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RE: How to say hi - 11/25/2007 9:41:12 PM   
pokermick


Posts: 10
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelsub642

quote:

ORIGINAL: pokermick


Two weeks ago I split with Pingpong my little subbie. No sympathy required it was bound to happen. So now I'm on the lookout for another sub/slave to train and take under my wing. So the problem is I've been reading some of your profiles and a lot of them are not greatly detailed as to what your requirements are making it difficult to decide if I would be interested in you.
The main problem is that you all put down what you DON'T want i.e. 'no one line messages', 'I don't do IM', 'I will not reply to txt speak' etc. So it occurred to me to ask the question 'what do you want?'. If you can all agree amongst yourselves to specify what you are after in your profiles and how you like to be approached it would make life a lot easier.
Obviously you're still going to get a few numb nuts slipping through the net, but hey that's life lol


Oh and finally can somebody PLEASE tell me how to get 'vanilla' removed from under my name?


i would say is be patient and continue on looking, if you have found one you can find others just as easily, though it may seem very frustrating. i try to be a concise and to the point in what i am looking for and not looking for. As far as your ice cream cone goes, keep on posting :D


Hi Angelsub
I'm not in any hurry to jump into another relationship, I'm terribly choosy!! It's easy to tell me not to worry about my ice cream cone status youve been promoted to newbie lol

(in reply to angelsub642)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: How to say hi - 11/25/2007 9:47:12 PM   
astarri


Posts: 265
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

M. Mick-
 
Well, there's your trouble.
 
You just told her that she's over the hill, possibly dishonest, and her profile stinks.
 
Poor opening, bud.
 
Here's an example, using TNS as our crash test profile.
 
****************
Dear TNS-
 
I was browsing the boards yesterday, and came across your post on the 'when you go searching thread, and I really liked your answer- though I doubt you have any trouble attracting plenty of attention from men with such lovely pictures on your profile.
 
It's rather scant, though (your profile)... I was wondering just what brings you to CM- what are you seeking, and why BDSM?
 
Stay warm,
Lawrence
 
**************************************
 
See the differance?
 
Stay warm,
Lawrence


I am just about peeing myself here ...great letter though ...i would respond to that ... well unless you were actually talking bout Tempting cause then that would be rude to resond to someone else'e mail .
Tempting btw i never knew you were 50 and holy hannah mother of pearls ... you are smoking!!

OP i like when people who message me use creativity whatever that looks like ...i dont respond to one liners cause i feel i have no need to reciprocate. If someone puts effort in and shows a genuine interest in introducing themselves to me then i respond. I don't get as much mail as many though (they think i want to use them in an experiement)

(in reply to topcat)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: How to say hi - 11/25/2007 10:14:22 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
I have to say I can't think of any serious quality adult who would be attracted to someone so actively on the prowl after TWO WEEKS of just ending a relationship.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to astarri)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: How to say hi - 11/26/2007 4:46:05 AM   
wisteriaV


Posts: 438
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pokermick


Two weeks ago I split with Pingpong my little subbie. No sympathy required it was bound to happen. So now I'm on the lookout for another sub/slave to train and take under my wing. So the problem is I've been reading some of your profiles and a lot of them are not greatly detailed as to what your requirements are making it difficult to decide if I would be interested in you.
The main problem is that you all put down what you DON'T want i.e. 'no one line messages', 'I don't do IM', 'I will not reply to txt speak' etc. So it occurred to me to ask the question 'what do you want?'. If you can all agree amongst yourselves to specify what you are after in your profiles and how you like to be approached it would make life a lot easier.
Obviously you're still going to get a few numb nuts slipping through the net, but hey that's life lol


Oh and finally can somebody PLEASE tell me how to get 'vanilla' removed from under my name?

Your gonna find a lot of " numb nuts" before you MIGHT find one or two that will peak and keep your attention. Give it time and don't worry about the small stuff and you know its all small stuff! As for the vanilla under your name, the icon will change after you hit fifty post or one hundred, maybe less but it will change.

_____________________________

Every story has two sides , much like a coin and neither one is totally perfect.
If it doesn't float your boat, then don't get in the water~!

(in reply to pokermick)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: How to say hi - 11/26/2007 4:52:35 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

Might help to follow your own advice and put all that stuff in YOUR profile instead of simply asking saying "put your butts up for inspection." Just a thought. You'll get out of it as much as you put into it.

Master Fire



Really. I was just wondering how such a charming and intriguing profile could fail to produce flocks of submissive women lining up for inspection.


Gotta agree with them. Your profile leaves so much to be desired, plus the butt comment and the fact that you just got out of a relationship would definately cause me to pass you over if I were looking.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: How to say hi - 11/26/2007 4:56:05 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
I agree with Em.  Two weeks is a very short time to be actively looking again - never mind contradicting yourself that your not in any hurry.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________


RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to pokermick)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: How to say hi - 11/26/2007 5:06:13 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

Might help to follow your own advice and put all that stuff in YOUR profile instead of simply asking saying "put your butts up for inspection." Just a thought. You'll get out of it as much as you put into it.

Master Fire



Really. I was just wondering how such a charming and intriguing profile could fail to produce flocks of submissive women lining up for inspection.


Gotta agree with them. Your profile leaves so much to be desired, plus the butt comment and the fact that you just got out of a relationship would definately cause me to pass you over if I were looking.

Double Ditto.....


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: How to say hi - 11/26/2007 5:23:49 AM   
YesMistressIrish


Posts: 1135
Joined: 5/1/2007
From: Calif
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

Might help to follow your own advice and put all that stuff in YOUR profile instead of simply asking saying "put your butts up for inspection." Just a thought. You'll get out of it as much as you put into it.

Master Fire



Really. I was just wondering how such a charming and intriguing profile could fail to produce flocks of submissive women lining up for inspection.


Gotta agree with them. Your profile leaves so much to be desired, plus the butt comment and the fact that you just got out of a relationship would definately cause me to pass you over if I were looking.

The Op lives for spanking hence his abrupt comment re: line your butts up for inspection.

He could say in his profile: Looking for a nice sub to spank. I live for spanking!

Re: 'Two weeks out of a relationship and looking.' We have no idea what his realtionship was like with pingpong so if he is ready and actively searching I don't see any reason to judge him for that.

Personally if I was a sub (and I'm not, so this is a dommes perspective) I would pass up his profile pronto because it is so short and abrupt. Topcat has it right! His approach was smooth and friendly. If I were the OP I'd befriend TopCat and ask his advice on a regular basis, if TopCat was ok with that.

Approaching or being approached by subs as a domme: We get so many emails from subs it can be hard to find the time to search out subs. I do a search about once a week for local subs and have met a few real time by doing that.

I went to this last weekend: www.seasideswats.com

It was 3 days of pure fun. What a great weekend! I met a bunch of cool people and spent time with friends. Jay Wiseman was speaking at the Lair on Sat about Shibari, and I also saw him Sunday am in Oxnard when he gave his talk on BDSM bloopers. The stories had us laughing one minute and horrified the next. Twenty one of us went out for lunch afterwards and had a grand time.

Op: I don't know why you don't like the local BDSM community. I have met some wonderful people by attending different local events.

Ms Irish

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: How to say hi - 11/26/2007 5:47:26 AM   
Sabella


Posts: 265
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline
The manner of approach and the acceptance of it is gonna vary wildly on a person-to-person basis as you know. Maybe your particular approach is acceptable to 50% of the people you send it to. That's ok. I like communication so one liners or something vague (I've gotten PM's of a single word or letter?) really don't fire me up. I can't summon up the energy to even be annoyed with so little offered so I just delete them. A single phrase that would typically evoke a response from me in a real situation (nice pics, like what you said in XYZ post or journal entry) will get a response of "thanks!" simply because I'm being polite and true to myself. I wouldn't ignore it from a person passing on the street - but I won't try to stir up a conversation either unless I see more interest in having a conversation, KWIM?

I'm not "looking" but conversations online or things that draw my interest wouldn't be any different if I were. I like a conversation starter, a topic, and something of interest we can talk about not having to do with the physical details of kink even tho yes we are on a kinky site. Lewd pictures in PM or requests for wanker material (what joo into!? *PANT*) really don't do a thing for me, and never would. But that's just ME.

I'm also indifferent to txt speak  because it smacks of laziness. I know alot of very intelligent people who have trouble with spelling, I can understand that. But abbreviating words in a two sentence PM that took 15 seconds to type is just lethargic. BTW, KWIM or WTF doesn't apply, don't you love the double standards? 

Profiles or PM's that refer to themselves as "I'm a Dominant!" anywhere in it just make me roll my eyes. Yes we know that. You selected that underneath preferences remember? tell us something about YOU. Your hobbies, what you're reading, the marvelous job you did training yourself to pick up socks. Socks are very important to submissives. Oops, I digressed again. Put something humorous in there! show some of your personality not just the one you think those eager groveling wenches want to see. You'll avoid the "Insta Dom! Just add water!" fiasco all together.


_____________________________

“The giant Grof was hit in one eye by a stone,
and that eye turned inward so that it looked into his mind and he died of what he saw there.”
From The Forgotten Beasts of Eld, by Patricia A. McKillip

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: How to say hi - 11/26/2007 6:49:05 AM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub
~swoons~........Tempting (your friendly neighborhood crash test dummy??..:0)


Midear T-
 
I said 'crash test profile'- you are nobodies dummy<g>.
 
Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: How to say hi - 11/26/2007 6:52:00 AM   
pinksugarsub


Posts: 1224
Status: offline
i'll respond to just about A/anyone who is reasonably polite.  Rarely have i deleted without responding, and then only when the email made me feel like i needed a shower -- or a bodyguard.
 
pinksugarsub

_____________________________





(in reply to Sabella)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: How to say hi - 11/26/2007 6:56:52 AM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline
Dear Mick-
 
right below each profile is a button that says [read forum posts] (or something like that). Always click it- you are going to find out way more about her than she just puts in her profile in her answers here on the boards.
 
I also never make the first 'move'- though I will send the first note, I expect them to petition me- a male dom is about the rarest bird in the scene, and one that chases submissives really isn't all that domly IMO. Put it out there, but make them come to you.
 
Stay warm,
Lawrence

< Message edited by topcat -- 11/26/2007 6:57:34 AM >


_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to pokermick)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: How to say hi - 11/26/2007 6:59:39 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
I wrote this a long time ago but I think it still holds true, its an excerpt from a longer rant so heres the part that i think applies to your question. Call it Kana's guidelines for how to write an intro letter or something like that:

"Take the time to really carefully read the profile to which you are responding. Check to make sure that you fit what they are looking for, then slowly craft a response based on what you see there and who you are. Let the person know through what you write that you are sending them something written only to them, make her feel special, this cannot be stated often or loudly enough. Trust is given and can never be taken; domination comes from respect, trust, love and desire. If you are incapable of making the effort to make a good first impression, then how should it be presumed that you will act in a week or a month or a year when you are now taking the other party for granted?

Try being honest and real, dropping the uber-dom nonsense and approaching her like you would any other human being whose respect you desire to win. Lead with your best foot; show some personal touches about yourself. No one spends their entire life in BDSM, we all have hobbies, families, hopes, desires and dreams, flush them out a bit, make yourself seem a whole person and not a caricature. Humor is always good, far too many people in internet BDSM take things way to seriously. Write something, then and this is huge, take the two seconds to spell check it. To not do so ruins hours of work right out of the gate, nothing says nimrod like someone who can't take the two minutes involved to ensure that the document is spell checked. You wouldn’t send a work document without checking it, so why not one of these?

With all that done, before you send your response, stop. Wait a while, like overnight, and then check it again. Ask yourself, "Am I showing myself the way I would like to be perceived? Am I being persuasive? Have I stuck to my boundaries or roamed all over the place? What would I think were I to receive this message?" When all those questions are answered to your satisfaction, then and only then send your response. It works I promise it does. It takes time and effort, but hey, on the net BDSM sites men outnumber women about 30 to 1, do something to shift the scales in your favor and amazing things could happen for you. There are real people out here who know what they are doing; it is just sometimes a tedious process to find these diamonds in the compost heap. Personally I am thankful that the nimrods are so glaring in their extreme moron hood, they might be very dangerous if they were to get any brains about what they do. Instead it is like a form of social Darwinism, they eliminate themselves from the gene pool and also make the rest of us look much better in the process, simply by the virtue of not being them. That I must confess is a happy thought to end this little missive (or maybe I should say missile) with."

And by the way, do something about your profile, really.


(in reply to pinksugarsub)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: How to say hi - 11/26/2007 7:21:08 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline
I think what Kana wrote was excellent advice. We all want personal messages, but despite what many want to turn that into that we want novels and for most and certainly me that is not the case. In fact going line by line and commenting is kind of creepy to me. Understanding what we wrote about and writing it in your own words and how you see yourself is attractive.

Outside of the standard messages that we do not like that others have written about, the one I found particularly annoying because they on the surface looked sincere were the people who would take one or two things from my profile and mention them then write or copy and paste canned information. This to me was a person going through the motions but with slightly more effort. I do not mind canned information in a message as long as there is some other meat in it.

I think that for any profile that has some meat to it there will be one or more things that are clearly important to the person writing the profile. I think it is wise to focus and respond to that then to just pick anything or a ton of things. If out of a four paragraph profile the person wrote two of the paragraphs are all about trust then it would be a good thing to not just mention trust in the message but to expand on it in some detail.

I was also a sucker for questions asked of me. Not the random questions just to ask questions but ones based again on my profile that made it appear you understood me.

My experience was I responded to people who understood and addressed the important things I focused on in my profile. That when I looked at their profile there was effort put into it and I could see the possibility compatibility in it.

There is a reason the phrase “It’s the thought that counts” is a cliché. Thought often equates effort.



_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: How to say hi - 11/26/2007 7:30:12 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

Thank You PokerMick..and yes I am 50 and yes that picture is about 6 months old..and LOL!!..yes my profile is a wee bit on the minimal side..but I also post a great deal to the boards here, so hence if someone wanted to see if I have ever posted something they would find that I have, and read a little to what I have responded to, and pretty much find out an awful lot of the way I think..it shows a bit more effort done on the part of the interested party..:0)...Tempting


Not only do you look much younger than your age, you seem to carry 900lbs very well..:)

Jeff

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: How to say hi - 11/26/2007 10:41:41 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: YesMistressIrish

Re: 'Two weeks out of a relationship and looking.' We have no idea what his realtionship was like with pingpong so if he is ready and actively searching I don't see any reason to judge him for that.


It's not judging. If I were looking and that factor was by itself it wouldn't bother me. But it isn't by itself and looking to jump into another relationship so quickly is a minor red flag to me. That doesn't mean it is always a bad thing - Valyraen and I got together within 24 hours of my last owner dumping my ass.

It's a combination of a short profile that really doesn't provide any information about him, the butt remark and the fact that he is so recently out of a relationship and how he talks about that on his profile.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to YesMistressIrish)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: How to say hi - 11/26/2007 12:07:58 PM   
decstorm37


Posts: 95
Joined: 11/12/2007
Status: offline
Well I met my Master on here. He sent me a message and it said "Hi hope you are having a good day." The main reason i replyed to that message is because it did not include a bunch of BS about how he would love to be the one to own me or spank me or any of the other not so nice ways of saying they want sex. I then went and read his profile. Before i replyed to his message.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: How to say hi - 11/26/2007 12:13:36 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
Personally I find discussing your ex, and worse naming her, to be an extreme turn off. The fact that you boast about being out looking only two weeks after says to me this wasn't a relationship that meant anything to you, or you would take the time to mourn it and learn from your mistakes. Zero interest here in just being there while someone uses me to get over the ex.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to denouement)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: How to say hi - 11/26/2007 12:19:34 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline
*I responded to all my mail and that was a chore even if it was just to say sorry i don't think we have anything in common.  Well all except the kneel bitch varity.  Master first e mail to be was a 1 liner  "so where in NY do you live" i responded and the rest as they say is history 21 months later and still going strong.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: How to say hi - 11/26/2007 12:42:45 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

Two weeks ago I split with Pingpong my little subbie. No sympathy required it was bound to happen. So now I'm on the lookout for another sub/slave to train and take under my wing.


Your wing doesn't seem to offer much protection to your "little subbie" especially consideing parting ways was "bound to happen" and yet you couldn't fix it and chose to be with her in the first place. 

If you are going to pick something to work on, pick up lines seems to be putting the cart before the horse.

(in reply to pokermick)
Profile   Post #: 40
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