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Motivation - 11/21/2007 5:10:44 PM

kyraofMists

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Joined: 7/29/2005
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What is your motivation for submitting to you partner or if not in a relationship why do you want to submit to someone? Has your motivation changed over time?

At first I did the things that he preferred out of a desire to please him. Once I became his slave my motivation slowly changed. My motivation is to do his will and transfer authority to him. Whether he is pleased is not my primary focus.

Since motivation is an important component to understanding behavior, I am curious what motivates others to submit.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

Post #: 1

RE: Motivation - 11/21/2007 5:33:22 PM

Cyntilating

Posts: 581
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

What is your motivation for submitting to you partner or if not in a relationship why do you want to submit to someone? Has your motivation changed over time?

At first I did the things that he preferred out of a desire to please him. Once I became his slave my motivation slowly changed. My motivation is to do his will and transfer authority to him. Whether he is pleased is not my primary focus.

Since motivation is an important component to understanding behavior, I am curious what motivates others to submit.

Knight's Kyra

{I am curious what motivates others to submit.}

I think, for me, at the very core was the desire to please and serve.

{after beginning this relationship}
Then, desire to please the one in authority and turn my will and control over to him.

Years later, I still am happiest when I know what I am doing is pleasing him and making him happy. So I guess that is still my motivation. Although, there seems to be so much, more than submitting to him, that is going on between us.

I don't know...what we have, what he created, it just all feels right....and makes us both happy and fulfilled. So we just keep doing what feels right between us.

_____________________________

Cyndi

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 2

RE: Motivation - 11/21/2007 5:45:56 PM

lanie38

Posts: 120
Joined: 9/14/2007
Status: offline

I get off on it...

_____________________________

Don't be so humble...you're not that great. ~ Golda Meir

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Post #: 3

RE: Motivation - 11/21/2007 5:59:37 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
At first I did the things that he preferred out of a desire to please him. Once I became his slave my motivation slowly changed. My motivation is to do his will and transfer authority to him. Whether he is pleased is not my primary focus

Hello Kyra,
Can you please explain this a little? Give some examples? I'm not sure I grasp your meaning. Thanks...........luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 4

RE: Motivation - 11/21/2007 6:28:26 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
At first I did the things that he preferred out of a desire to please him. Once I became his slave my motivation slowly changed. My motivation is to do his will and transfer authority to him. Whether he is pleased is not my primary focus

Hello Kyra,
Can you please explain this a little? Give some examples? I'm not sure I grasp your meaning. Thanks...........luci

There are times when Alandra and I are obedient; we do exactly what he tells us to do. However, the instructions he gave did not accomplish what he expected. Either he did not fully think out what was needed or the information was not clearly communicated or understood. Whatever the reasons, he is not pleased with the outcome even though she and I have been obedient. If I was obedient in order to please him, this situation would be (and was in the past) devastating to me. I used to beat myself up; he was not pleased so I must have done something wrong!!

It took a long time to realize that I did nothing wrong in those cases. I did what I was told. His emotional state, being pleased or not pleased, is his responsibility. If he is pleased by something he told me to do, it is because he made the choices that would lead to his pleasure. If he is not pleased, then it is because of choices he has made.

I have asked Alandra and neither of us can recall specific details, but it has happened to both of us with him and they will happen again in the future.

Does that help?

Knight's Kyra

~ edited to add, that for me, doing things out of a desire to please the person is focused on my will that they be pleased. Being obedient in my relationship requires that I put his will ahead of mine. In order to do that my desire to please cannot be the primary motivator of my behavior.

Fixed once more to correct wrong pronoun used.

< Message edited by kyraofMists -- 11/21/2007 6:38:11 PM >

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 5

RE: Motivation - 11/21/2007 6:31:45 PM

southernhart

Posts: 120
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline

Everything i do for him i do for ove. That is my number one motivation. Pleasing and serving him is all i ever want to do. When he is pleased with me there is no greater high for me.

_____________________________

i am the proud property of Johnr. i belong to him and only to him. i love, treasure and worship him. i submit freely to him every day of my life.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 6

RE: Motivation - 11/21/2007 6:32:21 PM

completenz

Posts: 315
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline

at first it was a desire to please, pure and simply. i thrived on His approval.
Now i serve Him and do all i can to ensure His continuing happiness because of love.... i love the Man though, not as He jokingly says, as much as He loves me.

We both know our place in our relationship and it has brought us a peace and joy that neither of us have ever known before
c

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 7

RE: Motivation - 11/21/2007 6:34:19 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
There are times when Alandra and I are obedient; we do exactly what he tells us to do. However, the instructions he gave did not accomplish what he expected. Either he did not fully think out what was needed or the information was not clearly communicated or understood. Whatever the reasons, he is not pleased with the outcome even though she and I have been obedient

Oh, ok. Now I understand

.

quote:

It took a long time to realize that I did nothing wrong in those cases. I did what I was told. His emotional state, being pleased or not pleased, is his responsibility. If he is pleased by something he told me to do, it is because he made the choices that would lead to his pleasure. If he is not pleased, then it is because of choices he has made

Yes. I understand.

quote:

Does that help?

Yes, very much. Thank you.

quote:

edited to add, that for me, doing things out of a desire to please the person is focused on my will that they be pleased. Being obedient in my relationship requires that I put my will ahead of his. In order to do that my desire to please cannot be the primary motivator of my behavior

I really understand what you're saying. Thanks alot for the clarification.......luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 8

RE: Motivation - 11/21/2007 6:39:27 PM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

I read this question to my Sir and asked him what he thought my answer would be. He said I submit because I'm submissive and it fulfills me. Hmm, I suppose that is true. However, it wouldn't have been my answer.

I submit to my Joe and only to my Joe because I love him, because I want to please him, and because I am so very grateful to him for what I have with him. Every morning he puts my collar on and I say, "I will do Your will today Master." That is a declaration of fact that I try very hard to obey because it makes us both happy and because I can't imagine doing anything else.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 9

RE: Motivation - 11/21/2007 6:50:12 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

Well now that I understand what's going on

, I can answer. I suppose my main motivation is still His pleasure. That really is what my goal is and it seems that is what He wants the goal to be. Through my total obedience to Him, He is pleased in every area that it's possible for me to affect. As with your relationship, all authority has been transferred to Him and I abide by that authority that He exercises. His pleasure is the main goal of both of us..............luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 10

RE: Motivation - 11/21/2007 7:31:30 PM

LaMspeach

Posts: 794
Joined: 12/4/2004
From: Philadelphia area, PA
Status: offline

I think it is a series of things. I serve because of a deep need with in myself to do so. What motivates me is the need to please him and only him and the pleasure that my total obedience seems to bring him.

With the being said, there have been times when i have taken it upon myself to decided if he is pleased or not then beat my self up when I didnt think I was as pleasing as I should/could have been.

It was a hard lesson to learn to just obey and he will correct it if he is not pleased. I get no say over what it pleasing and what isnt.

_____________________________

peach ~ LordandMasters devoted alpha slave
"Only when the year has grown cold does one know that the pine and cypress are the last to wither"

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 11

RE: Motivation - 11/21/2007 7:58:04 PM

forg0ttenclone

Posts: 62
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline

There are many motivating factors in my submission to my Dominant.

To please and serve Her in any way in which She desires. To give my all to Her 100%, serving to the fullest extent to which i can humanly offer. Also offering my complete submission to Her desires, whatever they may be. Also my own devotion, loyalty, and love for my Dominant.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 12

RE: Motivation - 11/21/2007 7:59:36 PM

CdnExplorer

Posts: 227
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline

Well I've always been kinky this way, so I guess before I understood what was really driving me my motivation was just the sensations of it all.

It's a bit hard to explain but basically I've always put out a really tough, don't get close to me attitude. Sort of a self defence thing I developed when I was young. I have a desire to please, strong enough that I could probably be guilted into doing a lot of things. I also have a real need to feel trust and vulnerability.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 13

RE: Motivation - 11/22/2007 4:03:01 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
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Thank you for all the answers so far. For those who said they are motivated out of a desire to please, I have other questions.

When my primary motivation was to please him, I found myself focused on the end result, i.e. his pleasure. This kept me from being present in the moment and actually resulted in misunderstandings of his will. I was focused on the outcome(even if it was only a few minutes in the future), while he was trying to focus me on the present. I was also focused on what I thought would please him rather than just doing what I was told.

Lucky gave an example in another thread about decorating a hall with lights. She told her partner to put the tape on the wall and he kept trying to put the lights on the wall with the tape. Something so similar has happened many times between he and I. My misunderstanding of what he instructed me to do was because I was focused on the outcome and pleasing him rather than focused on exactly what I was told to do. (I am not saying that this is the reason for the misunderstanding between Lucky and her partner, just in similar situations it is why I have misunderstood).

For those who are motivated to submit because you want to please your partner, how do you remain focused on the present and exactly what is asked of you and not focused on the outcome of your partner's pleasure? LaMspeach, touched on this, but for the others do you make assumptions about what you think will be pleasing to them? What do you do when you do not live up to your standard of being pleasing, but your partner is satisfied with what you have done?

These are things that I struggled with when I was focused on pleasing him. I have worked through it by taking the focus off my desire to please and focus on his will. But I am curious if others have similar struggles and how you work through them.

Have a great Thanksgiving to those who live in the US.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 14

RE: Motivation - 11/22/2007 4:34:02 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

If we drill a little deeper, the motivation isn't necessarily obedience nor His pleasure. The motivation is (for me anyway) is the feeling that i am needed, necessary, and desired. Doing His will, without the feedback would not be a motivation. It's okay to want to get something out of a relationship. People, heck even animals, are motivated by what they get. For me, by giving, i get something back and the more i give the more i get. Without the positive feedback or if i were no more special than the grocery bagger at the store, i wouldn't have any motivation. It is by being pleasing, obedient, serving, that i receive the thing i most desire.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 15

RE: Motivation - 11/22/2007 5:56:27 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

What is your motivation for submitting to you partner or if not in a relationship why do you want to submit to someone? Has your motivation changed over time?

At first I did the things that he preferred out of a desire to please him. Once I became his slave my motivation slowly changed. My motivation is to do his will and transfer authority to him. Whether he is pleased is not my primary focus.

Since motivation is an important component to understanding behavior, I am curious what motivates others to submit.

Knight's Kyra

I'm motivated to submit because it's what I agreed to do; it's never been from a desire to please or out of love or affection, to make him happy or out of any desire to serve.

From the outset he made it clear that he is perfectly able to ensure that he has things the way he wants them and I've never had to think about pleasing him and he's never asked or expected me to.

agirl

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 16

RE: Motivation - 11/22/2007 6:03:31 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

What is your motivation for submitting to you partner or if not in a relationship why do you want to submit to someone? Has your motivation changed over time?

At first I did the things that he preferred out of a desire to please him. Once I became his slave my motivation slowly changed. My motivation is to do his will and transfer authority to him. Whether he is pleased is not my primary focus.

Since motivation is an important component to understanding behavior, I am curious what motivates others to submit.

Knight's Kyra

I have never analyzed the motivation behind my submission to a particular person. If I connect in some way with someone; whether in a relationship or not; I feel it deep within. I just respond; I don't try to analyze why.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 17

RE: Motivation - 11/22/2007 6:32:55 AM

forg0ttenclone

Posts: 62
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline

I try to focus on the task at hand, not just the end result of pleasing Her. If She assigns a task that i cannot fully complete, but yet i give my all 200%, that alone pleases Her. Despite the task not being completed. As long as i know that i am giving all of myself to whatever it is She may be asking for. That makes me happy. I am always motivated by knowing that giving my all to Her pleases Her. Whether that be in 5 minutes when a task is complete, or during whatever task i am doing.

"What do you do when you do not live up to your standard of being pleasing, but your partner is satisfied with what you have done?"

I tend to beat myself up over it a bit. I'm bad about that. I'm a perfectionist. I like to live up to my own standard of pleasing. However; She let's me know if She is pleased or not. If She knows i'm beating myself up over something, She quickly will respond with "You're not allowed to beat yourself up over it. Only I am allowed to beat you. <laugh>" While She says it jokingly, Her point is well made and i have to adjust accordingly within. Though it is never easy being that i think too much.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 18

RE: Motivation - 11/22/2007 6:44:24 AM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

A dominant I knew was interested in a certain activity and we discussed it and planned it out. I was more than willing to try and through discussion knew what I was to do and how he wanted it done. The result, despite my best efforts, was underwhelming for him. It simply was a fantasy that did not translate well to reality.

We can only be responsible for our own actions and reactions. To take on accountability for another person’s emotional state is unproductive and, in a way, believing one has impossible power.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 19

RE: Motivation - 11/22/2007 6:44:40 AM

Cyntilating

Posts: 581
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

Thank you for all the answers so far. For those who said they are motivated out of a desire to please, I have other questions.

When my primary motivation was to please him, I found myself focused on the end result, i.e. his pleasure. This kept me from being present in the moment and actually resulted in misunderstandings of his will. I was focused on the outcome(even if it was only a few minutes in the future), while he was trying to focus me on the present. I was also focused on what I thought would please him rather than just doing what I was told.

Lucky gave an example in another thread about decorating a hall with lights. She told her partner to put the tape on the wall and he kept trying to put the lights on the wall with the tape. Something so similar has happened many times between he and I. My misunderstanding of what he instructed me to do was because I was focused on the outcome and pleasing him rather than focused on exactly what I was told to do. (I am not saying that this is the reason for the misunderstanding between Lucky and her partner, just in similar situations it is why I have misunderstood).

For those who are motivated to submit because you want to please your partner, how do you remain focused on the present and exactly what is asked of you and not focused on the outcome of your partner's pleasure? LaMspeach, touched on this, but for the others do you make assumptions about what you think will be pleasing to them? What do you do when you do not live up to your standard of being pleasing, but your partner is satisfied with what you have done?

These are things that I struggled with when I was focused on pleasing him. I have worked through it by taking the focus off my desire to please and focus on his will. But I am curious if others have similar struggles and how you work through them.

Have a great Thanksgiving to those who live in the US.

Knight's Kyra

There are commands in the moment, that are obeyed and followed without wondering if he is getting pleasure...I just know he is because I am obeying and not thinking about anything in that moment except doing exactly as told to do..literally.
   [ ie. kneeling before him, serving his wants and desire. Feeling and being but not thinking or anticipating. The results or his reactions are the furthest thing from my mind..I am just there for him.]

There are things I do to please him because he has specifically assigned or instructed me how that should be done.
[ ie. Writing to him at a specified time..Calling him at specific times with specific affirmations he has instructed me to express. Certain of my daily routines he has structured...the commands are "standing" not given/repeated by him on a daily basis...meaning I just know what is expected of me and I obey]

But, there are also things I do spontaneously and without his verbal orders. Some I know will directly please him. Some I think of doing ( altho I don't call it assuming, as you indicated) because somewhere along the way I know he likes or has interests in it.
[ie. I know the kind of music he enjoys. I know his favorite topic to read about in books, fiction and non-fiction. And so, sometimes, when I come across things in my day to day that I know he would love hearing about> I send them to him or present it to him or just bring it up the next time we talk....
   There is this place on the side of his neck.............and I certainly don't have to be instucted to "go there" ...infact, I know he loves it best when unexpected and out of the blue "just because I was walking by his chair and everything in me wanted to hear his moan when my lips touched it"... ]

Others I do, for me, because I know making myself pleasing, healthy, strong will ultimately please him...make him happy.
[ ie. being the best mother I can be. Doing my job well and showing my strength and capabilities to their fullest. Taking my vitamins and making healthy food choices. What makes me strong, lends itself to making us strong and makes him pleased. ]

If my life is rich and diverse...creative and energized then what I bring to him through my submission, is also.
And he can say the same thing about his life and what he brings to "us".

Master has never been a micro-manager in our relationship, that was not something he desired.. He wants me to be expressive ~ verbally, emotionally, sexually, creatively. He wants me to make my own decisions in my career and even in some of my other relationships.
I do that. And, while I do that, I know he is pleased and proud of me.

For instance
I work outside the home ( career )
He and I do not live together, and so I maintain my own residence.
I have um's that are my children from another relationship, and he came into my life when these children were mostly grown and so he has no disciplinary responsibilities about thier lives and choices. He supports me and backs me in my decisions as a mother tho'..

as a side note:
all that I have just mentioned above>
years ago, some of the above mentioned felt to me as something that "took away" from my focus on our relationship and dynamic... or "serving Master".
   When these issues were brought up > He helped me understand that ALL of those things are STILL serving him.
"serving and pleasing" isn't confined to a moment or obedience because of a command.

my submission to him isn't alway "something" one can see if you look into our relationship. But is always our reality and a feeling we know is there between us.
Even when we are miles apart.

I can please him just by being his<<< What he tells me.
       That is something I would have never been able to believe on my own. It is something he instilled in me and inspired in me.

So, no, I don't lose focus on serving his authority and will because I am focusing on pleasing him.. It is the same thing for me.

I know I have run on and run...
but you did ask what motivates to please..
and it just isn't something simple to explain..and not even something simple to FEEL, frankly well, for me anyway.

_____________________________

Cyndi

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to kyraofMists)

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