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Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/24/2007 12:59:05 PM

ChicagoOwner

Posts: 1
Joined: 2/11/2007
Status: offline

I think perhaps what I am looking for is not realistic as I have not been able to find anyone who seems ready to committ. There are so many game players that need to get weeded through that I think the real slaves get missed. I am honest and sincere and truely looking for one slave who is ready to serve me. Part of the problem is that I push hard initially trying to find out if a prospective slave is real or not. I am not sure how else to weed out all of the fakes. I am also very interested in a prospective slaves "vanilla" interests such as reading, music...maybe I am wrong but I want a well rounded slave. Someone I can actually talk to once in a while.

I am not violent or into big extremes or edge play.

I believe I am just venting a bit but I am open to suggestions as well. It shouldn't be this hard.

I hope everyone had a great holiday.

Post #: 1

RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/24/2007 1:22:18 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

Part of your problem may be that some of us are taking more than one sub off the market.

(in reply to ChicagoOwner)

Post #: 2

RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/24/2007 1:25:19 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Well, I have two suggestions. Not sure if they are important enough to really help, but they cannot hurt. The first suggestion is to change the opening sentence in your profile. It is a negative sentence, and you don't want to project negativity. The second is to consider taking out the cryptic reference to Bill W. You can discuss that later. I'm not saying to hide something, I'm saying that I don't think it's necessary to throw that out there in the profile.

One thing to remember... why should it be any easier to find someone in this life than in the vanilla world? And since you're looking for a subset of women, the pool of candidates will be smaller. You stated in your profile that you don't like the local BDSM community. Is there a reason? Did something happen? Or do you just not want to get to know them? I was thinking that would be a good thing to get into, as the percentage of people there who are real who definitely be higher than the percentage of people online who are real.

My advice and $4.50 will get you a coffee at Starbucks.

Cali

(in reply to ChicagoOwner)

Post #: 3

RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/24/2007 1:41:42 PM

Shawn1066

Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

Why? Because nothing in life worth having is obtained easily, as they say... I think it's admirable that you're looking for somebody and thinking about the "vanilla" aspect of their lives as well. I'm sure the most amazing, experienced slave in the entire world wouldn't be worth too much if she/he happens to be as boring as a stump outside of the lifestyle.

My Owner always says that she finds things when she stops looking. It just tends to kind of fall in her lap, strangely...me included.

Maybe you shouldn't stress about it for a while and just relax, as frustrating as that may be.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 4

RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/24/2007 1:44:50 PM

rawkmehard

Posts: 43
Joined: 11/17/2007
Status: offline

the same can be asked of the search for the right Dominant.

i have a friend who says relationships are all about the right balanced of f***ed up.

he means that it's NOT just about any one area working well. i'm sure if i just wanted a one-night stand, even a kinky one, i'd just have to answer a profile or two, and get what i temporarily want.

but if you're looking for more, would you really want to settle just because some things work, but many don't? hm...yes, the more i think of things that way, the less content i am to settle.

if you're really looking for 'the one', you have to sort out the vast majority of average people in the bell-shaped curve to find the outlier that fits you best. (okay, i just got all statistics-geeky, i apologize-but i hope you catch my drift)

(in reply to Shawn1066)

Post #: 5

RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/24/2007 1:57:14 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

What kind of effort woud you be making if you were looking for a vanilla partner? How long would you be willing to wait until you found someone who matched you? Would you complain about how hard it is to find a good woman/man in a dating scenario? It's the same things here. Being Ds or Ms doesn't make it different all of a suddent when talking about the basic relationship.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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(in reply to ChicagoOwner)

Post #: 6

RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/24/2007 1:57:47 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChicagoOwner

I think perhaps what I am looking for is not realistic as I have not been able to find anyone who seems ready to committ. There are so many game players that need to get weeded through that I think the real slaves get missed. I am honest and sincere and truely looking for one slave who is ready to serve me. Part of the problem is that I push hard initially trying to find out if a prospective slave is real or not. I am not sure how else to weed out all of the fakes. I am also very interested in a prospective slaves "vanilla" interests such as reading, music...maybe I am wrong but I want a well rounded slave. Someone I can actually talk to once in a while.

I am not violent or into big extremes or edge play.

I believe I am just venting a bit but I am open to suggestions as well. It shouldn't be this hard.

I hope everyone had a great holiday.

I am for sure not a fake...but I wouldn't like it if I was "pushed hard" right off the bat...that seems very counter productive.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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(in reply to ChicagoOwner)

Post #: 7

RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/24/2007 2:07:10 PM

MsBearlee

Posts: 1032
Joined: 2/15/2006
Status: offline

Well, I for one feel your pain. I live in a very rural part of Colorado so I understand part of my problem is just ‘numbers’. Still, that so many submissive men I run into seem only to want a caricature of what I believe could be real, or are real themselves but looking to play or scene for the instant gratification of tonight…rather than spending time establishing a relationship.

I, too, want a well-rounded person, someone with whom I share many interests; someone with whom I can talk.

As a female dominant who finds pushy submissives a pain in the butt, perhaps some submissives find Dom/mes who push submission too soon, also a pain.

To me, the exchange of power takes some time to establish. I don’t enjoy those who push for instant D/s any more than I enjoy those who push for instant sex. Relationships are built over time and that time is what gives trust a chance to grow and the exchange of power to take hold.

I just wish I could tell some people to just take their time, be patient, and to let things unfold in their own good time. It could be some find your hard pushing is a test for submission which they have not offered. I have found that even when the exchange of power begins, it takes still more time before even those who want to give total control feel comfortable enough to let go totally.

Beverly

_____________________________

A must read for submissives! (click here)

This one, as well!

(in reply to ChicagoOwner)

Post #: 8

RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/24/2007 6:19:02 PM

rubberpet

Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline

The same thing can be said to finding the right dominant. I know before I found my Goddess, I spoke to a few dommes who were no better than space cadets. How some of these ever identified themselves as dommes, I'll never know. They would complain how they never could find a worthy slave, yet they wouldn't respond to letters I wrote. I found out that persistence pays off, though. Just be resilient. In fact, the goddess I call Mistress was a bit distant with me at first, going several days before responding to e-mails I sent. Any other person would have done that and I would have told them to piss off, but this girl just seemed special...and damn, was I right!

My advice to you is to just approach a potential sub as if you were trying to ask her for coffee. I think you should leave dominance at the door and talk to her like a woman. Just get to know her. After a few conversations, the things you learn about her will get more in-depth. Don't rush things. Just build a rapport with her. If there is chemistry to build on, you'll discover it right off. Before you can be their dom, you have to be their friend first...but that's just my opinion.

_____________________________

Collared and devoted property of Mistress Lorelei (vampchick88) as of 3/26/08.

Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.

(in reply to MsBearlee)

Post #: 9

RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/24/2007 6:24:48 PM

DarkDaddyZ

Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline

It's frustrating sometimes to desire a power exchange relationship and searching via the internet. It can be even more so if you are searching both via the net and your local community. Relationships take work and find the right one is the first step. You have to accept that it will take sometime. However you also need to accept you limit yourself more and more by cutting yourself off by not going to local community events.

I'm not the biggest fan of all local community events but I try to support some of them and expect those in my life to do the same.

Good luck to you!

Z-

_____________________________

"Flirting is part of the job description." DJ Jesus (Lucy Daughter Of The Devil)

Vanilla Official Music Page http://www.myspace.com/djzulu

(in reply to rubberpet)

Post #: 10

RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/24/2007 7:15:03 PM

southernhart

Posts: 120
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline

i searched for ten long hard years before i found him, and boy was he worth the wait. i never gave up and i refused to submit to anyone until i found my Sir. i am so glad i waited and so is he. So don't give up. Alo when you ask for petite women you exclude 75 percent of the female popualtion. Most women no mattter what their size think they are fat. So by you asking for a certain body type it intimidates and eliminates many fine females.

_____________________________

i am the proud property of Johnr. i belong to him and only to him. i love, treasure and worship him. i submit freely to him every day of my life.

(in reply to DarkDaddyZ)

Post #: 11

RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/24/2007 7:24:41 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

I see you have been on her for about 9 months...many have searched for a couple of years or more..Your location is excellent however, as Chicago has from what I understand a good BDSM community, but!..You seem to forsake that possibility, which could in fact be hindering you to a more longer search..You also state certain criteria that limits your pool of choices..but again your location is optimal, unlike those in the boondocks of the U.S....As others have pointed out, you may think you are eliminating the fakes with being "tougher" at first,but you also may be eliminating that which you seek as well..Keep in mind a sub or slave should and must choose wisely, they have to know that you have a good balance within you. They are not yours to manipulate or test until you and she agree to whatever dynamic you both desire..In other words..get to know them first before you think "fake"...and go from there..also I may add that you mentioned you have had a slave in the past..try not to compare what you had to what may be in front of you..no 2 sub/slaves are alike..after all would you wish to be compared to a previous Dominant?..I wish you well..Tempting

_____________________________

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You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to ChicagoOwner)

Post #: 12

RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/24/2007 7:46:38 PM

secretagentgirl

Posts: 70
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline

Why do you think that everyone who doesn't fully follow through with you is a "game player"? Maybe in the end, they just don't connect with you. There may be something about you that rubs people the wrong way, or as many others pointed out, it just takes time to find the right one. It takes time in a vanilla relationship and I imagine that when you are looking for a petitie TPE slave the pickin's are a lot slimmer. Just stats, pure and simple.
Although losing the grungy white tube socks probably wouldn't hurt your cause.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 13

RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/24/2007 8:06:44 PM

honeybunch06

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/13/2007
Status: offline

i tend to agree with some of the others here...just takes time. It is equally hard to find the right Dominant. i tend to expect quite a bit from prospective Dominants at the beginning also. i figure that if this is their best...because they are trying to 'win' me..then it better be pretty good. If He is not putting in some effort, not trying to get to know ME, not spending time exploring me (mentally)...then..does He really want me? Or does He just want to get inside my clothes? And, how much can i truly know about Him if we don't spend time together? So, i expect a lot at the beginning to. Game players won't go for my 3-date rule too often..so that is one way to weed them out! Must kiss wayyyy too many toads before finding Mr Right Dom.
~~honey~~~

(in reply to secretagentgirl)

Post #: 14

RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/24/2007 9:33:40 PM

Sirsinini

Posts: 172
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChicagoOwner

I think perhaps what I am looking for is not realistic as I have not been able to find anyone who seems ready to committ. There are so many game players that need to get weeded through that I think the real slaves get missed. I am honest and sincere and truely looking for one slave who is ready to serve me. Part of the problem is that I push hard initially trying to find out if a prospective slave is real or not. I am not sure how else to weed out all of the fakes. I am also very interested in a prospective slaves "vanilla" interests such as reading, music...maybe I am wrong but I want a well rounded slave. Someone I can actually talk to once in a while.

I am not violent or into big extremes or edge play.

I believe I am just venting a bit but I am open to suggestions as well. It shouldn't be this hard.

I hope everyone had a great holiday.

I am for sure not a fake...but I wouldn't like it if I was "pushed hard" right off the bat...that seems very counter productive.

I totally agree....
If I were pushed hard at the beginning, I'd think a prospective dom to be be like that always ~~ sort of a bully type.

Finding the balance and weeding out those you dont find acceptable is a process and you might have shoved the right one out with your bully approach.

Sir's devoted property

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 15

RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/25/2007 4:50:11 AM

DaisyDestruction

Posts: 8
Joined: 11/13/2007
From: New Orleans
Status: offline

Nothing worth having is easy. It needs to be hard so that you can appreciate how special it is when you find it.

Perhaps, if you were more open to changing yourself as well as others, you'd find a better pool of candidates. I'm not saying that you're not open to change, but the people who come across as the most flexible and interested in personal growth are often the most attractive to others. A good sub is just as demanding of their dom/me as the dom/me is of the sub, albeit in different ways.

(in reply to Sirsinini)

Post #: 16

RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/25/2007 5:09:02 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

Sometimes people want to arrive at the destination without having to take the journey. Examine whether or not you are doing this before you proceed.

While i have never once in my life been approached at a munch or demo or other event, it may be that i'm not physically what a Dominant would seek at first glance but am probably very much what a Dominant would consider ideal had he taken the time to know me.

It it knowing yourself, knowing what is important to you and then taking the necessary steps to find what you seek and not worry so much about how difficult it is. It's not easy in the vanilla world and it's not easy here either but it happens often enough that you should be encouraged. Good luck to you.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to ChicagoOwner)

Post #: 17

RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/25/2007 5:52:50 AM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

Ask your lifestyle friends to give you an honest assessment of your personality. Could it be that you're driving away subs without realizing it?

One small suggestion from your profile - your picture is a first impression. My first impression of your picture, while you are good-looking, is that you are way too casual. Your profile, if you are looking for someone, is supposed to sell you.

The first thing is the socks. Very shlumpery. And then all that stuff competing for attention in the background. Try a different pose in a different place and get something more welcoming instead of something that looks so lazy.

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 18

RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/25/2007 6:38:10 AM

wisteriaV

Posts: 438
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline

I looked for a Master for well over five years before I met Vanatru here on collar me. Then I had to chase him for six months before he would even say hi to me outside of a chat room. He and I will be together real time three years 12/19 and the search was well worth it.

_____________________________

Every story has two sides , much like a coin and neither one is totally perfect.
If it doesn't float your boat, then don't get in the water~!

(in reply to batshalom)

Post #: 19

RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/25/2007 6:56:01 AM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

Patience-Rome wasn't built in a day.

_____________________________

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(in reply to ChicagoOwner)

Post #: 20

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