Love in D/s form... (Full Version)

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SeraphinaKrow -> Love in D/s form... (11/26/2007 12:18:36 AM)

I'm pretty sure this question has been asked a million trillion times, but I would like to know what everyone thinks.

I was reading on the ask a sub/slave forum about whether or not, as a sub or a slave do you have to love your Master/Mistress in order to serve them...
My personal thought and experience is that I personally have to have some type of mental, emotional connection with a person to become their Dominant on a personal level. I find that I am more interested in making sure that they achieve their personal goals in life, as well as in their lives as submissives...
I do not push boundaries unless they are discussed and I take my time to be stern when needed (especially when they are new to BDSM and D/s lifestyle play.)
I also feel as though I am more pleased when they take care of themselves, rather then serving me completely... I believe that in order to submit fully, you have to love and take care of yourself before you can commit to submitting to another.
With all that said, I devote my time to making sure that they are constantly growing and not regressing... It is something that means more to me then when they drop to their knees to serve... I tend to make sure that whether I verbally say it or not, my sub knows that at all times they are being loved.  (love is a strong word for me, and there aren't many people that get to hear the word love from me... ever.)
For me it does not matter even if I have known that person for a day or for years... if I take on a sub, and am interested in finding out more about the sub that I am taking on, then I am devoting my time and dedication to making sure that my sub is safe, and that we build a solid trust and communication amoungst each other. In turn, I would hope that one day my sub will have the same feelings as I have about them.  I would want them to love me or at least have some genuine feeling of like or continuous feeling of excitement when they are near me. I hate to see subs who stop liking or even resenting their Owner because of miscommunication or because their Dominant does not  even act as  though they care for their subs...

My question is, (and forgive me for rambling) When you take on a sub/slave in your personal life, is it necessary for you to love your submissive in some form or fashion for a successful relationship? Or in some cases is it easier to not love your sub, so that you can obtain power over them? I am just really interested in what everyones opinion is on this topic.




MaamJay -> RE: Love in D/s form... (11/26/2007 12:37:54 AM)

Love is different from being "in love" to Me. I have had loving feelings towards most of My subs, (just not counting the few one-off trial sessions where I was glad to see the back of them!). I care about them as people, I am concerned for them, like You, I love to see them grow and develop. In terms of being "in love" ... much more rare! Though I believe it is eminently possible, and it's what I ultimately would love to find! However, I also think it is possible to develop a deeply loving relationship with a sub without being in love with them.

As a sub, i tried out some Dominants and had (shock horror!) an online Master before i met my Beloved real life Master. i felt racy infatuation feelings very readily ... and that fostered my submissiveness ... but the fit was never quite right and the relationships ended. When i met Master, well, to add to the confusion, I Dommed Him first time LOL ... but the PERSON I began to fall in love with that first time ... is the person I switched with just 2 months later ... and is still the person i am deeply in love with today (4 year anniversary of my first real life service to Him :-) Yes, i both love Him and am in love with Him, and 3.5 years of living together 24/7 with all the trials and tribulations W/we have been through in that time, has only expanded those feelings, not diminished them! i don't think being in love with Him has necessarily affected my ability to serve Him ... i think it has helped that to grow and expand to all aspects of my life so readily though.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]



SeraphinaKrow -> RE: Love in D/s form... (11/26/2007 12:44:34 AM)

I also believe that being "in love" and "loving" someone is completely different. I myself have problems with being "in love" so I don't expect that of my submissive...unless it is something that we "fall" into. If that makes any sense...

Congrats Maam Jay on your anniversary with your Master, I hope you have many years of love and devotion to one another [:D]



MaamJay -> RE: Love in D/s form... (11/26/2007 12:48:52 AM)

Makes total sense to Me ... and thanks for Your good wishes! He even gave me my anniversary spanks [;)] ... it's odd, part of U/us thinks ... is it only 4 years? W/we seem to know each other so well, and have been through so much ... it must be longer! But then, W/we also think ... there is so much more to know, W/we've only just begun ... (oh dear, i did my usual and broke into song on that last line LOL!).

Regards
Maam Jay aka violet[A]



SeraphinaKrow -> RE: Love in D/s form... (11/26/2007 12:57:31 AM)

lmao... you are very welcome [:D]... makes me wana sing the Barbra Streisand song ... Evergreen lol...

Love soft as an easy chair,
Love fresh as the morning air....

Ok, I mustn't go on... see what happens when you are brain washed as a child???[sm=book.gif]



thetammyjo -> RE: Love in D/s form... (11/26/2007 6:16:33 AM)

I have to see potential in a person to train them, and potential means that I have to see them as likable with similar interests.

If I own someone I have to have at least a feeling that they are part of my family. That isn't romantic or sexual love however.



SeraphinaKrow -> RE: Love in D/s form... (11/26/2007 9:35:42 AM)

I agree.. with you Tammy,
There has to be some kind of initial interest in a person before I take them on...



Stephann -> RE: Love in D/s form... (11/26/2007 9:42:39 AM)

I wouldn't own, collar, or be involved with a submissive or slave that I was not in love with.  For me, love isn't why she serves; love is the reason why she serves me.

Stephan



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Love in D/s form... (11/26/2007 10:20:43 AM)

I would not collar a person that I did not care for, but romantic involvement would not be necessary or even desirable.  The master/slave relationship for me stands outside that, so that if the romance fades, the collar and care are still there.



rubberpet -> RE: Love in D/s form... (11/26/2007 11:22:52 AM)

Congrats on your anniversary, MaamJay! [sm=banana.gif]  It's wonderful to hear about another D/s relationship that continues to flourish!  I bet you can't wait for the day your anniversary hits double-digits so your spanking takes a while[;)]



LadyPact -> RE: Love in D/s form... (11/26/2007 11:55:24 AM)

Thank you for starting this thread.  This particular topic has been on My mind for some time now.  Even We big, bad, tough Dominants have Our feelings cross Our minds every now and again.
 
I think how I'll start My own comments out is to both agree with MaamJay and reference a paper I had a prior submissive write about the very subject of love.  There are several definitions of love, and being "in love" can be different than loving someone.  We love different people in different ways.  Romantic love is different than love for a sibling, etc., etc.
 
Like the OP, I couldn't have a submissive that I didn't feel a bond to.  For someone to have that place in My life, I would have to have a connection.  In fact, much of the OP's first comment reflects the way I see things in My relationship with My submissive.  Of all the adult males in My life, My submissive is second only to My husband.  (Obviously, I'm poly.)  My boy couldn't be that if I didn't love.  There's no doubt in My mind that he knows it.  In fact, I doubt most people who have seen U/us in the real world haven't figured it out for themselves. 
 
To parallel the questions of the other thread:
 
Do I need to?  Probably.
Do I want to?  Definitely.
 
Speaking of the other thread, yes, My boy's on it.  However, I already knew his response before he even wrote it.



MistressDolly -> RE: Love in D/s form... (11/26/2007 12:22:17 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SeraphinaKrow

I'm pretty sure this question has been asked a million trillion times, but I would like to know what everyone thinks.

I was reading on the ask a sub/slave forum about whether or not, as a sub or a slave do you have to love your Master/Mistress in order to serve them...
My personal thought and experience is that I personally have to have some type of mental, emotional connection with a person to become their Dominant on a personal level. I find that I am more interested in making sure that they achieve their personal goals in life, as well as in their lives as submissives...
I do not push boundaries unless they are discussed and I take my time to be stern when needed (especially when they are new to BDSM and D/s lifestyle play.)
I also feel as though I am more pleased when they take care of themselves, rather then serving me completely... I believe that in order to submit fully, you have to love and take care of yourself before you can commit to submitting to another.
With all that said, I devote my time to making sure that they are constantly growing and not regressing... It is something that means more to me then when they drop to their knees to serve... I tend to make sure that whether I verbally say it or not, my sub knows that at all times they are being loved.  (love is a strong word for me, and there aren't many people that get to hear the word love from me... ever.)
For me it does not matter even if I have known that person for a day or for years... if I take on a sub, and am interested in finding out more about the sub that I am taking on, then I am devoting my time and dedication to making sure that my sub is safe, and that we build a solid trust and communication amoungst each other. In turn, I would hope that one day my sub will have the same feelings as I have about them.  I would want them to love me or at least have some genuine feeling of like or continuous feeling of excitement when they are near me. I hate to see subs who stop liking or even resenting their Owner because of miscommunication or because their Dominant does not  even act as  though they care for their subs...

My question is, (and forgive me for rambling) When you take on a sub/slave in your personal life, is it necessary for you to love your submissive in some form or fashion for a successful relationship? Or in some cases is it easier to not love your sub, so that you can obtain power over them? I am just really interested in what everyones opinion is on this topic.




Some I have loved, some I have not.

I don't believe it's necessary or even wise to love your property; authority works better when there's a distance - usually. When you're too close to those you control, command, etc., matters of the heart can affect your judgment. But, I suppose it's that way with a lot of things in life...

However, with the right attitude and a clear head, loving your property can work too. So long as you don't confuse love with need, at least from her point of view.




DiurnalVampire -> RE: Love in D/s form... (11/26/2007 12:29:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeraphinaKrow

My question is, (and forgive me for rambling) When you take on a sub/slave in your personal life, is it necessary for you to love your submissive in some form or fashion for a successful relationship? Or in some cases is it easier to not love your sub, so that you can obtain power over them? I am just really interested in what everyones opinion is on this topic.


For me, it is absolutely necessary to love my boys before I consider even playing wiht them, much less taking them in. I love Angel, and have since before we met. I have never been IN love with him... but it hasnt been necessary for our relationship.  He loves me as well, as a friend, mommy and owner.

I am falling IN LOVE with Fox. And he feels the same. He has a different training than Angels, and for him being my mate fits the relationship that is building.

Regardless, in all the time I have had boys or girls serving me, I have never been with someone I didnt love in some way.

DV



DiannaVesta -> RE: Love in D/s form... (11/26/2007 3:15:03 PM)

I can completely fall in love with one who serves me at any capacity I see fit. Its the level of commitment and devotion they show me. The more groveling and intense they are the better so I am not sure I am like you in the sense that I nurture it the same. I am intense and love humiliation and degradation so for some that is an act of violation yet one that  passionately  ignites me. Even in the most darkest hour  of subjugation I feel empowered and the one that takes me there earns my love and respect. If they are successful  in doing this then love sets in and I am drawn to them. Not everyone can rise to this level for me but those that do will reap great rewards. That’s for sure



KaramelGoddess -> RE: Love in D/s form... (11/26/2007 4:09:10 PM)

quote:

My question is, (and forgive me for rambling) When you take on a sub/slave in your personal life, is it necessary for you to love your submissive in some form or fashion for a successful relationship? Or in some cases is it easier to not love your sub, so that you can obtain power over them? I am just really interested in what everyones opinion is on this topic.


For a collaring, there definitely needs to be mutual love between Myself and My pet.  I will not collar someone just for the sake of doing it, or if I really like them.  There has to be a special bond...or else what foundation would the collar have?   I fell in love with grillo within weeks after meeting him.  Our relationship is successful because we explored each other first and we are so compatible on many levels OUTSIDE of D/s. 
 
For play dates however, there doesn't need to be a bond or love involved...just two consenting adults.  Before the play starts however there is a period of "getting to know you" and negotiation.  I would never, ever play without it.  It's My responsibility as a Domina as well to be careful with submissives and to have their best interests, health and safety in mind whenever we play and so of course that requires a certain level of care. 
 
And then I'm just a nice person (most of the time!) ...so it's not easy for Me to be nasty or act nonchalant or indifferent to people I've played with.  Having said that, don't piss Me off by being dishonest, manipulative or selfish...then the Bitch Fork comes out.  Once you get Forked, I forget you exist .[sm=trident.gif]
 
~Kara



Bloodrose88 -> RE: Love in D/s form... (11/26/2007 5:19:34 PM)

While I do not believe that one needs to be in love with their submissive to have a compatible and wonderful relationship, I do think that genuine affection and liking do need to be in place to make the relationship emotionally fulfilling for both parties.
Also, like any relationship, a D/s relationship should have the potential to develop into a loving bond.  Again, it doesn't need to be "true love" or whatnot, but the possibility of love is what makes any relationship good.
Just my opinion, as always, Mistress [:)]
Your brat,
angelica



SeraphinaKrow -> RE: Love in D/s form... (11/26/2007 7:50:43 PM)

quote:

Also, like any relationship, a D/s relationship should have the potential to develop into a loving bond. Again, it doesn't need to be "true love" or whatnot, but the possibility of love is what makes any relationship good.
Just my opinion, as always, Mistress
Your brat,
angelica


I don't let people in easily angelica... and I completely and wholeheartedly agree with you, the possibility is always nice [:D]
and I am quite happy with just knowing that you are my precious brat...

Your Mistress,
Seraphina Krow



AFlyInYourWeb -> RE: Love in D/s form... (11/26/2007 8:44:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeraphinaKrow

My question is.... When you take on a sub/slave in your personal life, is it necessary for you to love your submissive in some form or fashion for a successful relationship? Or in some cases is it easier to not love your sub, so that you can obtain power over them? I am just really interested in what everyones opinion is on this topic.



Love would not be necessary, any more than it is "essential" in any relationship between two people.

But it would sure help.

I personally would find it easier to trust a Mistress, and open up completely to her, if I thought she loved me, at least, and better still, if she were "in love" with me.  Call it an "emotional safety net".  The deeper my submission goes, the more that safety net encourages me to go further.

You do not have to sacrifice Control for Love.  It is a foolish trade.  Remember how much your Dominance means to the sub.  Your Dominance, or even your sadism, is an expression of the love you feel for him, expressed in your unique, unconventional form. 

The lucky accident is that the sub feels the love in your Control, and craves receiving it as much as you love to give it...win/win.   



Ecossaise -> RE: Love in D/s form... (11/26/2007 10:28:53 PM)

I cannot conceive of any true lifestyle partnership/relationship without some clear element of caring. We come together to fulfill mutual needs. A purely selfish relationship will not work.

Currently I have one submissive girl, who came to me because she was attracted to my qualities as a writer, and a Mistress. From the very beginning I cared for her; part of my role is as a protector and provider, after all. I fell in love with her, and she with me. Neither of us planned that, it just happened, and it was nice.

[img]http://www.samurai-archives.com/dictionary/tokugawa.jpg[/img]



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Love in D/s form... (11/27/2007 7:35:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeraphinaKrow

My question is, (and forgive me for rambling) When you take on a sub/slave in your personal life, is it necessary for you to love your submissive in some form or fashion for a successful relationship? Or in some cases is it easier to not love your sub, so that you can obtain power over them? I am just really interested in what everyones opinion is on this topic.


I do not, at this time, romantically love any of my slave. I do care for and cherish them. Right now, it's easier for me to NOT have a slave who is a BF or GF. I don't know that I will ever have a romantic love relationship with a slave...but I'm not stupid enough to say it won't ever happen.

Master Fire



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