Is a pregnant Mistress such a turn-off?

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Is a pregnant Mistress such a turn-off? - 11/19/2007 7:05:22 PM

Mizziness

Posts: 34
Joined: 8/2/2007
Status: offline

Hello all, and thanks for taking the time to read this. I have a bit of a quandry on my hands, and I'm hoping to get some light shed on this.

I've been looking for a second slave for months now, and finding the right slave has never been an easy thing but...now I am pregnant, and from the responses, virtual hang-ups and general bad reception when talking to potential wards, I feel like I might as well give up finding a second slave for the rest of my life.

I'm not looking for casual encounters, play toys, etc, and I know that makes it even more difficult...but what I cannot understand is why am I getting such a completely horrible response? It's not just, "Oh, sorry, that's not for me." I get the cold shoulder, I get laughed at, I get ridiculed. I know that the prospect of a baby in my life is going to turn away most but I never thought I'd get this sort of response.

And I do know that being in a relationship with a Mommy Domme isn't what most want but...there's got to be some slaves out there who's owners have children. Please shed some light on this for me? I don't want to give up.

< Message edited by Mizziness -- 11/19/2007 7:07:42 PM >

_____________________________

"So go and lay back down tonight
Because you won't know who you are
Until you're down on your knees
And you're begging, 'Please...'"
~Evans Blue "A Cross And A Girl Named Blessed"

Post #: 1

RE: Is a pregnant Mistress such a turn-off? - 11/19/2007 7:14:34 PM

Kaiynasha

Posts: 172
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

First Mizziness, congratulations to you and your baby to come. Second, I really don't know the answer to this question, however, I can say some slaves may think you're kidding about finding a slave. Some may feel intimidated especially if they don't know what they are walking into. Will they be the babysitter and that is all? If there's a father will that person dominant them. I see that some subs may view your situation as complex. And in some ways it is.

However, you MUST realize that this place is a ZOO. And I mean it. Filled with people who don't recognize the true meaning or even value what D/s is about. Therefore you will find subs who truly are not wanting to truly serve. Take it with grain of salt- I do. I have not found anyone and I want a play partner because I have found so many many many subs who like to play games- they act just they way they would in vanilla. This makes it more difficult. The respect and honesty therefore is unsure. It is like playing with insecure children.

I would not give up. I would make it very clear in your profile what it is you're looking for. I would explain why you're seeking a slave and then what they should expect. I also wonder what does that father of your child feel about it all?

I wish you much happiness and a healthy baby.

Always,

Ms. Kaiynasha

< Message edited by Kaiynasha -- 11/19/2007 7:22:37 PM >

(in reply to Mizziness)

Post #: 2

RE: Is a pregnant Mistress such a turn-off? - 11/19/2007 7:25:51 PM

Mizziness

Posts: 34
Joined: 8/2/2007
Status: offline

Thanks much for the reply!

To answer your question, my slave (the father) deeply wants a brother or sister slave to serve with him. He craves the Family aspect, the having someone else who is submissive next to him in front of me, though that is not the ONLY reason I seek another slave...this is the first time in years that I have been with only one slave.

I do make sure to tell those I speak with that the baby is mine and that they will not have any responsibilities related to the child's care unless they choose or ask for them and I deem it a safe thing to give. As far as I am concerned, the baby is mine, and therefore my responsibility. My slave may be the father, but he knows that he is mine just as much as the baby is and welcomes a life that way.

You are right about this place being a zoo...and not a petting zoo, I fear!

< Message edited by Mizziness -- 11/19/2007 7:26:48 PM >

_____________________________

"So go and lay back down tonight
Because you won't know who you are
Until you're down on your knees
And you're begging, 'Please...'"
~Evans Blue "A Cross And A Girl Named Blessed"

(in reply to Kaiynasha)

Post #: 3

RE: Is a pregnant Mistress such a turn-off? - 11/19/2007 8:58:39 PM

CdnExplorer

Posts: 227
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline

I think there are a couple aspects to your dilemna. Obviously there are the players who only want their fantasy. That's a given.

Part of it would be guys that simply get scared by the idea. While there are guys here living in a fantasy world, there are also Dominants looking for someone to use. In a similar vein I've been approached by women on vanilla dating sites looking for guys to take care of their soon to be born child. You're clearly not sending that message, but they might be receiving it anyway due to social conditioning. If they don't get this idea that you might be looking to use them there are other fear aspects. Fear of how the situation might be different than you describe it. Fear of how the baby might change things from how they're worked out while you're getting to know each other. Very likely fear of being a role model for someone else's child, especially if internally they haven't completely squared away their submissive side with their vanilla masculinity.

I'm definitely not looking for children to be part of my life any time soon, but I'm young and not financially settled yet. Even when I'm in a situation to be ready I'm still not sure I really want kids. That role model fear would probably apply to me. You're taking responsibility for the child, but you know the old expression that it takes a village to raise a child. Everyone around will influence the little guy / gal, and I'm quite sure I'm not ready for that kind of responsibility. I'm probably not alone in that.

I don't mean to get you down...I'm sure if you keep looking you'll find someone who is a match. Don't give up!

(in reply to Mizziness)

Post #: 4

RE: Is a pregnant Mistress such a turn-off? - 11/19/2007 9:01:54 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

You know I'm listed as bisexual, however, men are my preference as I don't find that many women truly attractive and tend to be pickier about them. However, I find pregnant women very attractive personally. It only lasts 9 months, so you won't be looking forever that way and maybe it will give you the opportunity to find someone more sincere and less into fantasy.

good luck and congrats on your pregnancy!

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Mizziness)

Post #: 5

RE: Is a pregnant Mistress such a turn-off? - 11/19/2007 9:09:13 PM

unravel

Posts: 90
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline

Congratulations!
i would not give up or worry too much about it, i cannot see why being pregnant would be a turn-off at all? See it the positive way: maybe this is allowing to skim off all the ones that would not be a good fit for You in the long run anyway:)
Congrats again!
unravel

(in reply to Mizziness)

Post #: 6

RE: Is a pregnant Mistress such a turn-off? - 11/20/2007 12:32:54 AM

Willowmoon

Posts: 227
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline

Your only 25 so i am assuming this will be your first child.

When the little one comes things will change in your life. Do you really think it is fair to you, to the little one or to a potential slave to be searching before you even know what impact the little one will have on your life. Most vanilla people i know have struggled just to maintain their normal relationship when they had their first child. Will you have the time, energy, motivation to be able to give a little one the attention it needs as well as two slaves?

Willow

(in reply to unravel)

Post #: 7

RE: Is a pregnant Mistress such a turn-off? - 11/20/2007 5:08:46 AM

Mizziness

Posts: 34
Joined: 8/2/2007
Status: offline

You are quite right...there is a lot of fear when it comes to babies and men. My own slave, when I told him the news, wasn't sure about it at first, though he is happy and excited, now. I definitely see your points, yet the problem still bothers me that such a fact of life, and something that should be joyous, could and would bring so much personal doubt and fear among others.

Thank you for your response; it helped a great deal!

_____________________________

"So go and lay back down tonight
Because you won't know who you are
Until you're down on your knees
And you're begging, 'Please...'"
~Evans Blue "A Cross And A Girl Named Blessed"

(in reply to CdnExplorer)

Post #: 8

RE: Is a pregnant Mistress such a turn-off? - 11/20/2007 5:10:40 AM

Mizziness

Posts: 34
Joined: 8/2/2007
Status: offline

Thank you for your response. Yes, finding someone sincere is and always will be one of the hardest parts; but unfortunately, the end of the pregnancy will not make things easier. In fact, it will even be harder, considering there will be a screaming child in the background.

_____________________________

"So go and lay back down tonight
Because you won't know who you are
Until you're down on your knees
And you're begging, 'Please...'"
~Evans Blue "A Cross And A Girl Named Blessed"

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 9

RE: Is a pregnant Mistress such a turn-off? - 11/20/2007 5:12:34 AM

Mizziness

Posts: 34
Joined: 8/2/2007
Status: offline

I can't understand why it's a turn off, either, honestly. But, apparently for most, it is. You are right, it will help to "filter" things but I also can't help but feel like that filter shouldn't be needed and that, of all things, this should not be something that would be a filter in the first place.

_____________________________

"So go and lay back down tonight
Because you won't know who you are
Until you're down on your knees
And you're begging, 'Please...'"
~Evans Blue "A Cross And A Girl Named Blessed"

(in reply to unravel)

Post #: 10

RE: Is a pregnant Mistress such a turn-off? - 11/20/2007 5:18:55 AM

Mizziness

Posts: 34
Joined: 8/2/2007
Status: offline

This is not my first pregnancy, meerly my first successful pregnancy. I have also helped raise my godson and his brother great deak due to medical problems their mother has had over the years, so I do have a very, very good notion of how a baby will change things. I have already told my slave most of it, and he knows what to expect. Babies aren't easy things, but in the long run "this, too, shall pass" and something so joyful should not ever be the cause of relationship problems. Stress management and some understanding does wonders.

I see what you are saying, but as someone who has experience with babies, I also know that you cannot let them rule your life completely. I made a decision to not let the pregnancy or child change my life because in the end, I know who and what I am, and if I let a child change that now, then I am in for a lifetime of suffering.

_____________________________

"So go and lay back down tonight
Because you won't know who you are
Until you're down on your knees
And you're begging, 'Please...'"
~Evans Blue "A Cross And A Girl Named Blessed"

(in reply to Willowmoon)

Post #: 11

RE: Is a pregnant Mistress such a turn-off? - 11/20/2007 5:22:06 AM

petdave

Posts: 2479
Status: offline

i think Willowmoon nailed it... i assume you have a job, since you mention being able to provide for the child, so to have a job, a baby, and one slave already in the house... i would really wonder how much "of you" the second slave would end up getting, not to mention how the 24/7 lifestyle you talk about would end up having to change once there's an impressionable youngster in the house (you want long-term, there's long-term for ya!). In a way, you're in something of a Catch-22- i think the guys who are looking for a short-term or play-only relationship would be less bothered (i understand that there are even pregnancy fetishists, which has GOT to be inconvenient), while the type of "serious" subs you're looking for are more likely to see the instability of the situation and be scared off. That's setting aside the guys who want nothing to do with family life, since i think we're something of a minority.

(in reply to Willowmoon)

Post #: 12

RE: Is a pregnant Mistress such a turn-off? - 11/20/2007 5:26:13 AM

subrob1967

Posts: 4591
Joined: 9/13/2004
Status: offline

IMO it's not just that you're pregnant (congratulations) it's more than likely a few other things as well...

1) You already have an Alpha slave, who's already established in your life, and as much as you claim there will be balance, it rarely works out that way.
2) What your asking for, is a Poly household, and quite a few people aren't wired that way
3) You want your new slave a)bi sexual preferred but b) will be chaste, and may never have sex with you, so if they're straight, they "ain't gonna get none".
4) Forced Femme is onw of your interests, but, a hard limit for quite a few guys.

I hope you find what your looking for, again everything I typed is my opinion only, and I could be completely wrong.

(in reply to Mizziness)

Post #: 13

RE: Is a pregnant Mistress such a turn-off? - 11/20/2007 7:58:20 AM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

Short reply.

People focusing on a kink relationship don't want to have it limited by a dependent that can't be exposed to it.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to subrob1967)

Post #: 14

RE: Is a pregnant Mistress such a turn-off? - 11/20/2007 7:58:46 AM

Mizziness

Posts: 34
Joined: 8/2/2007
Status: offline

Of course I have a job; and a good one, at that. I'm exceptionally good at managing my time, and in fact have held 4 slaves at once (three my own and one a temporary for a Mistress friend) and had no problems.

My lifestyle, for the most part, is not going to change wih the addition of a child. Having had things hidden from me as a child and seeing the impact such things have on older childen (finding out the truth behind their parents' lives) I have opted to be (gasp) open and honest with my offspring. Will I engage in intimacy in front of them? No, of course not, but I am not going to hide who and what I am. To do so would be a lie and cheapen the relationship that my slave and I have.

Even this answer did not address my main concern...why the exaggerated and often-times hostile response to the fact that I am expecting? You all seem to be touching on parenting concerns, which are valid, but ignoring much of my initail question.

_____________________________

"So go and lay back down tonight
Because you won't know who you are
Until you're down on your knees
And you're begging, 'Please...'"
~Evans Blue "A Cross And A Girl Named Blessed"

(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 15

RE: Is a pregnant Mistress such a turn-off? - 11/20/2007 8:03:45 AM

Mizziness

Posts: 34
Joined: 8/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subrob1967

IMO it's not just that you're pregnant (congratulations) it's more than likely a few other things as well...

1) You already have an Alpha slave, who's already established in your life, and as much as you claim there will be balance, it rarely works out that way.
2) What your asking for, is a Poly household, and quite a few people aren't wired that way
3) You want your new slave a)bi sexual preferred but b) will be chaste, and may never have sex with you, so if they're straight, they "ain't gonna get none".
4) Forced Femme is onw of your interests, but, a hard limit for quite a few guys.

I hope you find what your looking for, again everything I typed is my opinion only, and I could be completely wrong.

I believe you are mistaken in some of this. Just because my slave is my current only slave does not mean he was always so, and it does not mean he is fit for an "alpha" role. He most definitely is not. Balance can easily be achieved, just not perfect equality.

As for polyamory, I realize that most are not wired that way, but I'm sure you would be amazingly surprised how many ARE.

I did not say there would be NO sex, I said that a ward should not expect a sexual relationship. Sex is quite possible for the right person. I don't just dole out sex for a ward simply because I own them, but at the same time, if a ward cannot show the discipline of being chaste for a (hopefully) short trial period, then they are not a good match for me.

_____________________________

"So go and lay back down tonight
Because you won't know who you are
Until you're down on your knees
And you're begging, 'Please...'"
~Evans Blue "A Cross And A Girl Named Blessed"

(in reply to subrob1967)

Post #: 16

RE: Is a pregnant Mistress such a turn-off? - 11/20/2007 8:05:03 AM

Mizziness

Posts: 34
Joined: 8/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

Short reply.

People focusing on a kink relationship don't want to have it limited by a dependent that can't be exposed to it.

Short response:

D/s is not about kink alone and anyone who is searching for a kink-only relationship is not someone I would converse with in hopes of making them a ward.

_____________________________

"So go and lay back down tonight
Because you won't know who you are
Until you're down on your knees
And you're begging, 'Please...'"
~Evans Blue "A Cross And A Girl Named Blessed"

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 17

RE: Is a pregnant Mistress such a turn-off? - 11/20/2007 9:32:51 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

ORIGINAL: Mizziness

quote:

Please shed some light on this for me?

not that this slave endorses any of these ideas, but they just sprang to mind as possible reasons for the reactions you seem to be getting:

**not everyone jumps for joy at the thought of another baby being brought into an already overpopulated world with an ENORMOUS amount of orphans needing parents already in it. perhaps they pity you, or find it amusing, much as they would towards someone they decided has made a foolish decision; obviously not a proper servant for your use.

**some folks think it detrimental to expose offspring to a family structure that is outside society's accepted norm. bringing the dynamic to the living room or even walking down the street, fully dressed with a collar and leash on is unacceptable---forcing others nonconsensually into your kink, some call it--- and they certainly don't want any inkling of it outside of ANY bedroom...EVER.

**some folks think offspring come first and therefore will be the Dominating force in a household. those folks don't want to serve offspring, even as part of their duties to another adult individual.

this slave is not oriented Poly, or lesbian, and as such, did not seek out service to someone who was Female, who already had a slave. that would have come first before any consideration of service to someone who was expecting.

best of luck to you!

(in reply to Mizziness)

Post #: 18

RE: Is a pregnant Mistress such a turn-off? - 11/20/2007 9:54:41 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

I think you're living in a dream world with that statement, not to be rude. You can choose not to change whom you are personally but throwing a demanding needing you 24/7 creature into this mix is going to change thing. in some ways

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mizziness

I made a decision to not let the pregnancy or child change my life

(in reply to Mizziness)

Post #: 19

RE: Is a pregnant Mistress such a turn-off? - 11/20/2007 10:31:05 AM

Mizziness

Posts: 34
Joined: 8/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

I think you're living in a dream world with that statement, not to be rude. You can choose not to change whom you are personally but throwing a demanding needing you 24/7 creature into this mix is going to change thing. in some ways
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mizziness

I made a decision to not let the pregnancy or child change my life

Aren't we ALL living in some sort of dream world?

In any case, your response does not answer my question,(s) and so I won't bother with much of a response. I will say, however, that I do have child-rearing experience, and as having such, I know I cannot let the addition of a bundle of joy change my life and world in a way that will make me unhappy as doing such would be a dis-service to myself, my slave, and my child.

_____________________________

"So go and lay back down tonight
Because you won't know who you are
Until you're down on your knees
And you're begging, 'Please...'"
~Evans Blue "A Cross And A Girl Named Blessed"

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 20

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