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Is sex a must? - 11/28/2007 6:58:18 PM   
addisonclarkgirl


Posts: 346
Joined: 7/16/2006
Status: offline 		Lately, I haven't felt a huge desire for sex.  I don't know if it's because I'm getting older, a hormone change, a self esteem issue, I'm not with the right person...whatever.  How does a submissive deal with this?  Can one be in a BDSM relationship without the sexual component? When I am in the mood, I'm back to my kinky, sub, little girl self, but if I'm supposed to be serving someone, is it fair of me to "not be in the mood?" 

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RE: Is sex a must? - 11/28/2007 7:03:07 PM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		To expect to be in the mood all the time is unrealistic so don't let it worry you to much. Express yourself and your lack of desire, let your partner help you through it and if it persists, go see a doctor - could be hormonal or emotional.

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RE: Is sex a must? - 11/28/2007 7:05:37 PM   
sexyone4you


Posts: 613
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline 		Whether you are in the mood or not can't be helped.  Have you talked with your Dom/Top/Master about it? Are there things missing that you need in order to feel sexy or turned on?

I have had a BDSM relationship without sex, and it was great.  However, if there ever was a sexual component to the relationship, at least one person will probably take issue with a lack of sex.

Some people get in a "funk" this time of year.  Is this the first time this has happened or is this a pattern?

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RE: Is sex a must? - 11/28/2007 7:07:20 PM   
Machts


Posts: 96
Status: offline 		People cycle. Look into why you are.

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RE: Is sex a must? - 11/28/2007 7:11:55 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: addisonclarkgirl

Lately, I haven't felt a huge desire for sex.  I don't know if it's because I'm getting older, a hormone change, a self esteem issue, I'm not with the right person...whatever.  How does a submissive deal with this?  Can one be in a BDSM relationship without the sexual component? When I am in the mood, I'm back to my kinky, sub, little girl self, but if I'm supposed to be serving someone, is it fair of me to "not be in the mood?" 

YOu are human. Contrary to belief; we are not sex starved animals who must go at it 24/7/365

If you are not in the mood...you are not in the mood...not much that can be done to change that...what's more, yes, it's fair for YOU to not be in the mood all the time...the question is, can you live and accept HIS actions when you are not in the mood?



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RE: Is sex a must? - 11/28/2007 7:13:11 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: addisonclarkgirl

Lately, I haven't felt a huge desire for sex. I don't know if it's because I'm getting older, a hormone change, a self esteem issue, I'm not with the right person...whatever. How does a submissive deal with this? Can one be in a BDSM relationship without the sexual component? When I am in the mood, I'm back to my kinky, sub, little girl self, but if I'm supposed to be serving someone, is it fair of me to "not be in the mood?"


Can you be in a BDSM relationship without sex?

Of course!

Sex isn't a component for many people in their BDSM relationships, for others it is mostly about sex.

Plus BDSM covers a lot of different types of relationships. Even one of those may or may not be more open to sexual interactions so when you add in personal preferences and couple/group preferences and what you negotiated the possibilities are quite numerous.



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RE: Is sex a must? - 11/28/2007 7:23:52 PM   
addisonclarkgirl


Posts: 346
Joined: 7/16/2006
Status: offline 		Maybe it's because I used to be a total nympho, needing sex 24/7, that this has become such an issue for me.  I loved being the girl who was a slut.  I was involved with a few men at the time who expected this of me, and I was more than happy to provide. 

It just seems that over the past year or so, my sex drive is nowhere near what it used to be, and I feel like I'm not as worthy as a sub. 

I'm not with anyone right now, and I don't know how I can go about finding someone who is looking for a sub/little girl who doesn't enjoy sex that often.

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RE: Is sex a must? - 11/28/2007 7:45:50 PM   
DarkDaddyZ


Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline 		When my submissive isn't in the mood, see thread "From Behind" 

Edited to add: While I do casually play within BDSM with no sex, I still believe all levels of BDSM has is sexual and exciting even if there's no penetration or oral play involved.  But if I'm in a relationship, see above.

DDZ-

< Message edited by DarkDaddyZ -- 11/28/2007 8:01:07 PM >

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RE: Is sex a must? - 11/28/2007 7:59:24 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		I've spanked, humiliated, and tortured more than a few without having any sex.

Sure, I love having sex but it's not a must nor requirment in my scenes. I get pleasure from inflicting pain and being waited on.

It's not to say that I never have sex. It's just that I'm not into BDSM just for sex. I torture and manipulate just fine without sex. Sex and or sexual favors are not done with everyone that I like to scene with. I'm more of a sadist than I am a horn dog. However, my sub will always tell you that I'm a Horny Sadist.

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RE: Is sex a must? - 11/28/2007 8:07:38 PM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		As a sadist sex isn't necessary for me to receive pleasure,its the dance between us two, the giving ,the taking,the sharing,the journey....

< Message edited by BOUNTYHUNTER -- 11/28/2007 8:09:10 PM >

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RE: Is sex a must? - 11/28/2007 8:11:23 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: addisonclarkgirl
Can one be in a BDSM relationship without the sexual component?


Angel has been mine, and in a commited BDSM D/s relationship with me for more than a year now. He is a virgin.
So, to answer your question, you can have a BDSM relationship without the sexual component. AS long as there are enough other things to build the relationship on,the sex would be nice, but shouldnt necessarily be a must.
That varies greatly by person, though.  Fox couldnt be without sex, not now at elast, though when I got him he was in the same boat as Angel. There are even some people who are in relationships where sex is a limit...

DV


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Snarko Ergo Sum
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VampiresLair

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RE: Is sex a must? - 11/28/2007 8:24:36 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		All I can say is menopause sucks. I'm not six months without menstruation yet so no HRT. But the day I am, I'll be at the MD's demanding it. My libido has tanked. On the rare occasion it shows up, it doesn't last. I can't remember the last time I had several orgasms in a row.

And since one of his kinks is forced orgasm, he's pretty unhappy too.

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RE: Is sex a must? - 11/28/2007 8:25:19 PM   
wisteriaV


Posts: 438
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline 		Maybe you  in a lull of sorts. When you hit 40 though hang on it gets amazing. After I hit 40 my sex drive doubled and even as I approach 45 its still going strong. As others have stated BDSM does not have to mean sex.

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RE: Is sex a must? - 11/28/2007 8:50:30 PM   
grlneedstolearn


Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline 		For me i wasn't neccessarily looking for any sort of sexual encounter, and i'll take it from my Dom if he wants to with no problem. Otherwise i could care less about the sexual aspect of this lifestyle. But again it may just be me.

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RE: Is sex a must? - 11/28/2007 8:53:51 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		I don't need sex in every encounter, and I don't need it in every dynamic I am involved in, I have done long term BDSM based purely on power exchanges.
But I will tell you what, I better be getting some sex from somewhere.
All play and no sex makes Kana an unhappy man

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RE: Is sex a must? - 11/28/2007 8:54:00 PM   
pinksugarsub


Posts: 1224
Status: offline 		Every P/person must answer that questions alone; but i agree with O/others who have advised you to see a MD.  This is a unwanted change in your life, and can be dealt with.
 
pinksugarsub

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RE: Is sex a must? - 11/28/2007 9:09:13 PM   
danae


Posts: 46
Joined: 1/2/2004
Status: offline 		DesFIP:
if you have to wait 6 mos for HRT;  you are seeing the wrong Dr..  look for info on Dr John C Arpels, a menopause and HRT specialist.


addisonclarkgirl:

if you aren't with anyone right now, why not give yourself a break and spend time doing other kinds of service.   perhaps there is a BDSM organization you are part of that needs a mentor group, or a support group for submissives, started; maybe there is somewhere you can even do vanilla volunteering..  you might be surprised and pleased at what you discover in the time to yourself ;>  

best of luck,
danae [Zeus]







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danae [Zeus]

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RE: Is sex a must? - 11/28/2007 10:34:41 PM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		As a 21-year old male, the idea of not having a sexual aspect to a relationship?  That's pretty incomprehensible.  I mean, I couldn't go without; it just wouldn't be natural nor healthy.  So, if I were with such a girl, I would have to have a sex life outside of my relationship with her.

Your needs are important.  Still, if you're with someone and they have their own needs, you may have to be prepared to accept them seeking them out.

Of course, older men may have less of a need; I'm not old enough yet to have the personal experience of a decreased sex drive, so I'm not sure if they're able to go without or not.

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RE: Is sex a must? - 11/28/2007 11:13:49 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		I have two Ms relationships that aren't sexual, even though one pair of us are compatible. I have another one that has sex as a loose component. I have a fourth where I can't imagine there not being sex. I also know MANY Ms couples who have opposite sexual orientations. So, it doesn't have to be a part if you won't want it to be.

Master Fire


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RE: Is sex a must? - 11/29/2007 5:55:50 AM   
addisonclarkgirl


Posts: 346
Joined: 7/16/2006
Status: offline 		I appreciate everything that all of you have said.  Sometimes I think I'm ok with it, but then other times, I wonder if it's a drawback to entering into a relationship.  I guess it would be in any type of relationship, but I feel a tad better knowing that it is possible.  You just have to find the right person and be open to different ideas.

_____________________________

I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set her free...Michelangelo


http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Princess_of_Naughty_Pics

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Profile   Post #: 20
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