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RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/25/2007 6:59:47 AM

KyttynTheMynx

Posts: 4880
Joined: 5/10/2006
From: Moosecrotch, Va
Status: offline

Like my dad always told me "you can either do it right, or do it quick. cant have it both ways" Doing it right consists of finding who completes you. Doing it quick consists of blindfolding yourself, putting a list of names on a dart board, and going from there.

_____________________________

Hibbie's Hottie

The next time you think I give a fuck, remember the 3 F's... Unless you are Feeding me, Financing me, or Fucking me, I don't give a fuck!!

"Kyttyn: The Other White Meat!" - DRH

10 Miles of Hot Chocolate Lovin'.

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 21

RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/25/2007 7:37:39 AM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

I found my first slave when I was ten. I've been looking for the right one ever since.
I only found out about the BDSM community a few years ago.
Was I naive lol.
All you can do is live your life to the best of your ability and keep an open mind about everyone you meet.
Lots of people find their partners in vanilla life especially if their needs are not very extreme or sometimes even if they are.

(in reply to KyttynTheMynx)

Post #: 22

RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/25/2007 8:08:54 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Great submissives/slaves are made not found. It always amazes me with how supposed "training" goes on and then the moment someone actually has to work on or be patient with someone, they become fake/gamer/whatever!

Great dominants don't have to bark orders either. Ask submissives who aren't yours how they feel about that. Trust me, when you develop your skills and can project your energy, they fall all over themselves to do things for you. Order them to do the same things early on and poof, you just became an asshole.

One doesn't beat and or punish someone into surrendering their power, you have to inspire them to hand it over. You do that by not only working on yourself, training yourself, but by respecting them, providing a safe and NURTURING place for them to be. Sadly, few people can create such a safe and nurturing place but do that and 90% of your work is done because a submissive/slave in such a place will want to do/try anything to please you.

That last 10% is where patience comes in. Their first attempts, like all first attempts will be far from perfect. Idiots punish them for "failing" to be perfect rather than praising them for trying (thus wanting them to try OTHER things, oh boy!) in such a way that they want to try again and that is when you help them do it a LITTLE better (in a chunk they can manage) until one day, her serve, her morning blowjob, her attitude is perfect.

My woman "fails" me all the time is how many would look at it but they would be fools. Every day she is better for me than the day before, she is already a different woman than the one I met. She has done things for me that she would have left me over earlier on. I don't think I would run out of fingers if I counted how many times I have punished her and I couldn't count how many times I have praised her.

It helps to start with good material but great slaves/submissives are made.

(in reply to lateralist1)

Post #: 23

RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/25/2007 8:52:26 AM

Solipsistic

Posts: 50
Joined: 10/19/2007
Status: offline

Great post, SimplyMichael. Very well said and appreciated.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 24

RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/25/2007 10:00:03 AM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

quote:

As others have pointed out, you may think you are eliminating the fakes with being "tougher" at first,but you also may be eliminating that which you seek as well..Keep in mind a sub or slave should and must choose wisely, they have to know that you have a good balance within you. They are not yours to manipulate or test until you and she agree to whatever dynamic you both desire..In other words..get to know them first before you think "fake"...and go from there.

For myself starting out as a new sub with no experience those that came on agressively ended up scaring the heck out of me, one is now getting a second chance but lost a few months because I ended up turning to a dom that was willing to take his time , do lots of explaining, and earned my trust. I now have some experience but still am a novice and I have made it clear to him that if he pushes too hard like he did in the past before I am comfortable and can trust him chances are I will end up seeking someone else again who will be more patient, It does not make me a fake for not being able to jump right in but wise enough to recognize that I was not ready to be bullied or pushed that I needed a foundation laid first if I was going to be able to grow and enjoy the lifestyle.

Nearly one-fifth of women (18 percent) reported experiencing a completed or attempted rape at some time in their lives; one in 33 men (three percent) reported experiencing a completed or attempted rape at some time in their lives.33
In 2000, 48 percent of the rapes/sexual assaults committed against people age 12 and over were reported to the police.34

According to these statistic on rape alone and does not include other forms of abuse of 36 % of women will be raped (18% are report, 52% are not) I can't find supporting evidence right now but had heard once that close to 80% of females will be abused by the time they reach 25 years old That is a good reason alone why women expecially those willing to submit would be very wary and may take off running if someone tries push /pressure them before they have a chance to get to know/trust that person.

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 25

RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/25/2007 10:03:22 AM

DrkJourney

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChicagoOwner

I think perhaps what I am looking for is not realistic as I have not been able to find anyone who seems ready to committ. There are so many game players that need to get weeded through that I think the real slaves get missed. I am honest and sincere and truely looking for one slave who is ready to serve me. Part of the problem is that I push hard initially trying to find out if a prospective slave is real or not. I am not sure how else to weed out all of the fakes. I am also very interested in a prospective slaves "vanilla" interests such as reading, music...maybe I am wrong but I want a well rounded slave. Someone I can actually talk to once in a while.

I am not violent or into big extremes or edge play.

I believe I am just venting a bit but I am open to suggestions as well. It shouldn't be this hard.

I hope everyone had a great holiday.

hmmm...seems like you are the male version of me...lol If you ever find the right "radar" let me know and be sure to share...lol

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....

(in reply to ChicagoOwner)

Post #: 26

RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/25/2007 1:45:39 PM

OscarHargraves

Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline

If it was easy then anybody could do it. No challenge, no reward.

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to ChicagoOwner)

Post #: 27

RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/25/2007 5:28:55 PM

Baroque

Posts: 38
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Great submissives/slaves are made not found. It always amazes me with how supposed "training" goes on and then the moment someone actually has to work on or be patient with someone, they become fake/gamer/whatever!

Great dominants don't have to bark orders either. Ask submissives who aren't yours how they feel about that. Trust me, when you develop your skills and can project your energy, they fall all over themselves to do things for you. Order them to do the same things early on and poof, you just became an asshole.

One doesn't beat and or punish someone into surrendering their power, you have to inspire them to hand it over. You do that by not only working on yourself, training yourself, but by respecting them, providing a safe and NURTURING place for them to be. Sadly, few people can create such a safe and nurturing place but do that and 90% of your work is done because a submissive/slave in such a place will want to do/try anything to please you.

That last 10% is where patience comes in. Their first attempts, like all first attempts will be far from perfect. Idiots punish them for "failing" to be perfect rather than praising them for trying (thus wanting them to try OTHER things, oh boy!) in such a way that they want to try again and that is when you help them do it a LITTLE better (in a chunk they can manage) until one day, her serve, her morning blowjob, her attitude is perfect.

My woman "fails" me all the time is how many would look at it but they would be fools. Every day she is better for me than the day before, she is already a different woman than the one I met. She has done things for me that she would have left me over earlier on. I don't think I would run out of fingers if I counted how many times I have punished her and I couldn't count how many times I have praised her.

It helps to start with good material but great slaves/submissives are made.

Absolutely inspirational.
Thank you.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 28

RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/26/2007 1:53:49 AM

subspace08

Posts: 24
Joined: 11/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Well, I have two suggestions. Not sure if they are important enough to really help, but they cannot hurt. The first suggestion is to change the opening sentence in your profile. It is a negative sentence, and you don't want to project negativity. The second is to consider taking out the cryptic reference to Bill W. You can discuss that later. I'm not saying to hide something, I'm saying that I don't think it's necessary to throw that out there in the profile.

One thing to remember... why should it be any easier to find someone in this life than in the vanilla world? And since you're looking for a subset of women, the pool of candidates will be smaller. You stated in your profile that you don't like the local BDSM community. Is there a reason? Did something happen? Or do you just not want to get to know them? I was thinking that would be a good thing to get into, as the percentage of people there who are real who definitely be higher than the percentage of people online who are real.

My advice and $4.50 will get you a coffee at Starbucks.

Cali

I agree with this. Expecially with what she said about the community.

I want to add something too. In my opinion a tpe "slave" is a extremely rare thing. The majority of us are submissives. Not everyone looks at this the way I do, but all my studies of what a slave is vs. submissive led me to this conclusion.

Many submissives (myself included) like to play at being slaves and fantasize about being one. The less educated submissive might call themselves slave, but are subs. The actual slave is so rare and so in demand that they all belong to very wealthy men(or should).

When I read someone is looking for a slave...I always think 'good luck'

So in answer to your question...yes it is susposed to be hard. It is going to be hard no matter how good your profile.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 29

RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/26/2007 8:02:05 AM

slavemaia

Posts: 395
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChicagoOwner

I think perhaps what I am looking for is not realistic as I have not been able to find anyone who seems ready to committ. There are so many game players that need to get weeded through that I think the real slaves get missed. I am honest and sincere and truely looking for one slave who is ready to serve me. Part of the problem is that I push hard initially trying to find out if a prospective slave is real or not. I am not sure how else to weed out all of the fakes. I am also very interested in a prospective slaves "vanilla" interests such as reading, music...maybe I am wrong but I want a well rounded slave. Someone I can actually talk to once in a while.

I am not violent or into big extremes or edge play.

I believe I am just venting a bit but I am open to suggestions as well. It shouldn't be this hard.

I hope everyone had a great holiday.

In my own experience and in talking with other subs and slaves, one thing can be overlooked by Dominants when they're searching and even in the beginning of the dynamic, there's no such thing as "instant sub" or "instant slave". i was told repeatedly "you're not really a sub" because i wasn't inclined to obey instantly. Even bottoming for an evening takes a certain degree of trust in the Top.

You're seeking a slave, that's a deep level of surrender, so how much time and energy are you willing to invest in a submissive's potential? Rather than conclude that a person is a "player" because she won't submit to you immediately, why not show her what a wonderful Dominant you would be, show her through your intelligence, your understanding of a submissive nature, how she would be very safe with you. Give her time to learn about you as a person first. Win her over rather than demand immediate compliance. Give her reason to crave submitting to you.

i don't know about others, but for me, real surrender to my Master has been a process of evolving, not instantaneous. Going through the actions of submitting and really submitting are quite different. You may succeed in finding a sub who will obey you immediately, but what do you have? Who do you have in your charge?

_____________________________

She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.
slave to love - - Chairman's maia

(in reply to ChicagoOwner)

Post #: 30

RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/26/2007 8:16:18 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

Negativity will always turn off others no matter the reason why or how you think it is justified.

Absolutely no one wants to deal with issues from complete strangers. Pushing to weed out fakes is basically on my end saying every person you write you are telling them they are guilty of being fake until proven innocent. Does that sound attractive?

Women on sites like this are not lacking in choices. Despite what men who live in isolation want to believe not all the other men are dangerous wannabe losers. I think most women who feel their sincerity is being questioned by a complete stranger will simply hit the delete button and move on.

Treat submissive women like you would want to be treated. If a woman wrote you and either in her message and/or profile was overtly negative and whether directly or indirectly inferred that you were a fake, what would be your reaction when you had more other women that you could actually have time to communicate with that were positive and did not accuse you of being fake waiting in your inbox?

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to ChicagoOwner)

Post #: 31

RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/26/2007 9:28:32 AM

osocurious

Posts: 676
Joined: 11/2/2007
Status: offline

This ENTIRE thread has been Well Worth the time spent!!
What terrific information for A/anyone seeking the O/other!!

I just want to add that as a submissive woman "seeking" ..
There's nothing that hurts or angers me more then when a Master or Dom contacts me ... shaking His tit clamps, cracking His whip, clutching his 3 inch hard on … letting me know how my life … Starting This VERY Moment .. will NOW be about complete and Literal Servitude to HIM … in Every Possible way!!!!
Commanding me to kneel … except His collar, and begin Immediate Worship of Him!!

And when I back up with an ..… "…erm … excuse me?? … and I will want to become Your Total R/T slave … Forever … because??????"

I'm the one who’s labeled a fake.
*frustrated sighs*

I have no M/s … D/s … or BDSM experience at all to draw on here … but I am “seeking” and enjoying the “learning process” as I go ….. But all this is just to say ….
It seems only common sense to me that whether a person is a Dom …. or submissive
(and all the combinations that make up “this“ lifestyle )
Finding the correct and balanced “blend” of personalities, desires, needs, requirements, wishes, and desired lifestyle ( to name only a few of the things to consider ) ….
Won’t make for an easy process for A/anyone to hook up with the O/other.

I agree with E/everyone who said ….”Patience” is the key.
And want to add that keeping, as well as presenting, a “Positive” attitude … and maybe Most important … making sure that the “search” is ALL about “Reality”…
will eventually get all U/us who are “seeking” the O/other … the relationship that is right for T/them.

with sincere respect
~ oso ~

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 32

RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/26/2007 9:39:05 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

Lots of good advice so far.

To echo toservez, and something you mentioned yourself, there's a great deal of competition in terms of BDSM. It's probably not very likely that you're going to stand out amongst others on this site, or in your local community, in terms of your 'Masterful' qualities. The good news, is neither is most of the competition. A woman who wants to be owned by you, yourself, the man that you are, and not simply what sort of dominant creature you represent, is probably going to be much more attracted by who you are. A quick look at your profile boils down to:

I'm Dominant man who wants a submissive, and I'm not a newbie.
I'm a decent person who likes likes to exercise but I'm not very social, and have lots of interests in 'stuff.'
I like petite girls.

I'm sure that seems like a lot of information; it's not. There's nothing there about who you are. Where did you grow up? What makes you laugh? What makes you cry? What inspires the kind of passion in you that you'd enjoy seeing in others? What's your favorite book? What's the last movie you watched and hated? What type of relationship are you actually interested in (i.e. 24/7 or casual? Poly or monogamous? A little or a lot of BDSM?)

The answers to these questions will cause 95% of the women who read your profile to no longer be interested. The remaining 5% will think "That's a guy I really want to get to know!" To boot, it'll make it much easier for you to engage in conversation with her; she'll know what interests you two share, and she'll be able to ask you about it. The first things both girls I'm now involved with asked about where my travels and my interest in music. Without the information I had in my profile, and the time I had spent on these message boards, I doubt I'd have been involved with either of them.

Finally, you mention you hate your local BDSM community. That's all well and good, but that's also probably the easiest place to meet real individuals in your area who share your interests. Chicago has a huge, thriving community; why blow it off? You don't need to attend every play party; but the discussion groups are a great way to meet new people.

Good luck,

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 33

RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/26/2007 10:11:17 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

Nothing worth having is easy.

quote:

nothing in life worth having is obtained easily, as they say...

this slave disagrees with the above generalities, as this slave has personally found value and worth in many things that required little to no skill or effort on her part.

this slave has also worked hard, struggled and contributed Herculean effort to some things that were not worth having, as well.

to the OP: good luck with your search!

(in reply to DaisyDestruction)

Post #: 34

RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/26/2007 11:07:10 AM

decstorm37

Posts: 95
Joined: 11/12/2007
Status: offline

In some ways i was like you only i am a sub. I looked for a very long time to find the One who could and would Dom me. Even though I am submissive I am a person and human. Each person in this life is diff and their wants/needs are diff. You say there are a lot of fake sub's try being a sub looking for a Dom. The emails of kneel your mine (being nice there) when you have never even talked to the person before. Or the emails of nice pic "I will fuck you hard and leave you begging for more."
There are a lot of fakes out there but with time you will find the one for you. Like others have said if you push right away tring to prove that they ladies you contact are not "real" then they will walk away from you.
I have been very lucky and have found my Master and he understands my nature and knows that I will test him ever now and then. Just like he pushes me to my limits and will over time expand my limits. My Master knows that i was used badly by a fake and knows that i don't ever want to be used like that again. Finding my Master was not something that was easy or quick and every day we learn something new about each other.
Just take your time don't rush or push the ladies and i'm sure that you will find the one that is meant to be yours.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 35

RE: Why does it need to be so hard to find the right slave - 11/26/2007 3:24:03 PM

Solinear

Posts: 283
Joined: 1/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

What kind of effort woud you be making if you were looking for a vanilla partner? How long would you be willing to wait until you found someone who matched you? Would you complain about how hard it is to find a good woman/man in a dating scenario? It's the same things here. Being Ds or Ms doesn't make it different all of a suddent when talking about the basic relationship.

Master Fire

Excellent post. This is the reason why I'm not bitter after six or so years of looking for a long-term poly partner to join our family. All relationships should be treated as if they are equal and just because the first took two weeks or two months or two years, it doesn't mean that the next one will be found after even twice that time. Six years for me... and my wife and I were literally having a two week "fun fuck fest" when one day she said she was falling in love with me, went on to tell me all about what she had been thinking about and I had to tell her that I was bummed about not having any closet space... where was she going to put her dresses when she moved in tomorrow?

Patience is the key to makin all relationships work right.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 36

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