recovering after an assult.

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

recovering after an assult.

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> recovering after an assult.

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

recovering after an assult. - 11/19/2007 7:57:59 PM

Willowmoon

Posts: 227
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline

I'm feeling like a bad slave at the moment.

I was sexually assulted on Saturday afternoon and since then I have not been able to handle Master giving me any more physical attention then a hug, even then i push him away after a short while.

He knows what happened and he tells me that he understands and doesn't want to make me feel worse and that we will just take things slowely. He is being a wonderful support but I feel bad. I feel like since he is Master and I am slave that he should be able to do what he wants when he wants but with the way I am at the moment he can't. He even asked me if i wanted to keep things vanilla for a while and i tried but three hours later i still neeeded to feel that he was Master and that he was in control.

I don't know what I am seeking by typing this post here, I don't want anyone taking the poor thing type attitute to me. I guess I just need other subs/slaves to tell me that this is normal and will get better. THat I am not a bad slave being unable to do things that are usualy so easy for me.

Post #: 1

RE: recovering after an assult. - 11/19/2007 8:02:24 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

I'm sorry to hear that happened. I don't know what happens in Australia, but in the US reporting such a crime allows one to get free counseling for it. I think you really have to take care of yourself right now as a person, not a role. Your Master is doing everything he can to support you and that's great but think of him as a man that cares about you right now and not a Master and take the time you need to heal. It's not at all unusual for people that are sexually assaulted to avoid physical contact. It will get better eventually, I think how soon depends on how willing you are to seek out competent help or a support group, if you are ready for that. Again, someone else from Australia would be better giving you advice on where, but I have to believe there are many resources.

good luck to you,

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Willowmoon)

Post #: 2

RE: recovering after an assult. - 11/19/2007 8:04:09 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

You are not a bad anything. You need time to process this, in your heart, in your mind, in your soul, AND in your body. Take it as slowly as you need to take it, don't be afraid to stop when you need to. Trying to rush any of the healing process will not make you heal faster, it will make you heal more slowly, and you may run the risk of things popping up later that you thought were truly over and done with.

I know that of which I speak.

Cali

< Message edited by CalifChick -- 11/19/2007 8:05:13 PM >

(in reply to Willowmoon)

Post #: 3

RE: recovering after an assult. - 11/19/2007 8:23:57 PM

southernhart

Posts: 120
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline

my heart goes out to you and i wish you all the best. Your Master is foing the right thing. He is your protector and he cares so much for you that he is willing to do whatever it takes. i would seek counceling (both of you) if you can. If you were assaulted on saturday and it's only Monday why would you try to have sex anyway so soon? Take your time and let him help you through this. We will be here also for you.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 4

RE: recovering after an assult. - 11/19/2007 8:42:49 PM

Willowmoon

Posts: 227
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline

Its Tuesday here.

We havent tried to have sex but I just feel bad having to pull away from even being hugged by him.

We made a report to the police this morning and they were able to get security camera footage from the shopping centre. They have given me some numbers to call to get support and help and my doctor also has given me a referal to a psych.

I know i have to give myself time but my brain keeps telling me that if i can pick my life up where it was and just keep going then it will make it a little less real if that makes any sense.

Willow

(in reply to southernhart)

Post #: 5

RE: recovering after an assult. - 11/19/2007 8:50:30 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Willowmoon

Its Tuesday here.

We havent tried to have sex but I just feel bad having to pull away from even being hugged by him.

We made a report to the police this morning and they were able to get security camera footage from the shopping centre. They have given me some numbers to call to get support and help and my doctor also has given me a referal to a psych.

I know i have to give myself time but my brain keeps telling me that if i can pick my life up where it was and just keep going then it will make it a little less real if that makes any sense.

Willow

It's how you feel, so it makes sense. You should pamper and nuture yourself, however, you're not a "bad" slave for being in shock over something traumatic. Give yourself time and consider the support group with the therapy, sometimes hearing others talk about how they feel the same way you do can be really helpful. Again, my sympathies on this horrible event, I know from experience it can be hard to recover from.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Willowmoon)

Post #: 6

RE: recovering after an assult. - 11/20/2007 6:04:37 AM

wisteriaV

Posts: 438
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline

Might I suggest giving yourself time to heal emotionally and that you might want to seek out a therapist to work through the huge range of emotions your feeling. Your Master is being loving, caring and supportive which is a big plus as well. Also your trust of humans in general is more than likely shaken..not only in others but also yourself!

_____________________________

Every story has two sides , much like a coin and neither one is totally perfect.
If it doesn't float your boat, then don't get in the water~!

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 7

RE: recovering after an assult. - 11/20/2007 6:09:14 AM

MasterGremlin

Posts: 230
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Willowmoon

I'm feeling like a bad slave at the moment.

I was sexually assulted on Saturday afternoon and since then I have not been able to handle Master giving me any more physical attention then a hug, even then i push him away after a short while.

He knows what happened and he tells me that he understands and doesn't want to make me feel worse and that we will just take things slowely. He is being a wonderful support but I feel bad. I feel like since he is Master and I am slave that he should be able to do what he wants when he wants but with the way I am at the moment he can't. He even asked me if i wanted to keep things vanilla for a while and i tried but three hours later i still neeeded to feel that he was Master and that he was in control.

I don't know what I am seeking by typing this post here, I don't want anyone taking the poor thing type attitute to me. I guess I just need other subs/slaves to tell me that this is normal and will get better. THat I am not a bad slave being unable to do things that are usualy so easy for me.

Being asaulted is a big wound to your psychy and it has only been a couple days. It takes much time to get through it and some professional counciling would help that alot. Good luck to you.
Cordially,
minxy

(in reply to Willowmoon)

Post #: 8

RE: recovering after an assult. - 11/20/2007 1:36:07 PM

Michaelsangel

Posts: 49
Joined: 10/15/2007
From: Portland Oregon
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Willowmoon

I'm feeling like a bad slave at the moment.

I was sexually assulted on Saturday afternoon and since then I have not been able to handle Master giving me any more physical attention then a hug, even then i push him away after a short while.

He knows what happened and he tells me that he understands and doesn't want to make me feel worse and that we will just take things slowely. He is being a wonderful support but I feel bad. I feel like since he is Master and I am slave that he should be able to do what he wants when he wants but with the way I am at the moment he can't. He even asked me if i wanted to keep things vanilla for a while and i tried but three hours later i still neeeded to feel that he was Master and that he was in control.

I don't know what I am seeking by typing this post here, I don't want anyone taking the poor thing type attitute to me. I guess I just need other subs/slaves to tell me that this is normal and will get better. THat I am not a bad slave being unable to do things that are usualy so easy for me.

i am so sorry to hear that someything like that happened to you. It will get better in time, and you are lucky to have such a caring Master that He even suggested to keep your relationship vanilla for awhile.

Don't ever think you are a bad slave...you had no control over what happened to you...it was not your fault.

Here is the link to a website that you may find useful:
RAINN : http://www.rainn.org/

Also you may want to check in your area for couselors/therapists that deal specifically with victims of sexual abuse/assault......Good Luck and if ya need a friend...i am here :)

_____________________________

Michaelsangel dutiful sub to SrMichael

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou

(in reply to Willowmoon)

Post #: 9

RE: recovering after an assult. - 11/20/2007 1:47:31 PM

summerblossom

Posts: 145
Joined: 11/17/2007
Status: offline

take it from me..the truth....it will get better if you work with a psychologist but it never truly goes away for the rest of your life...ive been there

(in reply to Michaelsangel)

Post #: 10

RE: recovering after an assult. - 11/20/2007 2:57:44 PM

IamJustMe2C

Posts: 94
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline

They say time heals all wounds. As time passes your body will heal and the physical marks will pass. Talk to the psychologist it will help you and keep telling your Master how you are fealing. You are going to have good days and bad days for a long time. I had a slave that had the same thing happen to her. When we played in sertain areas it would trigger bad fealings or a bad memory and we would have to stop and I would hold her and remind her of where she was and that everything was going to be ok. It never stoped us from our lifestyle if was just a area that when it happened it happened. We called it a trigger because we never knew what would set it off or when it would happen so when it did we used the time to cuddle and spoon. She felt my affection for her and I felt hers for me. Your Master obviousley loves you and cares about you so dont hide anything from him. Voice everything to him good and bad. If you need him to have controol for a while there is always tasks that he can have you do that is very light and simple and it will give you the fealing you crave without the problems you worry about.

Best wishes to you both and I hope you catch the bastard and cut off his balls with a dull spoon.

Be Well

_____________________________

Submission is a gift unlike any other. The one who can sculpt that gift in a graceful manner is a Master.

(in reply to summerblossom)

Post #: 11

RE: recovering after an assult. - 11/20/2007 3:07:15 PM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

You need time to recover. By doing so you are being the best slave you can be for your master.He is telling you that it is okay, so trust him at his words and realise that he wants you recovered and okay again, that he is aware it will take time. By pushing yourself you do both a disservice, I think your master knows that you need to go slowly so don't go against his wishes by forcing it. There is a lot of pain involved with an assault and like the others have mentioned getting outside counseling can make a huge difference. Please take care of yourself and permit your master to take care of you too.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to Willowmoon)

Post #: 12

RE: recovering after an assault. - 11/20/2007 5:15:41 PM

Kalista07

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

Willowmoon,
i truly wish there was some kind of magic wand i could wave and make everything all better for you.... i also wish there was some kind of magic wand that i could wave and take away all the hurt, fear, guilt, shame, horror, and terror that you are experiencing....
i can say with some amount of certainty that i can relate to what you are going through........i was raped in June of this past year. My Sir is one of the most wonderful, kind, compassionate, and intelligent men i know. There have been times when i've cried to him on the phone (we live three hours apart), i've cried while he's held me, i've cried while i'm writing him, and he always knows the right thing to say..... Which are generally things like, "It's going to be okay..." "Don't be so hard on yourself", "I think you expect to much of yourself", or "You are really a much stronger person than You realize".
The person in this situation however, who has been less than wonderful has sadly, been me.... i say this because my expectations of myself to "just get over it" or "let it go" or my favorite "accept my part in it and move on" have typically wound me up feeling isolated, alone, and hurt........If i could give You some advice it would be this: Be kind to yourself, remember You are a survivor, You are a strong and courageous woman, You deserve to be treated well, You deserve someone who's willing to wait out these issues with You.
Please know if i can ever do anything to help just let me know.....
*walking away cause i have no idea if this makes any freaking sense or not*
Kali

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb

(in reply to Willowmoon)

Post #: 13

RE: recovering after an assault. - 11/21/2007 7:54:48 PM

delilaheve

Posts: 6
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline

Perhaps you can reintroduce any intimacy on your terms? Hug, or signal you would like one, when you want one, and so on with other acts of intimacy?

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 14

RE: recovering after an assault. - 11/21/2007 9:50:36 PM

liminalRapture

Posts: 181
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline

Willowmoon,

You are in my thoughts.

Your master sounds like a good guy. One who wants to take care of his property for the long haul and make sure it will get what it needs. You need to let him take care of you.

I can't imagine what you are going through, but I had someone I didn't want to see post my name, phone number, where I work, etc on Craig's List for 'violent, sadistic rape fantasies' (a year after I saw him one time) and I had about 100 men phone me that day. And it shattered part of me. My ex pushed me way, way, way too soon, and it was one of only 2 times I've ever safeworded and he chilled for like 15 minutes, but demanded me that night and it shattered a part of our relationship. We'd only been together about 8 months, but I felt like I couldn't trust him.

Trust your master. Tell him what you need so he can take care of what he treasures.

(in reply to delilaheve)

Post #: 15

RE: recovering after an assult. - 11/21/2007 9:51:54 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Facts:
Things will get better.

You are not a bad slave for reacting as you have given the situation.

Therapy can help a GREAT deal.

---
What you'd been through isn't easy. We often feel that we have to be 'strong' and 'suck it up' and 'deal' with this kind of thing as a defense mechanism for feeling violated. It's an emotional reaction that says 'violated = weak' so 'suck it up and deal = strong'. In all honestly, that's a crock of shit. I highly recommend a therapist. These are the kinds of things that make it worth the money to go to a good therapist...or at least a support group. Check out your police force's Victim Services.

*hugs*

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Willowmoon)

Post #: 16

RE: recovering after an assult. - 11/21/2007 10:26:54 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

~Fast Reply~

I've been thinking about you since you posted this, trying to think of exactly what I could say that might help even the tiniest bit.

And I just can't figure out what to say except that I've been there, though to a lesser extent. Don't feel bad, but if you do don't beat yourself up about that either. If you rush things, it will only hurt you all over again. You need to heal and to do that you need to take care of what you need.

My heart goes out to you and I wish you the very best through this hard time.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 17

RE: recovering after an assult. - 11/22/2007 12:18:11 AM

fsub4use

Posts: 94
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

Hello Willow,
you have gotten wonderful advice here, and i hope that you are able to hear it... either way, it will still be here when you can... it does get better if you let it. Your Master is right - you need to heal... just like if you had gotten hit by a car and broken an arm, you need to let yourself heal... and remember, He is going through something too. He sounds like a great guy... He may be having His own issues around not protecting you, wanting to destroy the SOB that harmed you, not knowing exactly what is ok. Therapists often say that when one person is assaulted, the whole family is assaulted. Let yourself heal... this is the time when absolute honesty - as much as you can express it is really important.

If you have a hard time saying your truth, i want to suggest that you write out some little 3x5 cards that have words on them... yes, no, later, hug?, thank You, but i cant... whatever is hard for you to say and you just point to them.

You will heal, it does get better, but it is not an overnight process. Let yourself heal.... and keep us posted. i would like to hear how you are doing.... *deep knowing smile, not pity, just understanding.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 18

RE: recovering after an assult. - 11/22/2007 8:18:11 AM

Willowmoon

Posts: 227
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline

Thank you everyone for your support both those who posted here and those who sent me private messages. I don't really know what to say right now. For the last two or three days I thought I was fine that i was dealing with it and that I would be back to 'normal' soon. Today however has been really hard and reality is hitting home that this really did happen to me before it was like some kind of dream something there but not quite real now its real.

Willow

(in reply to fsub4use)

Post #: 19

RE: recovering after an assult. - 11/22/2007 8:22:36 AM

Hergirl0824

Posts: 119
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline

hun i am so sorry this has happened to you and as the others have said it will take some time for you to process what you have been through. Take things slow and be good to yourself...give yourself permission to feel whatever you feel at the moment....stay close to those you trust and share as much of what you are feeling with those people....if you need to talk please feel free to contact me anytime

_____________________________

collared to Mistress Sizzlynn

When i let go of what i am, i become what i might be

(in reply to Willowmoon)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> recovering after an assult.

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094