Please, kindly reply even if... (Full Version)

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torsub4u -> Please, kindly reply even if... (8/12/2005 9:46:47 PM)

I have but one question actually many around the same topic, and it is something that has been bothering since joining this site, and a few other sites as well. Why is it that a great many Dommes (in my personal experience) do not reply to messages emailed them. I am speaking for myself here, but am sure a few other submissives have encountered the same thing.

Is it too much to ask that a reply be sent stating that You're not interested. I would personally be content with just those two words. I understand that many Dommes recieve many emails from submissives, but is it too much to ask for a reply? Time, I do not think is an issue or an excuse in my mind, all it takes is a click on reply, typing two words "not interested" and a second click to send. It took me 10 seconds to type these instructions, and Im not even a good typist, so It shouldn't take a heck of alot of time to actually do it.

Are we submissives or slaves, whichever we may be. to low a lifeform to deserve a reply because we have chosen to be submisives or slaves? I consider it a courtesy to at least reply to someone.



AAkasha -> RE: Please, kindly reply even if... (8/12/2005 10:15:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: torsub4u

I have but one question actually many around the same topic, and it is something that has been bothering since joining this site, and a few other sites as well. Why is it that a great many Dommes (in my personal experience) do not reply to messages emailed them. I am speaking for myself here, but am sure a few other submissives have encountered the same thing.

Is it too much to ask that a reply be sent stating that You're not interested. I would personally be content with just those two words. I understand that many Dommes recieve many emails from submissives, but is it too much to ask for a reply? Time, I do not think is an issue or an excuse in my mind, all it takes is a click on reply, typing two words "not interested" and a second click to send. It took me 10 seconds to type these instructions, and Im not even a good typist, so It shouldn't take a heck of alot of time to actually do it.

Are we submissives or slaves, whichever we may be. to low a lifeform to deserve a reply because we have chosen to be submisives or slaves? I consider it a courtesy to at least reply to someone.


Consider a few things:

1. Femdoms often get dozens of emails a day, many are one liners, many make no sense, many did not read her profile.
2. Some femdoms don't spend a lot of time here -- if they only have 5 or 10 mins, they can choose to write a lengthy email to subs she feels might be a connection, not writing 10 one-line "thanks but no thanks." Note that the connection here can sometimes be painfully SLOW.
3. I've practiced replying to EVERY SINGLE email to make a point -- it took TONS of time, and 1/3rd of the subs that I sent a polite "no thank you" email would write back and want to ask why, or start engaging in a conversation, as if it were an invitation to talk -- then, ignoring them is rude again. Many won't take no for an answer, or write back something rude. Many take three to four email replies before they will accept "NO" for an answer.

If you had 15 minutes to spend on collarme, and you were seriously looking for a partner, what would you do with 27 new emails in your box with the above facts?

Akasha



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Please, kindly reply even if... (8/12/2005 11:52:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: torsub4u
Why is it that a great many Dommes (in my personal experience) do not reply to messages emailed them.
A)They are either too busy sorting through replies;B)They didn't find your email all that compelling;C)They found your email disrespectful or inapropriate in regards to what they seek; D)They're just not interested...
I'm sure there are more reasons, but these seem like a good start from my perspective.
The only reasons I've dumped some emails and not replied were because they were either terribly disrespectful approaching with vulgar slang/language, straight up calling me out of my name, or they're from the very young/usually in a foreign country type (and I clearly state I'm not interested in those).

quote:

Is it too much to ask that a reply be sent stating that You're not interested. I would personally be content with just those two words. I understand that many Dommes recieve many emails from submissives, but is it too much to ask for a reply?
Apparently it is too much to ask. I'm all for common courtesy, and I try to practice it whenever possible, but the fact of the matter is, most people don't feel they owe it if they aren't interested.
Are your emails to appropriate Dominas? Do you read the profile in its entirety before replying? Some people are VERY particular about acceptable response/email. Laid back folks like moi, simply require that you present self honestly, and only reply if you fit the very basics of what I might be seeking.
Welcome to the boards, and I'll have you know that posting here will allow more Dommes to see what you're about (I suggest not whining though). M



nella -> RE: Please, kindly reply even if... (8/13/2005 4:31:38 AM)

Common cutisy is one thing, but many pepole just dont have time to answer all of their mail. And every woman on this forum, espesicaly the female Doms, get tons upon tons of letters, often from men that are a bit, what shall we say, strange in their wording.



ShiftedJewel -> RE: Please, kindly reply even if... (8/13/2005 5:57:54 AM)

I must be doing something wrong....... my inbox is never overwhelming... and I answer each and every email... even the single word ones.. granted I answer with one word, but I do answer it.

Jewel



nella -> RE: Please, kindly reply even if... (8/13/2005 6:37:18 AM)

i dont get many mails either, but i get a few, but not more than i can answer, but i know others are overwealmed in mails.



Shayna -> RE: Please, kindly reply even if... (8/13/2005 7:07:27 AM)

Most of the time I say thanks, but no thanks, if I'm not interested. But what difference does it make? If they don't respond, they aren't interested, so you actually DID get a response.


The only time I got a big response is when I put up a pic. I left it up for a couple days and then took it down. What's interesting to me when I look back, is that I had just as many relevant responses after sifting through the ton of responses as I do with my no-pic ad, even though without a pic I only get an average of 2-3 inquiries per week. Quantity does not equal quality.


For the OP, hang in there, don't take anything too personally (they really don't know YOU). And IMO you have a nice profile :)




FTopinMichigan -> RE: Please, kindly reply even if... (8/13/2005 7:45:26 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: torsub4u

Are we submissives or slaves, whichever we may be. to low a lifeform to deserve a reply because we have chosen to be submisives or slaves? I consider it a courtesy to at least reply to someone.

quote:

a great many Dommes (in my personal experience) do not reply to messages emailed them. I am speaking for myself here, but am sure a few


Hi, torsub4u. To begin, just based on your post here, I would venture a guess that you're quite articulate, and hopefully the lack of response you're experiencing is not due to you sending one liners to make initial contacts.

Many initial contacts actually don't warrant a response, IMO. I would say that at least 9 out of 10 e-mails that I receive are from men that either don't read AND comprehend my own profile, or are from those that send the exact same "form letter" to all women. It becomes a bit difficult to respond to all of these, and I'm not one to respond by "form letter" either. (I actually received a 'form letter' where the sub forgot to change the name of the woman he was responding to previously.)

My profile clearly states that I'd like a "thorough introduction." (My "journal" states that I won't respond if that "thorough introduction" is not received.) What I get is physcial stats and "I want....I want...I want." This is NOT want "I want!" :) I don't find 'one liners,' and "I want" letters to be introductions. Also, almost all e-mails aren't even signed. I can't help but think that most of us would include our name in an "introduction." Wouldn't you?

IMO, I think, if you detail your responses to the person, and not just to your own needs, that you'll get a response. Read profiles and clearly comprehend what's stated, and what may be asked for in return, and respond to the lady, not just the Domme. Also, I find that many respondents don't pay attention to my own interests, and only seek out their own (that's human nature). Seek out someone that is 'at minimum' compatible to your own desires, and if their desires aren't listed, then seek to find out what they are, and then work to meet those desires if they match your own. Don't seek out women that you hope will change, or learn to enjoy what you do. I can't tell you how many men came to me with interests that they hid, and later said, "but I thought you'd change your mind, once you got to know me." Doesn't work that way.

Also, don't blindly offer to serve/service someone, or submit without knowing them. This type of initial contact isn't worth responding to, as they are ready to submit to ANY woman...which means it doesn't matter at all, who they submit to.

My best to you in your search, and it takes patience and time to find the right one. Sometimes...when you're not looking, they surprise you. :)

K



LadyAngelika -> RE: Please, kindly reply even if... (8/13/2005 7:48:05 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

I must be doing something wrong....... my inbox is never overwhelming... and I answer each and every email... even the single word ones.. granted I answer with one word, but I do answer it.

Jewel


You aren't doing anything wrong. That sounds pretty much like my situation.

- LA



SweetDommes -> RE: Please, kindly reply even if... (8/13/2005 10:12:32 AM)

I answer all e-mails except for a very few. "Hi" (and variations of) and "i want to be ur slave" (and most variations of) are automatically deleted (and my profile actually says that in the journal area - if they read, they know this). Any that are abusive towards me and/or Holly get reported, deleted, and the user gets blocked. All others - even if the person is entirely inappropriate for us, obviously hasn't read the profile, whatever - get replied to (even if it's just "perhaps you should read the profile more closely).

On the flip side, I sent out a number of e-mails the other day to a few male subs who had profiles that interested us ... want to know how many I heard from? Out of 10, I got 1 reply ... it's not just the Dommes who don't write back.



Nuke718 -> RE: Please, kindly reply even if... (8/13/2005 11:42:15 AM)

Heya Tor,

It's not a Ds thing, its just some people are polite, some aren't.

For instance Polite- Answer any message with a "thanks but no" response.
Impolite- Reply back to a "thanks but no" response crying wwhhyyyyyyy

My impression of relationship sites from yahell to collerme is that women get more replys than men, and women with a picture get more than women without a picture.

Don't take offense if you don't get a reply. It could be that they aren't interested and not replying. It could be they are overwhelmed and running behind. Their mailbox could have been overloaded and you messge got lost. It could be they don't actually read their e-mail. Who knows?

Personally if a Domme or a femsub doesn't reply within 3 days (assuming they have actually been on the site in those 3 days) I let it go and look for another match.

What does bother me is when a woman stops responding after we have talked several times. If I see activity on her account but don't ge a reply, I send a follow up to my latest message (just in case the big bad internet ate my last e-mail). If I still get no response, see above...

And sometimes, with a Domme, she likes letting you stew. I recently sent a follow up, after 6 days. She had been on several times, and I hadn't heard from her. I thought things were going well up till then, and I didn't want her to think that I was rude and not answering her last question. Her response was that basically I was impatinet, and she was disappointed I couldn't wait a week to hear from her. I don't know where we sit now, but I'll tell you this, I am NOT making the next move till she asks me to LoL. And to hedge my bets I have begun talking to another Domme who recently caught my attention (and replies promptly).

Nuke }:-



Shayna -> RE: Please, kindly reply even if... (8/13/2005 3:28:39 PM)

quote:

What does bother me is when a woman stops responding after we have talked several times.


Me too. Another "not-only-subs" experience. My point is that it goes both ways. I'd venture to guess that no one walks out the door, picks out any partner they want, and -voila- they get them. I've seen a tendancy for people to post that "all blah blah suck cause they don't respond". It's not about categories of people with particular behaviors, it's people in general. Welcome to dating.






Gauge -> RE: Please, kindly reply even if... (8/13/2005 5:06:43 PM)

I really think that a reply is based on what was written to begin with. I have had a few one line emails that I just had no idea how to respond to, and I am not one to be at a loss for words. I didn't respond to them because they didn't take a little time to say more than Hi. Hi is a great way to start a conversation in real life, but online, because the flow of conversation can be so slow in evolving (i.e., Sending an email and not getting a reply until the next day) it is really better to say a little something for the other person to sink their teeth into.

If I send an email, I usually say hello and tell that person why it is that I am writing to them. If I was attracted to something they said in their profile (***GASP*** I actually read profiles) I tell them what it is that caught my eye. If it was something they said in the forums, I tell them. I give that person a chance to not have to put a great deal of thought into a reply. Also, I am polite... I don't own them nor have they submitted to me and therefore I respect them and treat them like a human being. Remarkably enough, I have a near 95% reply rate to emails I have sent out.

If I put out time and effort to begin a dialog with someone it is nice to get a response, even if that response is "Go soak your head."



Fidelity -> RE: Please, kindly reply even if... (8/13/2005 5:24:54 PM)

The other are right.

No response is a response.

It means "I am indifferent".



slavedesires -> RE: Please, kindly reply even if... (8/13/2005 5:25:14 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: torsub4u

I have but one question actually many around the same topic, and it is something that has been bothering since joining this site, and a few other sites as well. Why is it that a great many Dommes (in my personal experience) do not reply to messages emailed them. I am speaking for myself here, but am sure a few other submissives have encountered the same thing.

Is it too much to ask that a reply be sent stating that You're not interested. I would personally be content with just those two words. I understand that many Dommes recieve many emails from submissives, but is it too much to ask for a reply? Time, I do not think is an issue or an excuse in my mind, all it takes is a click on reply, typing two words "not interested" and a second click to send. It took me 10 seconds to type these instructions, and Im not even a good typist, so It shouldn't take a heck of alot of time to actually do it.

Are we submissives or slaves, whichever we may be. to low a lifeform to deserve a reply because we have chosen to be submisives or slaves? I consider it a courtesy to at least reply to someone.



You know torsub..... i even write that in my email...but nope....no response. Not only is that your experience, but i would venture to say those who dont respond will say....
"why should I/i be bothered."

There are many threads on just this topic....my respnse always has been....just say "no interest" and the person will stop even looking at the profile, wondering what the hell?

Common curtesy is gone to hell. i went as far as to say in my profile....

"Your lack of response will show who you are, if not to us, then to others. If greeted respectfully at the library, would you turn your back, walk away disrespectfully as if never spoken too?"

goodluck...

~~shy




slavedesires -> RE: Please, kindly reply even if... (8/13/2005 5:32:36 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

I must be doing something wrong....... my inbox is never overwhelming... and I answer each and every email... even the single word ones.. granted I answer with one word, but I do answer it.

Jewel


even when i was unowned i was never overwhelmed......i find it hard to believe some gals get 367 emails within 24 hrs. well, maybe if they have a teasing half naked pic on their profile...then they complain and bitch in their journals .....lol

i too answer each and every email, if i dont i am asked why and told to be as polite as able ...but to some which are loathsome, i just do as best as i can and rarely do i block.




batty24546 -> RE: Please, kindly reply even if... (8/13/2005 5:34:55 PM)

Even as a sub, sometimes I just don't have the time. If someone e-mails me with somethine like

"are you interested in me"
"I want you for my slave"
"I'll make you the best you can be"
"Hi"
"are you taken"
"online?"
or the one that bothers me most
"slave, e-mail me"

I really don't bother...if they can't take the time to write, something worth reading, then i don't have the time to reply. If they do write something that takes some time, or if they are makeing good conversation, then yes i will reply. Even if it is just to say "sorry, i'm not interested..."

You have to give a little to get some, No matter what part of the table you may be one. You may expect me to be respectful, just because you are master so and so...but i have standers of my own and i need so basic human respect and politeness before i'll take the time out of my busy day, to talk.

I get just as many e-mails, if not more then my Mistress dose, if i were to wirte every one, I would be online 23 hours a day...

batty



torsub4u -> RE: Please, kindly reply even if... (8/13/2005 8:39:16 PM)

Thank You for Your response to my posting Ma'am, but I speak for myself in general when I ask why. I have never written one liners to any Domme I was interested in, and I do read profiles thoroughly before contemplating contacting someone. On average, it takes me a good half hour to an hour, and alot of time more to write a letter that may or may not garner the attention of a possible match. None have been one liners and most have been either a single paragraph or many, depending on the information written in their respective profiles. As for rudeness of some subs, that I cannot explain. It is my belief however that as sub, being rude is really not becoming of a sub or a Domme for that matter. A sub may be bratty, and may be tolerated by some, but rudeness, submissive and Dominants alike should be put on ignore and that in my eyes would not be considered rudeness.

These are my opinions only, from what I have experienced only. Nothing more nothing less. As for You Ma'am, having taken quite some time replying to each email received and the subs assuming You wanted to start up a conversation with You, there is nothing I could do about that, but If I may make a suggestion that may curb some, I suggest writing something in Your profile such as...

"I will reply to all who have contacted me. Those Whom I feel are suitable candidates will be sent a detailed response, however those submissives who do not meet with My expectations will only receive a "not interested" reply, and be put on ignore."

I think this would be clearly understood by those of us that are able to read the english language. It is only a suggestion Ma'am.

Thanks again, Ma'am.

tor



sarbonn -> RE: Please, kindly reply even if... (8/13/2005 8:56:07 PM)

I've only ever written to one woman on Collarme, and that's just because her profile fascinated me. She didn't respond at all. It kind of bothered me for a short bit, but then you just have to figure that she probably gets a gazillion messages, so it's just one of those things.



MstrssPassion -> RE: Please, kindly reply even if... (8/13/2005 10:22:43 PM)

I ignore many emails I receive.

Most often I ignore them because they obviously did not read my profile. I have more than one specific request so that I will know right away if they did or did not.

I agree with what what a few of the ladies said.

It could take several emails before they accept no means no. I have my very own stalker here on CM. Every time I block him, he just creates a new name. I even wrote support about this, but did not get a reply.

Why should a write anything in return when they write a line or three? Why should I spend any time replying when they did not bother taking a couple of minutes to read my profile.

I personally have very VERY limited time online. I communicate with friends, family as well a a couple of people that are 'new friends'. I co-own a moderated international discussion list on a different server with about 500 members & many of these members are active posters.

I have many reasons why I do not reply. I just don't feel that it is necessary to overstate the obvious. No reply is pretty obvious that there is no interest to communicate further.

People can call it rude... I call it time management.

MstrssPassion





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