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RE: Respect - 11/28/2007 12:55:48 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez


quote:

ORIGINAL: Vanatru

I'm not sure I understand this point of view. Do you mean that, if you deal with people person-to-person that they should be treated differently than if you talk to them online?

quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

...
I find courtesy in cyber to be totally fraudulent for those who bring it up. It is totally rude to demand or try to guilt someone to do what you perceive is a “common courtesy” and those who do that just begging for the opposite of what they are asking on my end.




No I think people online bring up courtesy as an angle. In real life people do not come up to you and go I expect this because it is common courtesy. In cyber courtesy is more often then not used for a person to get something they specifically want from a stranger.

For example in real life someone walks up to you being rude and disrespectful they are usually not stunned if the person does something different then smile back and say thank you. In cyber people can be rude, very negative and put zero effort in a message and then demand common courtesy which they are not defining as being rude, negative or no effort back. That is what is fraudulent about it.




toservez, that is absolutely right on, good point. people use the online medium in a far different manner than face to face; there is that anonymity factor that protects people and allows them to say whatever they want without fear of reprisal.

I mean really, someone would get slapped in person for some of the things that are said online. and the constant demands for courtesy and respect are juvenile; adults make choices whether online or in person and if you want immediate gratification you choose one way, if you want to establish something more, you choose another way.

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Respect - 11/28/2007 2:44:16 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		The fact is the simple asking for respect or “common courtesy” is an act of disrespect and being rude to the person you are saying it to. No one considers being guilty until proven innocent a respectful or courteous act.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Respect - 11/28/2007 3:19:04 PM   
petpete


Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline 		WORDS OF WISDOM!!! Chanmaile.. i wish they all read Your post!! How can someone be so respective if all they see is just a profile and sometimes a picture of which it could belong to anyone.. Thank You for reminding everyone about how one has to earn the respect of another and not just demand it..

(in reply to Chainmaile)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Respect - 11/28/2007 7:35:29 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you for the compliment LadyPact, I appreciate you also.


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To Each His/Her Own
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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Respect - 11/28/2007 7:39:44 PM   
Machts


Posts: 96
Status: offline 		Respect is like sun on a flower-it makes it grow, and it turns towards the source of brightness and life.

Shadows are death to flowers.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Respect - 11/28/2007 7:50:52 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Machts

Respect is like sun on a flower-it makes it grow, and it turns towards the source of brightness and life.

Shadows are death to flowers.


This is a great thread, especially as we head into a new year.
Respect is something that should be given on both sides of the D/s coin.
I think many people take a lot for granted here, and we all know that people "hide" behind
their computers online.
I try to be respectful of all that approach me, UNTIL they do something that causes me to not respect them.
We are all human beings trying to make it in the world, I don't expect instant submission, but on the same
hand, don't expect instant Domination, or for me to instantly listen to you go on and on and on about "what you want, what you need and what you can't find." That is abuse!

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to Machts)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Respect - 11/28/2007 7:58:04 PM   
Machts


Posts: 96
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

quote:

ORIGINAL: Machts

Respect is like sun on a flower-it makes it grow, and it turns towards the source of brightness and life.

Shadows are death to flowers.


This is a great thread, especially as we head into a new year.
Respect is something that should be given on both sides of the D/s coin.
I think many people take a lot for granted here, and we all know that people "hide" behind
their computers online.
I try to be respectful of all that approach me, UNTIL they do something that causes me to not respect them.
We are all human beings trying to make it in the world, I don't expect instant submission, but on the same
hand, don't expect instant Domination, or for me to instantly listen to you go on and on and on about "what you want, what you need and what you can't find." That is abuse!


I sometimes find myself overtaken by a sense of melancholy in places like this at times. So much "me"..so little "we".
 
 Then my mood brightens, when I realize that my perspective is one of addition, rather than subtraction.
 
 May it always be so.
 
 

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Respect - 11/28/2007 9:27:36 PM   
LaMspeach


Posts: 794
Joined: 12/4/2004
From: Philadelphia area, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
Yep, being referred to as "hot air" pretty much killed my interest in anything further that he had to say.


Hey waffle, i am so thankful that being referred to as  "syrup" doesnt kill your interested   After all you are sticky sweet.


_____________________________

peach ~ LordandMasters devoted alpha slave
"Only when the year has grown cold does one know that the pine and cypress are the last to wither"



(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Respect - 11/28/2007 9:30:02 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Peach on a waffle, anyone? 

(in reply to LaMspeach)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Respect - 11/29/2007 12:27:52 AM   
heartcream


Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline 		Being a waitress for many years, I am one of those people that is supposed to be courteous to everyone. It is expected of me. However, I am not a robot. When I say, "Hi, how are you tonight? Are you ready to order?" and they dont look at me but say, "Get me a coke." Or, when I come back after a couple minutes and say, "Is everything alright, are you enjoying your meal?" and they dont look at me and say, "Water, get me water." I find it such a lie to be courteous. I can kill them with kindness but you know what, I dont want to. After all these years, I would rather kick them in the shin and tell them to get a clue.

I don't kick them though. If they dont tip me -most of the time, people like this, I think they act in a ragey huff from the get go, because they planned to not tip anyway. It is a weird game some folks play, "I will treat you bad and no matter how you respond, I wont pay you." It is some sort of psychotic twist. I remind myself when I get rude people like this that others make up for it. I will serve sweet, interesting folks who will look me in the eye and say 'thank you' and 'please', tip me fine and make my job kinda fun.



< Message edited by heartcream -- 11/29/2007 12:36:30 AM >

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(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Respect - 11/29/2007 12:43:01 PM   
xAdamx


Posts: 92
Joined: 4/8/2007
Status: offline 		lol....l hear ya heartcream.....I also have been that waiter/server. Do what l do when they don't even bother to look at you when you approach a table. Stand there, don't even say a word. Let them have to look at you. When they say Coke / Water feign deafness lol..make them shout...say pardon, they will have to shout louder, say pardon...see how loud they get.

(in reply to heartcream)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Respect - 11/29/2007 12:54:33 PM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		i give basic respect to people, as human beings....but deeper respect is something that comes with time.

_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Respect - 11/29/2007 1:40:24 PM   
Muttling


Posts: 1612
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline 		Respect is a HUGE thing for me and something I find so very important in all aspects of my life.  My views on it are simple but the details are complex....


IMO, being courteous should be an obligation to our society.  I can be courteous to an individual without respecting them and I try to be very courteous out of respect for myself as well as our society. 

I try to be respectful to everyone, even those with views that are adamently opposed to my own.  It is when I hear disrespect for another's views just because you don't agree with them that I loose respect for you.  I also have a hard time respecting those who don't take responsibiilty for themselves and their own actions.  (This spills over into simple honesty as well.)

I can't speak for others, but I can only play games of humiliation, servitude, etc. when I am confident enough in the friendship to know the respect exist even when it's not being displayed.  I submit out of a choice and a desire to do so, nothing more and nothing less.

(in reply to daddyncherry)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Respect - 11/29/2007 1:58:21 PM   
simplewhispers


Posts: 232
Joined: 12/27/2006
Status: offline 		I really want someone to respect ...... I mean deep within, without either of us expecting it .

_____________________________

A silent woman is always more admired than a noisy one.
Season your admiration for a while With an attent ear. . .

simplewhispers

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Respect - 11/29/2007 6:49:27 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		maille,

There is a difference between respect and courtesy, you a new ager it seems. Not a thing wrong with respectfull salutations.

CP

(in reply to Chainmaile)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Respect - 11/29/2007 9:13:32 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		I have a question to all those people who have stated that someone has to earn their respect, or rather two. Firstly, what does someone actually have to do in your eyes to actually 'earn' your respect? Secondly, what criteria does someone have to fulfill to earn that respect?

Furthermore, following your logic, does a policeman on duty have to earn your respect? Or are there exceptions?

Nobody has to earn my respect, or any other aspect of human interaction, courtesy, acceptance, trust or kindness. It's there.

I respect myself, and assume that everyone else does the same. Therefore I see it not as something to be earned, but to be exchanged.

If you disrespect me, you also disrespect yourself, and I simply move on.

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(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Respect - 11/29/2007 9:21:27 PM   
Einzelganger


Posts: 221
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Orlando, FL
Status: offline 		I couldn't agree more.  What really irritates me are the Dommes who treat me as though I'm less than human, then wonder why I don't respect them.  I don't expect them to see me as an equal; I only ask to be given the same level of respect as any ordinary person.  I don't mind being treated a little less than human by any woman who owns me, but total strangers don't have that right.

Ok, rant over.
 
-Einzelgänger

(in reply to Chainmaile)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Respect - 11/29/2007 9:26:33 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

I respect myself, and assume that everyone else does the same. Therefore I see it not as something to be earned, but to be exchanged.

If you disrespect me, you also disrespect yourself, and I simply move on.



That is much the way I see it.

Now deference is a different matter altogether

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Respect - 11/29/2007 9:27:25 PM   
Muttling


Posts: 1612
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline 		Excellent and VERY worthy questions.   Here are my answers (I don't know that they are "right", but they are my own.)


quote:

I have a question to all those people who have stated that someone has to earn their respect, or rather two. Firstly, what does someone actually have to do in your eyes to actually 'earn' your respect? Secondly, what criteria does someone have to fulfill to earn that respect?


My criteria is respect towards others (including animals and the environment.)  I start with the assumption that others are respectful, but I also need to see it in action.  The best word that I know to describe "in action" is a feeling of empathy.  Either you demonstrate a compassion for other beings or you don't.



quote:

Furthermore, following your logic, does a policeman on duty have to earn your respect? Or are there exceptions?


I don't have to respect the man in the uniform to respect the rule of law and the laws that maintain order in our society.  If the policeman does something disrespectful, there are methods for me to confront his disrespect in a manner that does NOT disrespect our society or the duties which our society has given him.

quote:

Nobody has to earn my respect, or any other aspect of human interaction, courtesy, acceptance, trust or kindness. It's there.


I give you respect out of a presumption that you will earn it.  This statement tells me that I made the RIGHT presumption.

quote:

I respect myself, and assume that everyone else does the same. Therefore I see it not as something to be earned, but to be exchanged.


Again, YOU have earned my respect.

quote:

If you disrespect me, you also disrespect yourself, and I simply move on.


The TRUE measure of a respectful person is how they respond to disrespect.  I think you have done well and bow with reverance to you.

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Respect - 11/30/2007 4:00:21 AM   
Dari


Posts: 192
Joined: 10/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

I have a question to all those people who have stated that someone has to earn their respect, or rather two. Firstly, what does someone actually have to do in your eyes to actually 'earn' your respect? Secondly, what criteria does someone have to fulfill to earn that respect?

Furthermore, following your logic, does a policeman on duty have to earn your respect? Or are there exceptions?


I am actually a rather courteous person.  So to get politeness from me is not difficult - I try to be polite in all my dealings.  Often even when I'm ordering a sub around, it's "please" and "thank you."  I was raised that way.

As far as earning my respect goes - you have to do something that shows me you are a cut above.  Show some effort into being the best person you can be, or do something that catches my attention.  There's no hard and fast rule:  "If so-and-so does this, then that earns my respect."  When I see someone struggling to redefine their lives in a more positive way - that earns respect.  When I see people conquor obstacles that for me, may not be horrible, but for them are the worst thing they've faced - that earns respect.  When I see people show courage and honor in the face of adversity - that earns respect.  There are a million ways to earn it, but no one way to define it for me.

As far as policemen - yes and no.  I respect the uniform and what it represents (same with military, firemen, DHS, customs....all those people who make life run a little smoother or a little safer and who are doing their best to make sure the laws of the country are upheld), so those people get no disrespect from me, in their official capacity.

They still have to earn respect on a personal level - but professionally speaking, I refuse to be disrespectful, even if they're being an ass.  Which, strangely enough, doesn't happen often.  Courteous behaviour is so helpful sometimes.

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 60
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