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RE: Please, kindly reply even if... - 8/16/2005 10:20:41 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ManOwner

Listen up, fellow Dommes. Shame on you for repeatedly blowing off polite, respectful subs that put time and effort into sending you nice emails! You are rude and inconsiderate, and I hereby scorn thee.
Hey You're not the boss of all of us! I'm generally well behaved with the respectful boys though. M


_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to ManOwner)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Please, kindly reply even if... - 8/16/2005 10:33:37 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subfever
I think your key phrase was inconsiderate/discourteous ___ .

My opinion? I think there's far too much of this behavior going on these days. I've seen plenty of justification in this thread and elsewhere as to why the Ladies won't even acknowledge malesub approaches, but far less confirmation towards the grossly poor manners that malesubs suffer on a consistent basis when sending out respectful and expressive approaches.
Of course there is an overabundance of behavior we disapprove of (weather we are dominants/submissives or vanilla); if there weren't we'd all be happily paired up with the right counterparts for us... So what though?
quote:

ManOwner
Yeah. People suck. Get over it.

quote:

But isn't it high time that the Ladies make an effort to acknowledge non-insulting approaches on a consistent basis? Wouldn't this make life better for both malesubs and Dommes over the long haul?
Yes we should all aspire to do better for ourselves and therefore the world. Most people are looking for what they want/need, just as you are; so until such a time as you find someone who is kind and courteous to you, and can relate to you as you wish, you aspire to do better for yourself, because in the end only you/yours matter.

quote:

What better improves a man, encouragement or beating him up? (Assuming, of course, that one doesn't seek a listless doormat.)
That depends on the man, and the lady looking. I've known someone who behaved much better when he got his masochist fix; it's not my style but is some folks'.

quote:

Is it realistic to expect honest, intelligent, and expressive malesubs to get beat up year after year and still maintain high-quality approaches influenced by positive attitudes?
subfever
No it isn't, but the only way one will ever connect with an honest/expressive decent person is by being one yourself. So, always keep your sense of humor and behavior you know is honorable regardless of what other people are doing. M


_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to subfever)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Please, kindly reply even if... - 8/16/2005 12:05:17 PM   
SlaveR1


Posts: 26
Joined: 7/20/2005
Status: offline 		The one thing you have to keep in mind, if you are real (which I'm sure you are) you will find what you are looking for. I have been told by four different Mistresses when it comes time meet or serve that over 90% of the male subs/slaves are no where to be found. Another words they are at the Starbucks at 123 Main Street, Cyberville USA. I'm not looking to start an uproar, but let's get real, to find a quality sub/slave is hard to do. In my opinion the biggest reason that the Mistesses don't answer is they think everyone is bullshitting them. The other reason is people don't know how to approach each other.

(in reply to torsub4u)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Please, kindly reply even if... - 8/16/2005 12:21:56 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

In my opinion the biggest reason that the Mistesses don't answer is they think everyone is bullshitting them. The other reason is people don't know how to approach each other.


I think that you are dead on, but I would add that if more men knew how to sincerly approach me, I would probably not consider them as trying to bullshit me.

That said, I personally do not make the next man pay for the shortcomings of the last one. I think that is important as well.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to SlaveR1)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Please, kindly reply even if... - 8/16/2005 12:28:54 PM   
TiNeedsHouseboy


Posts: 145
Joined: 4/24/2005
From: Big Apple blossom blown to The Windy City
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: torsub4u
I have always read profiles thoroughly before responding, and have visited corresponding personal and or business websites for some Dommes.
My introductory emails have always directly responded to their profile details, and I've even tried to keep it somewhat short, so as not to take up too much time of the Domme.

You're touching on an important matter here. From what you're saying, I can't tell if, in addition to addressing details, you meet the prerequisites that invite people to address those details. For example, suppose someone says she's only attracted to straight men, in the 25 to 35 year old range. Do you sidestep the reality that you're bisexual and 40? Do you give her a song and dance that you're young at heart, and you only said you're bi in case someone wants to do forced bi scenes?

Let's look at this from the standpoint of a profile being an advertisement. The purpose of any good ad is to create a need that motivates a prospective consumer to buy the product.

What happens when ad is successful, but the consumer is refused access to the product? For example, suppose there's a chic restaurant that's been advertising in an upscale magazine. You call for a reservation. You know the restaurant has a jacket-tie-no sneakers dress code, but it's the dead of summer, you've been sweltering, and you'll be doing a lot of walking around before you get to the restaurant. So, you iron a nice cotton short-sleeved shirt and black jeans -- so that you'll be wearing breathable fabric, plus you put on your really expensive black Nikes. Given the weather and your need to be on the go, you feel/think/believe that you're dressing appropriately. When you arrive for your reservation, the restaurant refuses to seat you.

In other words, just because the restaurant advertised, they were under no obligation to admit you when you so flagrantly violated their dress code. You thought your attire was perfect for your circumstances/needs. Your needs were used to ignore the restaurant's stipulations.

Since a profile is merely a piece of advertising, it never guarantees that you're going to be able to "buy" the product.... especially if you don't fit the desired demographics.

When unable to make a purchase, find a different product! That's the beauty of a free economy. We're not limited to one option.

If you created this thread because you were hoping for a magic answer to solve your "no answer" problem, there isn't one.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subfever
However, what if an honest, intelligent, and expressive effort is not even acknowledged? Should a malesub simply not take it personally and just move on?

Please refer to the above analogy. What YOU perceive as honest, intelligent, and expressive might not be perceived that way by other people.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subfever
so then you're saying that even if we follow up with a second honest, intelligent, and expressive note to a Domme we're VERY interested in... and she doesn't even acknowledge it a second time... then we should simply not take it personally and move on?

There's something about the way you've phrased this that gives me the willies. What makes you think that because a woman's profile appeals to you, she has an obligation to find you worthy of her time? I find this concept scary. It smacks of stalker mentality.

~ Ti ~

(in reply to torsub4u)
Profile   Post #: 45
What he said - 8/16/2005 11:55:56 PM   
lunamor


Posts: 52
Joined: 6/9/2005
Status: offline 		SlaveR1 wrote, "In my opinion the biggest reason that the Mistesses don't answer is they think everyone is bullshitting them. The other reason is people don't know how to approach each other."

Yep. That covers most of it.

Lunamor
New Entry

(in reply to TiNeedsHouseboy)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Please, kindly reply even if... - 8/17/2005 11:46:52 AM   
Sundew02


Posts: 457
Joined: 2/6/2004
Status: offline
quote:
However, what if an honest, intelligent, and expressive effort is not even acknowledged? Should a malesub simply not take it personally and just move on?


Without adding any complaints, hearts or flowers. When I get an honest, short or long, email I answer it. ALWAYS. Manners are manners, everyone should have the strength of character to address an honest query. Sundew


_____________________________


~~~~~Enjoy the ride, the landing could get painful~~~~

(in reply to subfever)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Please, kindly reply even if... - 8/17/2005 12:26:19 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sundew02


Without adding any complaints, hearts or flowers. When I get an honest, short or long, email I answer it. ALWAYS. Manners are manners, everyone should have the strength of character to address an honest query. Sundew



And I do the same. Even if I realize that it is unlikely that anything will come of it, I will still reply, maybe pose a question or two, and take it from there. I am not talking about the boys who send something absolutely silly (or vulgar) or there is nothing in the one or two lines to even address. But anyone who makes that sincere effort, is going to get a reply from Me, even if it is not the reply hoped for. And I have not had a whole lot of whiners who become insistant. It happens occasionally, but it is not the rule in My email box.

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 8/17/2005 3:36:00 PM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to Sundew02)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Please, kindly reply even if... - 8/17/2005 9:34:11 PM   
subfever


Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sundew02


quote:
However, what if an honest, intelligent, and expressive effort is not even acknowledged? Should a malesub simply not take it personally and just move on?


Without adding any complaints, hearts or flowers. When I get an honest, short or long, email I answer it. ALWAYS. Manners are manners, everyone should have the strength of character to address an honest query. Sundew



Thank you! I couldn't agree with you more. Common courtesy and manners seem to be becoming increasingly rare these days, especially online. And I agree that poor manners and discourtesy displays a lack of character.

subfever

(in reply to Sundew02)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Please, kindly reply even if... - 8/17/2005 9:44:16 PM   
MistressGrace07


Posts: 100
Joined: 7/29/2005
From: Chicago
Status: offline 		Things that turn Me off immediatly:

1. Hastily written emails that aren't spell checked or edited.
2. Using the letter "u" for "You"
3. lack of common respect (may I introduce myself to you... I'm blah blah blah) in messages
4. No profile (only interests)


I don't reply to people who obviously didn't read My profile. Mine specifically states that I'm not looking for online (I have it.. it's full.. no more). But everyone else I reply to and find out what they enjoy, what they're looking for and why they messaged Me....

(in reply to torsub4u)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Please, kindly reply even if... - 8/17/2005 9:46:45 PM   
subfever


Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline 		ORIGINAL: subfever
so then you're saying that even if we follow up with a second honest, intelligent, and expressive note to a Domme we're VERY interested in... and she doesn't even acknowledge it a second time... then we should simply not take it personally and move on?


quote:

quote:

There's something about the way you've phrased this that gives me the willies. What makes you think that because a woman's profile appeals to you, she has an obligation to find you worthy of her time? I find this concept scary. It smacks of stalker mentality. ~Ti~


Stalker mentality? ... Oh puleeese...

I've seen you jump to false conclusions before, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised by this.

subfever

(in reply to TiNeedsHouseboy)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Please, kindly reply even if... - 8/17/2005 10:38:33 PM   
subfever


Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subfever
Okay, so then you're saying that even if we follow up with a second honest, intelligent, and expressive note to a Domme we're VERY interested in... and she doesn't even acknowledge it a second time... then we should simply not take it personally and move on?


IMO, yes, you should move on. Do you really want to pursue, or be pursued by a person that would treat you so flippantly, or ignore you, if you were so thoughtful in your contact to them?

I agree that a malesub should move on. I'm not sure if you read this entire thread, but my quote above was in response to another post.

But first and foremost, I think a person should also consider their approach, and does it meet the request, or needs of the person they are responding to. If you're totally off base with your e-mail letter of interest, I don't know how you can ever expect a response.

But if I've been polite and respectful, I do expect a response! It's not about whether or not I'm perceived as a potential perfect match. It's about the common courtesy of acknowledging a polite approach that displays effort.

Most of the "honest, intelligent and expressive notes" that I've received have also been TOTALLY self centered, and are in no way in conjunction to anything I've listed within my own profile.

If an approach writer totally misses the mark in relation to what the Domme has posted on her profile, then perhaps he didn't even read the profile in its entirety. If this is the case, then the approach may be considered as insulting. Insulting approaches either shouldn't be acknowledged at all, or they should be identified as such in the Lady's response to him.

It is, more than not, an e-mail that details all about what the man "wants." He IS honest about what HE wants. He IS intelligent and articulate in his wording (sometimes, but most e-mails come in phrases and framented sentences). He IS clearly expressing what HE wants.

I have no doubt that there's a lot of these self-centered approaches being sent. But I'm curious. Assuming that an approach is polite and expressive, is it better to ignore it so the malesub continues to send the same type of approach to countless other Dommes? Or is it better to briefly point out the errors of his ways so he learns to modify his thought-process... and hopefully, his future approaches?

Also, I'm wondering how a man can be "VERY" interested in a woman, if he knows little about her. How can a person offer themselves, or request intimate encounters, without knowing a single thing about the person they are writing to. (I've had intros come in with "I'm willing to relocate"...how is that...you don't even know my name?)

I must again ask if you read the messages that preceded my response. I did not originally capitalize the word "very," and had simply responded to the hypothetical example given to me.

Today, I got an e-mail (with my profile clearly requesting a "thorough introduction") that just said "wow." Am I suppose to respond to that too?

Of course not. Such an approach is clearly insulting, and I would expect it to be ignored.

My best advice is if a woman doesn't respond, you might try "one" more contact, in the event the e-mail didn't get through. To pursue, or make repeated contacts, after rejection or no response is foolish, and a waste of time. Maybe get a thicker skin and change your approach, if it's not working for you.

I believe sending a second approach with the thought that the first one never reached it's destination is good advice. I might even suggest attaching an explanation note to this effect, to a copy of the original approach.

And I heartily agree that repeated contacts after zero acknowledgment is absurd.




< Message edited by subfever -- 8/17/2005 10:43:31 PM >

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Please, kindly reply even if... - 8/19/2005 8:44:16 AM   
LeatherRose


Posts: 62
Joined: 6/28/2005
Status: offline 		I usually respond to subs but for one exception, when it is clear that they either did not read my profile or did read it and still think that I am going to be interested in them despite my profile saying what my interests are. For example: just had a guy from CA email me the other day, now there is no way in Hades I can do anything with someone half way across the country from me, so what is the point in emailing me? I personally feel that this is a waste of time for both parties.

There's my two pennies,

LeatherRose

(in reply to torsub4u)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Please, kindly reply even if... - 8/19/2005 11:44:10 AM   
Strictlyred


Posts: 2
Joined: 4/20/2004
Status: offline
quote:

torsub4u


I have chatted with torsub4u and he appears to be a decent man..No nasty remarks or sex chat from him...
A respectable sort..
The Ladies don't know what a jewel they are missing out on..

S.

(in reply to torsub4u)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Please, kindly reply even if... - 8/20/2005 9:04:32 AM   
subfever


Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig


quote:

Is it realistic to expect honest, intelligent, and expressive malesubs to get beat up year after year and still maintain high-quality approaches influenced by positive attitudes?
subfever
No it isn't, but the only way one will ever connect with an honest/expressive decent person is by being one yourself. So, always keep your sense of humor and behavior you know is honorable regardless of what other people are doing. M



Indeed, it is far more likely that like-minds will connect. In the context of your message, it's probably also true that "It takes one to know one." I suppose that some of the Dommes who are ignoring honest/expressive decent (using your description) malesubs are probably not honest/expressive decent themselves... so there's no great loss to the malesubs from this category.

Your advice regarding maintaining one's honorable behavior is excellent. I'm not too sure about always maintaining a sense of humor regarding what other people are doing, though. When I thought about this, my thoughts drifted to Leno's monologue. While I admittedly do enjoy parts of his program, many of the current events and behaviors that he makes fun of really aren't funny at all upon analysis!

Whether intentional or not, Leno's humor-process slowly conditions people to first condone, and then eventually accept poor and even criminal behavior.

Now, if you really meant to suggest that I maintain my sense of humor regarding life in general, then I agree, and apologize for comprehending your message out-of-context...

Thanks for your post.

subfever

< Message edited by subfever -- 8/20/2005 9:07:45 AM >

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Please, kindly reply even if... - 8/21/2005 3:10:55 AM   
virginsoul


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline 		MOderator please delelte all my messages. THANK YOU

< Message edited by virginsoul -- 8/21/2005 4:03:52 PM >

(in reply to MstrssPassion)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Please, kindly reply even if... - 8/21/2005 8:37:54 AM   
subfever


Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: virginsoul

Well i will tell you about my case, though i think it is rare that you will find many Mistresses like this.

i emailed Her once with a short message - no reply.

i emailed Her second time with longer message - no reply.

i emailed Her third time with very long and extremely polite message - no reply.

i emailed Her fourth time asking why She is not replying - no reply.

i emailed Her fifth time begging her to answer me why She is not replying - and finally she replies that she is not interested.

A month later i email Her again, and no reply again.

Another month later again i email her, and no reply.

Finally third month i email Her, and she responds telling me that She is willing to consider me. It turns out that many of my messages have proven to Her that i was very serious about this, and She gave me a chance. :)

you might want to try this, but don't be always surprised if it doesn't work.


OMG! Living proof that the stalker approach actually works sometimes! Won't the Ladies just be thrilled to death to see this posted on the boards as encouragement for malesubs to try... NOT!

(in reply to virginsoul)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Please, kindly reply even if... - 8/21/2005 1:06:05 PM   
virginsoul


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline 		Talking about kindness and respect, seems like i should stay out of this discussion. DELETE ME.

< Message edited by virginsoul -- 8/21/2005 4:17:19 PM >

(in reply to subfever)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Please, kindly reply even if... - 8/21/2005 1:48:41 PM   
ModeratorEleven


Posts: 2007
Joined: 8/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: virginsoul

Stalker?

i may have gone a little over the edge, but in my opinion, which you are all free to disagree with, no-reply is the same thing as person not hearing you, and you need to be more clear, perhaps ask in a more polite way. How would you feel if you went over the the coffee shop, order a coffee, and the person completely ignores you, like you are not even there. Will you ask again or leave?

Your coffee shop analogy doesn't fit. If a waitress ignores you, she's not doing her job. It's her job to serve you. It's nobody's job to reply to you.

quote:

And you are right subfever, Mistresses may not like this, but i'll have to side with the sub that posted this discussion, because if i write 15 minute thoughtfull message, and get no reply, i consider it rude not to get a reply on the most sincere message i have sent. One liners don't deserve replies, but i am not a one liner.

There is no obligation to reply to email no matter how much time and effort the author has invested in producing it. Continuing to email someone after being informed there is no interest is far more rude than not replying in the first place. Calling it stalking is over the top but harassment wouldn't be far from the truth.

Try to keep that in mind the next time you consider employing that tactic.

XI

_____________________________

This mod goes to eleven.

(in reply to virginsoul)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Please, kindly reply even if... - 8/21/2005 1:59:22 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		When I see an extremely long and detailed letter, I generally think "form letter". There is nothing intrinsically wrong with form letters, but if they are not personalized to ME at all, then they get very little notice. Why not just include that information in a profile, then refer to it?

If I am harassed by someone, I hit that handy BLOCK button. Works great!




(in reply to ModeratorEleven)
Profile   Post #: 60
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