE: What goes first? (11/18/2007 7:38:12 PM)

Quite honestly; what I would give first is not on that list.

Friendship

Everything else falls in place as it is meant to do so



MrSpectacular -> RE: What goes first? (11/18/2007 7:41:16 PM)

I would be looking to develop trust and honesty first - the others will slot into place



LivingInSin -> RE: What goes first? (11/18/2007 7:45:49 PM)

Out of the choices listed I would have to choose mind as well. if you cant stimulate my mind, regardless of what you do to my body, things just wont last.



AFlyInYourWeb -> RE: What goes first? (11/18/2007 7:51:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tigrita

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirsinini

This kinda answers my perpetual question ~~
do you give your
body
mind
heart
or service first?



Personally the mind is 100% first! 



I agree.  My mind is the first to fall.  If she captures my imagination, I'm a goner for the rest of it, in whatever order she may prefer.



LaMspeach -> RE: What goes first? (11/18/2007 7:54:16 PM)

I would have to say mind. You must build trust and honest and the only way to do that is to communicate and stimulate my mind.

I am not sure where this quote came from but it is one of my favorites.

"To capture her body may last only a night...capture her mind and she will be enslaved for eternity."



LivingInSin -> RE: What goes first? (11/18/2007 8:02:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMspeach
"To capture her body may last only a night...capture her mind and she will be enslaved for eternity."


ooooo I like that.



FangsNfeet -> RE: What goes first? (11/18/2007 8:41:15 PM)

To a massachist, sadisim can be viewed as a service. In S&M, we're pretty much servicing each other.

So what goes first? I'd say service. But I put my body, mind, heart, and soul into that service. So in a way, you can call it a tie amongst them.

However, most of us first meet on the web. In that case, the mind has to come first as all the chat time is pretty much mental. Then the pics come into play where you body/appearance sparks and interest. It's hard to give your heart and soul untill you've actually meet one another. It's your mind that arranged the meeting in the first place. Mental dominace, mental submission, mentally getting to know each other before meeting each other where you get to experiance the body, heart, and soul working together with the mind.



Wildfleurs -> RE: What goes first? (11/18/2007 9:02:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirsinini

This kinda answers my perpetual question ~~
do you give your
body
mind
heart
or service first?



For me it was:
Body
Mind
Service
Heart

I tend to be someone that really just needs time to get to really develop feelings - my body is usually the first (and easiest) thing to go - and my heart is really the last.  I tend to not be very trusting with it, so it takes quite a while.  My mind takes a while because I am pretty bright and I like that my owner can really outthink me, which isn't terribly easy to do.  Once I was mentally engaged, the service pretty much just flowed.

C~



juliaoceania -> RE: What goes first? (11/18/2007 10:01:37 PM)

1) Mind
2) Body
3)Service
4) Heart

My heart I give last, and I have used the other parts to protect me from giving my heart... but once I give it I never fully take it back again



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: What goes first? (11/18/2007 10:21:51 PM)

This was my answer that I gave in the other thread:

IMO the only thing given is authority.  The rest is shared.  How you choose to give that authority depends on what you value and where you want to go together.

To add:  This is why being pierced may be meaningless to one person and meaningful to another.  This is why one woman can give herself to a dozen men in a night and feel happy at the end of it and another can feel devastated.

What you give is unimportant, what you share is unimportant- it's who you are and what those things mean to you and who you want to become which matters.



Decimus -> RE: What goes first? (11/19/2007 3:26:19 AM)

In any form of relationship with the exception of "fuck buddy" the mind is the first to go. Once they control your mind or can lead your mind to think anything the rest follows. Aerith is a perfect example of that. She saw what she wanted in me, she pursued I balked and she slowly convinced and persuaded me and now she owns me completely.



wisteriaV -> RE: What goes first? (11/19/2007 5:21:12 AM)

Its not on the list either. Before anything else you have to have communication![:D]



dawntreader -> RE: What goes first? (11/19/2007 6:01:00 AM)

my line of thinking with this is more like LA's.
For me, it is all about the energy exchange and less about what i "hand over"~



neloangelo1227 -> RE: What goes first? (11/19/2007 6:18:00 AM)

I think this is a fascinating question, because its answer informs how the respondent really "feels" about the different facets of BDSM. I haven't played with a huge amount of people, so I would have a tough time giving a general answer from one of those choices. However, I feel like LuckyAlbatross has a very salient point: It's all an extension of the authority you consciously offer. In a subtle way--that is, in the same way something "goes first" during the incubation of any relationship, vanilla or BDSM--we "give" our body (sexually) or mind (intellectually) before a relationship truly exists. However, submission--sane, consensual submission--always begins with the submissive giving their Dom the authority to control them.

That said, in most cases, I find that my mind "goes first". My attraction to someone, and the desire to submit (or Dominate), often begins as a central core of intellectual respect and trust for someone. My body "goes" once I, as LA put it, hand over authority. My service "goes" once the Domme begins her play, and my heart "goes" if she's doing it right!



chellekitty -> RE: What goes first? (11/19/2007 7:26:15 AM)

my answer was not given...i am a spiritual person....i find i must connect with the person on a spiritual level or it doesn't matter one bit about the rest of that stuff...



toservez -> RE: What goes first? (11/19/2007 7:42:02 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

1) Mind
2) Body
3)Service
4) Heart

My heart I give last, and I have used the other parts to protect me from giving my heart... but once I give it I never fully take it back again


I echo this response. They all pretty much gets woven together, but certainly my mind is the doorman to the rest of me.

I also enjoyed what LA wrote although share works I think you can also very easily say that all people in a relationship give of themselves to the other(s).



BOUNTYHUNTER -> RE: What goes first? (11/19/2007 8:03:43 AM)

If this ol' man may give a response...I think its the heart,I have seen many owners just drive the heart right out of a piece of property,You must have a strong heart in order to have the rest of the pieces of the puzzle....



bipolarber -> RE: What goes first? (11/19/2007 8:11:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet

To a massachist, sadisim can be viewed as a service. In S&M, we're pretty much servicing each other.

Fangs&Feet,

A massachist? It that someone who is into gravitational inertia?


Seriously, to all, it's pretty obvious: trust. What's the first thing you ask yourself when you make contact with someone for the first time?

"Is this person for real?"
"Should I open myself up to this person?"

It's trust.



RCdc -> RE: What goes first? (11/19/2007 8:14:51 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tigrita

ORIGINAL: Sirsinini

This kinda answers my perpetual question ~~
do you give your
body
mind
heart
or service first?



Out of the above.  None. Relationships are about sharing, so thats just not a relevant question for us.

the.dark.



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