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RE: would you go vanilla? - 11/28/2007 8:37:46 AM   
CdnExplorer


Posts: 227
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline 		Would I go vanilla? If it were possible for me to live my life fully that way, yes. There's a lot of pain and struggle involved with the lifestyle at times, particularly as a male sub (and I don't mean the good kind of pain and struggle). I think it would be rather nice to give it all up and be normal, but that isn't possible. I've tried and it just doesn't work.

On some deep level I really need this. Without it something is missing that makes it impossible to make a really intimate connection. I can think a woman is funny, smart and hot as hell but if she doesn't have that little twinge of control she can't grab my attention enough for things to go anywhere. That makes the alternative more difficult than simply being myself. Vanilla just wouldn't be worth it.

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RE: would you go vanilla? - 11/28/2007 9:11:24 AM   
ItalianSMistress


Posts: 427
Joined: 1/19/2007
From: Niagara Region Ontario Canada
Status: offline 		Once you are a pickle, you can never be a cucumber again

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RE: would you go vanilla? - 11/28/2007 9:25:34 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ItalianSMistress

Once you are a pickle, you can never be a cucumber again

Sure you can.
What exactly is a pickle? Nothing more than a cucumber with spices.
Despite the fact that the spices are now part of the cucumber does not mean that it is still not a cucumber.
The two co-exist with each other; neither takes away from the other; and neither tries to take over the other.
All in all; it's just another LABEL that is not needed.

Like a few others have mentioned; I don't see why people have to seperate themselves in such a way.

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: would you go vanilla? - 11/28/2007 9:29:52 AM   
NinjaProphet


Posts: 14
Joined: 12/11/2006
Status: offline 		Uh....just No!Forevah!

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: would you go vanilla? - 11/28/2007 9:33:33 AM   
yrstocollar


Posts: 95
Joined: 8/14/2006
Status: offline 		How long does it take to regain your vanilla status? A month... a year... 10 years? Personally I think some days I'm feeling more kinky than others but that doesn't change who I am... it's much more integrated than that. Even if I'm a non-practising kinkster for quite some time I don't think it makes me vanilla again. You never really regain your virginity do you? You just might not be having sex!

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RE: would you go vanilla? - 11/28/2007 10:59:48 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

ORIGINAL: ItalianSMistress

Once you are a pickle, you can never be a cucumber again

Sure you can.
What exactly is a pickle? Nothing more than a cucumber with spices.
Despite the fact that the spices are now part of the cucumber does not mean that it is still not a cucumber.
The two co-exist with each other; neither takes away from the other; and neither tries to take over the other.
All in all; it's just another LABEL that is not needed.

Like a few others have mentioned; I don't see why people have to seperate themselves in such a way.



Mist is right on here. Do I order a meal in a restaurant in a domly manner? If I ask the woman I am with to please pass the salt, is that " nilla"? I don't see the need to lable any part of me. Like Popeye I yam what I yam..:)

Jeff

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: would you go vanilla? - 11/28/2007 11:41:49 AM   
SunNMoon


Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline 		I just try to be me. I don't go for the "lifestyle" or vanilla, I just try to live my life to the best.

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Profile   Post #: 27
Blathering two cents - 11/28/2007 12:01:57 PM   
Teles


Posts: 44
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		Personally, I don't think I could totally just like... give it up and have a vanilla relationship.  At my most vanilla I still encouraged my boyfriend to choke me and got excited when he stuffed my panties in my mouth.  That was us being vanilla.  It's become more and more a part of who I am and while there are always ways to express it (through writing and whatever else), I don't really feel satisfied without it.  I mean, I know I'm not going to go crazy without sex... My boyfriend has been deployed twice now and it's a vow of abstinence for us (which is one of things that LEAST affects my emotions about it, but has to do with what I'm saying)...but anyway, I don't go nuts without bdsm.  I do write more about it, think more about it. 

Especially as only lately has lifestyle bdsm really come up between us at all.  But like...  I don't think I'd 'go' vanilla.  You want the person you end up being with to be compatible with you in that regard, I think.  I feel like you always have to keep trying and just as it is with any relationship you want to make work, nothing is going to seem perfect from the start... or, if it does, your illusions will come crashing down on you...  You have to work through differences and there can be a LOT of bumps in the road.  I'm sure you know that and me telling you isn't helpful at all, but just bear in mind that in keeping your chin up about relationships in general, *especially* (it seems like finding the right person can be an even harder struggle when you throw bdsm into the mix) bdsm ones, it really takes a lot of optimism and you should never give up on it if it is really important to you.

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: would you go vanilla? - 11/28/2007 12:02:01 PM   
ItalianSMistress


Posts: 427
Joined: 1/19/2007
From: Niagara Region Ontario Canada
Status: offline 		Well its been My experiance that once you find out you are kinky, you can not really go back to plain sex. 
 
Jeffff -   That was what I meant by that cucumber vs pickle thing. I did not mean that you always behave like you are in play, LOL
 
And, Mist -. you can try and get off the spices and such, but will it really ever taste like a cucumber? Not really LOL

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RE: would you go vanilla? - 11/28/2007 12:04:32 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Well its been My experiance that once you find out you are kinky, you can not really go back to plain sex. 


quote:

And, Mist -. you can try and get off the spices and such, but will it really ever taste like a cucumber? Not really LOL

Then it's safe to say that YOUR experiences are lacking.

Why you ask?

Because it is NOT all about SEX.

edited to add

Just because it no longer tastes like a cucumber; does not negate the fact that it is.


< Message edited by IrishMist -- 11/28/2007 12:10:13 PM >

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RE: would you go vanilla? - 11/28/2007 12:12:07 PM   
KatyLied


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From: Pennsylvania
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quote:

Well its been My experiance that once you find out you are kinky, you can not really go back to plain sex. 


I think it depends on how you define "plain sex".  I can live without a D/s dynamic.  But I don't think I could do boring sex.  So much depends on how you define these things. 


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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: would you go vanilla? - 11/28/2007 12:13:37 PM   
ItalianSMistress


Posts: 427
Joined: 1/19/2007
From: Niagara Region Ontario Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

Well its been My experiance that once you find out you are kinky, you can not really go back to plain sex. 


quote:

And, Mist -. you can try and get off the spices and such, but will it really ever taste like a cucumber? Not really LOL

Then it's safe to say that YOUR experiences are lacking.

Why you ask?

Because it is NOT all about SEX.




No Mist, perhaps you misunderstood Me.  I know its not all about sex, in fact, in 13 years in this lifestyle I have never once had sex with a slave.  However, a vanilla relationship most likely would involve vanilla sex, and that is something that I find many people in this lifestyle just are not interested in anymore.   Not to say that nobody in the lifestyle ever has vanilla sex, but the ones I deal with dont and even the ones that do, I doubt they would say it is as fulfilling as when there is a BDSM side to it. 

_____________________________

Governess

"Dominance is the ability to create a hunger in someone that's so strong they will do anything, anytime, anywhere just to please you."


http://italianmistress.livejournal.com/


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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: would you go vanilla? - 11/28/2007 12:17:02 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

No Mist, perhaps you misunderstood Me.  I know its not all about sex, in fact, in 13 years in this lifestyle I have never once had sex with a slave.  However, a vanilla relationship most likely would involve vanilla sex, and that is something that I find many people in this lifestyle just are not interested in anymore.   Not to say that nobody in the lifestyle ever has vanilla sex, but the ones I deal with dont and even the ones that do, I doubt they would say it is as fulfilling as when there is a BDSM side to it. 

On the contrary, I misunderstood nothing. I read, understood and comprehended every word you said.
Perhaps, you should go back and read what I said...after all, after 13 years living a 'lifestyle' you should be able to discern subtle differences, right?



You throw around the word vanilla, kinky, lifestyle...like they all have some SEPERATE special meaning. You are deluding yourself. They are all one and the same and if you can not understand, after all your so called time in this 'lifestyle' that LABELS mean shit...then, hey, live within your own delusion. I won't stop you.

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: would you go vanilla? - 11/28/2007 12:23:59 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

Well its been My experiance that once you find out you are kinky, you can not really go back to plain sex. 


I think it depends on how you define "plain sex".  I can live without a D/s dynamic.  But I don't think I could do boring sex.  So much depends on how you define these things. 



Same here. When someone asks, could you be vanilla, I only relate that to a sexual topic, since my sexual orientation is BDSM. So I could not be happy with anyone who only wanted vanilla sex, but again, like KatyLied said, it is all subjective.

And see my signature line, it says it all for me. At least sexually.

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: would you go vanilla? - 11/28/2007 12:27:40 PM   
ItalianSMistress


Posts: 427
Joined: 1/19/2007
From: Niagara Region Ontario Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

No Mist, perhaps you misunderstood Me.  I know its not all about sex, in fact, in 13 years in this lifestyle I have never once had sex with a slave.  However, a vanilla relationship most likely would involve vanilla sex, and that is something that I find many people in this lifestyle just are not interested in anymore.   Not to say that nobody in the lifestyle ever has vanilla sex, but the ones I deal with dont and even the ones that do, I doubt they would say it is as fulfilling as when there is a BDSM side to it. 

On the contrary, I misunderstood nothing. I read, understood and comprehended every word you said.
Perhaps, you should go back and read what I said...after all, after 13 years living a 'lifestyle' you should be able to discern subtle differences, right?



You throw around the word vanilla, kinky, lifestyle...like they all have some SEPERATE special meaning. You are deluding yourself. They are all one and the same and if you can not understand, after all your so called time in this 'lifestyle' that LABELS mean shit...then, hey, live within your own delusion. I won't stop you.


ah, Mist, I dont know what exactly you are talking about, not sure if it is too much wine on My part, or just not making sense on yours.  I did read what you said, perhaps it is you that should be reading what I say.  you were insinuating that I thought BDSM was about sex, that is what you said, I was clearifing that not only am I aware of that, but I dont even have sex with My slaves, so therefore is a mute point.  Being vanilla or kinky is not really a label, its a way of life, just as My being a lesbian is not a label, its just who I am. 

_____________________________

Governess

"Dominance is the ability to create a hunger in someone that's so strong they will do anything, anytime, anywhere just to please you."


http://italianmistress.livejournal.com/


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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: would you go vanilla? - 11/28/2007 12:30:06 PM   
ItalianSMistress


Posts: 427
Joined: 1/19/2007
From: Niagara Region Ontario Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

Well its been My experiance that once you find out you are kinky, you can not really go back to plain sex. 


I think it depends on how you define "plain sex".  I can live without a D/s dynamic.  But I don't think I could do boring sex.  So much depends on how you define these things. 



Same here. When someone asks, could you be vanilla, I only relate that to a sexual topic, since my sexual orientation is BDSM. So I could not be happy with anyone who only wanted vanilla sex, but again, like KatyLied said, it is all subjective.

And see my signature line, it says it all for me. At least sexually.


I have never seen that movie, but that quote you have makes perfect sense, of course. 

_____________________________

Governess

"Dominance is the ability to create a hunger in someone that's so strong they will do anything, anytime, anywhere just to please you."


http://italianmistress.livejournal.com/


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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: would you go vanilla? - 11/28/2007 12:43:37 PM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		personaly  it to me has NOTHING to do with sex ,99% of the BDSM D /s experiances i have and do  are not involving intercourse. I am not in any "scene"  that says CUT thats a wrap ,I am not  in a lifestyle " what a vauge media term ".It has taken me years to grow and evolve  on this  path BDSM is a huge part of it bu there is much more .I have earned my leathers  and i shall never return them for store credit .Some older gaurd people shall know what i mean .I do not play with people we are not littles in a sandbox .What i  have in my life may not be YOUR bdsm your kink your fetish  your D/s  your edge experiance ...whatever ..And ya know what is great about all this , Not one person to date has to live my lifes pattern nor i their s .Ever since i was very small i knew  in me there was something  after decades of searching and  learning  i know who i am and proud to be a FREAKY KINKY BDSM'er .Why would i wish to EVER join the rank n file  sheep out there conform conform get in line  be like us  NO THANKS .waves freak flag proudly 

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RE: would you go vanilla? - 11/28/2007 1:38:16 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Kind of contradicts itself to me.
 
But using your words - you are lesbien and it's just what you are - who you are.  Being submissive is what and who you are - same thing - for many people.  Therefore 'going back to vanilla' is a moot question.  You are seperating things into neat little boxes that don't really exist except in the imagination.  Having 'vanilla sex' for example - there really is no such thing as 'vanilla sex'.  There are degrees of fetish, there are degrees of boring and exciting.  But sex is simply sex.  The more I hear people proclaim that there is such a difference, the more I believe I see people running from something, or wanting to feel like they belong to something.
Why can't people just - as someone said recently - simply 'live'?
 
the.dark.

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: would you go vanilla? - 11/28/2007 1:46:41 PM   
gorgeous1


Posts: 367
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline 		No way, I would never go back. There's no way hubbie and I would turn back, and if something ever happened to him and I came to a point where I could think of having a new partner, I would seek a kinky person. I'm sure he would too.

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: would you go vanilla? - 11/28/2007 1:48:33 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Why can't people just - as someone said recently - simply 'live'?


I often have the same thought.  There seems to a lot of competition regarding: 
my kink > your kink.  It does get tiring.


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Profile   Post #: 40
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