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RE: Looking for a free ride - 8/14/2005 10:17:02 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Fidelity

Burning out your property with overwork, is NOT taking care of it.

Agreed.

Erin, I'm not sure why this thread has bothered you, could you explain that? I don't see where any of the dominants responding have talked about having a slave/submissive both work a job and be a full time housewife/husband/girl/boy/whatever. What we have talked about are submissives who seem to think that they neither have to work a job or help around the house, which is a problem. Its especially annoying for those of us who have worked hard for what we have and are trying to build a better future for ourselves. Did something in all of this hit a nerve for you?

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to Fidelity)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Looking for a free ride - 8/14/2005 11:23:18 AM   
Fidelity


Posts: 192
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline 		I guess what hits the nerve the most is simply how impractical in outlook some people are. It's as if they cannot factor in something as unimportant as reality.

I find it sad that so many seem so firmly entrenched in thier fantasy worlds that they can't see beyond them.

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Looking for a free ride - 8/14/2005 11:52:25 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		Same here Fidelity. Its been talked about a lot on here about some of the nutcase "doms" there are prowling around and doms with unrealistic expectations too. And then there have been all the threads about and from submissives dealing with or having to have dealt with abuse (and that hit very close to home for me recently, so its especially been on my mind). There are competent, responsible doms around, but its seems like we get overshadowed by Mr Domly Dom with his Fantastic Toybag, and Designer Dungeon and all those wonderful fantasies he has for lil miss subbie (most of which he probably plagarized from Literotica or some such).

I read a profile the other day, young woman, pretty and yet she wants a "master" who will not respect her and will be cruel. At first I thought this was probably a fake profile, you know the type. Then I read on in her journal that she "guesses" she could relocate for the right dom, but not to any of the "red states". It just left me speachless. Not only is what she is asking for virtually begging to be abused (in every wrong, inappropriate and criminal sense of the word), but she's decided that the electoral vote of whatever state her next master lives in matters more than who he is as a person, how competent he is, how responsible he is, etc. Then I read on... she also wants him to live near a nice beach and near a large city with lots of fun things to do.... freeloader... and a stupid one at that.

I suppose if this thread does anything positive, I'd like to see it stand as a wake up call to some of those submissives out there as to what a competent, responsible, genuine dominant really expects, what really impresses us. I'd like to see it perhaps rattle some cages (pardon the pun) about what they ought to be looking for. Forget his toybag, dungeon or those erotic fantasies... start by finding out if s/he's a responsible person, do they have their life together, have they thought out how the relationship will work and are they prepared for it, can they actually afford those fantasies, have they given any thought to things like health insurance coverage. May not be the most romantic and exciting of topics, but if you're talking a 24/7 live in situation as someone's slave you damn well better make sure all of that has been covered!

Edited to fix too many typos

< Message edited by Padriag -- 8/14/2005 11:57:23 AM >

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to Fidelity)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Looking for a free ride - 8/14/2005 12:44:02 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag


quote:

ORIGINAL: Fidelity

Burning out your property with overwork, is NOT taking care of it.

Agreed.

Erin, I'm not sure why this thread has bothered you, could you explain that? I don't see where any of the dominants responding have talked about having a slave/submissive both work a job and be a full time housewife/husband/girl/boy/whatever. What we have talked about are submissives who seem to think that they neither have to work a job or help around the house, which is a problem. Its especially annoying for those of us who have worked hard for what we have and are trying to build a better future for ourselves. Did something in all of this hit a nerve for you?


There are so many other factors that go into whether or not someone can be an effective non-employed live in. A huge one is whether or not the dominant has enough money -- simply put -- to support two people.

For me, being self employed, it really came down to a simple equation (this might or might not work for everyone). Being self employed and totally undomestic, I would have to pay a maid. It is not worth my time to do the core cleaning - vacuuming, dusting, bathrooms, floors, windows -- by giving up my little free time OR cutting into my work time. But if I have to supervise a submissive to get these tasks done -- in any way that meant I had to spend x/hours a week of additional time to "maintain" the sub to get the tasks done and have the sub emotionally filled, it becomes a money-losing situation. Cheaper to hire a maid, really.

Additionally, if a submissive is around the house while I am working and he is loafing or procrastinating or getting in my way, I am then distracted, in a poor mood and unable to work as efficiently.

There is a tremendous amount of chemistry that must also be present, I think, for two people to co-habitate and work together at the same time -- face it, a lot of vanilla couples couldn't last being together that many hours in a day. I was told so many times by vanilla friends/family that the idea of having my husband quit his job and stay home with me was going to hurt the relationship AND my business. In reality -- it's been 3 years and it was the best decision I ever made, and has made my business run smoother than ever, AND reduced my stress/frustration levels tremendously.

Akasha

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(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Looking for a free ride - 8/14/2005 12:51:30 PM   
MstrHellsFury


Posts: 388
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		I could take the time to read all the posts to this thread but instead I'll get to the heart of the question as asked...I too have found what seems to be an endless line of submissives who approach with the intent of having nothing to do or contribute to the household but a pretty face and lot's of kinky sex...whooohooo...it is always different from household to household but in mine...everyone earns their keep...being of modest means (not a sugardaddybigmoneybags) I work and expect everyone else to put forth their best efforts to do the same...it's not about the singular it's about the whole...and yes I understand all households have functions for each individual to fill...I don't think I'm wrong in my answer to this question as it's MHO this was the response needed to give...I do believe this is the type free ride questioned...

(in reply to lovingmaster45)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Looking for a free ride - 8/14/2005 12:58:39 PM   
Fidelity


Posts: 192
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline 		The main way I have to deal with this issue is to have the slave work WITH me in the business part-time. Things like feilding calls,doing price quotes,book keeping.....and do the domestic routine the rest-it's not as if a house is a huge amount to keep up-if you reduce the clutter enough.

And gets paid wages to cover her expenses,and incidentals like health care and a 401 k.

One thing not mentioned yet here. In case of incompatability, I would INSIST a girl had at least three grand of her own money in a personal account. That way she would have a safety net. And if she needed to move out,or relocate,there would at least be funds to cover it.

And no freeloader is going to be competent enough to save that much up.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Looking for a free ride - 8/14/2005 1:18:04 PM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline 		The only difference between this and a traditional housewife is the BDSM aspect ... which is really just a lifestyle choice, or sex kink, depending on who you ask.

I have a friend a little older than me, that married a wealthy guy who is about forty, I think. The hardest part of her day is deciding what bikini to wear when she lays out next to the pool. Her "job" is to look hot and be a trophy girl ... and she does a damn fine job of it. ... ok, not 100% true, she shops, pays bills and manages the house, but lets just say she's not exactly busting ass all day. ha-ha!

She seems happy ... he seems happy ... I think they're both getting what they want.

No offense intended, but when I see people say they are of modest means or whatever, and want everyone to pull their weight ... that's really the point. If you're of modest means, supporting someone fully would make you look at them as a "freeloader." If you make lots of money, you probably look at it quite differently.

The truth is, the price of admission is high and you need enough money to buy a ticket if you want to get on board.

Thanks ... caitlyn

P.S. None of that applies to me, so don't bother flaming. I would go nuts in a week without school or work.

_____________________________

I wish I could buy back ...
the woman you stole.

(in reply to MstrHellsFury)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Looking for a free ride - 8/14/2005 11:02:59 PM   
MasterSmokiee


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/27/2005
From: Oregon
Status: offline 		I agree with lovingmaster45 regarding his statement. There are people out there that are looking to glean whatever they can at someone else's expense. They move under the illusion of being a slave then they start to carry out their secret agenda. They cause havoc in the poly family and always seem to have a complaint to try to divert attention from their failure to perform. I agree that the person who cares for the home is not getting a free ride, however, if the person cares for the home but creates a title wave of despair they are clearly getting a free ride by being allowed to workout their emotional garbage at everyone else's expense. I expect people to be what they say they are so my time isn't wasted. MS

(in reply to lovingmaster45)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Looking for a free ride - 8/14/2005 11:17:03 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn

The only difference between this and a traditional housewife is the BDSM aspect ... which is really just a lifestyle choice, or sex kink, depending on who you ask.

I have a friend a little older than me, that married a wealthy guy who is about forty, I think. The hardest part of her day is deciding what bikini to wear when she lays out next to the pool. Her "job" is to look hot and be a trophy girl ... and she does a damn fine job of it. ... ok, not 100% true, she shops, pays bills and manages the house, but lets just say she's not exactly busting ass all day. ha-ha!

She seems happy ... he seems happy ... I think they're both getting what they want.

No offense intended, but when I see people say they are of modest means or whatever, and want everyone to pull their weight ... that's really the point. If you're of modest means, supporting someone fully would make you look at them as a "freeloader." If you make lots of money, you probably look at it quite differently.

The truth is, the price of admission is high and you need enough money to buy a ticket if you want to get on board.

Thanks ... caitlyn

P.S. None of that applies to me, so don't bother flaming. I would go nuts in a week without school or work.


I agree with you caitlyn. Is as much of a case that you set up a situation or plan for something like a 24/7 live in slave/sub according to your needs, requirements and financial situation. I know a number of people who’s wife, partner, sub/slave or even 24/7 care giver has not a great deal of work to do except to be something akin to a trophy or social hostess.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Looking for a free ride - 8/15/2005 3:36:34 AM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		I think that as long as the sub is truly into BDSM, that finance is a decision that must be made between him/herself and the prospective dom/me. If someone is only searching for easy money, I'd be happy to point them to a number of dom/mes who will most likely paddle their ass black and blue then send them on their way.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to lovingmaster45)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Looking for a free ride - 8/15/2005 4:22:28 AM   
lovingmaster45


Posts: 261
Joined: 9/16/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I have had a few like this approach me in the past-they were basically dysfunctional in real life,and felt they needed close supervision to make anything of themselves. But seriously,why would someone competent enough in life to afford a slave,want an incompetent slave?

I asked what thier work qualifications were.....they could offer none,they were screw ups. Then I asked how they expected to pay thier way.....one stuttured something about being a "pet".

I told her,"Do you really think that sex and play is so important to me overall, that it's the ONLY thing I would require of you? It is NOT that EASY!!!!

The reality of competent Dominants is that they require competent service. Nothing else will do. And an incompetent Dominant will not be able to maintain a workable situation with a slave for long-and that person will find themselves on the street,in a world of hurt.


Yes, Fidelity; that is also my experience. So I just gently tell them that I am not interested. I will let reality find them.

As far as all those who have written in to tell the world how much work keeping a house is; I have done it while keeping a full time job, raising a child and operating another business. If you are organized; it is not a big deal. Did I mention I am also a gourmet cook so the meals were not prepackaged...just in case some of you thought I was taking short cuts.

I look for competence in life. If it is lacking; a girl will simply not fit in here.

_____________________________

Master Jerry


(in reply to Fidelity)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Looking for a free ride - 8/15/2005 5:10:39 AM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline
i set aside the freeloaders Loving Master spoke of -- to me that smacks of a con game. i am speaking of real submissive women and slaves. The decision not to work outside the home should be made with many considerations in mind, and Padriag pointed some out, but the ones that i worry most about are: what if it doesn't work out? Did you keep your furniture in storage or are you standing there with three suitcases? How will you explain this gap in employment when you return to the job market? Where is the money coming from to set yourself up in an apartment or relocate back to whence you came?

Women who depend on Men to support them take a huge risk that they will not have the careers they wanted; they will not be able to live as middle class people..etc. i think women with children and a good job need to be especially concerned about this. Even a contract laying out what funds He would provide means nothing unless they are on deposit in some bank under her name. The contract may be enforcable and you may get a judgment; but that alone means nothing. You still have to find assets to execute judgment on.

i know there are Doms and Masters who want their women to stay home and not work; but even part-time employment would protect her employability and give her funds to save for a rainy day.

Even if You feel certain You will never release her -- and i don't see how that's possible -- what happens to her if You die? Did You protect her with life insurance? Did You draw up a will and leave the house to her? And if You have kids..what do You do about dividing Your estate?

I feel these things should be spoken of openly. And i have one more gripe. It's irresponsible for women (especially with children) to relocate and move into His home. i cannot imagine either party is ready. i feel instead she should find work in the area and set herself in a place of her own, while they process of getting to know one another continues. Or that He should move to her locale, doing the same thing. Maybe i'm over-cautious -- but i know women who have done this and been put out in a month or two.

Padriag summed it up best -- act responsibly.

pinkpleasures

< Message edited by pinkpleasures -- 8/15/2005 7:43:31 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Looking for a free ride - 8/15/2005 6:32:20 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Erin, I'm not sure why this thread has bothered you, could you explain that? I don't see where any of the dominants responding have talked about having a slave/submissive both work a job and be a full time housewife/husband/girl/boy/whatever.


Padriag, that is exactly what bothered me about it. Not that it struck a personal nerve....just that we were not discussing the other side of the coin as well. With the way that the economy stands today, most often it takes two incomes to make it work. So I see that opposite side much more frequently than I see the freeloader side. While I am certainly not saying that freeloaders don't exist for surely they do...more often than not, out of necessity freeloading is not a dynamic that would work in most households.

Freeloading is wrong...I don't see how anyone could possibly disagree with that statement. But more frequently I see submissives/slaves who are putting in 18 hour days trying to do it all. Lovingmaster45 summed up the attitude that I frequently see in his post here:

quote:

As far as all those who have written in to tell the world how much work keeping a house is; I have done it while keeping a full time job, raising a child and operating another business. If you are organized; it is not a big deal. Did I mention I am also a gourmet cook so the meals were not prepackaged...just in case some of you thought I was taking short cuts.


See, as he said....it's no big deal. You should be able to do it ALL. I have seen time and time again....those tired women who run themselves into the ground trying to do it all. Then as a reward for their effort, they are told...their job isn't as important as his....they don't work as hard as he does....their contribution financially is less significant....keeping house, well that is just easy anyway....keeping up with the children, as a woman that should just be a natural ability....or even worse yet, that if they are overwhelmed by it all it is because they are not woman enough, not submissive enough, not slave enough....something is wrong with them.

In a poly home, all of these issues are lessened because there is usually a system in place where responsibilities are well divided. But in a home where there is one Master, one slave....and several children...those responsibilities can be overwhelming.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Looking for a free ride - 8/15/2005 7:32:38 AM   
subcheryl


Posts: 280
Joined: 11/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: clover
For instance, a couple of years ago, Mistress noticed that my attitude and behavior changed drastically over a series of months. I wasn't ambitious anymore. I wanted to lay around all day (would even skip work frequently) and didn't get much of anything productive done. I didn't have energy to even go up and down the stairs sometimes. To anyone outside the relationship, I would have appeared very lazy. Turns out, I was seriously depressed instead and didn't even recognize it. Thank god my Mistress knew me better than that by that point and insisted I go to the doctor. A couple of weeks and some anti-depressants later, and I was back on track. Better than ever, in fact.
I guess I wrote all that just to support my point, which is the same as some other posters' have made...don't assume someone is a free-rider simply because he or she doesn't work outside the home. It's okay if that's not best for you and your household, but that doesn't keep it from being best for others.
Also (my public service announcement of the day), if your submissive's or slave's behavior changes suddenly or even gradually over a period of months and he or she starts showing lack of energy or focus...make sure there's not a medical reason for it.





I agree with you clover, that depression could make one appear to be lazy and trying to get a free ride. And I want to thank all the other posters here as well, for it made me take a look at what I have been doing. I live with my Master 24/7, I came to him having just lost my fulltime job in a factory that sold out to another company and they didn't hire alot of the old employees back, talk about feeling like a fish out of water, had 14 yrs in with this company, am now 49, have worked all my adult life, and now can't find a job. I know I am not the only one in this position, but very hard for me to cope with at times, so without realizing it have slipped into a deeper depression, I take meds for depression routinely, but instead of taking the two a day prescribed have only been taking 1 which till this pt has been maintaining this area of my life now will up it to the two prescribed a day till things look better. I have done my master a disservice, though and have appologized, I was keeping his home clean, meals made, laundry done, and tending the animals, then it got to where I wasn't dusting, vacuming, just keeping things picked up, the food on the table for him and the laundry and animals taken care of. Yesterday spent the day doing a deep cleaning after reading this thread, I felt so ashamed and bad that I had fallen to this level, I am really seriously looking for a job, but it is still very difficult and have been to the grocery stores, to fast food places camper places you name it have even signed up with one of those temp agencies, anything is better than nothing right. and I know I will not get the wages that I was earning but still a few bucks in the household budget is better than none. Sorry for the ramble just wanted to say thanks for the eye opener.

(in reply to clover)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Looking for a free ride - 8/15/2005 10:22:31 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

She seems happy ... he seems happy ... I think they're both getting what they want.

No offense intended, but when I see people say they are of modest means or whatever, and want everyone to pull their weight ... that's really the point. If you're of modest means, supporting someone fully would make you look at them as a "freeloader." If you make lots of money, you probably look at it quite differently


The problem with this thread is a problem facing humanity, and the solution is a matter of perspective. When we are defining what we want to do or achieve in a relationship, the trap we fall into is the selfish perspective. What I want, what he/she gets, what I have to do, what he/she has to give me to get me to do it. Taking that perspective will always result in a lack of trust and sometimes jealousy in the other person.

There is a simple solution. When you enter into a relationship, the I, me, he, she, words have to be eliminated from consideration. Everything should be considered only if it addresses the needs/wants of the "us". Then you need no rationalization, you need not feel like a freeloader or feel you are being taken advantage. Initially you bring all your wants/desires/etc. to the table. You discuss them, lifestyle considerations included. You take time, you may compromise, it should be a dialog, right up to the point that you are ready to make a commitment. The exercise will also do something else interesting. It will give you a real good idea of what it is exactly that you are committing to. Once the commitment is made, then your lose the I/me. It should be included or excluded from the relationship commitment you are making as discussed.

If you want, as I did, a slave who only had one job, being my slave; you make sure the person you meet is accepting of that fact. You make sure you can afford it, financially and emotionally. You make sure both of you understand all the implications. It's not a easy job to be a stay at home person. It's not fun. As some others have pointed out, it's often boring, can be depressing, and not fulfilling. But it really is fulfilling and exciting even - IF, and it's an important IF, it is part of the life and relationship you set as a goal. Sure there are compromises and situations that don't allow this type commitment, but it's fine as long as you put the relationship goal ahead of any personal goal. If you must work for economic or sanity reasons, go ahead and do so, but appreciate how it will impact your life.

If our situation changed and beth needed to work, I would definitely amend her daily duties, and responsibilities to accommodate it. Pragmatism will always be a consideration. It doesn't conflict with our goals. But ignoring reality would. Hell, just last week after a two week period of handing out $500 to a seemingly endless stream of repair men at the new house, I told her some things we'd planned had to be put off. I know beth felt bad and wanted to help. I also knew that if I'd allow it, she could add considerable income to the household. But the situation was temporary, not critical, and didn't require amending the way we live, or our roles within our relationship. That's the important thing. The integrity of the relationship can't be compromised for comfort sake. In this case, beth would have been comfortable contributing financially, I would be comfortable having more money in the household. But it was more important to have comfort in our commitment to something more important - US.

Unlike caitlyn's friend, there is no doubt that we are both "getting what we want"; but what "that" is may not be obvious. For us, it's each other. And when we are in social settings, business, vanilla, or lifestyle, and the inevitable question is posed to beth; "what do you do?". I smile and get great satisfaction from her answer, and the reaction it generates from any who hear it; "i make Him happy!".

Freeloading? I think we both are freeloading. We freeload off each other, but we don't consider it a bad thing in any respect. In fact we try and seek more ways every day that we can freeload more off each other. That's what makes a relationship, our relationship at least.

(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Looking for a free ride - 8/15/2005 12:38:10 PM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline
There's nothing "wrong" or "right" about the woman staying home and the Man providing all the income. My only point is that women -- especially those with children -- need to preserve their employability as best they can, and that the couple "should" (in my opinion) make provision for the woman in the event of a break-up, death or disability of the Dom or Master. i feel this "should" be the case "without question" when a woman has minor children. For example, some states sell health insurance at a reasonable rate for children of indigent parents, but a waiting period may be imposed for people who have just moved to the state. If the couple has not married, the stay-at-home woman will generally be indigent.

The stakes just go up when a woman with minor child(ren) wants to relocate to be near a Dom or Master. Legal issues regarding visitation mean she must return to court for modification of the custody and visitation order. Most times, telling the judge "i have no job but i want to go live with my boyfriend" won't cut it if the ex opposes the move. A better approach is to secure employment in the new area. A judge may grant her request to remove the child(ren) if she can show she is going to have a better job in the new locale. Sometimes, an ex will not oppose a move but may ask that the woman pay all costs of sending the child(ren) back for visitation and an agreed-upon petition can be filed. However, until the judge issues a new order she generally has no legal right to remove the child(ren).

As to the expenses of sending the child(ren) back to see the ex, at best generally she will bear half the cost. This can be a financial burden and should be considered.

i DO NOT recommend removing the child(ren) without an order or before one is handed down. Deprivation of visitation rights can be a successful basis for a change in physical custody of the child(ren). Meaning, she could lose custody of the kid(s) if she does not follow the court's orders.

We no longer live in an expanding economy; in some areas of this country, it would be fair to say a recession has set in. If a woman has a good job -- one that allows her to provide herself and any child(ren) with a middle class income, (in my opinion) she needs to think long and hard before resigning -- she may never get such employment again.

(In my opinion) the couple carrying on the long distance relationship "should" consider whether it makes more sense for the Dom or Master to be the one who relocates.

(In my opinion) whatever the case, the stay-at-home woman "needs" financial protection in the event she is released or her Dom or Master dies (or is disabled) and she once again must provide for herself and any child(ren).

The bottom line is (in my opinion) no matter what the couple decides, there will be planning issues which "should" be dealt with.

pinkpleasures


< Message edited by pinkpleasures -- 8/15/2005 12:45:11 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Looking for a free ride - 8/15/2005 1:08:50 PM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline 		Merc & Beth ... please post more often. Every time you post, I learn something.

_____________________________

I wish I could buy back ...
the woman you stole.

(in reply to pinkpleasures)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Looking for a free ride - 8/15/2005 10:44:13 PM   
GentleLady


Posts: 356
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

For us, it's each other. And when we are in social settings, business, vanilla, or lifestyle, and the inevitable question is posed to beth; "what do you do?". I smile and get great satisfaction from her answer, and the reaction it generates from any who hear it; "i make Him happy!".

I love that answer. Personally I think it shows a slave who is totally happy with her life and relationship. It speaks to Me of the ultimate goal that any relationship should have. What could be more important then this? A couple cannot reach this point without all the other elements that go into making a relationship work such as love, trust, committment, etc.

edited because I was typing too fast

Gentle Lady

< Message edited by GentleLady -- 8/15/2005 10:45:42 PM >

_____________________________

All things are possible to those who have patience, try, and are willing to learn.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Looking for a free ride - 8/16/2005 4:30:23 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GentleLady

quote:

For us, it's each other. And when we are in social settings, business, vanilla, or lifestyle, and the inevitable question is posed to beth; "what do you do?". I smile and get great satisfaction from her answer, and the reaction it generates from any who hear it; "i make Him happy!".

I love that answer. Personally I think it shows a slave who is totally happy with her life and relationship. It speaks to Me of the ultimate goal that any relationship should have. What could be more important then this? A couple cannot reach this point without all the other elements that go into making a relationship work such as love, trust, committment, etc.

edited because I was typing too fast

Gentle Lady

That's very true Gentle... but its also why I disagree with something from their post, which was this...
quote:

Freeloading? I think we both are freeloading. We freeload off each other, but we don't consider it a bad thing in any respect. In fact we try and seek more ways every day that we can freeload more off each other. That's what makes a relationship, our relationship at least.

You aren't freeloading at all... you're sharing and taking care of each other's needs. That's better described as a symbiosis. Two people coming together in a mutually beneficial relationship that fulfills each other. The rest of your well written post describes clearly two people who are more concerned for each other than for themselves... two people who absolutely are taking care of each other. And it was wonderful of you to share it, its a good example of what sounds like a very healthy relationship.

A freeloader isn't really intersted in sharing or being beneficial... they're priority is on what they can get for themselves. Read some of these profiles carefully and you see it, what they talk about tells you where their priorities are. Freeloaders are mainly interested in what they can get, they talk very little if at all about what they can offer. For someone genuinely interested in a relationship, they'll focus on that more, they'll talk about what things they hope to share with someone (common interests, hobbies, forms of play that they want to SHARE with someone). Freeloaders on the other hand focus mainly on what someone can do for them.

So no Merc and Beth, gotta disagree, you two are not freeloaders... you're just in love and happy and I'm happy for ya!

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to GentleLady)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Looking for a free ride - 8/16/2005 8:52:05 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

you two are not freeloaders... you're just in love and happy and I'm happy for ya!


Padriag,
I was using literary license with the "freeloader" reference. Symbiotic would be a more accurate description. But from the outside there would be and have been many who say I'm "taking advantage" of beth or she is "taking advantage" of me. It matters not to us. Interestingly enough though there is one common denominator from all our friends and relatives. They comment that we always seem to be smiling and having fun and they've never seen us happier.

We appreciate the kind words from you, caitlyn, Gentle Lady, and the others who contacted us directly. We wish to meet all of you in person some day!

Edited to add the PS

PS:
quote:

I smile and get great satisfaction from her answer, and the reaction it generates from any who hear it; "i make Him happy!".
quote: Gentle Lady: I love that answer. Personally I think it shows a slave who is totally happy with her life and relationship.


I love that answer every time beth says it! My favorite though was when she met my mom and dad for the first time. We were still waiting for the bags at the airport when my mom, very quick on the draw, asked the; "What do you do?" question. I though my mom was going to fall off her wheelchair when beth gave her reply! Mom always thought she and dad would have to import a wife from Sicily in order to hear that. Needless to say, that comment at the airport endeared beth to them from that point forward.

beth's daily chore routine and homemaking responsibilities impressed them immensely; although they did wonder where she disappeared to for an hour each day - ("Ritual" time). I said it was her daily meditation; "you know dad - it's a 'California girl' thing". My father was one of those noted above who commented that beth works too hard, wondered if I was taking advantage of her, and said I should get her some help.

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 8/16/2005 9:08:50 AM >

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 60
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