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Exactly who are we serving? - 11/24/2007 11:47:52 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		This one is just for fun, to bring something different to the boards.
 
Here's the situation:  As many know, I have a collared submissive who is not physically 24/7.  My boy stays here with Me for My pleasure at every opportunity.
 
Last evening, he got a call from another (so called) dominant.  The reason for the call was that she wanted him to arrange a ride for her to a lifestyle event.  (She neither drives, nor owns a car.)  My boy wasn't doing anything spectacular in his service to Me, however he was here with Me, which I feel precludes all else.  Out of the blue, he starts serving her need for her little whim.  Call Me a snob, but I tend to think that a dominant (and I use the term loosely) should not depend on someone else's collared submissive to make her transportation arrangements.
 
Before I get the answers to My question, I'm going to relate My solution.  After the phone call, I had My boy kneel at My feet, and explain to him about the protocols that I have always understood to be proper.  That being, My boy is My submissive, and does not serve any others in any capacity without My expressed consent.  The two of U/us had a talk, rather than Me dispensing a punishment.  My boy is not a leather slave, but I do expect him to understand the leather lifestyle.
 
My question is this:  What would you have done in this situation?  Would you have punished for something My boy might not have the experience to understand?  Would you have directed your comments to the so called Domme?  What would have been your course in this matter?
 
I anxiously await the responses.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: Exactly who are we serving? - 11/24/2007 12:04:15 PM   
catleggs


Posts: 31
Joined: 10/24/2006
From: Gravesend, UK
Status: offline 		Hello LP,

It's a bit of a sticky one to answer because everyone will have a different ocurse of action.  In any event, I'll share my opinion. lol
As for punishment, well, that one is up to you and how you fell about the situation.  If it was warrented, what kind of punishment, and of course how severe.  I read where you said he may be inexperienced to understand.  Fair enough.

The way I see it if he is collared logic would dictate that he answer to no other without your permission.  That said, since the misdeed was done, I would not convey my thoughts to the dominant directly, I would, rather, make him explain to the dominant, his situation (that he IS collared and answers to you).  This will not only have a touch of humiliation but hopefully cement in his mind that you are the one in control and he is not to take things upon himself without your expressed aproval. 
After that, any punishment or if you punish is purly a personal desire.  Myself, I would punish, but hey, I'm a bitch like that.  lol

Cat

< Message edited by catleggs -- 11/24/2007 12:08:02 PM >

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RE: Exactly who are we serving? - 11/24/2007 12:04:32 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		You are a very calm lady!  Personally, I might have just ripped the phone right out of his hand!

Your boy is YOUR boy.  As such, if someone else wants his services (outside of his immediate family) they should be asking YOU if they can make use of him.   If someone asks him to do something, he should be saying, "I have to ask Lady Pact".  (and I am sure you understand that I am not talking about trivial stuff like fetching drinks and hanging up guests' coats). 

Since your boy is new, I would have gone the discussion route, but at the same time, I think I would reinforce the notions of WHO he is serving and where he falls on the chain of command.  It might have been perfectly fine for him to drive that other lady to an event, but he should have asked first.   In my mind, that kind of thing should be self-evident, even for someone who is not a leather person (as I am).  Certainly there are many things that come with experience, and slip-ups happen, but even small disloyalties should be promptly dealt with.

As for the other dominant, dealing with her next request by routing it through you should give her the hint. 

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RE: Exactly who are we serving? - 11/24/2007 12:16:40 PM   
MamaDomme


Posts: 283
Joined: 12/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

This one is just for fun, to bring something different to the boards.
 
Here's the situation:  As many know, I have a collared submissive who is not physically 24/7.  My boy stays here with Me for My pleasure at every opportunity.
 
Last evening, he got a call from another (so called) dominant.  The reason for the call was that she wanted him to arrange a ride for her to a lifestyle event.  (She neither drives, nor owns a car.)  My boy wasn't doing anything spectacular in his service to Me, however he was here with Me, which I feel precludes all else.  Out of the blue, he starts serving her need for her little whim.  Call Me a snob, but I tend to think that a dominant (and I use the term loosely) should not depend on someone else's collared submissive to make her transportation arrangements.
 
Before I get the answers to My question, I'm going to relate My solution.  After the phone call, I had My boy kneel at My feet, and explain to him about the protocols that I have always understood to be proper.  That being, My boy is My submissive, and does not serve any others in any capacity without My expressed consent.  The two of U/us had a talk, rather than Me dispensing a punishment.  My boy is not a leather slave, but I do expect him to understand the leather lifestyle.
 
My question is this:  What would you have done in this situation?  Would you have punished for something My boy might not have the experience to understand?  Would you have directed your comments to the so called Domme?  What would have been your course in this matter?
 
I anxiously await the responses.


I'd have choked him with that collar!

Ok, not really.  Seriously, he is collared to you?  And is also serving another?  I just don't get that concept.  If I have one collared, they are not serving any others unless it is at my express direction.  Period.  But that's just me.  I like to keep my toys to myself.

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RE: Exactly who are we serving? - 11/24/2007 12:23:20 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
Was the dominant on the phone interacting with him in a dominant/submissive dynamic? Does he have a crush on her?
Or was she just some schmoe who needed help with a ride? Would he have done the same for a male dominant?
Would you have been as upset if a female submissive was calling for help with a ride?
Was he speaking to her as a submissive, or as a male friend?
Those are the kinds of things that would impact my emotional reaction to the situation.

Akasha


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RE: Exactly who are we serving? - 11/24/2007 1:08:54 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


Was the dominant on the phone interacting with him in a dominant/submissive dynamic? Does he have a crush on her?
Or was she just some schmoe who needed help with a ride? Would he have done the same for a male dominant?
Would you have been as upset if a female submissive was calling for help with a ride?
Was he speaking to her as a submissive, or as a male friend?
Those are the kinds of things that would impact my emotional reaction to the situation.

Akasha



Yeah, those are good questions.

Personally I cover this sort of thing in training. While it is lovely to be helpful to the community any and all help must be cleared with me first before offered. Also I tend to train my slaves and submissives to stand up for themselves so if someone said "Hey arrange me a ride" they reply "You'll need to talk to my trainer/owner first, excuse now" and move on or if it's on the phone add "You may want to call her or send her an email unless you'd like me to see if she's accepting calls right now" -- my bet is that this stops anyone who wants to make a move on another person's sub or slave. If someone really needs help, they should have interacted enough with my household to know that I'm the person you call here -- not Tom, not Fox, not any other sub or slave, but me for anything.

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RE: Exactly who are we serving? - 11/24/2007 1:30:47 PM   
ShaktiSama


Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline 		Sticky wicket there.  There is a fine line between a man's submissive nature per se and his simple generosity and good nature. Helping an acquaintance get a ride to an event, be it male/female dom or sub, does not necessarily qualify as "service" in the "service to Mistress" sense of the word--but it might.  Certainly it would be this ambiguity that the other domme was playing on, when she was asking him for favors.

I would tend to react pretty strongly if I thought another domme was trying to poach on my preserve.  We all know that the female-dominant male-submissive dynamic often operates in more than one category of a man's life.  It can exist in his relationship with family members, it can exist in his relationship to women at work, it can exist in his friendships.  If we don't put a foot down firmly, a male submissive's Mom/Sis/boss and "friends" can run him ragged, and give him not nearly enough time to serve our own needs and whims.   

Very good to have a talk with your boy.  If it was me, I'd have a talk with the woman too.  If she wants to call someone to ask for a favor, the person who gets the phone call is YOU.  If you choose to use your boy as an instrument to help others--fine and dandy.  But it's rude to pick up someone else's toys and tools and use them without permission. 



< Message edited by ShaktiSama -- 11/24/2007 1:32:00 PM >

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RE: Exactly who are we serving? - 11/24/2007 1:38:47 PM   
aidan


Posts: 904
Joined: 5/28/2005
Status: offline 		Coming from the other side of the paddle...

If he was doing something as a friend, well, he still should have made that clear I think, since he is visitng you and it's not just his time, it's yours too. It would just be courteous to ask.

If he was doing it in the framework of a Domiannt/submissive thing...I know I'd expect some kind of punishment/redirection (once I got my proper wits about me again). I personally think catleggs idea of having him go to the other dominant and explain why he couldn't do that is a great idea. It should reinforce the situation and lesson he needs to learn very well.



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RE: Exactly who are we serving? - 11/24/2007 1:38:53 PM   
undinerising


Posts: 36
Joined: 11/16/2007
Status: offline 		I'd have been inclined to think that he was just being helpful- not necessarily acting in deliberate service to this other domme. Explaining what you'd want him to do if she called with requests again is where I would have started, too- and I think if I were you, I'd maybe have a quiet word with this woman about more appropriate channels of communication... Or at least, mention 'My boy is at my place during [whatever time], and if you want to reach him then you should contact me first'.

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RE: Exactly who are we serving? - 11/24/2007 1:54:28 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Bottom line: If I wanted the services of a collared submissive, I'd call the Dominant and ask if I could borrow them for a moment and explain why. If the answer was no, I'd need no explanation for the no. To call the sub directly, unless I've been given permission to do so, and to have them do something for me is rude and bad manners.

Master Fire


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RE: Exactly who are we serving? - 11/24/2007 3:35:08 PM   
rob425


Posts: 154
Joined: 12/1/2005
Status: offline 		Personally I have never been in this situation but in my personal definition of "collar" it's just like any other serious commited relationship. Like in a vanilla sense if I was in a serious long term relationship living with my girlfriend i think they would be quite pissed if some other girl called me for a ride and I would be expected to decline. After all by giving the other girl the service of a ride is service that I believe should be spent on serious girlfriend...I can only think of one girl that I would want to be able to give a ride to if i was in a relationship but she has been my best friend since high school.

I hope the analogy makes sense.

As for punishment I think you handled it right by explainning the protocol you both hold in your relationship. If this was the first time I would think you gave him quite the verbal warning....If it happens again I know for me increase collar protocol would be decent punishment. For example, last relationship I was required to wear a necklace with Quagmyr's BDSM charm in public. Once for punishment I did have to wear my leather play collar on in public

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RE: Exactly who are we serving? - 11/24/2007 3:50:19 PM   
beeble


Posts: 799
Joined: 5/25/2005
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

rob425 wrote: Like in a vanilla sense if I was in a serious long term relationship living with my girlfriend i think they would be quite pissed if some other girl called me for a ride and I would be expected to decline. [...] I hope the analogy makes sense.

It makes sense but I don't think it's a good analogy.  In a vanilla context, there's no reason whatsoever why somebody with a girlfriend shouldn't have other female friends and shouldn't do occasional favours for them if asked.  Of course, if the guy has plans to be with his girlfriend or is hanging out with her at the time when the favour is needed, he should ask her first, before saying yes.

The complicating factors here are that the sub in question was hanging out with his Domme and that it's unclear whether he was just doing a favour for the other Domme or actually serving her.

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RE: Exactly who are we serving? - 11/24/2007 3:57:47 PM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		Does the other Domme know about you ? if so I agree with Master Fire .
Your umm sub however  needs some ignore time to ponder his detication and desision  making ,your with him he is with you , it was your time  together and he made a very poor choice   , very disrespectful .though you say he may not know  protocols you would think his detication and desires should be tward pleasing you all around .well this would be one way for him to learn .
Best wishes Lady Pact

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RE: Exactly who are we serving? - 11/24/2007 3:57:58 PM   
rob425


Posts: 154
Joined: 12/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: beeble

quote:

rob425 wrote: Like in a vanilla sense if I was in a serious long term relationship living with my girlfriend i think they would be quite pissed if some other girl called me for a ride and I would be expected to decline. [...] I hope the analogy makes sense.

It makes sense but I don't think it's a good analogy.  In a vanilla context, there's no reason whatsoever why somebody with a girlfriend shouldn't have other female friends and shouldn't do occasional favours for them if asked.  Of course, if the guy has plans to be with his girlfriend or is hanging out with her at the time when the favour is needed, he should ask her first, before saying yes.

The complicating factors here are that the sub in question was hanging out with his Domme and that it's unclear whether he was just doing a favour for the other Domme or actually serving her.

I see your point. But I guess i didn't word it clearly that it seems from the phone call that he dropped everything he was doing to be this other dominant's/ possible chauffeur for the night. Personally before agreeing in both a vanilla and D/s setting I would of asked my partner before i agreed to give a ride. Maybe it's when I sawe the recipient of the ride being labeled as "dominant I feel that is stepping on someone elses turf 

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RE: Exactly who are we serving? - 11/24/2007 3:59:24 PM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		I'm amazed at this woman choosing to contact him and not you for this favour. Extremely bad mannered.

He should have been aware of this most basic of rules. Collared is collared, the end.

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RE: Exactly who are we serving? - 11/24/2007 4:14:43 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Hi Lady P. presumably You told him what was expected of him when he was collared. He should even have asked Your permission to talk to the other Lady on the phone. he should also have asked permission to be able to assist Her.

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RE: Exactly who are we serving? - 11/24/2007 5:22:31 PM   
JoyfulMistress


Posts: 628
Joined: 10/31/2007
Status: offline 		Each relationship is different and thus only You can determine what was the proper thing to do with your submissive...
Now with that being said I would have had a few choice words with the other Woman to help Her see the error that She may or may not have tripped over. There is nothing wrong with a bit of "dressing down" if it is called for and if she knew of Your collar she should have contacted You prior to Your sub.
Just My two cents


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RE: Exactly who are we serving? - 11/24/2007 5:42:21 PM   
stevepops


Posts: 41
Joined: 11/12/2004
Status: offline 		Sounds a little bit out of line to me.

I our household the sub/slaves have to surrender their cells when reporting for service. Then I will screen the calls - under full discretion of course. There could be incoming emergency calls that should not be missed.

As for discussion protocol/teaching rules I tend to end such discussion with at least 10 cane stroke to re-enforce / remind the sub/slave that the rules are to obeyed and measures will be taken if rules are broken.

SP

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RE: Exactly who are we serving? - 11/24/2007 5:44:40 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Is the other domme hotter than you?  You know what....I would be fucking pissed...But then again I would never get involved with someone who is so dumb or so self centered or so oblivious to common courtesy....Pick any one of the three....Looks like you got yourself a keeper!!

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RE: Exactly who are we serving? - 11/24/2007 9:01:58 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Just checking back in My own thread.  As a side note, LadyH, you literally made Me laugh out loud here at the computer.  Thank you everyone for your responses as well.  Even you, Domiguy.  My sub will be reading this thread before going to sleep tonight.  I think it will help to reaffirm what W/we talked about.
 


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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