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Ladies, A bit confused? - 11/19/2007 3:07:14 AM

spirit1975

Posts: 24
Status: offline

I am currently dating a lady who is naturally a very confident person and having touched on the subject of BDSM it is not something she is too bothered or interested in but albeit at an early stage of our relationship I found myself this morning getting up before her to prepare breakfast, laying out her clothes and then defrosting her car before she left for work as it just seemed the natural thing to do as I am currently studying so I spend alot of time at her home and wanted to make her morning as easy as possible, but what has since struck me is that neither of us acknowledged the fact that this was done? Is that a little strange ladies? If a guy you was dating for coming up to 2 months started cleaning your house and laying out you're clothes etc would it freak you out a bit? Would you say something? I tend to cook and keep her place tidy too but surely that is pretty normal when one person of a relationship is home alot? I always tend to be the more supporting partner in a relationship and not in the spotlight so to speak, shall I say something when she comes home?

Post #: 1

RE: Ladies, A bit confused? - 11/19/2007 5:39:09 AM

MamaDomme

Posts: 283
Joined: 12/28/2006
Status: offline

I think it depends on what you are seeking out of your actions. Are you wanting her to praise you for taking such actions, or are you doing these things with no other reason other than just wishing to make her life easier?

(in reply to spirit1975)

Post #: 2

RE: Ladies, A bit confused? - 11/19/2007 5:44:23 AM

YesMistressIrish

Posts: 1135
Joined: 5/1/2007
From: Calif
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: spirit1975

I am currently dating a lady who is naturally a very confident person and having touched on the subject of BDSM it is not something she is too bothered or interested in but albeit at an early stage of our relationship I found myself this morning getting up before her to prepare breakfast, laying out her clothes and then defrosting her car before she left for work as it just seemed the natural thing to do as I am currently studying so I spend alot of time at her home and wanted to make her morning as easy as possible, but what has since struck me is that neither of us acknowledged the fact that this was done? Is that a little strange ladies? If a guy you was dating for coming up to 2 months started cleaning your house and laying out you're clothes etc would it freak you out a bit? Would you say something? I tend to cook and keep her place tidy too but surely that is pretty normal when one person of a relationship is home alot? I always tend to be the more supporting partner in a relationship and not in the spotlight so to speak, shall I say something when she comes home?

spirit,
you sound like a delicious natural sub and she is lucky to have you. Talking too much about this flow of your relationship may create a bump in your road.
I believe in open communication however I trust in the natural flow of a relationship even more.
Serving her well in your actions instead of talking about it is a beautiful thing.
As long as you see compatibility with her down the road re: BDSM it sounds like what you have going will serve you both very well. She may not be ready, or she may be mis-informed about bdsm. Many are not even sure exactly what it is, and most people aren't 'into it.'

Best wishes for opening her eyes, and warming her heart,
Irish

(in reply to spirit1975)

Post #: 3

RE: Ladies, A bit confused? - 11/19/2007 6:13:39 AM

spirit1975

Posts: 24
Status: offline

I think I will just let it flow and see where it goes, hopefully she was not freaked out or offended by the things I done. I just done them as it seemed a nice gesture albeit small.

(in reply to YesMistressIrish)

Post #: 4

RE: Ladies, A bit confused? - 11/19/2007 6:34:55 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Since you have talked to her about your interests, but she isn't too interested, she may have just seen what you did as you living out part of your fantasies without her needing to get more involved.

If you want to know what she thinks, you have to ask her because I doubt any of us know her.

Fox does things like you describe for me all the time but he is my slave. And I actually do acknowledge his service with a smile or a hug or a 'good boy' because I know that means a good deal to him and frankly I try to be a polite person.

_____________________________

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(in reply to spirit1975)

Post #: 5

RE: Ladies, A bit confused? - 11/19/2007 6:47:21 AM

rubberpet

Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline

From a subby point of view, I'm with MamaDomme, but I'm also a subby that likes to be acknowledged or appreciated for the things I do. Being acknowledged and appreciated makes me feel needed. If my efforts are "needed", then I'm one that will bend over backwards for my domme. If she is neither one way or the other about BDSM right off and you really like her and have a lot of potential, then I'd keep doing the little things you do and see where it goes without being too hungry for praise. Just watch her reactions. If she starts getting freaked out by it, then maybe try a different course of action like sitting down and slowly introducing her to it. You'll be able to tell if she is open to the idea. If she's not open to it and it has to be a part of your life, then maybe start looking for a new partner that is receptive to the idea of BDSM and being served.

Trust me, there is nothing more frustrating and unfulfilling than having a girlfriend that doesn't share that part of your life. I was with a girl for over a year and while it started out great, it quickly fizzled because she wasn't "wired for kink", so to speak. I was so hungry for that side of my life and my she wasn't coming close to meeting the needs of that part of my life. Now I have the most wonderful and creative Domme I could have ever hoped to find.

I wish you the best, my friend. Hopefully you get everything you are looking for and then some

_____________________________

Collared and devoted property of Mistress Lorelei (vampchick88) as of 3/26/08.

Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.

(in reply to spirit1975)

Post #: 6

RE: Ladies, A bit confused? - 11/19/2007 7:14:05 AM

Cloudz

Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline

Well dear one,

I would be delighted, but then I am a Domme so it is to be expected. I would caution you, as this lady has already said that she is not ready to explore a BDSM situation that you are not building high expectations that she will turn to you one day and tell you that you are indeed the subbie of her dreams.

Enjoy the service, if it gives you pleasure, but rein in your expectations...as she may feel she has already been quite clear with you on the topic.

Best of luck to you,

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

(in reply to spirit1975)

Post #: 7

RE: Ladies, A bit confused? - 11/19/2007 8:00:34 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

You are doing exactly the kinds of things that I tell married guys with vanilla wives to do, so good job!

I try to be polite and acknowledge good service, though not *every* little thing. I don't want to take advantage of anyone. So, make sure that you aren't being taken advantage of, either. :) This lady may be thrilled that you are doing things for her, but not see any of it in terms of a power exchange relationship.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to Cloudz)

Post #: 8

RE: Ladies, A bit confused? - 11/19/2007 10:23:35 AM

spirit1975

Posts: 24
Status: offline

Thank you all for the replies(much appreciated) and all is well in fact all is better than well it is in fact fabulous

first thing my girlfriend said when walking through the door "Where is Dinner?" followed by a wink and a kiss......I am in heaven! and I never want to leave LOL.

Seriously after a few duff months this really is a magical feeling and on another note, how do I change my atavar thingy to my own pic? All the choices I have are of dogs, cats, Flowers etc?

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 9

RE: Ladies, A bit confused? - 11/19/2007 10:25:32 AM

MistressFaye1

Posts: 276
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

Spirit,

I have a slightly different outlook. I agree with all that's being said but I experienced something like that once and the feeling I had was of "why this new behavior all of a sudden". I didn't say anything in the morning but I did that evening when I got home. I thanked him for all he'd done and then asked why he did it. He was a "failed" vanilla relationship.

He knew I was Domme and he was fine with it as long as he didn't have to deal with any part of it and as long as I kept what went on from him. So for him to do what he did was totally out of character and it made me wonder what his true motives were. Long story short, he told me that he wanted to "get some kinky sex" from me and he wanted to get me in the Domme mode by his "pretending" to be submissive. I asked him if he was sure I wanted to be in "DOMME MODE" at his attempts of being submissive. When he said yes... I went in my room, changed into a "Domme Mode" outfit, got him lightly restrained, while blindfolded, unknown to him---I had My paddle. Needless to say he had a red, hot ass by the time I was finished.

Of course I talked to him about his disrespectful ways and taught the correct way to address Me and how I felt about his attitude, motives, and unwillingness to learn about BDSM before putting it down. For those that are appalled at how I handle it without his consent per se... With each new phase of this interaction I asked if he wanted to be released...

"No Mistress!!!!!!! Oh no Mistress!!!!!!!!!!!" "Please Mistress!!!!!!!" was I all got.

It was a "failed" vanilla relationship because in time, he became My alphamale slave!

Simply put---she may think there is an underlying motive to your actions.

_____________________________

You can put away your masquerade
You won't ever have to be afraid of Me
Open up your eyes and see what is in store
I must the One that you are searching for.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 10

RE: Ladies, A bit confused? - 11/19/2007 10:27:26 AM

MistressFaye1

Posts: 276
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

Spirit,

Looks like we were posting at the same time... LOL Great! I hope you enjoy the story anyway!

Ms. Faye

_____________________________

You can put away your masquerade
You won't ever have to be afraid of Me
Open up your eyes and see what is in store
I must the One that you are searching for.

(in reply to spirit1975)

Post #: 11

RE: Ladies, A bit confused? - 11/19/2007 12:56:37 PM

MistressDolly

Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: spirit1975

I am currently dating a lady who is naturally a very confident person and having touched on the subject of BDSM it is not something she is too bothered or interested in but albeit at an early stage of our relationship I found myself this morning getting up before her to prepare breakfast, laying out her clothes and then defrosting her car before she left for work as it just seemed the natural thing to do as I am currently studying so I spend alot of time at her home and wanted to make her morning as easy as possible, but what has since struck me is that neither of us acknowledged the fact that this was done? Is that a little strange ladies? If a guy you was dating for coming up to 2 months started cleaning your house and laying out you're clothes etc would it freak you out a bit? Would you say something? I tend to cook and keep her place tidy too but surely that is pretty normal when one person of a relationship is home alot? I always tend to be the more supporting partner in a relationship and not in the spotlight so to speak, shall I say something when she comes home?

quote:

p

You sound like an attentive and thoughtful partner - lucky Her. :)

Are you curious whether you and she may be interested more?

Do you like to take orders/does she like to give orders? Do you like to be controlled/does she like to control? Do you like to be lead/does she like to lead? Do you like praise/does she like to give praise? Do you like discipline/does she like to discipline? ...things of that nature?

_____________________________

m i s t r e s s d o l l y . c o m

m y s p a c e

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Post #: 12

RE: Ladies, A bit confused? - 11/19/2007 5:19:48 PM

ShaktiSama

Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: spirit1975
at an early stage of our relationship I found myself this morning getting up before her to prepare breakfast, laying out her clothes and then defrosting her car before she left for work...

Do you have a brother in the States, perchance?

(in reply to spirit1975)

Post #: 13

RE: Ladies, A bit confused? - 11/20/2007 1:17:30 AM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: spirit1975

at an early stage of our relationship I found myself this morning getting up before her to prepare breakfast, laying out her clothes and then defrosting her car before she left for work as it just seemed the natural thing to do

From another perspective, these sort of things are what my husband started doing for me long before we were even dating... and he's not submissive to me at all.

Doing helpful and sweet things doesn't have to equate to being submissive and she may just consider you being extra thoughtful that day and a continuance of the help you give in other ways you mentioned.

She knows of your interests, so now just let your relationship flow naturally and see what happens.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to spirit1975)

Post #: 14

RE: Ladies, A bit confused? - 11/20/2007 11:17:03 AM

spirit1975

Posts: 24
Status: offline

quote:

p

You sound like an attentive and thoughtful partner - lucky Her. :)

Are you curious whether you and she may be interested more?

Do you like to take orders/does she like to give orders? Do you like to be controlled/does she like to control? Do you like to be lead/does she like to lead? Do you like praise/does she like to give praise? Do you like discipline/does she like to discipline? ...things of that nature?

We had a chat today and she opened up and told me a few things. She is not interested in beating, harming or any form of discipline herself and does not want to be involved in anything of that nature,on the other hand she told me that she loves being in control in a relationshipand always leads and one of the traits in my personality that she adores is that I am more than happy to be in the background and support her in anything that she does.

Sorry brother already married!!

(in reply to MistressDolly)

Post #: 15

RE: Ladies, A bit confused? - 11/21/2007 11:38:00 PM

SeraphinaKrow

Posts: 118
Joined: 10/24/2007
Status: offline

When I was in a two year relationship with my ex girlfriend. I used to work 3 jobs and cook breakfast, make her lunch and dinner and iron her clothes before she went to school. I paid for her bills, credit card and otherwise. I did it cause I supported what she was doing, not because I was submissive. She never said thank you but I knew that she thanked me in many more ways than verbally.

I was very pleased doing things like that in a vanilla setting. I only did it because she barely had any time for herself and her health was terrible because she never had time to properly eat or sleep. I did it for her, and for our relationship. I felt like it was nessesary.

Who knows all that work you are doing might pay off into something really big...
Just wait it out and see and if she doesn't say anything I'd bring it up to her and ask her if she likes the fact that you do these things for her.

_____________________________

"Man who stands on toilet is high on pot."

"Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver"

Mistress Seraphina Krow
~Owner of My lovely pet angelica~

(in reply to spirit1975)

Post #: 16

RE: Ladies, A bit confused? - 11/22/2007 12:29:02 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: spirit1975

how do I change my atavar thingy to my own pic? All the choices I have are of dogs, cats, Flowers etc?

Go to the top of the page and click on "My Profile". Scroll about half way down to the "My avatar" section and choose "Don't display avatar." Then, go just below to the "Set up profile photo" section. You can use your photo from 'the other side' as your default by choosing "Use your avatar as profile photo". At least, this is how I have all my stuff set up and it seems to work.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to spirit1975)

Post #: 17

RE: Ladies, A bit confused? - 11/24/2007 9:59:24 AM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

As always, theTammyJo gave some great advice.
Don't overanlyze this. If you want to know whether she appreciated your actions:

...Just ask her if she was pleased by your efforts and see where the conversation goes. Nothing wrong in asking how well received your actions are. You might be pleasantly surprised by her response.

However, if she's not appreciative, or even worse, seems unaware of your intentions to make her happy in this way, move on, you'll never receive the level of emotional, psychological or even physical satisfaction that you crave as a natural submissive from continuing a relationship with someone who 'just doesn't get it'.

TexasMaam

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

Since you have talked to her about your interests, but she isn't too interested, she may have just seen what you did as you living out part of your fantasies without her needing to get more involved.

If you want to know what she thinks, you have to ask her because I doubt any of us know her.

Fox does things like you describe for me all the time but he is my slave. And I actually do acknowledge his service with a smile or a hug or a 'good boy' because I know that means a good deal to him and frankly I try to be a polite person.

< Message edited by TexasMaam -- 11/24/2007 10:02:34 AM >

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

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Post #: 18

RE: Ladies, A bit confused? - 11/24/2007 2:04:02 PM

TheInstrument

Posts: 69
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: YesMistressIrish

I believe in open communication however I trust in the natural flow of a relationship even more.

Amazing advice, Mistress Irish :)

(in reply to YesMistressIrish)

Post #: 19

RE: Ladies, A bit confused? - 11/25/2007 1:03:45 AM

spirit1975

Posts: 24
Status: offline

Thank you for all the replies and the advice it is most welcome. Everything has been going along all very smoothly until last night where I accompanied my girlfriend to a works do( her works) now for those that know I am currently studying while working so my salary is that not good whereas her salary is almost 4 times mine. This does not bother either of us as we have spoken about it.

Last night she made various coments which were very patronising towards me in front of her work collegues with regards salary, money, status etc and I just did not really understand any of it? I have never been bothered by all that sort of stuff as I was brought up in a very easy going lifestyle where it did not matter what you owned it did not make you a better person than anyone else, but the things my girl was saying last night seemed to be aimed at making me feel small or just embarrassing me and I just dont understand why?

We spoke this morning about it and she just said it was a bit of fun and I am making more out of it than I should but all I say is that if it happened in a dom/sub relationship then that would prob have been part of the play but as we dont was it ok? It has left me very confused and I am sorry to put it all here but this is the one place I feel I can get non-judgemental answers and advice.

(in reply to TheInstrument)

Post #: 20

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