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Do you ever think that the reason you do WIITWD has something to do with the way you were raised, or the way external stimuli affected you over the years? Do you think something in a past life (if you believe in that) changed you into someone who enjoys an activity and a sexual lifestyle that is so out on the fringe of contemporary society?

Do you believe that you are born with this need to be dom or sub or both, or that something made you this way?

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha

What about people who were born with their kinks, but also have no abuse in their family, no issues with gender and grew up in a loving, supportive nuclear family with two parents that remained married and in love, and siblings that lived in harmony?

I've had a fascination with putting men into positions of helplessness and bondage starting with cartoons. It is among my earliest memories, pre-sexual development, pre-orgasm, and has no foundation with any sexual games played in youth or fetishes developed. Nor does it come from any relationship issues with men - father, uncles, brothers.

What clearly affected my "is she gonna be a screwed up kid?" odds is that I didn't go through a self-loathing stage, an insecure period, a "oh my god I must be a freak" stage or anything that led to isolation, social insecurity or fear of relationships. I am grateful to my parents for that, because we were raised in a loving, supportive household. If they had been overly strict or sexually repressed, I might have screwed myself up pretty bad in my own head from wondering why I was so different.

But they certainly were not liberal either. I grew up with a conservative family and a lot of structure. I think the key is having parents that build self worth in their kids and good self image -- then they don't get traumatized in their teens as they try to develop an identity.


Akasha

I also had early beginnings (from around age 7) with "feeling different" when seeing people helpless on TV and in movies. Back then, I used to tie up my dolls and draw little ropes and gags on people in magazines . It certainly wasn't sexually related at that age, but those interests stayed with me through the years in various forms. I also had a happy childhood and stable family life and am not sure why I had those interests, but I tend to believe that, in some people, having a predisposition to being dominant or submissive is already there, hardwired in our brains. Different events in our lives may bring out the side we identify with later in our lives.

Be well,
Julie