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RE: Submissive beat me. - 11/30/2007 6:55:19 PM

Nikolette

Posts: 488
Joined: 10/2/2004
Status: offline

It turns my stomach that so many people's initial reaction is to say that they'd need to know the details to know what they would do.

It seemed obvious to me from the context of your statement that this was NOT consensual.

So because of that, my statement is pretty simple and clear: I would terminate contact with the individual immediately and I would consider calling the police. I have lots of intimate experience with how different police stations deal with certain issues so I would certainly take that knowledge in consideration before choosing to call them. Ultimately, NO ONE EVER HAS THE RIGHT TO VIOLATE YOUR BOUNDARIES. THERE IS NOTHING, !!!ANYONE!!! CAN DO THAT VALIDATES BEING INSULTED!

Also, depending on the extent of the abuse, I would probably pursue professional therapy.

_____________________________

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." ---Mahatma Gandhi

(in reply to BlackSakura)

Post #: 41

RE: Submissive beat me. - 11/30/2007 7:03:13 PM

Nikolette

Posts: 488
Joined: 10/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

quote:

ORIGINAL: stef

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

yes, it was a serious post

Filled with seriously bad advice.

~stef

that happens to be the only advice that works in the real world. in america, victims don't have rights; it's not nice, but it's the truth

IMO This is incredibly ignorant of you. I'd be the first person to admit that victims need more people HELPING them and ADVOCATING for their human rights... and that the police occasionally do not aid in situations that they are in place to help with....

But there ARE resources, help... and above all..... EVERYONE, including victims have rights. Its attitudes like yours that help enable abusers and the cycle of abuse. Its terribly negligent to suggest to a victim to assult their abuser. FYI MANY abusers set up situations like that... just to get their victim to assult them back and then play the victim and use the rights and laws you act like don't exist.

Perhaps next time you should do some more research and offer up some tools or advice that WON'T revictimize the abused person.

_____________________________

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." ---Mahatma Gandhi

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 42

RE: Submissive beat me. - 11/30/2007 7:08:02 PM

kirby104

Posts: 94
Joined: 6/6/2005
Status: offline

That IS the truth. The justice systems protects the CRIMINALS. I know that all too well. Applause for darch.

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

quote:

ORIGINAL: stef

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

yes, it was a serious post

Filled with seriously bad advice.

~stef

that happens to be the only advice that works in the real world. in america, victims don't have rights; it's not nice, but it's the truth

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 43

RE: Submissive beat me. - 11/30/2007 7:15:12 PM

kirby104

Posts: 94
Joined: 6/6/2005
Status: offline

So, after the police fail you numerous times, as well as the domestic abuse hotline, community legal services, and the state attorney; that there is still help for victims. I can't believe it anymore. The only resource that matters is MONEY; ya got any!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nikolette

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

quote:

ORIGINAL: stef

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

yes, it was a serious post

Filled with seriously bad advice.

~stef

that happens to be the only advice that works in the real world. in america, victims don't have rights; it's not nice, but it's the truth

IMO This is incredibly ignorant of you. I'd be the first person to admit that victims need more people HELPING them and ADVOCATING for their human rights... and that the police occasionally do not aid in situations that they are in place to help with....

But there ARE resources, help... and above all..... EVERYONE, including victims have rights. Its attitudes like yours that help enable abusers and the cycle of abuse. Its terribly negligent to suggest to a victim to assult their abuser. FYI MANY abusers set up situations like that... just to get their victim to assult them back and then play the victim and use the rights and laws you act like don't exist.

Perhaps next time you should do some more research and offer up some tools or advice that WON'T revictimize the abused person.

(in reply to Nikolette)

Post #: 44

RE: Submissive beat me. - 11/30/2007 7:19:21 PM

KindLadyGrey

Posts: 358
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline

I'm with darchClyde too. Obviously, he needs to be kicked to the curb and possible assault charges need to be filed and all legal means pursued.

But the visit from friends isn't about revenge, it's about illustrating that you are not alone, not a victim, and that further actions against you will have consequences. You don't have to send people to beat the crap out of the abuser, but sending your personal brute squad over to give the guy a small reminder to stay the hell away from you IS a good idea.

I have a brute squad. If I were ever assaulted you better believe the person who assaulted me would get a visit. I might not even have a say in the matter.

I hope you are okay, BlackSakura. You are a beautiful lady and absolutely did not deserve such terrible treatment. I think I speak for just about everyone on this thread, whether they agree on other things or not, when I say that we are all sending healing thoughts your way.

*hugs*

(in reply to kirby104)

Post #: 45

RE: Submissive beat me. - 11/30/2007 7:21:58 PM

MISTRESSKUMA

Posts: 226
Joined: 8/15/2007
Status: offline

First, allow me to offer you my deepest sympathies. I know that this is hard. My advise to you is to call your local police department and especially if you feel your safety is in jeopardy in any way at any time. I do suggest that you seek counseling for yourself. You will soon be experiencing some very deep emotions yourself within a very short time. It would be a very good idea for you to have a professional counselor help you sort through the many conflicting thoughts and feelings that you will soon be experiencing. I wish you love, happiness, and most of all security and serenity.

(in reply to Kaiynasha)

Post #: 46

RE: Submissive beat me. - 11/30/2007 7:57:01 PM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

that happens to be the only advice that works in the real world. in america, victims don't have rights; it's not nice, but it's the truth

You're mistaken, and dispensing dangerous advice.

~stef

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 47

RE: Submissive beat me. - 11/30/2007 8:12:39 PM

kirby104

Posts: 94
Joined: 6/6/2005
Status: offline

Just wait until you are victimized.

quote:

ORIGINAL: stef

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

that happens to be the only advice that works in the real world. in america, victims don't have rights; it's not nice, but it's the truth

You're mistaken, and dispensing dangerous advice.

~stef

(in reply to stef)

Post #: 48

RE: Submissive beat me. - 11/30/2007 8:14:56 PM

BoiJen

Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline

Having been put in the hospital from former lovers and family I'm with DarchChylde. I don't deal well with domestic violence because it's littered my past. It gives me peace of mind that one and only one of my past abusers has ever felt violence in return for their past misdeeds. They also have not issued any attack upon those currently in their lives becuase of it. It's an excellent way to get a lesson across. Tagic but effective.

(in reply to stef)

Post #: 49

RE: Submissive beat me. - 11/30/2007 8:23:14 PM

ShaktiSama

Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: stef

You're mistaken, and dispensing dangerous advice.

~stef

Tell that to Brandon Teena.

Oh wait, you can't.

Guess going to the authorities doesn't always make everything turn to rainbows and lollipops, eh?

(in reply to stef)

Post #: 50

RE: Submissive beat me. - 11/30/2007 8:42:39 PM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

Tell that to Brandon Teena.

Oh wait, you can't.

Guess going to the authorities doesn't always make everything turn to rainbows and lollipops, eh?

Not that I ever said it did, but why bother to bring reality into this?

~stef

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

Post #: 51

RE: Submissive beat me. - 11/30/2007 8:48:16 PM

ShaktiSama

Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

Because the OP is a trans dominant who posts her location as San Antonio, Texas.

Not Boston, Mass.

The rules are not the same everywhere you go. Sometimes the authorities are not your friend.

(in reply to stef)

Post #: 52

RE: Submissive beat me. - 11/30/2007 8:58:30 PM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

I'm well aware who the OP is, thanks. Shame you completely missed the point of my reply.

~stef

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

Post #: 53

RE: Submissive beat me. - 11/30/2007 9:03:39 PM

undinerising

Posts: 36
Joined: 11/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: stef

I'm well aware who the OP is, thanks. Shame you completely missed the point of my reply.

~stef

Word, Steph. The only way to change the rules is to challenge them. San Antonio should be safe. EVERYWHERE should be safe.

(in reply to stef)

Post #: 54

RE: Submissive beat me. - 11/30/2007 9:36:47 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

And then when he got loose he could go to the police and press charges against YOU and have YOU arrested. Doesn't matter that he did it first you'd now be jailed and charged with assualt and maybe have to pay a huge fine.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mons

greetings

wow what happen and i wonder is he still with you. i would wait uitl he is asleep and tie him down hard and best the shit out of him

(in reply to mons)

Post #: 55

RE: Submissive beat me. - 11/30/2007 10:40:58 PM

youngpupforBCms

Posts: 49
Joined: 11/17/2007
Status: offline

Issues like this is why we should all arm ourselves with the knowledge to put someone down hard,fast,and efficently when they start brutality our violence towards you, its good to know how to defend yourself, incapicitate your attackers and be able to get away and call the proper authorities. This can be done in a variety of ways, stun guns(only where legal) mace and pepper spray, and then of course yourself after youve taken self defence courses. It's sad but because of the world we live in for alot of us, the choices we make about our lifestyle puts us at risk from the rest of society that isn't always as accepting wether its ignorance, fear, or something else I couldn't tell you, but being able to mess someone up real fast and quick is something I think anyone in this lifestyle should know because the worlds not very nice and sometimes knowing something like that could be the difference between being a victim of something tragic or being the one who had a close call.

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 56

RE: Submissive beat me. - 12/1/2007 7:13:23 AM

ready4srvce4all

Posts: 767
Joined: 3/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: unforegvn

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackSakura

Serious question.
What would you do if your submissive beat the shit out you? (Including blows to the head.)

Don't bother posting smartass remarks.

I need to know what provoked the submissive into this rage before responding, share more information!

IMHO, unless it's self defense, nothing justifies someone beating another in a violent attack. Being "provoked" is no justification, and as this individual was obviously free of movement, there certainly was no need of self defense. If the submissive was that angry, leaving to cool off would have been a much more appropriate way to handle the situation.

(in reply to unforegvn)

Post #: 57

RE: Submissive beat me. - 12/2/2007 3:52:28 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

quote:

Nikolette

IMO This is incredibly ignorant of you. I'd be the first person to admit that victims need more people HELPING them and ADVOCATING for their human rights... and that the police occasionally do not aid in situations that they are in place to help with....

But there ARE resources, help... and above all..... EVERYONE, including victims have rights. Its attitudes like yours that help enable abusers and the cycle of abuse. Its terribly negligent to suggest to a victim to assult their abuser. FYI MANY abusers set up situations like that... just to get their victim to assult them back and then play the victim and use the rights and laws you act like don't exist.

Perhaps next time you should do some more research and offer up some tools or advice that WON'T revictimize the abused person.

in cases of domestic violence, especially with trans victims or those in a alternative-lifestyle (remember that bdsm and Ds are still in the closet and you can still be legally descriminated against or even prosecuted for practicing bdsm... legally, there is no consentual assault) the criminal justice system will, almost without fail, actively victimizes the victim... "innocent until proven guilty" is just that; in america you have to prove guilt, not innocence... what does this mean in action? this means that the defense gets to (often publicly) pick apart every part of your life in order to get their client off or atleast persuade you into going for a lesser charge, to sum it up this is legal blackmail

as for the original attacker pressing charges? am i the only one that sees george dubya's joining mensa as more likely than someone in texas letting it go public that he was in any type of relationship with a trans girl?

quote:

ORIGINAL: stef

Not that I ever said it did, but why bother to bring reality into this?

~stef

simple, because BlackSakura wasn't attacked by a unicorn if Fairy Land; but in the real world where the truth doesn't free you but bind you, the law doesn't work, and there are clouds everywhere that have no lining at all

what world do you live in and could you share the medication with the rest of the class?

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to Nikolette)

Post #: 58

RE: Submissive beat me. - 12/2/2007 4:55:31 PM

subspace08

Posts: 24
Joined: 11/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsLilac

As you say it was not consensual, I do not see how he could call himself submissive, by anybodies understanding of the term.

.

He was a sexual submissive. They can be, and often are--dominant outside of bed.

(in reply to MsLilac)

Post #: 59

RE: Submissive beat me. - 12/2/2007 8:12:25 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

quote:

ORIGINAL: stef

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

yes, it was a serious post

Filled with seriously bad advice.

~stef

that happens to be the only advice that works in the real world. in america, victims don't have rights; it's not nice, but it's the truth

This used to be true. However, OJ changed the playing field quite a bit especially where domestic violence is involved. Not only do most states have victim notification and statement laws now, there is a huge pool of money to help victims of crimes and dv victims in paticular to learn to live alone and get counseling to avoid being in the same situation. The last case I can recall being somewhat involved in the woman got an apartment and 6 months paid rent, a beater car, gas vouchers and quite a huge stack of household goods/groceries from local merchants. She was able to live in a secured apartment, attend group with other women in similar situations, find a job and go back to school part-time to find a better job.

The attitude of you can't change it so you might as well join it is not at all helpful to the OP. You can change it, you do deserve better. Call your local safe center/shelter and get some help. You'd be suprised at how willing people are to help.

Your statements about the court system seem to ignore the fact that dv crimes are mandatory prosecutions now as are restraining order violations. I go agree one has to weigh whether being outted would be a risk and it is possible that sexual orientation and bdsm would raise some eyebrows. However, a large majority of the progams out there are not dependent upon prosecution (at least here).

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 12/2/2007 8:19:58 PM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 60

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