Ageism? (Full Version)

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MsStressed -> Ageism? (8/10/2005 3:59:14 PM)

Do any Mistresses have trouble dealing with subs/slaves that are older than yourself?
We recently let a sub go that had lied in profile about his age. He did tell us his real age upon meeting, after we asked him several times. We wonder if we are old fashioned, due to the fact that We had trouble spanking an elder, as we were each taught as children to respect our elders.

Is this a common problem? We are now looking for a younger model LOL.

Any insights would be apprecaiated.

MsStressed and Partner



DontBoreMe -> RE: Ageism? (8/10/2005 5:56:59 PM)

I have never run into so many men who lie about their age lately!

A person who lies about their age in a radical way (ie, someone 55 who says he is 45, not a 51 claiming 49) is starting off on the wrong foot instantly. I have no problem booting them for that.

OTOH, I do play with men older than me all the time, and have a great time doing it. I was taught to respect my elders also, but elder can mean more than chronologial age. D/s is a state of mind, not a state of calendar! If a person does not appeal to you because of their age, fine. If they can't DO THE JOB you want because they are in poor health, also fine.



denimknight -> RE: Ageism? (8/10/2005 7:17:48 PM)

First and foremost the gentleman's age was the least of the reasons you should have kicked him to the curb IMHO. He lied.........that's it, ball game, hit the lights on your way out.
Lieing is the single most unforgivable thing a slave can do. It is an insult not only to the dominant but also to anyone who has trained, guided, or otherwise put their time and effort into a slave.
As for age in and of itself: the number itself is immaterial. The only thing that matters is if a prospect can fulfill your needs, whatever they may be. If a slave's age prevents them from being able to do so then their age matters, if not then I see no reason to bother considering it.
With that said as long as we are going to discuss the matter of ageism I think it is important to point out that the sword cuts both ways.
(RANT WARNING)
I am a young gentleman and I have walked the path of a slave for only a short time. While these facts have encouraged so many to embrace and encourage me along my path, it has also caused many to make incorrect assumptions about me. I have gotten to the point where if asked I will politely decline to answer any questions about my age. I'll show my drivers license in order to prove that I am of age to attend a MUNCH or Lifestyle event, but aside from that I just don't like to tell people because I tend to get one of two reactions.
Some (far from a majority, but some) will assume that I am too young to have even the vaguest clue as to who or what I am, or they will decide that I am just some pretty young player looking to experiment in kinky sex and nothing more. This decision is made without knowing anything else about me other than my age. Frankly, I find this not only hurtful but rather insulting both to me and to all those who have been kind enough to put their time and effort into helping me become the best slave I can be.
The other annoying response I get whenever I tell people my exact age is that every fake, fraud, and predator in a 30 mile radius seems to come out of the wood work. These types seem to assume that I'm either too young and horny or too young and stupid to see them for what they are and avoid them accordingly. I never cease to be amazed at how many who express an interest in me seem to lose it suddenly the moment they find out that due to the fact that I have barely know them I have no intention of fucking or being fucked by them, eating them out, or sucking their cock.
After all, I may be young but my momma taught me never to put something in my mouth if I don't know where it's been.
OK.........I feel better having gotten that out. I'd also be interested to hear the thoughts of others on this matter.
Respectfully Submitted
dk




BeachMystress -> RE: Ageism? (8/10/2005 8:37:06 PM)


I've always preferred subs older than myself. While I have had subs as young as 18 (when I was 36) I usually kept subs five to ten years older than myself. The best sub I've had besides my current one was 47 to my 34 when I met him. I kept him for three years and still consider him a good friend. But as you know Stressed, I've always gone for older men. *grins*

You are allowed to have preferences. We all have things that float our boats.. or sink them like rocks. For me, if a guy doesn't have 7 inches or more, he doesn't put that twinkle in my eyes. Is that shallow? It may be, but I know what I want. I respect a person who has height, weight, hair color, age or any other preference as long as they are polite about it. There is a match for all of us out there. We should all get what we want.

And I agree that the lie was the biggest reason for letting him go. This lifestyle is based on trust. I do not permit even little lies in my relationship. I've also run into the lie about age thing when guys get older. I had one who had an ad saying he was 55. When I talked to him via mail, he told me that the age in the ad was wrong, as it was an older ad and he'd not fixed it. He said he was really 58. Ok.. fine.. I could see that happening as I've had profiles I've forgotten to update. He and I had some interests in common, and while he was a bit older than I'd usually keep, I decided to give him a chance. When I met him I was shocked. He was OLD. After a short time of talking I asked his REAL age. He was turning 70 the next month. Jaw Drop. We had a nice conversation, and at the end of the evening, I told him it was too bad he'd lied about his age. A couple things about him were things I'd like to experiment with (he had a neat implant) but that I just couldn't get past the lie. I thanked him for the coffee and wished him well.



BeachMystress -> RE: Ageism? (8/10/2005 9:00:41 PM)

quote:

it has also caused many to make incorrect assumptions about me. I have gotten to the point where if asked I will politely decline to answer any questions about my age



It is sad that you're running into this, but it is because MOST people your age are not like you. Most are dabbling in it and having fun. It is rare to find someone your age who is so aware of himself and who he is. We have a few on these boards who are also your age, so you're in good company. Pretty much, you'll be best off finding a GenX munch (age 18 to 30) near you. I checked your profile, but you don't list your city, only North Carolina, so I can't help much. (Damn boy.. 6 ft and 117 lbs? Go eat something!)

You are going to find people at every stage of life who are players, wankers or who will find some reason to put you down. Ignore them. We all deal with idiots. They're not worth your time or energy getting worked up.

On the instant intimacy part, I was always shocked that local subs thought they automatically got to have sex with me. Um.. scuse me, IF we have sex, it will be if, how and when I say. This lifestyle isn't always about sex. I find it to be a sensual and erotic lifestyle, but the root is control. Sometimes we get that control via sex, but there are other routes also. It got to the point that any sub who thought sex was always part of BDSM didn't get the time of day with me. I'm not a male playtoy.. I am Domme. While I was fully sexual with most of my subs, it came with time. I respect myself too much to give myself to every tom's harry dick. Hell, I wouldn't even play the first few times I met someone most of the time.

Now I'm not saying sex or play should never happen early on if things are right. Sometimes things just work. I ended up having sex with my husband the first night I met him, after we played for 5 hours. *smiles* We were married 7 months later.

Oh, and don't worry too much about your youth. It will go away in time. *grins*



Cykotica -> RE: Ageism? (8/10/2005 9:39:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: denimknight


(RANT WARNING)
I am a young gentleman and I have walked the path of a slave for only a short time. While these facts have encouraged so many to embrace and encourage me along my path, it has also caused many to make incorrect assumptions about me. I have gotten to the point where if asked I will politely decline to answer any questions about my age. I'll show my drivers license in order to prove that I am of age to attend a MUNCH or Lifestyle event, but aside from that I just don't like to tell people because I tend to get one of two reactions.
Some (far from a majority, but some) will assume that I am too young to have even the vaguest clue as to who or what I am, or they will decide that I am just some pretty young player looking to experiment in kinky sex and nothing more. This decision is made without knowing anything else about me other than my age. Frankly, I find this not only hurtful but rather insulting both to me and to all those who have been kind enough to put their time and effort into helping me become the best slave I can be.
The other annoying response I get whenever I tell people my exact age is that every fake, fraud, and predator in a 30 mile radius seems to come out of the wood work. These types seem to assume that I'm either too young and horny or too young and stupid to see them for what they are and avoid them accordingly. I never cease to be amazed at how many who express an interest in me seem to lose it suddenly the moment they find out that due to the fact that I have barely know them I have no intention of fucking or being fucked by them, eating them out, or sucking their cock.
After all, I may be young but my momma taught me never to put something in my mouth if I don't know where it's been.
OK.........I feel better having gotten that out. I'd also be interested to hear the thoughts of others on this matter.
Respectfully Submitted
dk


dk,

I haven't been a part of the online community for very long. However, I run into a lot of people online who assume because I'm only 27 that I have no idea what I'm doing. Infact, the first email I recieved here from a sub was chock full of links to newbie helping material on the web. While I don't assume I know everything, and am always thirsting to learn more, I certainly am not a novice. I *do* understand what you mean, completely. I get emails quite frequently from much older subs wanting the thrill of submitting to someone so young. It really bothers me, to the point that I'm quite snippy when people harp on my age.

In regards to the rest of the thread, my current sub is two years younger than me, so I can't say I have any experience with a submissive that is much older than myself. But, I do think that if the chemistry were right, I can't see myself having an issue with it.



sparrow69 -> RE: Ageism? (8/11/2005 7:01:19 AM)

I'm proud of my age, it fact it was my birthday on the 9th of August, and i've reach the ripe young age of 49. why lie about it, if people think your too old that is well within their rights to do so.



SlaveR1 -> RE: Ageism? (8/11/2005 8:34:06 AM)

I feel the age thing is not that big of issue with me (as long as it's close). If Mistress wants to be 40 and she's 42 god bless her. The issue I do have is with your history. Making false claims. When you have that, it's over for that relationship.



fastlane -> RE: Ageism? (8/11/2005 11:41:41 AM)

everytime I lie, my dick grows......damn, there it goes again[:D]



Oumae -> RE: Ageism? (8/11/2005 12:04:19 PM)

I wouldn't have a sub I didnt respect so age isn't a factor in that way. A direct lie is a big no no though.

Oumae



BeachMystress -> RE: Ageism? (8/11/2005 2:38:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: fastlane

everytime I lie, my dick grows......damn, there it goes again[:D]


Oh hey now.. that's not fair! Now I'm going to try to get my hubby to lie his way up to ten inches. This is waaay bad as any lies are deal breakers for me.. LMAO



tarnishedhalo777 -> RE: Ageism? (8/11/2005 2:49:55 PM)

I had confronted my bitch(ex/sub,not sure what the term is anymore/play partner now)when I had found several of his profiles on different sights.He did shut them off for me...for awhile,
there back on (some of them anyway) now
but I don't like lies either.It is something I can not tolerate.
At least he never lied about his age,lol.



fastlane -> RE: Ageism? (8/11/2005 4:20:16 PM)

It is very noble to be trustworthy, but we all lie from time to time. To lie about one's age is so very petty, yet it is completely expected and accepted by the male population when a female does so. Why is there a double standard, that's the real question?
I dated a female who said she was 39 and turned out to be 44. I asked her why she lied and she said "would you have found me as attractive the first time we met if you knew I was over 40." I told her that I would have, but I understand her logic, as many men will only go after younger women. I could care less if someone lies about their age, especially if they can pull it off....more power to them. Don't lie to me about anything else though....or I will dump there ass!

Here I am telling the truth and getting small again....Damn, i hate when this happens.



FTopinMichigan -> RE: Ageism? (8/11/2005 8:19:12 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DontBoreMe

I have never run into so many men who lie about their age lately!

A person who lies about their age in a radical way (ie, someone 55 who says he is 45, not a 51 claiming 49) is starting off on the wrong foot instantly. I have no problem booting them for that.


I too cannot believe the number of men that lie about their age. I'm a younger, healthy & strong 47, and I enjoy a man who is vibrant like myself, regardless of his age. I have found very few older men (that would be older than myself) that are healthy and able to last a full social evening, let alone a night of play. (Not saying all men older than myself are that way...just the ones I've met.)

I think what happens, many times, is that most men tend to enjoy women younger than themselves. As such, they seek out profiles that are of younger women, and then they feel the need to lie in order to be considered.

I believe in honesty much more than the simple number of age, although I do enjoy a healthy man. :)

K



tarnishedhalo777 -> RE: Ageism? (8/12/2005 4:30:33 AM)

I haven't lied about my age since I turned 40----Fabulous forties and its so true.I haven't even reached my peak yet,lol. and I look foward to having a younger man someday,cause I can stil pass for 36/37.lol.



MsStressed -> RE: Ageism? (8/12/2005 3:34:08 PM)

Thank you all so very much for your thoughts.
MsStressed & Partner



sarbonn -> RE: Ageism? (8/12/2005 8:27:45 PM)

One of the most disappointing things for me is to find a woman's profile that says exactly what I need to hear, showing that she is exactly what I am seeking as a submissive. And then to find out she's not seeking anyone of my age range. It's an extreme let down.

For me, I just sigh and move on, sad that a potential situation didn't get to happen. However, I can understand how others might not take the same route but want something so bad that they are willing to forgo all decency and integrity and pursue it through dishonesty. They never think (at least on the surface) that they're going to be discovered and then everything will fall apart.

I couldn't live that way. I'm brutally honest just because I don't want to have to cover for any lies I might make to try to convince her of something that isn't true. Plus, after awhile the lies become so outrageous that you end up having to create new lies just to cover the old lies. Who wants that? Even with fries?



tarnishedhalo777 -> RE: Ageism? (8/14/2005 11:09:07 AM)

not even w/ a smile and change back.
LiES suck bigtime ecspecially when you keep finding out more of them.One can try to not loose faith in the human population as a whole but it is hard not too when lies are just about all you seem to keep getting from people.
The are bad in the beginning of a relationship and even worse when its the big break up lie.



lilyophelia -> RE: Ageism? (8/14/2005 2:07:13 PM)

i don't know that my Miss and i have a problem with slaves/subs who are older then U/us at all; i think W/we almost would look for older individuals, because they seem more inclined to be serious and to know themselves better. i have to admit that i do look at a person's age quite often, and that i do keep that in mind during discussions with an individual. Someone who is younger really has to show that they've gone through enough to really know themselves; a lack of self-knowledge really limits the life expectancy of a relationship. i think that i'm more hesitant with younger individuals, but that i am fully willing to help them explore their thoughts until either: a) i really am sure that they know who they are and what they want; or b) they start to learn new things about themselves and are on the path to a deeper self-awareness.

i feel that i am excessively mature for my age, except for when i'm being my Miss's little girl, of course! ^^ Then i get to play with my toys and i get to be cute and innocent and loved! But in an environment where it's important for me to be so, i can act with a great amount of understanding, eloquence, sincerity, integrity, etc...i really got to where i am now by going through very challenging times that forced me to grow. i really thought, at seventeen, for example, that i was mature, and looking back now (eight years), i'm astounded by how much i've grown. i know at 35 (in ten years) that i will have grown so much more from who i am currently.

You may be wonderfully mature for your age, but understand that you do grow (hopefully) with age, and that it is a factor in relationships for a reason...so don't be so offended by people's opinions of youth and inexperience. If you are so very far ahead now, work to preserve that lead and you'll shine as you age. i would love to meet a younger individual that had that sort of brilliance...it would be a very special thing.

i agree with just about everyone else that the lying is awful...however, i think sometimes it's important to make allowances for a lack of clarity at the start of a relationship. i can see how people could fear rejection so much that they are afraid to share details that could be peripheral (age, past experiences, a million other things); most importantly, i believe that an individual should express WHO they are very, very clearly, and not lie about their core. i don't know that i've earned the trust with every individual that i come into contact with to have them open their souls up to me, and to make every one of their insecurities known to me. i would consider it an honour, and a mark of progression to have a slave disclose old wounds and shameful hurts to me; it can be very touching to have that level of trust and respect.

Now, on the other hand, if a Dominant has hard limits (i.e only interested in a specific gender, age groups, etc.) and is very clear about those being requirements, then i think it would be inexcusable for a slave to lie against those disclosed requirements. That would be really deceitful and malicious, and runs along the same lines as men mascarading as Lesbian Dommes to pick up girls; it's grossly inexcusable, and must be a source of bad karma.

i know there are varying opinions on this, but i have to say that i personally feel there has to be a grey area here, at least for my Miss and i (and i'm not make blanket statements for what lying should mean to O/others). Rampant lying is one thing, but fear to disclose sensitive details that are the root of insecurity in a submissive/slave are different. i think most people are afraid of rejection, or of not being accepted, and i know firsthand the pain that can come from that. i can't fault a submissive/slave for imperfection before they come to U/us; once they belong, though, imperfection in the face of effort on O/our part is a different story...that's where severe and very unpleasant punishment comes in. ^^

-lily



MsPurrmeow -> RE: Ageism? (8/15/2005 3:17:32 AM)

The lying is the issue. If they can be upfront and honest, almost any age will work. Even more, when they are honest about their experience. The being said, while I don't have much of an issue with anyone under 60 (Sorry, they start reminding me of the progenitors), I do have a family and partners that would take issue with someone who might start to sound like their parents.

The relationship I'm looking for would be someone who can fit into a family of people that are young-feeling and young-acting. If there are no common interests and perspectives, their desire to serve will not matter any further than an occasional playmate. Not moving toward my ultimate goal at all. Then again, if they CAN fit as a person, then age won't matter much. It's all relative.

Purr



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