RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? (Full Version)

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MistressDREAD -> RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? (7/5/2004 6:29:48 PM)


if He gave you safe words
and you used them and
He dident adhear to your
using them at that moment
His actions because ABUSE.
file charges and get the heck
outta dodge befor you find
your self in a worse situation
if not DEAD period. A Dom
Knowing what a safe word is
and then choosing to not listen
to them is DANGEROUS. DID
I MAKE MY SELF CLEAR?



jillwfsub4blkdom -> RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? (7/5/2004 9:42:00 PM)

yes Ma'am and i did file charges. i appreciate the opinions.

jill



perverseangelic -> RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? (7/6/2004 8:17:10 AM)

I have to say one thing.

Not everyone plays "safe, sane, consenseual." I personally dislike the phrase, because while safe and consensual are keys in my play, the sane bit is rather off-putting. I think there's been a debate on these boards before about this, but i prefer to use the phrase RACK to describe my play-risk-aware consensual kink.

So, SSC isn't the key for -everyone- who plays. I know it's a difference of semantics, but for some reasons it's important to me.



MistressDREAD -> RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? (7/6/2004 6:43:57 PM)

perverseangelic
RACK is a new
catch phrase
that came to
being with the
internet and when
sum of the sanity
laws in place were
tested in a court of
law and failed and
alltho it does
better discribe
for sum of Us
whats practiced
the bottom line
is that doing
anything that is
known to be by
society and laws
terms insane and
possibly against a
law should be
addressed in the
most sanely way
possible and those
whom have issues
with such could be
deemed dangerous.
RACK simply states
that you know you
are a freak but doesent
state that you will tempt
to be as sane as posible
in your application and
acceptance of such freakieness.
I can tell You that I
as a Sadist treat those whom
practice SSC differently from
those whom practice RACK
because I feel that those
whom prefer RACK are more
of the insane kinksters like Me
and I am more Sadistic in My
practice towards them. JMO FYI



MrThorns -> RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? (7/7/2004 6:55:42 AM)

I think safewords are useful and necessary when still in the trust building phase of a relationship. As far as a slave in training goes, I would say that depends on how long she has been with that dominant. How well does she know him/her? If they are both new to each other...then I think safewords are a good idea. How much risk are you willing to accept?


~Thorns



perversetogether -> RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? (7/7/2004 8:51:36 AM)

Thank you for your reply and I pretty much agree with what you're saying.

I prefer RACK for myself because I've got a mental illness which takes a great deal to keep under control. It feels too off for me to try to be 'sane' in my practice of BDSM as I'm not really totally sane in anything else.

I know it's just a new catchphrase and really just a semantic difference, but I just felt the need to say that not everyone practices SSC, and they aren't doing something -wrong- if they don't.

If I may ask, what kinds of differences do you notice in your approach to people who play under RACK as oppose to SSC? Honest curiosity here.

EDIT:ok, this is perverseangelic, too. Collarme did something funky and logged me in under my couples profile as opposed to mine. Sorry about that.



erasmic -> RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? (7/7/2004 10:34:42 AM)

Hi,
just read this string and, as one new on here, am generally impressed with the sanity and quality of the discussion.
For my ha'peth of course you should - must - have safe words, especially with an unfamiliar dom. I ALWAYS ask and if none forthcoming give one, it is as much for my peace of mind as a responsible person as for the slave/sub. A dom is a person with responsibility for their sub. or slave .

Erasmic



proudsub -> RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? (7/7/2004 10:37:10 AM)

quote:

yes Ma'am and i did file charges. i appreciate the opinions.


Jill--what happened after that? Did filing charges scare you that he might come after you? was he arrested?



January -> RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? (7/7/2004 2:31:02 PM)

Jill,

Hello fellow liberal, and welcome to the board!

I'm trying to piece together what happened to you. After the guy abused you and ignored your safewords, did you ask for advice on another board? And was their repsonse, "Well you're a slave in training so you don't get safewords anyway, so the abuse is no big deal"?

If that's true, that's shocking and disgraceful! Most people on this board wouldn't dream of claiming safewords can be revoked. It's like the big bad wolf masquerading as Grandma.

Anyway, I do think the subject of safewords in general is a neat one, so I'm going to make general comments in the hopes of spurring on further discussion.

We do have a safeword. It's "ouch". Like I've said before, D/s ritual isn't big in our marriage.

But you know, I can understand those who say if you need a safeword, you don't trust him enough to play with him.

And it's real easy for me to SAY. All theory, no reality.

I'm not sure what I'd do if I was ever looking. Word-of-mouth? Use that well-regarded BDSM Better Business Bureau? Only submit to SSC and RACK scene deprivation scenes?

I don't envy anyone who is looking. But I do admire the courage and optimism it takes to do it.

January



MzBerlin -> RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? (7/7/2004 4:34:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDREAD


if He gave you safe words
and you used them and
He dident adhear to your
using them at that moment
His actions because ABUSE.



I have to agree with Mistress Dread. Safewords are there to inspire trust and prevent abuse.
Berlin



jillwfsub4blkdom -> RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? (7/7/2004 5:42:11 PM)

Proudsub,
Check your email - i can't discuss the case currently.

jill



proudsub -> RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? (7/7/2004 6:02:58 PM)

quote:

Check your email - i can't discuss the case currently.


Thank you jill, i look forward to reading your reply.



NetherLord -> RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? (7/7/2004 6:27:13 PM)

I'm not 100% sure what community you're a part of, but you've gotten the Collarme.com community version: Have safewords and use them when you need them.

And another note: some communities are infested with people, especially Doms, who like to take excessive advantage of someone- in a few rare cases, this gets to the point where the 'sharks' outnumber the legitimate Doms and can produce a seemingly- legitimate contradiction to any Dom who urges caution, open- mindedness, et cetera.

Be very careful. The feeling I get is that the communities you asked were either idiot posers or the most dangerous and destructive kind of sharks.



Sinergy -> RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? (7/7/2004 7:07:59 PM)

Hello,

I found a broadcast which discusses this issue.

http://www.fanta.dk/news.asp?nid=CCD7E45C-0650-4797-ADA9-9D59BF5A60F1

Enjoy your evening,

Sinergy



proudsub -> RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? (7/7/2004 7:29:45 PM)

quote:

I found a broadcast which discusses this issue.


LMAO, thanks for the laugh!



Leonidas -> RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? (7/7/2004 7:59:20 PM)

He should have adhered to whatever pre-play understanding that you had, period. That said, safewords have always been something of a curiosity to me. I admittedly come from a community where they aren't used, but I suspicion that they are a relic of public scene play where a simple "hey, that hurts too much, lighten up" would ruin the illusion of dominant control of the scene. The onlookers, not knowing what the pre-arranged safeword was, would not be any the wiser as the sub actually guides the goings on. It has always seemed a little contrived to me to use code-words when it's just the two of you. I suppose it lets you do all the "oh no, daddy, please stop" you want and still have a safety valve, but it does give me a chuckle. Does anyone have any historic info on where the notion of safewords originated? Was it in the early days of Janus or some of the other big public play scenes, or did someone else come up with the notion?

Take care of yourselves.

Leonidas



Sinergy -> RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? (7/7/2004 11:17:41 PM)

quote:

He should have adhered to whatever pre-play understanding that you had, period. That said, safewords have always been something of a curiosity to me. I admittedly come from a community where they aren't used, but I suspicion that they are a relic of public scene play where a simple "hey, that hurts too much, lighten up" would ruin the illusion of dominant control of the scene. The onlookers, not knowing what the pre-arranged safeword was, would not be any the wiser as the sub actually guides the goings on. It has always seemed a little contrived to me to use code-words when it's just the two of you. I suppose it lets you do all the "oh no, daddy, please stop" you want and still have a safety valve, but it does give me a chuckle. Does anyone have any historic info on where the notion of safewords originated? Was it in the early days of Janus or some of the other big public play scenes, or did someone else come up with the notion?


In Asian martial arts, particularly grappling styles like Ju Jutsu and Ju Do, the "safe word" involves a small slap on one's body which signals to the other person that any further pressure / torque in the direction the person is going will knock one unconscious or break something.

That being said, the concept of a safe word is not new. It is simply an adaptation to a new topic the idea of two people communicating with each other while engaged in something dangerous.

I teach safe words to children and their parents. Parent A wants their friend to pick up the kid from school (an emergency) the friend is told the prearranged safe word to use so the child knows the friend is safe. The person picking up the kid doesnt have it, the kid doesnt go anywhere with the person.

I think in this venue some people have a kink which requires that they scream NO STOP DONT NO CUT IT OUT while being scened. Having a safe word allows them to use all those things, but has a word like tangerine or colors (red/yellow/green) to let the Dom know that the bottom has had enough.

Some people ignore these / like having these ignored. I hope they find a partner because I refuse to engage in something I cannot back out of safe.

Sinergy

Sinergy



bfranklin6 -> RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? (7/8/2004 7:47:22 PM)

I have used safe words..................when i had problems with my back..................and i didn't want to be laid up for weeks.

I have also used them as a trigger to let the Domme know I was at my limit. The safe word was mercy and the reply i got was "no mercy". I loved it, and my back is fine.

slave frank



topcat -> RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? (7/9/2004 12:31:37 AM)

quote:

It has always seemed a little contrived to me to use code-words when it's just the two of you. I suppose it lets you do all the "oh no, daddy, please stop" you want and still have a safety valve, but it does give me a chuckle. Does anyone have any historic info on where the notion of safewords originated?


M. Leonidas-

I invented the safe word in 1978.

OK- it was actually an 'indepentent discovery'. My partner at the time (I was sixteen or so) liked to be ted up, and I liked tying her. We had no idea that this was done by anyone but us [ for that matter, we thought we were inventing sex] or that there was anything odd about it.

One day, I was thaking her roughly, as was our habit, while she implored me to stop, as was also our habit. Eventually- she managed to get across that she _really_ wanted me to stop, as I had tied her to a radiator, and the heat was coming up.

She wasn't burned- it hadn't actually gotten past 'ouchy', but we agreed that we should have a short , easy way of saying 'Hey, jackass!- outside of our little force fantasy, I really want you to stop this now!".

Stay warm,
Lawrence



Leonidas -> RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? (7/9/2004 8:36:02 AM)

[Laughing Here]

I knew there must be someone to thank, or blame. What you're saying is along the lines of what I said. It lets you play out a non-consentual fantasy complete with protestations and appeals for mercy in a consentual context. Which is cool, and part of the fun I suppose. It strikes me as funny though that some people get so serious about them. The "we have 4 distinct safewords written into our contract that signify the bond of trust and consentual oneness that we have embraced as sentient beings in a universe governed by the primal and eternal forces of yin and yang" blah blah blah. Can't you just, as you said, have a word that means "hey, jackass, no really, knock it off"?

Thanks for the laugh Topcat.

Leonidas



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