Padriag
Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
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To quote Ironbear, Oh yeah, now we're cooking with gas! AAkasha, Fidelity, you both make some great points and I hope submissives are paying attention and taking notes. There's some valuable insight to be had here regarding what we dominants want and need, what really pleases us and how we want to be served. There is a LOT more to a 24/7 live in relationship than just sex and sexual service. Sex is great, I enjoy sex, I like a lot of sex in my life... but sooner or later you do have to get out of bed and deal with the realities of life. Meals have to be cooked, laundry has to be done, the house needs to be cleaned, money has to be earned, bills have to be paid, the lawn/property has to be maintained, etc. etc. etc. And of all the things a dominant has to give, time is often the one thing in shortest supply. This is especially true of those of us who take who we are and what we do as a serious responsibility. We are busy people, busy earning the money to pay the bills and buy those nice toys, busy securing our future so we can someday retire and live comfortably, we generally have very active minds that need to be fed as much as our bodies.
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The most important thing is this: I think the most valuable thing a "service submissive" can offer is the ability to offer intuitive, hands-off assistance WITHOUT the need for constant affirmation, direction, domination or stimulation.
If you're a submissive/slave looking for a live in situation where the dominant supports you... write that down! Trust me, it'll improve the odds of you being accepted dramatically. Show us you know how to do something other than suck a cock and look pretty and we'll be a lot more impressed with you. What skills do you have to offer outside of sex; can you cook, are you a great housekeeper, are you a good conversationalist, do you have a college degree in some topic we might find interesting... can you stimulate our minds, have you ever taken a course in massage therapy, do you have any interesting hobbies like painting, music, crafts, etc.? I would really encourage any submissive or slave reading this to think about it carefully. Here's a tip for your profiles, take a personal inventory of the skills you have to offer, look at that list I just gave for ideas, what skills do you have to offer in service to a dominant. Now take that list an post it in your profile. Don't tell us how much you need to serve, how much of a painslut you are, how deeply you desire to crawl across the floor to us and beg to be played with... that doesn't impress us. Tell us what you can do for us, how can you serve us... because understand this, as a slave you are there to serve your dominant. If you lack skills, are you at least willing to learn? If I send you to a belly dancing class, are you going to go and give it your 100% best effort, will you stick with violin or piano lessons several times a week in order to please me, if I send you to a cooking class are you going to take it seriously?
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The reality of competent Dominants is that they require competent service. Nothing else will do. And an incompetent Dominant will not be able to maintain a workable situation with a slave for long-and that person will find themselves on the street,in a world of hurt.
Learn to serve us and we'll take care of you. But, for the submissive who thinks they can get away with just looking cute and begging for sex, don't be shocked when we kick you to the curb so fast it'll leave skid marks on your ass!
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What the sub needs to figure out is why he has such a bottomless pit when it comes to the need for affirmation. A sub that says his only need, his deepest need, is just to *serve* is really seeking affirmation, praise, self worth, self image. Sadly, this CANNOT be obtained by serving a femdom. Because a femdom is not a mind reader or a shrink, and does not have unlimited emotional strength to keep filling him up.
It can't be obtained by serving any competent dominant (btw Fidelity, that's a good term for us, I like it). Even those of us who have taken a serious interest in psychology, we can't read minds and we can't make up for that emptiness. At best we can guide a submissive through the process of healing, but we won't even do that unless the submissive first shows us a genuine desire to heal and change.
As a dominant, I do not want an automaton. If I could be happy with that I'd hire Honda Robotics and Real Dolls to whip me out a pleasure android and be done with it. I want a living breathing person who can take the initiative, who surprises me in little ways with the things she does for me. It might be something as simple as a batch of fresh baked cookies for no particular reason, it might be reminding me to come to bed when I've stayed up too late working on a project and lost track of time, and its all the other ways she tries to make my life easier and more pleasant. Sure I want the kinky sex, I'm a very horny Irishman! But it takes a lot more than that to make a 24/7 relationship work. Sometimes I think what we need more of at events is not demonstrations on how to use a single tail or do fire play, but classes on relationship skills and teaching effective communication.
There have been more than a few debates here from submissives who felt like or were tired of "dominants" seeing them as only sex toys. While I can sympathize with that, here's a clue, you want to be looked at as something more than a sex toy, then take the nude shots off your profile and be something more than a sex toy. Show you have more to offer than just sexual service. It won't impress the HNGs, but trust me, the kind of dominant you say you want will notice.
I see a lot of profiles here at CM for PYTs (pretty young things), if you think that just because you get 500 emails from HNGs begging to collar you makes you a hot commodity, think again. If you think just because you have perky tits and a darling smile makes you irresistable, think again. Let me share a reality check with you. I have my shit together, I offer a 24/7 live in position in a private home that includes stability and security, full medical benefits and a retirement plan; living with a competent dominant who is ambitious as hell, knows where he is going in life and has not just one plan to get there but several back up plans. I'm charming, good looking, intelligent, well educated and well heeled. I don't need to look on here to find a slave. In the nearly 5 months I've been a member of CM I have written to just 3 profiles with an interest in getting to know them as a potential slave... just three. I'm that picky, I can afford to be because I'm a competent dominant. Not one of those profiles had a nude photo in it. Not one of those three talked about what a hot sexy slut they would be. What they did do to catch my attention was sound sincere and let me see a bit of who they are as a person. Some of them were creative people, one just sounded like she was very kind and caring. I wrote to them because I thought I saw real potential, I took the time to write them a letter that took interest in them as a person. When a competent dominant takes the time to show that kind of interest in you, that's opportunity knocking and it likely won't knock twice. Its not too hard to spot us when we write to you, we don't beg. So take some advice, learn how to be of service and when opportunity knocks, answer. You won't be young and cute forever.
BTW, am I the only one who watched Kept, and thought it had some interesting parallels to this lifestyle?
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Padriag
A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer
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RE: Looking for a free ride - 
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Seriously though, noble character rings true to me... someone I can respect is very important to me. 
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