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What goes first? - 11/18/2007 7:09:37 PM   
Tigrita


Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirsinini

This kinda answers my perpetual question ~~
do you give your
body
mind
heart
or service first?



I thought that was an interesting question from another thread, so with Sirsinini's permission I'm putting it out there!  Just kind of a poll, to see how people think about this and approach these relationships.

Personally the mind is 100% first!  They have to win over my mind, and engage it, and I give it to them in the sense of opening it to what they desire and how we connect on a mental level.  The heart follows quickly with that, because my heart is a sucker for someone with a sexy brain.  The body gets reved up by both of those as soon as the oportunity arises, and then service stems from the complete connection and passion that we share.  It has progressed this way in both of my D/s relationships.  I firmly believe that my heart could not go to someone I didn't have a mental, intellectual connection with, and my body would not deeply lust for someone who didn't stimulate both my mind and heart. 

_____________________________

~ Tigrita

There is no right path, only the path you take.

Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

"Many of the things I enjoy, I enjoy because I don't enjoy them." - Charlotte
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RE: What goes first? - 11/18/2007 7:38:12 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Quite honestly; what I would give first is not on that list.

Friendship

Everything else falls in place as it is meant to do so

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


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RE: What goes first? - 11/18/2007 7:41:16 PM   
MrSpectacular


Posts: 1153
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		I would be looking to develop trust and honesty first - the others will slot into place

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Yes I am Spectacular and they are real!

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RE: What goes first? - 11/18/2007 7:45:49 PM   
LivingInSin


Posts: 326
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline 		Out of the choices listed I would have to choose mind as well. if you cant stimulate my mind, regardless of what you do to my body, things just wont last.

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*Instead of complaining that rose bushes have thorns, rejoice that thorn bushes bloom*

*Myth says that only the woman who has been an utter slave can be truly free------this is no myth*


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RE: What goes first? - 11/18/2007 7:51:37 PM   
AFlyInYourWeb


Posts: 284
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tigrita

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirsinini

This kinda answers my perpetual question ~~
do you give your
body
mind
heart
or service first?



Personally the mind is 100% first! 



I agree.  My mind is the first to fall.  If she captures my imagination, I'm a goner for the rest of it, in whatever order she may prefer.

< Message edited by AFlyInYourWeb -- 11/18/2007 7:53:02 PM >

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RE: What goes first? - 11/18/2007 7:54:16 PM   
LaMspeach


Posts: 794
Joined: 12/4/2004
From: Philadelphia area, PA
Status: offline 		I would have to say mind. You must build trust and honest and the only way to do that is to communicate and stimulate my mind.

I am not sure where this quote came from but it is one of my favorites.

"To capture her body may last only a night...capture her mind and she will be enslaved for eternity."

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peach ~ LordandMasters devoted alpha slave
"Only when the year has grown cold does one know that the pine and cypress are the last to wither"



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RE: What goes first? - 11/18/2007 8:02:33 PM   
LivingInSin


Posts: 326
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMspeach
"To capture her body may last only a night...capture her mind and she will be enslaved for eternity."


ooooo I like that.

_____________________________

*Instead of complaining that rose bushes have thorns, rejoice that thorn bushes bloom*

*Myth says that only the woman who has been an utter slave can be truly free------this is no myth*


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RE: What goes first? - 11/18/2007 8:41:15 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		To a massachist, sadisim can be viewed as a service. In S&M, we're pretty much servicing each other.

So what goes first? I'd say service. But I put my body, mind, heart, and soul into that service. So in a way, you can call it a tie amongst them.

However, most of us first meet on the web. In that case, the mind has to come first as all the chat time is pretty much mental. Then the pics come into play where you body/appearance sparks and interest. It's hard to give your heart and soul untill you've actually meet one another. It's your mind that arranged the meeting in the first place. Mental dominace, mental submission, mentally getting to know each other before meeting each other where you get to experiance the body, heart, and soul working together with the mind.

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I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

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RE: What goes first? - 11/18/2007 9:02:27 PM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirsinini

This kinda answers my perpetual question ~~
do you give your
body
mind
heart
or service first?



For me it was:
Body
Mind
Service
Heart

I tend to be someone that really just needs time to get to really develop feelings - my body is usually the first (and easiest) thing to go - and my heart is really the last.  I tend to not be very trusting with it, so it takes quite a while.  My mind takes a while because I am pretty bright and I like that my owner can really outthink me, which isn't terribly easy to do.  Once I was mentally engaged, the service pretty much just flowed.

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

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RE: What goes first? - 11/18/2007 10:01:37 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		1) Mind
2) Body
3)Service
4) Heart

My heart I give last, and I have used the other parts to protect me from giving my heart... but once I give it I never fully take it back again

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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: What goes first? - 11/18/2007 10:21:51 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		This was my answer that I gave in the other thread:

IMO the only thing given is authority.  The rest is shared.  How you choose to give that authority depends on what you value and where you want to go together.

To add:  This is why being pierced may be meaningless to one person and meaningful to another.  This is why one woman can give herself to a dozen men in a night and feel happy at the end of it and another can feel devastated.

What you give is unimportant, what you share is unimportant- it's who you are and what those things mean to you and who you want to become which matters.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: What goes first? - 11/19/2007 3:26:19 AM   
Decimus


Posts: 174
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		In any form of relationship with the exception of "fuck buddy" the mind is the first to go. Once they control your mind or can lead your mind to think anything the rest follows. Aerith is a perfect example of that. She saw what she wanted in me, she pursued I balked and she slowly convinced and persuaded me and now she owns me completely.

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Here is my story that some people have asked for, www.beginningofdreams.com

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RE: What goes first? - 11/19/2007 5:21:12 AM   
wisteriaV


Posts: 438
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline 		Its not on the list either. Before anything else you have to have communication!

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Every story has two sides , much like a coin and neither one is totally perfect.
If it doesn't float your boat, then don't get in the water~!

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RE: What goes first? - 11/19/2007 6:01:00 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		my line of thinking with this is more like LA's.
For me, it is all about the energy exchange and less about what i "hand over"~

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It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: What goes first? - 11/19/2007 6:18:00 AM   
neloangelo1227


Posts: 22
Joined: 5/24/2007
Status: offline 		I think this is a fascinating question, because its answer informs how the respondent really "feels" about the different facets of BDSM. I haven't played with a huge amount of people, so I would have a tough time giving a general answer from one of those choices. However, I feel like LuckyAlbatross has a very salient point: It's all an extension of the authority you consciously offer. In a subtle way--that is, in the same way something "goes first" during the incubation of any relationship, vanilla or BDSM--we "give" our body (sexually) or mind (intellectually) before a relationship truly exists. However, submission--sane, consensual submission--always begins with the submissive giving their Dom the authority to control them.

That said, in most cases, I find that my mind "goes first". My attraction to someone, and the desire to submit (or Dominate), often begins as a central core of intellectual respect and trust for someone. My body "goes" once I, as LA put it, hand over authority. My service "goes" once the Domme begins her play, and my heart "goes" if she's doing it right!

(in reply to dawntreader)
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RE: What goes first? - 11/19/2007 7:26:15 AM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		my answer was not given...i am a spiritual person....i find i must connect with the person on a spiritual level or it doesn't matter one bit about the rest of that stuff...

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

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RE: What goes first? - 11/19/2007 7:42:02 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

1) Mind
2) Body
3)Service
4) Heart

My heart I give last, and I have used the other parts to protect me from giving my heart... but once I give it I never fully take it back again


I echo this response. They all pretty much gets woven together, but certainly my mind is the doorman to the rest of me.

I also enjoyed what LA wrote although share works I think you can also very easily say that all people in a relationship give of themselves to the other(s).


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

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RE: What goes first? - 11/19/2007 8:03:43 AM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		If this ol' man may give a response...I think its the heart,I have seen many owners just drive the heart right out of a piece of property,You must have a strong heart in order to have the rest of the pieces of the puzzle....

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US going to hell in a hand basket/

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RE: What goes first? - 11/19/2007 8:11:50 AM   
bipolarber


Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet

To a massachist, sadisim can be viewed as a service. In S&M, we're pretty much servicing each other.

Fangs&Feet,

A massachist? It that someone who is into gravitational inertia?


Seriously, to all, it's pretty obvious: trust. What's the first thing you ask yourself when you make contact with someone for the first time?

"Is this person for real?"
"Should I open myself up to this person?"

It's trust.

(in reply to FangsNfeet)
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RE: What goes first? - 11/19/2007 8:14:51 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tigrita

ORIGINAL: Sirsinini

This kinda answers my perpetual question ~~
do you give your
body
mind
heart
or service first?



Out of the above.  None. Relationships are about sharing, so thats just not a relevant question for us.

the.dark.


_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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