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help? - 11/22/2007 9:02:25 PM   
ChibiGal


Posts: 3
Joined: 11/22/2007
Status: offline 		Howdy
my husband and i are both into BDSM i want to do it with him and we did some stuff mildly when first dating. but now he wont do it with me. at first he told me he wasnt into it anymore and now i learn that he just dosent want to do it with me. we rarley have sex anymore either we havent been married long but have been together forever. he says he cant do anything to me becaouse he loves me to much but is on here looking for a slave....any advice? i am unsure what to do i want to be his slave/sub not someone else...thank you in advance for the help!
Chibi
i forgot to add i love him with all my heart and i know he loves me i dont want to leave him if at all poosible.


< Message edited by ChibiGal -- 11/22/2007 9:12:07 PM >
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RE: help? - 11/22/2007 9:09:41 PM   
SmokingGun82


Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline 		To quote Dan Savage: DTMFA.

Dump the motherfucker already.

It's trite, and not at all insightful... but what do you want from a stranger on the internet?


_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to ChibiGal)
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RE: help? - 11/22/2007 9:31:19 PM   
ItzKat


Posts: 86
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline 		Chibi, I assume you are here because you want to save this relationship.  Here is my advice... turn off the computer and go talk to him.  Don't settle for the "I love you too much" thing.  If he really just wants to have random sex, find out.  If his needs and desires are radically different from yours, find out.  If he is just looking for a replacement, find out.  But you will not get those answers here.  You have to talke to him.  Good luck. 

_____________________________

~Kat

That which does not kill us... can really mess up our hair!

(in reply to ChibiGal)
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RE: help? - 11/22/2007 9:58:20 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		And if he won't talk about it, find a kink-friendly therapist for marriage counseling.  It's not going to change on its own.

Cali

(in reply to ItzKat)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: help? - 11/22/2007 10:16:22 PM   
rawkmehard


Posts: 43
Joined: 11/17/2007
Status: offline 		if he won't get therapy with you, then get out.

(in reply to CalifChick)
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RE: help? - 11/22/2007 11:15:18 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Been together forever and married at 19? Do not under any circumstances get pregnant.

_____________________________

Boycott Whales!

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RE: help? - 11/22/2007 11:28:55 PM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		I guess the question is.. does he need to hate his slave?

I have virtually no sadism in me whatsoever.  (I'd say "none", but there's always that possibility there's a little bit I overlook, being human 'n such.)  But I was still able to be rough on a girl I cared about back when I came to this place.  She enjoyed- or, more to the point, needed- it.

So, if he gets off on inflicting physical pain, you two can work.  If he has to actually desire malice for his partner, and he loves you.. well, that would probably lead somewhere very unhealthy.

(in reply to ChibiGal)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: help? - 11/23/2007 8:37:05 AM   
ChibiGal


Posts: 3
Joined: 11/22/2007
Status: offline 		thank you all very much for the advice ^_^

(in reply to CuriousLord)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: help? - 11/23/2007 9:37:34 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Master and I went through this. Master is a hard core sadist. There came a point just after we were married where his sadism butted up against his desire to protect me and cherish me. He compared it to enjoying beating an animal. It's something that trusts you completely, that you're there to protect and then you hurt it and enjoy it. He just felt plain guilty. It was a tough dichotomy for him. It just took a lot of talking and restarting slow to get us back to where we were. So, I would suggest sitting down and having a long talk.



< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 11/23/2007 9:39:52 AM >

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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to ChibiGal)
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RE: help? - 11/23/2007 10:15:59 AM   
Aine


Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

Been together forever and married at 19? Do not under any circumstances get pregnant.


I'd have to agree wholeheartedly on this.  There is no been together forever at 19.  Do not get pregnant.  Try to figure out whether or not this is the relationship for you.


_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: help? - 11/23/2007 10:16:08 AM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChibiGal

Howdy
my husband and i are both into BDSM i want to do it with him and we did some stuff mildly when first dating. but now he wont do it with me. at first he told me he wasnt into it anymore and now i learn that he just dosent want to do it with me. we rarley have sex anymore either we havent been married long but have been together forever. he says he cant do anything to me becaouse he loves me to much but is on here looking for a slave....any advice? i am unsure what to do i want to be his slave/sub not someone else...thank you in advance for the help!
Chibi
i forgot to add i love him with all my heart and i know he loves me i dont want to leave him if at all poosible.



He lied to you.  He has abandoned you.  Two very painful things to deal with.  Personally i would take a strong stand with him on this - me or no one, or the marriage is over.  If he's not having sex with you now - and doesn't look to correct whatever problem there is - it won't, like fine wine, get better with age.

You can love him to pieces but unless he gives YOU something YOU need - you're going to be unhappy and it will eventually erode that love.


_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to ChibiGal)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: help? - 11/23/2007 10:25:21 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChibiGal

Howdy
my husband and i are both into BDSM i want to do it with him and we did some stuff mildly when first dating. but now he wont do it with me. at first he told me he wasnt into it anymore and now i learn that he just dosent want to do it with me. we rarley have sex anymore either we havent been married long but have been together forever. he says he cant do anything to me becaouse he loves me to much but is on here looking for a slave....any advice? i am unsure what to do i want to be his slave/sub not someone else...thank you in advance for the help!
Chibi
i forgot to add i love him with all my heart and i know he loves me i dont want to leave him if at all poosible.


No offense but you came to the wrong place for marital advice. If you and your husband can not work this out between yourselves; do the right thing and say goodbye to one another.



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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to ChibiGal)
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RE: help? - 11/23/2007 10:55:41 AM   
Kaiynasha


Posts: 172
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		My opinion...communicate and counseling. However you cannot make someone do something they won't. You have to decide if your needs aremore important than your marriage. And I do not recommend cheating. If you cannot deal with his no- then move on from the relationship. But don't become manipulative or controlling. Counseling, communication, acceptance, and/or divorce

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: help? - 11/23/2007 12:02:09 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		“However, for as long as criminology has been a field of study, it has always been haunted by the theory of ‘the competent criminal.’ For obvious reasons criminologists (and psychologists and socialogists, etc.) only study failed criminals—that is, those persons whose criminal acts led to their conviction and to punishment. If there is a group of people out there who commit crimes and are not caught and live happily ever after, then criminology is not a study of criminals but of incompetents, bumblers, fuckups and should instead be called fuckupology.”
--Larry Beinhart, Wag The Dog

Sometimes, and I am not pointing fingers at anyone so no howling allowed, just sometimes a BDSM forum is not exactly the right place to go for marital advice. We are not always a hotbed of mental health.

The question I have is what is going on with the communication between the two of you that things reach the point where you are querying strangers on the internet for marital feedback?

I give no advice, I return questions with questions.


(in reply to Kaiynasha)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: help? - 11/23/2007 12:08:31 PM   
amiciaN


Posts: 228
Joined: 1/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


I give no advice, I return questions with questions.




Hello Kana--

Sometimes, the best advice one can get is from the person who simply asks the right questions.

(Please forgive the snippage of the quoted post)


_____________________________

NChaka's amicia

I have never been lifted so high as when I kneel at His feet.

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: help? - 11/23/2007 2:07:40 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Thats why I ask them.

Usually we have the answers inside of us, we just need to clear away the BS that blocks us from seing it

No forgiveness required either.

(in reply to amiciaN)
Profile   Post #: 16
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