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RE: What is "real?" - 8/12/2005 6:47:22 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		real: genuine (adj.), sincere (adj.) very (adv.)

Synonyms: genuine, actual, authentic, bona fide, factual, existant, valid, true.

Noun: Real
1. Any rational or irrational number.
2. An old small silver Spanish coin.

Adjective: Real
1. being or occuring in fact or actuality; having varified existence; not illusory.
2. No less than what is stated; worthy of the name.
3. Being or reflecting the essential or genuine character of something.
4. Not synthetic or spurious; of real natural origin.
5. Not to be taken lightly.
6. Possible to be treated as fact.
7. (economics) being value measured in terms of purchasing power.
8. Having substance or capable of being treated as fact; not imaginary.
9. (of property) fixed or immovable.
10. Coinciding with reality.
11. Founded on practical matters.

Adverb: Real
1. Intensifiers


I guess its all in how the word is used, then you pays your money and takes your pick.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to nella)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: What is "real?" - 8/12/2005 7:10:56 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		"Real" is what we do. "Phoney" is what everyone else does.

(There's that old and not-really-so-funny joke: Orthodoxy is my doxy; heterodoxy is everyone else's doxy. The joke relies on the two meanings of the word "doxy.")

quote:

ORIGINAL: michellewarner

What, exactly, is "real?"


(in reply to michellewarner)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: What is "real?" - 8/12/2005 7:14:46 PM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline
So..what does doxy mean?

pinkpleasures

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RE: What is "real?" - 8/12/2005 7:17:42 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		"Belief" and "whore."

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: What is "real?" - 8/12/2005 7:58:29 PM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline
<laughs>

Only You, Lam..i swear.

pinkpleasures

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RE: What is "real?" - 8/12/2005 8:14:05 PM   
LadySonelle


Posts: 280
Joined: 8/24/2004
From: Santa Fe NM
Status: offline
To Me, "real" means that BDSM is not "just a phase" it is a(n adult) lifelong interest and passion. It is an interest which arises from *within* the person, not in imitation of someone else. In a submissive, it means that the service they provide, the play they engage in, the pain they accept makes them better, stronger, more fulfilled. They ride on the endorphins of the scene and they come out of it improved by the experience. If they do not play for a while, they find that their desires come out in other ways in everyday life.

A "real" Domme is someone who has felt the need to dominate nearly all their life. They see the scene from two convergent views: their own and that of the submissive partner. They command service, give pain in order to improve their own technique and to improve the one they play with. If they do not play for a while, they find that the desires come out in other ways in everyday life.

"real" is an ORIENTATION, not a fad or fashion statement. Not a way to get rich or get attention or "shock the Jonses". or wow a chatroom. Fakir Musafar is real. Madonna is not.

A "real" sub needs no collar, nor cuffs, nor ropes. They take pride in their ability to be what the Top demands. They walk naked even though covered by a three piece suit or Givenchy gown and the true top senses them as if by radar. A "real" Top needs no whips nor paddles, chains or bondage furniture. A true Top can create a scene with just hir hands and voice. The "real" Top does not always wear leather. They do not need to. Whatever they wear IS leather, be it denim, cotton, silk or polyester. Or nothing at all.

As My old Master, Donnie Rice put it "It doesn't matter what colour your dungeon walls are if your heart is black." A "real" submissive or slave can excite a roomfull of Doms without saying a word. Bob Flanagan was real. A "real" Top or Dom/me can walk into a room and have every submissive's attention without speaking a word. Fledermaus was real.

Real is rare. Real is dedicated. It is not a "lifestyle" is is their LIFE. Real is what moves the whole scene forward. Real innovates and learns from everyone, and retains the good of what is old and discards what is fad or fashion statement.

S&M means sadism and masochism, NOT standing and modeling!

Lady Sonelle


_____________________________

Come to My domain and read My Lessons online! http://www.LadySonelle.com then place yourself beneath My loving Hand!

(in reply to michellewarner)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: What is "real?" - 8/12/2005 8:34:47 PM   
sarbonn


Posts: 203
Joined: 3/23/2004
Status: offline 		Real means they have submitted to me and I have given them the lego spaceman seal of approval. Anything less just doesn't work.

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Give a man a fish, he eats for a day...
...teach a man to fish, he steals your fishing hole and then charges you for the fish.

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: What is "real?" - 8/12/2005 8:50:30 PM   
Fidelity


Posts: 192
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

A "real" sub needs no collar, nor cuffs, nor ropes. They take pride in their ability to be what the Top demands. They walk naked even though covered by a three piece suit or Givenchy gown and the true top senses them as if by radar. A "real" Top needs no whips nor paddles, chains or bondage furniture. A true Top can create a scene with just hir hands and voice. The "real" Top does not always wear leather. They do not need to. Whatever they wear IS leather, be it denim, cotton, silk or polyester. Or nothing at all.



Bingo,well said. I've always maintained that trappings are pure bs,never rely on them alone. And I haven't given out a collar since my "kiddie phase", during my first five years. I very quickly found what thier real value was-and I don't need a luggage tag to proclaim ownership.

This whole gig is really about the energy-you connect to it,you broadcast it-you sniff it. It lives in your gut 24 7,or you simply aren't it.

The most admirable people a I have met in the scene didn't need flash and glitter-you could feel who they were by pure aura-it was astounding.

They could be flashy and dramatic if they wanted to-but they sure didn't need it. But nowadays, it seems like a media circus. Silly, fluffy, websites spout buzzwords and pc concepts. People buy into it-it's all about the show. What was, is twisted,legendized into something that looks more like the Springer show.

It was happening when I first came in.....I haven't seen it get less diluted,only more. What happened?


< Message edited by Fidelity -- 8/12/2005 11:34:22 PM >

(in reply to LadySonelle)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: What is "real?" - 8/12/2005 9:29:06 PM   
branded


Posts: 1
Joined: 7/24/2004
Status: offline
What is real? Real is something that comes naturally. You do not have to pretend or act, because it is how you really are.

(in reply to sarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: What is "real?" - 8/12/2005 11:38:08 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I'm probably going to ruffle a feather or two (like that would be a first), but I do think there is some validity to saying they are looking for someone real. I'm not going to attempt to come up with statistics, but there the vast majority of people that are on CM and the other similar sites, who may in fact be real people, but are not what they profess to be. I guess when looking for a REAL person, they are looking for someone who REALLY is into BDSM or D/S or M/S or whatever your flavor preference is.


BDSM is what you make it. Whether you are a spank-o or only enjoy powerplay or enjoy....having tomatoes thrown at you while you're tied to a gas stove. It's all encompassed by BDSM. Just because someone doesn't want to move in and have a 24/7 TPE relationship or isn't an edgeplayer doesn't mean they are not into BDSM.


quote:

All too often the cute little ad and profile is a game to them, something they do because they are bored. I have heard of stories where someone has shown up at a munch only to damned near run out the door because they were shocked that there were people who REALLY do this in their everyday life. Similarly I have to think this is why so many messages are not answered, because the recipient isn't really interested in anything to do with what the prospective "looker" is after, they are simply filling a void in their life with an on-line fantasy.


If only I had a dime for every time I was called fake, simply because I didn't answer an e-mail. I don't answer mail if I'm not interested in a person. So of course I always get an extra e-mail calling me a fake, little kid who doesn't know anything. It's ridiculous.




_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to nella)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: What is "real?" - 8/13/2005 12:19:11 AM   
imtempting


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline 		Its just one of the many stupid idiotic terms people use in bdsm.

Idiots use it to try to get rid of the "fake people" but fake people will still contact them.

344-919-232 my slave registration number. I just got it then. So this means im real now. Yo,dawg im now a homie.

Keep its real yo G.

(in reply to michellewarner)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: What is "real?" - 8/13/2005 12:29:15 AM   
Fidelity


Posts: 192
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline 		But did you get the bar code tattooed on your forearm too?

All da cool uberslaves are doin dat.

(in reply to imtempting)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: What is "real?" - 8/13/2005 12:38:19 AM   
imtempting


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline 		Nah Dawg im still a n00b. :( Im real though, I got myself a number from the net using a free internet address that I could just get heaps more. Theres an idea ill get heaps of numbers to proove how real I am.

See i use the net so I must be real.

(in reply to Fidelity)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: What is "real?" - 8/13/2005 1:55:25 AM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

A "real" sub needs no collar, nor cuffs, nor ropes. They take pride in their ability to be what the Top demands. They walk naked even though covered by a three piece suit or Givenchy gown and the true top senses them as if by radar. A "real" Top needs no whips nor paddles, chains or bondage furniture. A true Top can create a scene with just hir hands and voice. The "real" Top does not always wear leather. They do not need to. Whatever they wear IS leather, be it denim, cotton, silk or polyester. Or nothing at all.


Some tops don't like leather. I don't walk naked when I am clothed and I try not to let my submissiveness peak out through my everyday dealings. Although I am sure that to a Dominant it is obvious. But I don't think that makes them or me less real.

quote:

As My old Master, Donnie Rice put it "It doesn't matter what colour your dungeon walls are if your heart is black." A "real" submissive or slave can excite a roomfull of Doms without saying a word. Bob Flanagan was real. A "real" Top or Dom/me can walk into a room and have every submissive's attention without speaking a word. Fledermaus was real.


Some people just aren't exciting. Boring people are not necessarily fake. Not everyone is cut out to be the belle of the BDSM ball. It's hard to get my attention or attract my interest and I don't discredit the Dominants that I'm not interested in.

quote:

Real is rare. Real is dedicated. It is not a "lifestyle" is is their LIFE.


BDSM is not my life. I am 'real.' I don't breathe leather or scene 24/7. I'm not even in a relationship at the moment and I don't do casual play. But I am still very much a submissive. I have more hobbies than kinks, but that doesn't mean that there isn't a need to be Dominated within a relationship or that I am fake.


quote:

Real is what moves the whole scene forward. Real innovates and learns from everyone, and retains the good of what is old and discards what is fad or fashion statement.


Real sounds alot like being an intelligent, open human being.

quote:

S&M means sadism and masochism, NOT standing and modeling!

LOL


This was very well written and beautiful, but I felt like maybe the reality got swept away in the metaphors. Not *everyone* has to live, breathe, and think kink 24/7 to be 'real'

_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to imtempting)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: What is "real?" - 8/13/2005 2:07:11 AM   
themischievous1


Posts: 151
Joined: 4/3/2005
From: San Antonio, Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ScooterTrash

I guess when looking for a REAL person, they are looking for someone who REALLY is into BDSM or D/S or M/S or whatever your flavor preference is. All too often the cute little ad and profile is a game to them, something they do because they are bored.


Hi Scooter,

Yes.. you've summed it up quite well. That's exactly it. When I say I'm looking for a real Dominant, I'm talking about a man who has some knowledge of what he professes to be. He has a clue and is comfortable mingling with people in the scene, though his preference may be to keep things private the majority of the time. The point is that he's aware and confident. He's self assured and knows what he's doing. He's educated about D/s, BDSM, power exchange, etc. He knows how to play, (though S &M play isn't the most important to me). Most importantly, he has an idea how to begin a power exchange dynamic.

"Real" is saying you're a dominant and you are. Being dominant is not just pulling my hair and tossing me on the bed so you can get laid. It's more than "on your knees, slave..suck my.. " I can't tell you how many times I've gotten fired up, thinking there'll be something there potentially, only to find out that said "Dominant" had no damn clue! He had no toys, he had never been to a munch or play party, he had never scened, and he actually expected me to tell him what to do next. He wanted me to take charge. He didn't have the faintest idea how to take control, much less maintain it! He couldn't grasp that it's more than just a bedroom game. Sorry, but that's not "real," in my opinion of what a real dominant is to me. That's a guy who's just into kink, an inexperienced top, or a beginner who isn't being honest that he's a newbie.

Being a Master or Dominant is so much more involved and the real enchilada is rare and obvious. You just can't fake what you aren't. It's a state of mind, an attitude, a way of putting things together, a class act of experience, a benevolent figure that garners respect; well, it's a lot of things. Just kink it ain't.

mischie

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: What is "real?" - 8/13/2005 3:02:26 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

So, if "real" doesn't necessarily mean "honest," what does it mean?


It is completely subjective.

I figure if people need to use the word real instead of the more precise words required to describe what they are looking for, then that is a very good indication that they have no idea what they really want.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: What is "real?" - 8/13/2005 3:05:25 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
OMGOSH!

I thought of M'Lady A last night - I am so glad to see you post - not seen M'Lady in ages...

Yay!

Peace and Love

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.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: What is "real?" - 8/13/2005 3:11:40 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline 		You were thinking of me huh? <weg>

Yes... I've been a busy woman!

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: What is "real?" - 8/13/2005 4:23:26 AM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline
quote:

A "real" sub needs no collar, nor cuffs, nor ropes. They take pride in their ability to be what the Top demands. They walk naked even though covered by a three piece suit or Givenchy gown and the true top senses them as if by radar. A "real" Top needs no whips nor paddles, chains or bondage furniture. A true Top can create a scene with just hir hands and voice. The "real" Top does not always wear leather. They do not need to. Whatever they wear IS leather, be it denim, cotton, silk or polyester. Or nothing at all.


And just becouse one do like the trappings or leather or collars, that do not mean one is less real either, one things is not better than other, it just depends of preferances.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: What is "real?" - 8/13/2005 4:27:56 AM   
Raphael


Posts: 263
Joined: 5/10/2005
Status: offline 		But wait, I like leather, I am real, therefore all real dominants must like leather! QED.

But seriously... I hate to use the word, because there are so many different ideas as to what it means, and so often it just winds up being a way of saying 'whatever it is I'm looking for' so it isn't very helpful.

But I do find myself using it sometimes, and I guess what I mean by it generally is 'serious' or 'sincere.' There are sooo many people that just aren't serious about this, whose idea of BDSM or WIIWD or whatever basically boils down to kinky sex or tie-me-beat-me play on the weekends, casually. Whatever else you can say about me, I'm just not casual. I don't begrudge others their right to be that way if they choose, but it can get very old dealing with people that are casual, but put on a show of being serious, and manage to waste my time. So if you ever catch me talking about 'real' subs or doms or whatever, that's probably what I'll mean by it.

(in reply to junecleaver)
Profile   Post #: 40
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