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RE: If............. - 8/15/2005 6:41:15 AM

slavedesires

Posts: 669
Joined: 3/2/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: nenakajira

To understand yourself.. your needs and desires and the reasons behind them.. the good bad and ugly.. before you decide to become part of something of this nature. To embrace your true nature and fully accept every part of yourself first.. otherwise, youre just along for a ride.

Agreed, but i would hasten to say, KNOW yourself, motivation. D/s is not about sex.
Someone can find anyone to perform a kinky sex act.
I would also ask....what do you mean, "lifestyle?"

~~shy

_____________________________

i speak only my personal opinion, sometimes O/ours.

"i am the keeper of fragile things and i have kept what is indisolvable."
....the greatest gift.....vulnerability

(in reply to nenakajira)

Post #: 21

RE: If............. - 8/15/2005 7:32:54 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

If you could tell someone coming into the lifestyle or curious even just one thing that you knew they would hear and heed........ What would it be ?

Don't believe everything you hear/read--take it with a grain of salt--and after you are done reading and asking questions, go out into the community and see how it works for REAL.

(in reply to Sasy)

Post #: 22

RE: If............. - 8/15/2005 11:16:23 AM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

Forget the shoulds. This is not a country club this is your life.

Do always what is healthy and sane for you, and what brings you joy and fulfillment. No one else has the key to make this work for you...You have to discover it yourself.

Cin

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

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(in reply to Sasy)

Post #: 23

RE: If............. - 8/16/2005 7:42:19 AM

plantlady64

Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

Hello There,
I would also like others stated here tell them to read books.
In addition to that I would recommend them joining local BDSM groups so that they would be able to form a base of friends that could give them advice. I'd tell them they should go to presentations as seeing the different scenes in person are very different than reading books. When I saw things in person I thought were sexy when I read about them, some of them were not so sexy. The same happened in reverse, things I thought I was appalled by when I read about them I found very sexy when I saw them in person.
I'd recommend they get referrals from other sub's that played with the Dom's they consider playing with. I'd recommend they write down their hard limit lists in pencil so they can add or erase things as they figure out their path. Last but not least I'd recommend they take their learning process at their own speed, and not cater to where others think they should be.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to Sasy)

Post #: 24

RE: If............. - 8/16/2005 8:22:36 AM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

i'd tell them that its not like what you read. Reading it and living it are two completely seperate things.

(in reply to plantlady64)

Post #: 25

RE: If............. - 1/22/2006 12:54:30 AM

subiekitty

Posts: 34
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fawne

" It is not just a game"

"it" is multi level, layered and complex. A game that can touch the senses: body, soul, mind. Intellect and primal core. One will change; or rather evolve, perhaps come home.

Plus, its a hell of a good time! )

Excelently said, as for me i have often called it comming home inside my own mind.

but what would i say.. i had to find that out recently as my best freind (other then Master) is talkign abotu wanting to get involved in D/s after seeing the effect it has had on me.

i told her to be carefull, that your playing with fire. Yes it can bring light and warmth to a cold hard world, but it can also leave you burned and scarred if you aren't carefull.

(in reply to Fawne)

Post #: 26

RE: If............. - 1/22/2006 5:35:52 AM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subiekitty
i told her to be carefull, that your playing with fire. Yes it can bring light and warmth to a cold hard world, but it can also leave you burned and scarred if you aren't carefull.

Excellently said.

I would tell them never limit yourself in any way, shape, or form. Be open to any possibility.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to subiekitty)

Post #: 27

RE: If............. - 1/22/2006 6:09:23 AM

phoenixslave

Posts: 66
Joined: 6/13/2004
Status: offline

i would tell them to be honest. Always be honest in where they are and what they want. Too often , people will get in over their heads trying to be what seems right as opposed to what and who they are.

(in reply to comesoncommand)

Post #: 28

RE: If............. - 1/22/2006 8:07:59 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

"Believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see"

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(in reply to phoenixslave)

Post #: 29

RE: If............. - 1/22/2006 9:07:45 AM

Tapestry

Posts: 226
Joined: 10/29/2005
Status: offline

The best advice i could give is to get away from the cyber world and into the real world, join the local BDSM group. Find out what it's really all about, and meet real people. The internet can be filled with players and deceitfulness. And yes, the internet can also be filled with wonderful, honest friends. But for a brand new person, this is not the place to be. Get out in the real world, and then you can more safely come back to cyberspace.

_____________________________

Tapestry

Daddy's Little Girl

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away."

www.tapestry41.blogspot.com

(in reply to Sasy)

Post #: 30

RE: If............. - 1/22/2006 9:28:00 AM

happypervert

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline

There is no instruction manual, but if you and your partner are having fun and being safe then you're doing it right.

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"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to Tapestry)

Post #: 31

RE: If............. - 1/22/2006 9:46:42 AM

champagnewishes

Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline

quote:

To understand yourself.. your needs and desires and the reasons behind them.. the good bad and ugly.. before you decide to become part of something of this nature. To embrace your true nature and fully accept every part of yourself first.. otherwise, youre just along for a ride.

Exactly...resolve your own issues. This isn't a "fix" for some deep rooted problem. You owe it to yourself and your partner to begin this journey free and clear of all baggage. My Master waited a year for me to work on and resolve some issues I discovered before moving forward. His patience was one of the greatest gift I could have been given. The fact that I wanted to be the best me I could be was in itself a gift he truly appreciated.

_____________________________

Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.

(in reply to nenakajira)

Post #: 32

RE: If............. - 1/22/2006 4:08:50 PM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

If you could tell someone coming into the lifestyle or curious even just one thing that you knew they would hear and heed........ What would it be ?

I would tell them to learn themselves first before trying to find someone to share it with.

< Message edited by Sasy -- 8/12/2005 8:34:14 PM >
=====================================

C A U T I O N !

that's ..one------thing

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
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(in reply to Sasy)

Post #: 33

RE: If............. - 1/22/2006 5:36:04 PM

brightspot

Posts: 3052
Status: offline

quote:

If you could tell someone coming into the lifestyle or curious even just one thing that you knew they would hear and heed........ What would it be ?

That it's much more exciting, pleasurable, intense, inspiring, fullfilling when you connect with someone you click with and fall in serious love with.

*Brightspot

_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

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(in reply to Sasy)

Post #: 34

RE: If............. - 1/23/2006 6:37:19 PM

sothernnyte

Posts: 95
Joined: 11/22/2005
Status: offline

if it doesn't feel right, then it probably isn't right for you. and i dont just mean about the lifestyle scene in particular. i am referring to the person you choose to participate with and the scene in which you are participating.

we all have that inner voice. and some of us heed it's warnings. some of us don't. i have found that the more i listen to it, the safer i have been.

and of course, learning ad asking questions is at the top for me as well

sincerely
sothernnyte

(in reply to comesoncommand)

Post #: 35

RE: If............. - 1/23/2006 6:49:16 PM

KittenWithaTwist

Posts: 490
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nenakajira

To understand yourself.. your needs and desires and the reasons behind them.. the good bad and ugly.. before you decide to become part of something of this nature. To embrace your true nature and fully accept every part of yourself first.. otherwise, youre just along for a ride.

Honestly, I don't think this is terribly realistic advice.

My advice would be very simple. Do what makes you happy, and do it safely. Take a few responsible risks. Explore yourself along the way.

_____________________________

"Time travel: It's a cornocopia of disturbing concepts." ~Ron Stoppable

(in reply to nenakajira)

Post #: 36

RE: If............. - 1/24/2006 5:00:12 AM

MasterRobert1

Posts: 225
Joined: 7/18/2005
Status: offline

Best advice I could give would be: find yourself first, who you are, what you want and need. THEN go looking for a Dom/Master. Too many put the cart before the horse. They want to find the right Dom/Master, and they really have no idea what they are doing, what it is they are really seeking; and most of all, who they as a sub/slave.It's like a young girl with no experiecne with men, relationships, or dating, trying to start off find a husband. Not the rigth wayt o go about it.

(in reply to Sasy)

Post #: 37

RE: If............. - 1/24/2006 7:19:29 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I would tell them to be careful and learn more about the lifestyle and don't jump at the first Dom that shows interest,

littleone

(in reply to Sasy)

Post #: 38

RE: If............. - 1/24/2006 10:41:27 AM

greeneyes1962

Posts: 117
Joined: 9/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

I would tell them to be careful and learn more about the lifestyle and don't jump at the first Dom that shows interest,

littleone

this is the best advice i've seen, and wish i had had when i first discovered the lifestyle.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 39

RE: If............. - 1/24/2006 3:50:39 PM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Use Common Sense

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Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to Sasy)

Post #: 40

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