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Coming Out as Kinky - 11/24/2007 6:48:22 PM   
queerandcurious


Posts: 46
Joined: 11/20/2007
Status: offline 		   i'm being considered to join a 24/7 polyamorous relationship. They live quite a distant from where i currently reside and i would be moving to Their location should They decide i fit and i decide They should own me. i was wondering if A/anyone had any advice on how to go about telling my family and friends why i'm moving so far away. i'm 21 and my mother is still very protective. i would greatly appreciate any advice.
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RE: Coming Out as Kinky - 11/24/2007 6:51:18 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I have a job.

Ron


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RE: Coming Out as Kinky - 11/24/2007 6:51:40 PM   
DarkDaddyZ


Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: queerandcurious

  i'm being considered to join a 24/7 polyamorous relationship. They live quite a distant from where i currently reside and i would be moving to Their location should They decide i fit and i decide They should own me. i was wondering if A/anyone had any advice on how to go about telling my family and friends why i'm moving so far away. i'm 21 and my mother is still very protective. i would greatly appreciate any advice.

First question, are you moving prior to seeing if you would fit? If so, I'd be against it.
While I've been in long distance relationships in my past we spent a lot of time prior before they moved in with me and my household. (I should point out when I've had ldr's it was with the goal of becoming a live in situation. In those situations (I've had 3), we spent at least 6 to 8 times prior to make the decision for a fulltime long term relationship. I would recommend this to you as well, then if those visits work out reposting this thread.

Good luck,
Z-



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RE: Coming Out as Kinky - 11/24/2007 11:27:35 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		I believe that the relocation will occur after they see if they all mesh together.

Personally, I came out to my mother about being kinky (the D/s part, not the poly or bi part) because I wanted her to get my dad off my case ... I tried to tell my dad, but he kind of didn't hear it - trying to believe I'm still his innocent little angel or some such nonsense, I'm sure.  I just told her what I felt she needed to know and she didn't ask any further questions.

Of course, my situation is made easier by the fact that my family is perfectly ok with online dating - one of my brothers met his wife online, and my parents met through one of the first computer dating agencies in the early 70s.  My advice, though, is to tell her what you think she needs to know (which is probably much less than she wants to know).  You are 21 years old, you need to be an adult about it.

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RE: Coming Out as Kinky - 11/24/2007 11:38:46 PM   
sexyone4you


Posts: 613
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline 		I have to agree with the advice given so far.  Relocating prior to being sure you are a good fit for them, and them for you, isn't a wise decision.  Visiting them in person a few times before deciding things are right for all parties would be a great option.  If you are like most people, you need a job in order to pay bills you already have.  If that is the case, then it's even more of a reason to just visit for a few days (whatever you can take off of your current job) and see how things go.

Talk about your concerns with the couple you are under consideration to.  They probably have plenty of advice & experience with "coming out" to family with their kink.  Only you know the "good" and "bad" things to say to your mom & friends.  When I "came out" to them, I was just honest, but I am very outspoken.  They were surprised I was a slave, but they were not surprised I was kinky.  They had plenty of questions, which I answered for them with facts.  They were concerned for my safety, so I told them about the steps I have taken to assure that I don't play with people who wind up being complete wackos (though I learned this over time & some still surprise me).

Good luck to you with your decision.  Keep us posted!

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RE: Coming Out as Kinky - 11/25/2007 4:18:02 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		At 21, "Because I want to," is really sufficiant reason. You're an adult and can choose to do as you see fit. But, another one might be, "I've got some friends there who say it's really a nice place to live and I thought I'd go see. I want some adventure."

Master Fire


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(in reply to queerandcurious)
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RE: Coming Out as Kinky - 11/25/2007 5:35:59 AM   
ricksub42


Posts: 7
Joined: 11/22/2007
Status: offline 		There has been some great advise that I would second. Especially on the idea of knowing your a good fit,Moving out of town,uprooting your life is a huge commitment, and you want to make sure it is the right thing to do.
Rick

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RE: Coming Out as Kinky - 11/25/2007 5:50:46 AM   
queerandcurious


Posts: 46
Joined: 11/20/2007
Status: offline 		i really appreciate E/everyone's opinions and advice for me. i will be visiting Them for two weeks in the beginning of December. i hope it goes well!

(in reply to ricksub42)
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RE: Coming Out as Kinky - 11/25/2007 5:59:37 AM   
wisteriaV


Posts: 438
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline 		Ok mom will have to get over her son being an adult, wheather she is over protective or not.  Secondly do you have safe calls and contacts lined up? Do you have any proof of the physical address of these people? Have you checked out their area online for police stations hospitals ect ( just in case) and did you write the phone numbers down?  Im not saying these people are murderers or anything, but cover your proverbial ass hun.

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RE: Coming Out as Kinky - 11/25/2007 1:15:29 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I agree completely with MasterFireMaam.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_673932/mpage_1/key_coming/tm.htm#673940
questions about coming out

http://www.collarchat.com/m_603184/mpage_1/key_coming/tm.htm#603237
Coming Out

http://www.collarchat.com/m_594649/mpage_1/key_coming/tm.htm#594704
Telling Family

http://www.collarchat.com/m_552712/mpage_1/key_coming/tm.htm#552726
real world acceptance

http://www.collarchat.com/m_500172/mpage_1/key_coming%252Cprocess/tm.htm#500695
So I came out...

http://www.collarchat.com/m_191844/mpage_1/key_coming%252Cprocess/tm.htm#192641
family

http://www.collarchat.com/m_87719/mpage_1/key_coming%252Cprocess/tm.htm#87743
Talking to vanilla people


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RE: Coming Out as Kinky - 11/25/2007 2:49:55 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		how come you do not answer the question instead of posting 50 links. Out of the respect to the Op they where kind enough to post a question. If your going to say something say it. Do Not let others do the talking for you . that is kinda of drive by posting

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Coming Out as Kinky - 11/25/2007 2:59:41 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		That was her answer, and who are you to walk around and give anybody hell?  You are the epitome of drive by drivel, my good friend.


Here is the fuckin' news since you don't understand shorthand.


[quasi quote]
LA,

Here are a whole bunch of viewpoints on your situation, you are so not alone, browse these at your convienience and if you don't want to, I could give a fuck:

Links here

(then if there is a paragraph before or after it is a personal observation.....take it or leave it as well, LA rarely does mordant discourse.
[quasi quote ends]


Ron




_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Coming Out as Kinky - 11/25/2007 3:04:50 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		By posting the links. perhaps she has answerd the question.  Whats with the attutude dude?

Jeff

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Coming Out as Kinky - 11/25/2007 6:55:58 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		every good question diserves a typed out response people really do not have time to go through every link in the universe to find something.  When  you could just tell them rather simple and to the point  just the way it is. If I want indepth Knowledge I buy the freaking book .

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RE: Coming Out as Kinky - 11/25/2007 8:47:38 PM   
bipolarber


Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline 		Latexbaby,

Sometimes, man, I really wonder about you. There's nothing wrong with LA or anyone else posting links to relevant information. It's up to the reader to follow the links or not, so it's not like their posting links is forcing info down people's throats.

You've been acting really rude lately... is everything okay with you?

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
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RE: Coming Out as Kinky - 11/25/2007 9:11:49 PM   
Hergirl0824


Posts: 119
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline 		personally as a newbie not only to this site but to the lifestyle i find LA's posting of links most helpful. It gives me a chance to read more opinons and other information that might not get posted on just one thread and saves me endless hours of searching through topics.

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RE: Coming Out as Kinky - 11/25/2007 10:41:55 PM   
SmokingGun82


Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

every good question diserves a typed out response people really do not have time to go through every link in the universe to find something.  When  you could just tell them rather simple and to the point  just the way it is. If I want indepth Knowledge I buy the freaking book .


If it bothers you that much, here's a novel idea- don't click the fucking links. Scan right on by, like I usually do with the useless shit that sloshes out of your brain and onto the screen.


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It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Coming Out as Kinky - 11/25/2007 10:57:02 PM   
denouement


Posts: 15
Joined: 4/20/2007
Status: offline 		Okay, these "coming out" topics are always especially cringe-worthy to me. 

Why do people feel the need to inflict the details of their private lives on their loved ones?  Let's look at it another way -- do you feel the need to tell your mother about the doggie-style sex you had with your vanilla date?  Do you really want to know if you dad paddles your mom's ass after they watch the late news?

Before people lambast me with "I'm not ashamed of my lifestyle!" and etc etc -- It's not a matter of being ashamed or being proud or whatever else.  It's about being a grown adult and having boundaries and personal space which need not be everyone else's business or topic for discussion at the dinner table.

(in reply to SmokingGun82)
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RE: Coming Out as Kinky - 11/26/2007 12:45:42 AM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		My mom and I are very open in our relationship and can and do talk about anything under the sun, so yeah, we really would talk about it if she liked spankings. She's also teased me before on things like the guys I date and did we do it.
quote:

ORIGINAL: denouement

Okay, these "coming out" topics are always especially cringe-worthy to me. 

Why do people feel the need to inflict the details of their private lives on their loved ones?  Let's look at it another way -- do you feel the need to tell your mother about the doggie-style sex you had with your vanilla date?  Do you really want to know if you dad paddles your mom's ass after they watch the late news?


(in reply to denouement)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Coming Out as Kinky - 11/26/2007 1:50:12 AM   
Valentyne


Posts: 28
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline 		I came out to my mom in a lighthearted fashion, she asked me what I was doing one day and I told her "interviewing love slaves".  She told me to find one for her too (I think she was joking)...  so that was step one... opening the subject in a non-threatening way...  Then months down the road after further lighthearted banter about such things we were shopping at the mall, and I found the most perfect corset, and tried it on and bought it right there with her...  that same day we went out to dinner with my cousin, who was looking at my bettie page keychain where she's all in red fetish gear with a crop in her hand, and my mom saw her holding it and looking at it and just laughed and said "it's ok, she's weird".  And my cousin (who is a kinkyish swinger herself) just laughed along and gave me a knowing look...  I guess I have a cool family though, even the uptight ones are accepting and loving regardless... I doubt that I would tell my extremely conservative grandfather though...  I guess the best advice I could give would be to present it the way you want them to take it, if you get all stressed and make a big deal out of it, they will too... if you just say hey this is me, this is what makes me happy, they will accept it, most parents want their kids to be happy and will expand their minds to make that happen if given the opportunity... and don't share intimate details, even if they ask...  they don't really want to know...  and it's ok to say that, I have several times just said "you don't want to know" or "Do you REALLY want to go there?"  and she never does... 

That is my success story, hope it helps.

< Message edited by Valentyne -- 11/26/2007 1:52:30 AM >

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
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