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ORIGINAL: talldrinkawater
advice that she can still choose the type of Dominant she would like to submit to, and that she doesn't have to put up with things that she perceives as abuse, might have served her a little better.

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Maybe most of the newbies out there really ARE doormats and have to be taught not to be?

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ORIGINAL: talldrinkawater


I do think for a good many of the new people into this lifestyle, and particularly the submissives, where the line is drawn needs to be pointed out. There is much discussion, even on these boards, about topping from below, etc., etc., etc. You have obviously been doing this for a good many years, and you are a woman who is confident and self assured with your submissiveness. Not all people are like that. They may not like to see themselves as doormats, but because of ignorance or fear of rejection, may in fact actually end up as doormats. What harm is done to offer a newbie a little empathy and word or two of wisdom from people who have had more experience than she has? My vote is to allow her to express herself, question what she can expect from this lifestyle, and not be stomped on because of her lack of experience.

Tall

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Are some posts over the top and unnecessarily sharp? Probably. Are some posts under the bar and unnecessarily coddling? Probably. But I think a grand majority are the same thing- just one voice with one perspective. It's our job to figure out what works best for us.

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ORIGINAL: RumpusParable

this isnt standard dom behavior, so to speak, this is a jerk. am sorry it was so bad in the turnout for you. there are a lot of good people, good doms and good sadists, out there that channel that part of their personality into a wonderfully mutually-pleasing relationship(s). this is just one of those situations one runs into in bot vanilla and bdsm interactions: some people suck, to put it shortly and with a bit of humor.

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ORIGINAL: talldrinkawater
What harm is done to offer a newbie a little empathy and word or two of wisdom from people who have had more experience than she has? My vote is to allow her to express herself, question what she can expect from this lifestyle, and not be stomped on because of her lack of experience.

Tall

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Faramir
I hate these bullshit, "I have a question..." posts that are actually a bitch session about perceived mistreatment.

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michichan
i dont think it is nice to talk about something you dont know. i am a very sensitive person and this man, just messed with my mind.

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MstrssPassion
Without knowing all of the details & without hearing his side, it really isn't possible to know what took place. The story gives off the impression that he was giving you the brush off.

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this is the last thing i will write about this very ugly story of my life.

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michichan
i had panicattacks and sleeping disorders for 6 months. he made me almost to have to go to psychological treatment.
<snip>
i was totally confused, and after six months i found the strenght to go here and ask some people which i think are worth to ask
<snip>
i almost wanted to kill myself.

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EmeraldSlave2
<snip>
People say I stomp sometimes, and that I am too harsh and lack empathy (which sometimes can be true).

For me I think it's a matter of getting all perspectives. As you can see on these boards there are a broad spectrum of personalities and we all help in the way we are suited. There are enough hand-holders and such that they don't need another one. I fit my own little niche and some people will respond to it great and some people won't.

I think part of the purpose I have in posting a majority of the time is to try and get newbies experienced in dealing with viewpoints and issues in ways that aren't always cuddly and aren't always sweet. If they can't deal with them well online, they certainly won't offline. Some would call it "tough love" but I think it's just each of us doing our own style.

Are some posts over the top and unnecessarily sharp? Probably. Are some posts under the bar and unnecessarily coddling? Probably. But I think a grand majority are the same thing- just one voice with one perspective. It's our job to figure out what works best for us.

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ORIGINAL: dreamNChains

ok A/all,
please excuse me if i seem a bit rough and rude on this but i have seen and "heard" this waaay to often to stay quiet any longer...plain and simple .... if you are new then of course you have read up on the lifestyle long before entering it and simply put what is the one thing that is touted out more than anything else....what is the by laws W/we all play with ...simple...SSC Safe, Sane CONSENTUAL...if any of these are not met then tis a bad situation just as spousal abuse is wrong!!W/we are all in this for some reason/need W/we have and most are smart enough to read and think on our own so i say that all of this is un neccessary all anyone needs to remember is that if it is not SSC....then tis abuse!! end of story and sorry to be so blunt but end of my tirade as well.
be well and play nicely
~dream~

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Not much of what we do is safe, at best we take precautions to make sure we reduce the risk of harm

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Not much of what we do is considered sane by a majority of people in the world.

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ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

And I don't abide by "SSC" myself.

And I think this is another case of overusing the abuse term.

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ORIGINAL: sfgrrl

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ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

And I don't abide by "SSC" myself.

And I think this is another case of overusing the abuse term.

I'll bet david stein regrets ever putting those three words together.

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On the contrary: We did intend to draw a distinction and to leave some kinds of sadomasochistic behavior on one side of the line as indefensible while maintaining that whatever fell inside the line was defensible ethically and should be defended politically and legally. But what we intended to leave outside the line was things like sadistic serial killers and snuff scenes for money, coercive s/m of all sorts, not the edgier kinds of consensual play — unless there was a question whether consent was even possible, as with the underage or the mentally unbalanced.

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so after one year he started cancelling my rewards, one after the other, and i think he enjoyed, to listen to my tears. i told him hunderd times, that i cannot take all this anymore. but he continued. and i always had the feeling he enjoyes that.

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i cried a lot, but he only enjoys that. that was ok for me, for a time, but then i started to realize that i get panikattacks and sleeping disorders. so i keep away from him now. but i still have bad feelings that i am not obidient enough. on the other hand, i consider myself mentally ill already to even have such thoughts, because one side of me tells, me that nobody can ever treat me like this.