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RE: Monogamy -- at what point? - 8/13/2005 4:02:53 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kinkypupper

In monogamy and such there should be NO double standard.
If a "dom" wants a submissive to be monogamous but THEY reserve the right to play with others and she is not involved is wrong and one sided.
It its monogamous it should be it its to be poly then it should be.
When its one sided then that is a sure sign that the "dom" is not who they way they are.

Why?

As a slave I accept that the Owner can control my actions- this includes what partners I can have. If the Owner wants to go eat a steak and watch a movie and tells me I need to go wash the dishes and clean the floors, it's not wrong at all and it's certainly not a sign that the dominant isn't a dominant.

Funny idea of what authority exchange is you have there.

I have no problems if a dominant CHOOSES for everyone to be monogamous and wants it that way, but they certainly aren't "not dominant" because they choose one thing for themselves and another for their property.

(in reply to Kinkypupper)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Monogamy -- at what point? - 8/13/2005 4:14:18 PM   
Fidelity


Posts: 192
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline 		Phil?

You have some interesting pre-concieved notions. There are no double standards in consensual D/s-only AGREED UPON standards.

(in reply to Kinkypupper)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Monogamy -- at what point? - 8/13/2005 9:59:13 PM   
MistressFire70


Posts: 378
Joined: 7/25/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		You each "should" only be monogamous if that's what you've decided for the relationship. Of course, this needs to be discussed right away. If one of you are poly and the other is poly, then there will be problems.

But, I'll assume that you are both poly. The easiest way to decide who should be monogamous and when is to talk to your potential Dominant. Just like in the vanilla world, there is dating for fun, and then there is dating for a relationship. Just ask what his expectations are and explain what yours are and go from there.

Fire



_____________________________

you have come to a great chasm. Jump. It's not as wide as you think.

(in reply to pinkpleasures)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Monogamy -- at what point? - 8/14/2005 12:28:10 AM   
domtimothy46176


Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures

i have been through all the stages of searching, including dating, and i have been asked to become faithful by men at various points. After IM'ing awhile; after some phone contact; after meeting; after we begin dating. My question is when should a submissive woman or slave become monogamous to a Dom or Master who has not collared her; and does the Dom or Master need to become monogamous as well?

And if a Dom or Master who has collared a submissive woman or slave retains some "rights" to go outside the relationship for "play" or whatever, does the submissive woman or slave have the same rights to do so?

Is there a double standard?

Many thanks to mossy for help in writing this post.

pinkpleasures


Communication, negotiation and trust are the factors at play behind the answers to your questions, IMO. In this, I would say it's no different than similar questions within a vanilla setting. There are no community standards to follow. As you've seen from some of the other responses, each dynamic holds the possibility of a specific set of answers. In general, you have to follow your heart, accept only that you can accept with peace and graciousness and talk out the details until you're certain you know exactly where you stand. Based on my own experiences and observations, I would say the key is to be frank and honest with both yourself and your potential dominant about what you feel is neccessary for you to function within the relationship at the level you aspire to. Ambiguity within the context of fidelity increases the liklihood of very painful misunderstandings.
Timothy

(in reply to pinkpleasures)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Monogamy -- at what point? - 8/14/2005 12:36:58 AM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		Ask them. I guess that could be an uncomfortable sort of conversation depending on the relationship.

And to quote someone somewhere who I cannot remember, "Never let someone be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option." (unless you get off on that sort of thing I guess)



_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to domtimothy46176)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Monogamy -- at what point? - 8/14/2005 2:56:32 AM   
zaynab


Posts: 377
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		what does monogamous mean?

_____________________________

zaynab[DM]
quote:

i used to care... but now i take a pill for that

(in reply to pinkpleasures)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Monogamy -- at what point? - 8/14/2005 6:19:30 AM   
tarnishedhalo777


Posts: 119
Status: offline 		oh bingo!!!

_____________________________

I will not die the death of loneliness by being afraid to love and afraid to get hurt. I will not commit figurative suicide by leaving my potential underdeveloped because I am afraid to take risks.

(in reply to Fidelity)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Monogamy -- at what point? - 8/14/2005 6:28:19 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Yeah, I like that too............

Uncle Bill says....."I did not have sex with that woman"

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to tarnishedhalo777)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Monogamy -- at what point? - 8/14/2005 8:23:18 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Say Whattttt???

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Monogamy -- at what point? - 8/14/2005 1:09:58 PM   
MstrHellsFury


Posts: 388
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		good quote...but then again the wheel goes round and round...except when you have a flat...

Fury

(in reply to junecleaver)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Monogamy -- at what point? - 8/15/2005 1:27:02 AM   
MsPurrmeow


Posts: 261
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline 		You not only have the right, but the responsibility to ask and make things clear. Very clear. If you don't understand the answer, ask again. If you even have an inkling about using the word "assume", then start over from scratch, you obviously have not verbalized the situation clearly yet.

Whether or not one is monogamous and the other is not has nothing to do with double standards. If you both are clear on the situation and you both agree to it, then it is simply "what you agreed to."

Purr

(in reply to pinkpleasures)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Monogamy -- at what point? - 8/15/2005 1:53:37 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsPurrmeow

You not only have the right, but the responsibility to ask and make things clear. Very clear. If you don't understand the answer, ask again. If you even have an inkling about using the word "assume", then start over from scratch, you obviously have not verbalized the situation clearly yet.

Whether or not one is monogamous and the other is not has nothing to do with double standards. If you both are clear on the situation and you both agree to it, then it is simply "what you agreed to."

Purr



Assume…. Yes I have some issues when I see or hear it being used in areas which are important to relationships or situations which may involve danger.

ASSUME = To make an ASS out of yoU and ME… (I’m a Bear, an old Grizzly not a Jackass…….)

It’s a bit like the over use of the word Expert.
EXPERT…..=….. eX marks the spot; eXPERT is a drip under pressure.



_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to MsPurrmeow)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Monogamy -- at what point? - 8/15/2005 3:12:14 AM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		It would seem that you are going to get as many varying answers as there are posters for this question. However, I don't think that double standards are necessarily a part of D/S. The way you phrased it, it would seem that a relationship would hinge around more than playtime. If that's the case, then there are many who would not agree with Emerald Slave's statement of "the dom makes the rules, the sub doesn't". This is a field where there aren't any specific rules. It's all highly individual, especially if you are not life-style oriented in your play. So talk, talk, and talk some more. If you feel you are ready for a relationship, don't let your dom/me discount that out of hand. If they are unwilling to hear your side of it, consider finding someone who will.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Monogamy -- at what point? - 8/15/2005 3:47:29 AM   
LdyAuburn


Posts: 179
Joined: 5/9/2004
Status: offline 		Definitely up to the couple involved. It could also change as time/relationship evolves.
I would ask if he was going to being see others just so you arent surprised if he mentions he is going to X function xy submissive and not you

(in reply to pinkpleasures)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Monogamy -- at what point? - 8/15/2005 9:04:33 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

My question is when should a submissive woman or slave become monogamous to a Dom or Master who has not collared her; and does the Dom or Master need to become monogamous as well?


there is no rule book other than the one that you and your Dom or Master write together.

quote:

if a Dom or Master who has collared a submissive woman or slave retains some "rights" to go outside the relationship for "play" or whatever, does the submissive woman or slave have the same rights to do so?


it has been this slave's experience that upon collaring, there are definite rules and rights that have been fleshed out by both parties and agreed upon--prior to the collaring. so same answer as before, depending on the rules that you and your Dom or Master have "written", regardless if that is just verbal communication or put down on paper (contract).

quote:

Is there a double standard?


if one person is in authority and the other is to obey, then how can it be a double standard? this slave has no ownership of Master, does not tell Him what He can and cannot do--if this slave wanted that, she would have stayed vanilla and searched for a vanilla husband.

(in reply to pinkpleasures)
Profile   Post #: 35
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