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RE: What is "real?" - 8/13/2005 6:49:00 AM

ScooterTrash

Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

BDSM is what you make it. Whether you are a spank-o or only enjoy powerplay or enjoy....having tomatoes thrown at you while you're tied to a gas stove. It's all encompassed by BDSM. Just because someone doesn't want to move in and have a 24/7 TPE relationship or isn't an edgeplayer doesn't mean they are not into BDSM.

I agree june, but there are many who are not into "any of the above", they are simply entertaining themselves and not really into anything "nilla with too much time" is more what I was saying. And yes, I understand the e-mail thing, didn't mean it to sound like that was the only reason.

_____________________________

Formal symbolic representation of qualitative entities is doomed to its rightful place of minor significance in a world where flowers and beautiful women abound.
-Albert Einstein

(in reply to junecleaver)

Post #: 41

RE: What is "real?" - 8/13/2005 9:30:29 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

So, if "real" doesn't necessarily mean "honest," what does it mean?

It is completely subjective.

I figure if people need to use the word real instead of the more precise words required to describe what they are looking for, then that is a very good indication that they have no idea what they really want.

- LA

If I follow your line of argument LA, then my views about the use of “Whatever” in reply to questions shows the person using it is lazy and either can’t be bothered to make an intelligent reply, or they don’t have the ability to do so…. Hmmmmmm

Yep I do agree with you on your comment.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 42

RE: What is "real?" - 8/13/2005 11:16:29 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

There are certain dairy products that are real and they have a little red symbol that says so............other than that the entire pantheon of life is open to interpretation, not just whether I would whip the shit outta you or not.

Ron.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 43

RE: What is "real?" - 8/13/2005 11:47:27 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sarbonn
Real means they have submitted to me and I have given them the lego spaceman seal of approval. Anything less just doesn't work.

I think that's the first joke I've ever seen you tell on these boards...
Someone is starting to loosen up.

M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to sarbonn)

Post #: 44

RE: What is "real?" - 8/13/2005 1:15:22 PM

randyd

Posts: 4
Joined: 8/10/2005
Status: offline

I tend to overlook posts that use wording like that. Many of the people have probably just been burnt a time of two, as I have, by someone not being what they claim to be. However I know of others that think all "real" subs and slave should bow down to them because "I call myself master". They don't realize that submission is not automatic, it comes after trust and at least after getting to know each other.

(in reply to michellewarner)

Post #: 45

RE: What is "real?" - 8/13/2005 3:18:23 PM

mossy

Posts: 189
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline

Lady Sonelle

said everything so elequently i couldn't add to her post, it was perfect.

all i can say in my own life in the beginning, was 10 years ago, the couple that trained me? The Domme needed to explain to me quite sad and upset, that:

"a real dom is not someone who meets you for the first time say get down
on your kness and unzip my pants now"

oppps

but seriously, i had nothing to go on....i was brand new....and had no prior experience. To me this was as real as it got. i just thought while we were on the subject of "real" i might add this little story!!! Thankfully, i had someone in my life to help show me how to protect myself, from these "real" people...

_____________________________

~~inner peace & mental clarity~~

(in reply to randyd)

Post #: 46

RE: What is "real?" - 8/13/2005 3:21:47 PM

hardbodysub

Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline

When a domme is searching for a "TRUE submissive", it usually means the domme hasn't the faintest clue about how to entice, seduce, or otherwise coerce a submissively-inclined person into submitting to THEM. These dommes need a sub who isn't very selective, who is spineless enough to submit to just about ANYONE. Extremely unattractive and excessively obese dommes often fit this mold. They don't have what it takes to seduce or coerce a man, so they need someone who doesn't care who the domme is.

(in reply to michellewarner)

Post #: 47

RE: What is "real?" - 8/13/2005 4:16:32 PM

slavek

Posts: 1
Joined: 11/11/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

When a domme is searching for a "TRUE submissive", it usually means the domme hasn't the faintest clue about how to entice, seduce, or otherwise coerce a submissively-inclined person into submitting to THEM. These dommes need a sub who isn't very selective, who is spineless enough to submit to just about ANYONE. Extremely unattractive and excessively obese dommes often fit this mold. They don't have what it takes to seduce or coerce a man, so they need someone who doesn't care who the domme is.

My Mistress has asked me to respond to this.

There are several things i can say. First, everyone's taste in the
physical features of a partner, whether in BDSM or vanilla, is
different. Some people are attracted to "hard bodies" -- male or
female, top or bottom -- and some are not. My own preference runs
to BBW ladies and large, bearded men. I find weedy little critters,
of any sex, unattractive, and I can't imagine someone being
Dominant unless they have the physical bulk to back it up. YMMV

Second, a true submissive is attracted to a true dominant, whatever
He or She looks like physically. Submission involves the MIND,
the spirit, not just -- not even mainly -- the body. A Domme who
can reach the submissive place in a sub or slave, connect with the
particular type of submission inherent in that sub, and call it forth,
could be blue with purple spots and it would make no difference. The
sub will respond. But true dominants are as rare, or more rare, than
true submissives. i am in awe of the few i have known and served.
And true dominants know that the same style of command does not work for every sub, "true" or not.

Finally, you have a right to seek out the kind of domme you find
"works" for you. But you have no right to say your style is the only
one, or who you are, or the One who owns you and your will is, the only
truth. You are remarkably arrogant for one you claims to be
submissive. What would you do if your domme ordered you to
gain weight and stop working out? If your self, and your body,
belongs to your domme, what right would you have to refuse? Your
domme may take pride in your "hard" body -- or she might decide
your pride is ugly and repulsive, and taking down your arrogance
would show your true submission.

First Servitor/slave k

(in reply to hardbodysub)

Post #: 48

RE: What is "real?" - 8/13/2005 8:55:11 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavek

quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub
When a domme is searching for a "TRUE submissive", it usually means the domme hasn't the faintest clue about how to entice, seduce, or otherwise coerce a submissively-inclined person into submitting to THEM. These dommes need a sub who isn't very selective, who is spineless enough to submit to just about ANYONE. Extremely unattractive and excessively obese dommes often fit this mold. They don't have what it takes to seduce or coerce a man, so they need someone who doesn't care who the domme is.

My Mistress has asked me to respond to this.

There are several things i can say. First, everyone's taste in the
physical features of a partner, whether in BDSM or vanilla, is
different. Some people are attracted to "hard bodies" -- male or
female, top or bottom -- and some are not. My own preference runs
to BBW ladies and large, bearded men. I find weedy little critters,
of any sex, unattractive, and I can't imagine someone being
Dominant unless they have the physical bulk to back it up. YMMV

Second, a true submissive is attracted to a true dominant, whatever
He or She looks like physically. Submission involves the MIND,
the spirit, not just -- not even mainly -- the body. A Domme who
can reach the submissive place in a sub or slave, connect with the
particular type of submission inherent in that sub, and call it forth,
could be blue with purple spots and it would make no difference. The
sub will respond. But true dominants are as rare, or more rare, than
true submissives. i am in awe of the few i have known and served.
And true dominants know that the same style of command does not work for every sub, "true" or not.

Finally, you have a right to seek out the kind of domme you find
"works" for you. But you have no right to say your style is the only
one, or who you are, or the One who owns you and your will is, the only
truth. You are remarkably arrogant for one you claims to be
submissive. What would you do if your domme ordered you to
gain weight and stop working out? If your self, and your body,
belongs to your domme, what right would you have to refuse? Your
domme may take pride in your "hard" body -- or she might decide
your pride is ugly and repulsive, and taking down your arrogance
would show your true submission.
First Servitor/slave k

Welcome to the boards SlaveK.
I contratulate your Domme for her great taste in choosing such an awesome servant.
Thanks for speaking so beautifully in response to Arrogant Hardbody, because the response I would have for him is really impropper given my upbringing and the TOS at collarme. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to slavek)

Post #: 49

RE: What is "real?" - 8/14/2005 1:05:57 AM

KittenWithaTwist

Posts: 490
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

When a domme is searching for a "TRUE submissive", it usually means the domme hasn't the faintest clue about how to entice, seduce, or otherwise coerce a submissively-inclined person into submitting to THEM. These dommes need a sub who isn't very selective, who is spineless enough to submit to just about ANYONE. Extremely unattractive and excessively obese dommes often fit this mold. They don't have what it takes to seduce or coerce a man, so they need someone who doesn't care who the domme is.

This is ridiculous. First of all, if someone isn't out on out submissive, I am not the type of dominant who will approach them. I do not feel comfortable with pushing the boundaries of someone who is, maybe, "submissively inclined," particularly because that person may not be ready for more than that. It isn't my place to decide, seduce, or, particularly, "coerce" someone into submission. If you want to submit, great, cool, lets do it! But if you don't want to, I won't force you. I don't work that way. I'm not the mean bitch lady that wants to hurt you, no matter what you say. I don't think this makes me less "true" or "real" or even less dominant. I just work a different way, than, perhaps, you may enjoy. People are like that.

Your comment on unattractive people? That's really disgusting and close-minded. As someone else said, everyone is attracted to a different type of person. So your judgement regarding the type of people *you* don't like is pretty much invalid to everyone but you. Tonight, at a party, I saw someone who was unattractive to *me* giving a very elaborate and intense scene to a very beautiful and very bratty bottom. Was she a spineless doormat? She sure didn't act like it. Was the top very unattractive? To me, yup, but to her, the top was either attractive, or it didn't matter because s/he was sooooo good at play and different types of play that what the top looked like didn't really matter one way or the other.

Lastly, what one looks like has very little bearing on their skills as a dominant or top. If one is confident, strong, and intelligent, one can be a skilled top or dom. That's all it takes. You learn the technique, or the confident air and hey, look at you, you're a dominant. Congrats. Did you have to be thin or even just plump to get there? Nope. Did you need a face lift or a load of makeup or breast implants? Nope. All you needed was power.

(in reply to hardbodysub)

Post #: 50

RE: What is "real?" - 8/14/2005 2:45:47 AM

zaynab

Posts: 377
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

according go my therapist.... "real" is whatever you decide it is.

_____________________________

zaynab[DM]

quote:

i used to care... but now i take a pill for that

(in reply to michellewarner)

Post #: 51

RE: What is "real?" - 8/14/2005 7:17:13 AM

LadySonelle

Posts: 280
Joined: 8/24/2004
From: Santa Fe NM
Status: offline

quote:

Welcome to the boards SlaveK.
I contratulate your Domme for her great taste in choosing such an awesome servant.
Thanks for speaking so beautifully in response to Arrogant Hardbody, because the response I would have for him is really impropper given my upbringing and the TOS at collarme. M

Every day, I feel blessed by slave k's presence in My life. She has been there for Me, and I for her, for over two decades. Her strength, pride, beauty and love have graced our Household and her support has been unwavering. It can be easy to place high emphasis on "looks" and, indeed, the vamilla world does constantly, but when I found by beloved First servitor, she has a horrible body image, had been convinced by her family that she was unattractive and overweight. As you can see from the photo beside her post this is anything but the case!

It was through BDSM that she and I worked through her self hatred and body-image issues. She was convinced that she was homely, unattractive, awful.... until she recieved the acceptance (by the BDSM community in Los Anges and San Francisco) and acclaim for her TALENT as a submissive and slave. She found herself successful and admired BOT because she had a "hard body" but because she was a person of grace, charm and accomplishment.

Folks, it doesn MATTER what your body looks like. What you DO with what you have is the key. Life is a process of learning, of growing and becoming competant. Pride is not like gold coins dropped on you from the sky, it comes, rather, from within, built up bit by bit from what you learn, what you become. Pride, when properly developed, is bone deep and powerful. If you are proud of what you have accomplished, it is more lasting than being proud of what you look like. Looks fade in time, but accomplishments LAST, even beyond one's lifespan.

Lady Sonelle

_____________________________

Come to My domain and read My Lessons online! http://www.LadySonelle.com then place yourself beneath My loving Hand!

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 52

RE: What is "real?" - 8/14/2005 7:17:57 AM

hardbodysub

Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline

You missed the point and tried to make my post into something much different from what I wrote. I never suggest that there is only one acceptable way of looking at anything in this lifestyle. This thread is about people using the terms "real" and "true", and the implications and inferences thereof. My post is simply one interpretation of some of them, one that may be provocative if you are one of those people who can't stand to see someone with a view different from yours.

It is you who in fact are being arrogant and unaccepting of my right to have and state my own preferences and beliefs.

< Message edited by hardbodysub -- 8/14/2005 7:26:13 AM >

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 53

RE: What is "real?" - 8/14/2005 7:50:13 AM

hardbodysub

Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline

I appreciate your posts in general, and understand what you are getting at with this one, but you have missed the mark by reading between the lines WAY too much. I didn't state or imply the things you are accusing me of.

You can be whatever type of domme you want to be, and select the type of subs you want, and nobody is challenging your right to do that.

You can find whoever you want attractive or unattractive, and nobody is challenging your right to do that either. Obviously, everyone has different views on what is attractive, and I NEVER said anything to the contrary. But it's a huge illogical leap to conclude that talking about physical attractiveness is somehow unacceptable. If it's important to someone, they have just as much right to discuss it as you have to discuss what's important to you.

You misinterpreted my post and are trying to assign blame where it doesn't belong. The point of my post is not that dommes who insist on "true submissives" aren't really dominant; it's that BY DEFININING THEIR PREFERRED TYPE OF SUBMISSIVE AS THE ONLY "TRUE" ONES, THEY ARE INSULTING ALL OTHERS BY IMPLYING THAT THEY ARE SOMEHOW PHONY.

I suspected that my post would elicit such responses. Funny how it's so easy for people to twist things around so they can be offended by them, yet so extremely difficult for them to see how their own statements and attitudes exemplify the intolerance they profess to hate. Some call that hypocrisy.

(in reply to zaynab)

Post #: 54

RE: What is "real?" - 8/14/2005 7:51:17 AM

MstrHellsFury

Posts: 388
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

hey...hey...let me put a definitive end to all this disagreement...it's TRUE..I'm REAL...so there...

Fury

(in reply to hardbodysub)

Post #: 55

RE: What is "real?" - 8/19/2005 6:02:56 AM

zaynab

Posts: 377
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

hey, hardbodysub.....
I noticed that you have "in reply to zaynab" in the bottom corner of your post, but your reply was meant for someone else.....

just wanted to put a note about that here..... *smile ~ zay

(in reply to hardbodysub)

Post #: 56

RE: What is "real?" - 8/19/2005 8:29:26 AM

Veav

Posts: 150
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrHellsFury
hey...hey...let me put a definitive end to all this disagreement...it's TRUE..I'm REAL...so there.

No you're not, you're a figment of my imagination! *hums* "You're just a face that I see in the mirror - I close my eyes and you disappear!"

_____________________________

Yes, I am Gordon Freeman. Accept this, and move on with your life.

(in reply to MstrHellsFury)

Post #: 57

RE: What is "real?" - 8/19/2005 12:07:10 PM

night101owl

Posts: 83
Joined: 8/15/2005
Status: offline

I actually found this community after seeing a lot of the silliest personal ads mocked (in a BDSM snark community). You know, the "TWUE MASTER SEEKS TWUE SLAVE" kind of ad.

Sure, everyone is real. But I do get a little snarky when I see someone pretending to be something they're not. If someone's wearing leather in a dungeon, I would hope that they've actually earned every piece of it (and if it's all shiny and new, that reveals a lot about them). But I don't profess to be super experienced or knowledgable about anything, and I typically keep my snark to myself.

(in reply to Veav)

Post #: 58

RE: What is "real?" - 8/19/2005 1:55:30 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub
You missed the point and tried to make my post into something much different from what I wrote. I never suggest that there is only one acceptable way of looking at anything in this lifestyle.
My post is simply one interpretation of some of them, one that may be provocative if you are one of those people who can't stand to see someone with a view different from yours.

It is you who in fact are being arrogant and unaccepting of my right to have and state my own preferences and beliefs.

You are right... You have the right to post your interpretation, did I say I didn't accept it? I meant to say that your interpretation is bitter/unkind, and disparaging to some perfectly fine human beings who use a simple word in their profile.

quote:

When a domme is searching for a "TRUE submissive", it usually means the domme hasn't the faintest clue about how to entice, seduce, or otherwise coerce a submissively-inclined person into submitting to THEM. These dommes need a sub who isn't very selective, who is spineless enough to submit to just about ANYONE. Extremely unattractive and excessively obese dommes often fit this mold. They don't have what it takes to seduce or coerce a man

and I have the right to say I hated your interpretation... See how easy it is to get along with me?
The reason this thread was begun I imagine is because some profiles/words rub people the wrong way... Real is a perfectly good and descriptive word, but when we attach meanings like "baggage, unattractive and incapable to it, than real becomes a real ugly word. To me, real simply means what the dictionary says... To you, some very ugly sentiments. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to hardbodysub)

Post #: 59

RE: What is "real?" - 8/19/2005 4:33:28 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

The only *real* that matters is the *real* that two (or more if you are poly) people build. One of the things that I like about the lifestyle -- it is special, unique for those in the relationship. They define it, ritualize, protocol it, whatever.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 60

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