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RE: should you expect love back - 11/19/2007 12:15:01 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BeingChewsie
Hi Luci,
I don't mind you asking :). I admit to not being a very curious person by nature so I have taken it in stride..haven't come down off the cloud I have been on for over a month now since he said it

That is so wonderful.
quote:

My best estimate would be the maturation of our relationship, his deciding to encourage the deepening of a conventional dynamic between us and deciding I'm the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. We have become a family, my kiddo is getting older, and he identifies with R as a parental figure

That all makes perfect sense to me.  I assumed as much but just wondered if he had actually put into words "why."  There's really no need for him to though.  You aren't looking for an explanation and he doesn't need to supply one, of course.  I was just intrigued.
quote:

 I have always given him the freedom and space without drama to be who he is and accepted him for the man he is without conditions or demands...this is just another beautiful facet of who he is, that I accept and embrace

That is very obvious from your posts.  I have often admired you from afar for your ability to do so.  I will never forget you posting about him being gone for days on end and not calling.  Instead of feeling put upon or sorry for yourself, you accepted it as him being him and not becoming "pussified" like so many other men and caving in and doing what he "should" do in most people's eyes.  You and he seem to have such a wonderful dynamic that works wonderfully for you both.  Congratulations on finally having his "love" too....................luci 

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to BeingChewsie)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: should you expect love back - 11/19/2007 1:25:35 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BeingChewsie

It was just recently that R told me he loved me.


This made me smile for you. My wait wasn't nearly as long as yours, but I understand not wanting to ask for love in return.  I also understand that once you are give such love, there is a warmth about your sense of belonging that wasn't there before (at least in my case).

I'm happy you have this added element now. :)

(in reply to BeingChewsie)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: should you expect love back - 11/19/2007 4:37:56 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		im still fairly new to the lifestyle myself but as a sub i can only answer for myself. i speak openly and honestly to my M'Lady i have found in her the things that i have been missing in my life. are there still those who might play diffrent or have a diffrent toys but it is still the person that im in the relationship with not the other things.
the only sugestion i can give you is to ask yourself and your dom what you want/expect from the relationship.

(in reply to MrSpectacular)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: should you expect love back - 11/19/2007 5:39:28 PM   
sazmira


Posts: 12
Joined: 11/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: debbiesubofsirdo
I love him so much and I know he doesnt love me he tells me that,  he doesnt lie to me about it.
 

This is going to sound harsh. Actually, it is harsh. Based on what you've said, I really don't see any other way to respond than "harsh".

Seems to me you are trying to force him to love you. You can't. You say he doesn't love you. You say he tells you he doesn't love you. I say you can't make him love you. It's not an arranged marriage. It won't just evolve over time.

I'm guessing he probably is only saying he's "going to" collar you "someday" just to get you to drop the subject. I'm going to take a wild assed guess he's never going to collar you. I'm going to take another wild assed guess based on your OP that you are absolutely correct that when he finds someone else, you'll get probably kicked to the curb. Or at the very least, pushed to the side.

(in reply to debbiesubofsirdo)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: should you expect love back - 11/19/2007 6:27:54 PM   
LadyLegs


Posts: 176
Status: offline 		A man that I knew, not very well, began to ask me to collar him and then gave me an ultimatum that I either collar him or let him go.  I don't know where things might have gone had he not become so fixated on being owned, but I do hope that he has found a Mistress that submits to his desires. 

I cant't tell how much pressure you are placing on your Dom, but take care you dont push away the one you want most.  Good luck to you.


(in reply to sazmira)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: should you expect love back - 11/20/2007 4:58:02 AM   
BeingChewsie


Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you! It is kind of funny..I didn't think I could become more peaceful within our relationship but you hit it. I do feel a warmth about belonging that wasn't there like this before..it is a constant peaceful, serene feeling were nothing bothers me anymore. I have become more pliable, more passive, and even less curious about his comings and goings. It is hard to explain but even he has noticed the subtle change in me. I'm so looking forward to the holidays, it will be the first year we spend them together..I'm not going back East and he isn't going away with friends..even the kiddo is excited :).


quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeingChewsie

It was just recently that R told me he loved me.


This made me smile for you. My wait wasn't nearly as long as yours, but I understand not wanting to ask for love in return.  I also understand that once you are give such love, there is a warmth about your sense of belonging that wasn't there before (at least in my case).

I'm happy you have this added element now. :)


_____________________________

"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: should you expect love back - 11/20/2007 7:33:46 AM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BeingChewsie
I'm so looking forward to the holidays, it will be the first year we spend them together..I'm not going back East and he isn't going away with friends..even the kiddo is excited :).

Congratulations.  Reading that gave me goosebumps.  I can only imagine how happy and content you must feel.  Can't think of many around here who seem to deserve it more.  Happy Thanksgiving to all your family..............luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to BeingChewsie)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: should you expect love back - 11/20/2007 7:37:16 AM   
IceyOne


Posts: 258
Joined: 1/13/2006
Status: offline 		You can not force a person to love you; all you can do is evaluate whether or not you are willing to remain in the relationship if he does not.
 
As for collaring...some collar their property early on, some don't. For some reason though I get the feeling that you are referring to 'a collar' as a wedding ring or something of that nature.

_____________________________

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

-Rumi

(in reply to debbiesubofsirdo)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: should you expect love back - 11/20/2007 7:40:31 AM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		Stop focusing on symbols, and look at his intent instead.

A band aid can't cover the grand canyon.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to MrSpectacular)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: should you expect love back - 11/20/2007 10:11:15 AM   
Lkg4MstrSacramen


Posts: 27
Joined: 10/15/2007
Status: offline 		Relationships are relationships regardless of the "dynamic". What happens so often with new ones is the expectation that this kind of relationship is somehow different, somehow not the same. Yes, It is a kinky relationship; but the same rules apply for "he's not into you that much" and "love". If after a year and a half of a relationship, he is still not on the same page as you emotionally; dump his ass. Find the one that was meant for you. The one who loves you as much as you love him. Sometimes in the hurry to find a kinky relationship, we throw out the other rules. This is like throwing out the baby with the bathwater. If he is a jerk in a bdsm way he is most likely a jerk normally too. That has been my experience. YMMV

(in reply to MrSpectacular)
Profile   Post #: 50
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