How Much Control Does A Dominant Really Have?

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How Much Control Does A Dominant Really Have? - 11/28/2007 2:12:05 PM

sammiebabygirl

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From: Upstate, NY
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Do you feel you, as a Dominant, can control, correct or modify a behavior that your sub positively believes he or she has no control over themselves?

jen

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RE: How Much Control Does A Dominant Really Have? - 11/28/2007 2:23:20 PM

MystressDream

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From: Colorado
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sammiebabygirl

Do you feel you, as a Dominant, can control, correct or modify a behavior that your sub positively believes he or she has no control over themselves?

jen

Please be more specific. Examples??

The only things that come to mind for me are things like smoking.... working out... weight loss.... All of which I believe the sub has to want to change or work on also or it doesn't work. If they give up total control and follow instructions then it can be possible. But, if they fight it, it won't go very far for very long.

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RE: How Much Control Does A Dominant Really Have? - 11/28/2007 2:28:30 PM

RumpusParable

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From: NYC now!
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sammiebabygirl

Do you feel you, as a Dominant, can control, correct or modify a behavior that your sub positively believes he or she has no control over themselves?

jen

No. Because the reality is that you can't change others. You can change how you relate to them and/or they can desire to please you enough to change themselves.

If they're not willing to put in the effort, no amount of asking, demanding or otherwise expressing your desire will make a bit of difference.

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Post #: 3

RE: How Much Control Does A Dominant Really Have? - 11/28/2007 2:38:37 PM

sammiebabygirl

Posts: 465
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From: Upstate, NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MystressDream

Please be more specific. Examples??

This is the example I have for myself. My #1 fetish is a love/hate relationship with tickle torture. However, when being tickled, I have this affliction which I have named T.I.T.S.

Tickle Induced Tourette's Syndrome

I have absolutely NO control over what comes out of my mouth and have been known to become quite profane. Most that have witnessed this have found it funny and entertaining, thankfully.

But, since I truly feel I have no control, I was wondering if a Dominant would be able to control it. I should add that gags are a hard limit, so that is not a solution.

jen

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RE: How Much Control Does A Dominant Really Have? - 11/28/2007 2:41:09 PM

sammiebabygirl

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From: Upstate, NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RumpusParable

If they're not willing to put in the effort, no amount of asking, demanding or otherwise expressing your desire will make a bit of difference.

I am not talking about being unwilling. I am talking about being unable.

jen

_____________________________

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RE: How Much Control Does A Dominant Really Have? - 11/28/2007 2:49:51 PM

unravel

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i would suspect it comes down to two different situations, per your post and subsequent replies:
- if strictly behavioural, then i would think the Dominant can eventually mold that to a certain degree, if the D/s bond is strong and the relationship solid and lengthy.
- if a psycho-matic issue such as your Tickle Induced Tourette's Syndrome, then no, unless the Dominant is a Health Physician, a Psychologist, or an incredible Hypnotist, then i am not sure he can control such things, indeed.
unravel

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RE: How Much Control Does A Dominant Really Have? - 11/28/2007 2:56:53 PM

RumpusParable

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From: NYC now!
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sammiebabygirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: RumpusParable

If they're not willing to put in the effort, no amount of asking, demanding or otherwise expressing your desire will make a bit of difference.

I am not talking about being unwilling. I am talking about being unable.

jen

They're one and the same in most, and this, examples. What is a dominant to do if you cannot find a way to control this? Wave a magic wand?

At best, they can gag you which covers the response but doesn't stop it.

When it's something a sub can't or won't change about themselves, it comes down to compatibility... and that doesn't sound like it's an issue in this particular instance.

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RE: How Much Control Does A Dominant Really Have? - 11/28/2007 3:07:31 PM

MystressDream

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Joined: 7/11/2004
From: Colorado
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sammiebabygirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: MystressDream

Please be more specific. Examples??

This is the example I have for myself. My #1 fetish is a love/hate relationship with tickle torture. However, when being tickled, I have this affliction which I have named T.I.T.S.

Tickle Induced Tourette's Syndrome

I have absolutely NO control over what comes out of my mouth and have been known to become quite profane. Most that have witnessed this have found it funny and entertaining, thankfully.

But, since I truly feel I have no control, I was wondering if a Dominant would be able to control it. I should add that gags are a hard limit, so that is not a solution.

jen

There is no way anyone can control that type of behavior. You can't change something you can't control yourself. Just my opinion.

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RE: How Much Control Does A Dominant Really Have? - 11/28/2007 3:36:48 PM

Stephann

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From: Portland, OR
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I think the first question is 'would you want it controlled?'

Both my girls hate to be tickled. I also don't enjoy being tickled, so it's just something I don't do to them (and they're terrified to do it to me.)

If it's something you genuinely can't handle, I'd revisit the gag-as-a-hard-limit; it's obviously an effective solution. There's also using a strap over the chin and top of head, forcing the jaw closed (like a dog muzzle.) Would you also consider duct tape to be a 'gag'?

If what you're really saying is that you wouldn't permit any way of restricting your speech, when you don't have physical control over it, then obviously you're really saying is "I don't want to stop myself."

Which brings us back to your original question; "A dominant has the amount of control he/she is willing to exert over the submissive." I wouldn't accept the submission of someone who had a laundry list of "you can't do this, that, or the other thing to me." She's welcome to find someone else to top from the bottom.

Stephan

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RE: How Much Control Does A Dominant Really Have? - 11/28/2007 3:43:43 PM

sammiebabygirl

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From: Upstate, NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

I think the first question is 'would you want it controlled?'

Personally, I would only want it controlled if it were an embarrassment to my Dom. If he enjoyed it, then no. I would not want it controlled.

I was just curious if it were possible to control something that one has no control of themselves. I was actually thinking more along the lines of hypnosis or mind control.

jen

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http://charldine.com/jen2820

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Post #: 10

RE: How Much Control Does A Dominant Really Have? - 11/28/2007 3:52:49 PM

DiurnalVampire

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From: Nashville, TN
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It is possible to control certain things that a sub didnt realize they can control, through conditioning. Hypnosis works for some, not for everyone.

DV

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VampiresLair

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RE: How Much Control Does A Dominant Really Have? - 11/28/2007 4:07:25 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sammiebabygirl

Do you feel you, as a Dominant, can control, correct or modify a behavior that your sub positively believes he or she has no control over themselves?

jen

No.

I can encourage my slave to grow and to change but all true change must come from within in my strong opinion.

That's true for anyone not just those in a DS relationship.

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RE: How Much Control Does A Dominant Really Have? - 11/28/2007 4:17:50 PM

Gwynvyd

Posts: 4949
Status: offline

wow a giggly girl and a foul mouth.. who wouldnt find that adorable? ( yes I am being serious here)

I like administering tickle torture.. as sammy knows from my prev posts and talking to me.

I see nothing wrong with that reaction. It is not as if you are going to be strapped down and tickled infront of gradeschoolers ya know?

If a Dom/me does not enjoy your reactions they will let you know. If they know enough about psy. they can institute behavior mods if it is your wish to stop the "potty mouth" *chuckles* Personaly I would find it to be cute.

As others have said you have to have a willingness to change if there is to be change. ( in anything ) You have that if that is what the Dom/me wishes.. just no direction. I frankly see no need. ( just my opinon.. but then I am not your Domme, so my opinon matters little there)

I have quite the potty mouth and can be quite obscene when I am in a scene. Otherwise I throw people completely off by a sweet feminine voice with all the manerisms of a Southern Belle. ( But a Midwest accent )

I like hearing how people talk and purport themselves vocaly when in scenes. *smiles* such a turn on.

Gwyn

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RE: How Much Control Does A Dominant Really Have? - 11/28/2007 4:23:30 PM

sammiebabygirl

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From: Upstate, NY
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One day, Ms. Gwyn, I will show you my T.I.T.S.

jen

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http://charldine.com/jen2820

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Post #: 14

RE: How Much Control Does A Dominant Really Have? - 11/28/2007 4:28:47 PM

LadyHibiscus

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I am not really ticklish, so I love to take advantage of those that are!

And in answer to the OP, no, I think that a person has to change themselves. A dominant can be a coach in terms of weight loss or quitting smoking, or work with operant conditioning to change behaviors, but the real work comes from the person who wants to change.

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RE: How Much Control Does A Dominant Really Have? - 11/28/2007 5:01:50 PM

rubberpet

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I feel that no matter how dominant someone is, the sub is ultimately in control. It is up to the sub whether they choose to obey or not. If the sub chooses not to obey his/her dominant, the dominant ultimately has no control. The sub who chooses to obey gives up control to the dominant of their own free will. It is simply a matter of obedience. The sub won't do anything he/she doesn't want to do. In other words, the dominant only has the amount of control that the sub allows.

Just my opinion.

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RE: How Much Control Does A Dominant Really Have? - 11/28/2007 5:49:04 PM

MistressDolly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sammiebabygirl

Do you feel you, as a Dominant, can control, correct or modify a behavior that your sub positively believes he or she has no control over themselves?

jen

If he gives that power to her, wholely and completely, yes, if she tells him to do something, he does just that.

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m i s t r e s s d o l l y . c o m

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RE: How Much Control Does A Dominant Really Have? - 11/28/2007 5:51:47 PM

Machts

Posts: 96
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I can control the hunger she has for what I offer her.

And deep hunger goes a long way towards sating obedience.

I have found this as a simplicity.......women I have known felt thier submission more in thier bellies-than in thier heads. You have to know what to feed.

(in reply to MistressDolly)

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RE: How Much Control Does A Dominant Really Have? - 11/28/2007 6:50:01 PM

MissSCD

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We can control some behaviors such as directing a sub/slave to say Yes Ma'am or No Ma'am. We can tell them when to speak. We can go so far as to do a schedule for them to follow daily.
We cannot change certain behaviors such as quit smoking, drinking, drugs, over eating or other disorders only if they wish to do this themselves.
Even with the simple tasks, it takes the sub/slave's consent to follow through with the challenge. In a way, the sub/slave is the one who is in control in a manipulative way of course.

Regards, MissSCD

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RE: How Much Control Does A Dominant Really Have? - 11/28/2007 7:28:04 PM

SunNMoon

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quote:

ORIGINAL: rubberpet

I feel that no matter how dominant someone is, the sub is ultimately in control. It is up to the sub whether they choose to obey or not. If the sub chooses not to obey his/her dominant, the dominant ultimately has no control. The sub who chooses to obey gives up control to the dominant of their own free will. It is simply a matter of obedience. The sub won't do anything he/she doesn't want to do. In other words, the dominant only has the amount of control that the sub allows.

Just my opinion.

I very much agree with RubberPet. That it is the free will of the sub that with each action they are giving up control. Without there choice the dom is powerless, they have no control over the sub.

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Post #: 20

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