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Etiquette - 11/24/2007 11:07:26 PM

maybe4you

Posts: 6
Joined: 11/9/2007
Status: offline

I am new here and have been inundated with messages. On all occasions I have responded to each and every person who has contacted me as I feel that is the polite and decent thing to do.

Today I was contacted by an overseas Mistress. Her profile interested me so I gave her my yahoo address as she requested.

Ten minutes later I was contacted by an anonymous person(s) who said they lived in my town and had been given my details by this Mistress. They were not on the collarme website, she just decided I would be good for them (a couple).

I took offence at this. I gave my details to be used, not shared. The person I spoke to (no idea if male or female, they didn't identify themselves at all) seemed very surprised that I was concerned about this. It appears that subs/slaves (and/or their details) are often 'shared'.

Is this something that Dom/Dommes take for granted – that they can share this sort of information between themselves? Or was she out of line?

Not knowing the lifestyle I don’t know the etiquette and hope that someone can enlighten me.

Post #: 1

RE: Etiquette - 11/24/2007 11:19:39 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

Thats a load of horseshit on the part of the other party.
When iItalk to someone I presume its between me and them not to be shared with the world. Otherwise I would have the discussion in a chat room, for the world to see.
I am not going to speak for anyone else but I would consider that an invasion of privacy.Its rude, its a major personal space violation. It is certainly a breach of trust and in a lifestyle where trust is tantamount, I would be hesitant to talk with her friends( Be honest kana, you would blast them hard) and I would send her an email that would be exposive in its animosity and awesome in its ire.
I wouldn't do that to someone else without expressly asking their permission and if someone did that to me I would be hostile to put it kindly.
Let me give you some experience here.
1-Make a dead drop email address that you use only for BDSM. Don't give it to anyone else unless its for that. This builds firewalls for your protection.
2-Consider using proxy servers to talk on the net outside of CM or if you are in chat, it keeps you safe and private.
3-If things run true to the usual course around here you will have trouble answering all the emails that roll in, especially the one liners and rude ones. Don't bother wasting your time, spend it focusing on the people worth talkin too.
4-Don't judge us all by some losers, Yeah you are gonna have to sift through some garbage but there are those of us who do this thing for real.Take some time, there is no hurry about things.
Just my 2 pennies worth.

< Message edited by Kana -- 11/24/2007 11:35:23 PM >

(in reply to maybe4you)

Post #: 2

RE: Etiquette - 11/24/2007 11:19:40 PM

MidMichCowboy

Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline

I think she was way over the line. No one should give out another persons information without asking the other person. Ever.

Too many things can happen, and most of them are not good. This assumption on a persons part that they can trade other peoples information is not only rude, its dangerous.

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to maybe4you)

Post #: 3

RE: Etiquette - 11/24/2007 11:26:13 PM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

The etiquette in the lifestyle is the same as any other. We are human beings before anything else.

Unless agreed upon, privacy is of utmost importance to the vast majority, but arseholes are everywhere, ESPECIALLY here.

_____________________________

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Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)

Post #: 4

RE: Etiquette - 11/24/2007 11:33:52 PM

maybe4you

Posts: 6
Joined: 11/9/2007
Status: offline

thanks everyone, I had already sent her an email that was polite but blunt and basically spelt out my concerns for my safety - and then blocked her.

The response that I got from the one that contacted me has been eating at me all day - I was beginining to wonder if I was wrong and that Doms/Dommes had that right in this lifestyle. If that had been the case I would have been out of here. I am NOT into being shared, I am here because I am looking for MY master...... but that is one person - I have no desire to be used like a party favour just because of my nature/desires.

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

Post #: 5

RE: Etiquette - 11/24/2007 11:40:39 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

Nope, you are the wronged party. Your trust has been violated. The other person is an asshat. Don't lose sight of that, ever.

Just because you are a slave/submissive doesn't mean that you don't have rights/privileges etc.. just as does any other person. You ae a person first, a woman second and a slave/submissive third. You only yield those rights when you give them to another, like a Master. Lots of people who write you are going to claim otherwise, they are going to say things that are absurd, ignore them, stay true to yourself and what you seek and you will be fine. Don't check your common sense at the door.Too many do.

(in reply to maybe4you)

Post #: 6

RE: Etiquette - 11/25/2007 2:06:51 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Giving out someone else's personal information without permission is rude...and can be dangerous...so it's frowned upon in all the BDSM circles that I've been in. To this day, when I know that my girl has an email of a person that I want, I ask her to forward my email to them. This way, I'm not asking my slave to break the ettiquette rules or her confindences.

I'm betting that the 'overseas' person was just a front for the local people, or vice versa, and it's all gonna end up being some kind of scam.

Master Fire

_____________________________

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(in reply to maybe4you)

Post #: 7

RE: Etiquette - 11/25/2007 4:33:30 AM

topcat

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline

Dear M4Y-

I think you've been scammed. The overseas mistress may have been a sock puppet for the local contact. In any case, you have been wronged in the sharing of the info without consulting you. you did not overreact.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 8

RE: Etiquette - 11/25/2007 6:31:03 AM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

I'd see it as a breach of trust-and cut them both off.

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(in reply to maybe4you)

Post #: 9

RE: Etiquette - 11/25/2007 9:48:50 AM

SmokingGun82

Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline

I suppose I take a different view of this than most... in this situation, yes, that was a stupid thing to do (assuming there is an oversea's mistress and it isn't just a front). But in most situations, I'm fine with someone sharing my IM name/email address with someone else. It probably has to do with the fact that I've had some fantastic relationships develop thanks to a friend giving someone my email address and telling them they think we'd get along.

The only way I'd get mad is if the girls ugly, or if they're boring (that's mostly a joke).

But that's friends- surely I'd feel different if it was a virtual stranger, right? No, not at all. I don't care who has my screenname/email address- the worst they could do with it is sign up for porn newsletters, or send me annoying messages fifty times a day. Neither is a major concern, and spam-filters/the block button fix them.

I think most people make WAY too big of a deal about their email address/screenname/phone number.

I wouldn't give out someone elses information, since I know it's a hot-button for some... but I'll never really get the why.

But that's just my couple pennies.

_____________________________

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- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 10

RE: Etiquette - 11/25/2007 10:36:52 AM

Honsoku

Posts: 422
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

Dear M4Y-

I think you've been scammed. The overseas mistress may have been a sock puppet for the local contact. In any case, you have been wronged in the sharing of the info without consulting you. you did not overreact.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

I second this as the most likely explanation.

Honsoku

(in reply to topcat)

Post #: 11

RE: Etiquette - 11/25/2007 11:20:23 AM

TwiztdErotic

Posts: 155
Joined: 10/13/2007
Status: offline

Smokinggun, allow me to demonstrate exactly why some people are so concerned with the privacy of their personal information.
Kana has got this covered pretty well, but..I'll go into a little more detail.
Let's just assume that I'm an online predator and you are the prey I've set my eyes on. You give me your email/screen name and it's not too long before a few clever keystrokes reveals your IP. From here there's quite a few different directions one might take to obtain the rest of your information (full name, address, social security number..whatever it is I want.) Next thing you know, you're on your way to your car in the morning and before you know what's happened you're being abducted. Now you're locked in a box in my basement, subject to my every whim, all the while your credit is being run up for my benefit and the only thing that ties the two of us is a message or two in your inbox that appears to have come from some place in malaysia.
Yes, this is an extreme example and yes it is highly improbable. but, it isn't outside of the realm of possibilities and the information is out there for anyone patient enough to seek it out.

(in reply to Honsoku)

Post #: 12

RE: Etiquette - 11/25/2007 11:28:41 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

TwiztdErotic knows exactly what he is saying. Once I get someones IP, and thats not so tough if I am communicating offline, I can find out more than a little about the other party real fast, things like addresses, cell phone numbers, birthdates etc.....People think they are safe because they hide behind computers, thats not the case.
Predators exist, they are out on the net and in here. Lets not go through life with blinders. If we ae responsible adults we practice safe sex, we should do the same on the computer.

(in reply to TwiztdErotic)

Post #: 13

RE: Etiquette - 11/25/2007 11:39:31 AM

TwiztdErotic

Posts: 155
Joined: 10/13/2007
Status: offline

If any of this scares you, might I suggest using XeroBank Browser to browse the web and ScatterChat for your IM's.

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 14

RE: Etiquette - 11/25/2007 11:40:48 AM

feralkyttin

Posts: 182
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline

*peeks in and listens in on the conversation a while, thinking that matters of Masters are very interesting*

mmm...... Why does it seem like everyone is making fun of me? LOL YOU DIRTY (insert appropriate obscenities here) Keep it up, guys. "Someone" may learn "something"

Taken from LycanMaster's profile:Curiosity didn't really kill the cat... Ignorance did... Truth is, the cat saw
something curious across the street... when he tried to cross the street to satisfy his curiousity, Death found him... you should always look both ways before you cross the street, just ask the chicken... So if you are curious about something, ask a question and proceed cautiously, don't let ignorance be the death of you..

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 15

RE: Etiquette - 11/25/2007 4:57:48 PM

InkedMaster

Posts: 342
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

Gotta agree, scammed by thee ol Overseas Mistress trick. But don't feel bad Agent 86 fell for it 3 time in one season!

_____________________________

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"I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head." - John F. Kennedy

-Owner of eyesopened- and damn PROUD of her!

(in reply to feralkyttin)

Post #: 16

RE: Etiquette - 11/25/2007 5:13:34 PM

grlneedstolearn

Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline

Who still does this sort of thing?? i have never been "shared online" by any of my former and current Dom. Bunch of crap i would say

(in reply to maybe4you)

Post #: 17

RE: Etiquette - 11/25/2007 5:27:31 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: maybe4you

Doms/Dommes had that right in this lifestyle.

Dom/mes only have the rights that you agree to. Just because they've labeled themselves as a dominant gives them absolutely no sway over you.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to maybe4you)

Post #: 18

RE: Etiquette - 11/26/2007 6:35:31 PM

maybe4you

Posts: 6
Joined: 11/9/2007
Status: offline

grins at InkedMaster! I can hear his voice (Agent 86) in my head when i read that!

thanks to everyone for responding, i appreciate the time and effort you took, it makes me feel better to know that i can still rely on my instincts and that there are decent people on here.

And given that i live alone with a teenage daughter, i am about to go off and do some downloading of software to protect my PC and identity, i hadn't even thought of that side of it.

(in reply to InkedMaster)

Post #: 19

RE: Etiquette - 11/26/2007 6:51:38 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: maybe4you

I am new here and have been inundated with messages. On all occasions I have responded to each and every person who has contacted me as I feel that is the polite and decent thing to do.

Today I was contacted by an overseas Mistress. Her profile interested me so I gave her my yahoo address as she requested.

Ten minutes later I was contacted by an anonymous person(s) who said they lived in my town and had been given my details by this Mistress. They were not on the collarme website, she just decided I would be good for them (a couple).

I took offence at this. I gave my details to be used, not shared. The person I spoke to (no idea if male or female, they didn't identify themselves at all) seemed very surprised that I was concerned about this. It appears that subs/slaves (and/or their details) are often 'shared'.

Is this something that Dom/Dommes take for granted – that they can share this sort of information between themselves? Or was she out of line?

Not knowing the lifestyle I don’t know the etiquette and hope that someone can enlighten me.

This was utter bad manners, in my opinion. If she thought these people would be a good match for you, she should have written you about it and asked if you'd like your email shared with them or theirs with you.

Sub/slave sharing occurs a good deal with some folks, but that's not applying here. This is a new acquaintance tossing around your private contact information. Bad form.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to maybe4you)

Post #: 20

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