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takenbyjohnr07 -> To all sub/slaves (11/30/2007 7:05:04 AM)

When the D/s lifestyle was still just all in your head do you find that your D/s life turned out to be better than your fantasies, the same or not all at what you thought it would be. For me it has gone beyond my wildest dreams. i never thought i would ever know such happiness, freedom and peace. i do hope that everyone has found that or will find that.



Rianne -> RE: To all sub/slaves (11/30/2007 7:32:22 AM)

I was very afraid to let it out of the fantasy realm for a long time, and am so grateful that I've been lead out of the closet by ones who loves my submission.  My Sir sets me right with the world each time he introduces a new sensation or experience.  The fantasy was good, but the reality is much better.



IrishMist -> RE: To all sub/slaves (11/30/2007 7:40:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

When the D/s lifestyle was still just all in your head do you find that your D/s life turned out to be better than your fantasies, the same or not all at what you thought it would be. For me it has gone beyond my wildest dreams. i never thought i would ever know such happiness, freedom and peace. i do hope that everyone has found that or will find that.

I am confused. What do you mean by just all in your head?



DiurnalVampire -> RE: To all sub/slaves (11/30/2007 7:44:34 AM)

I think the OP means when you were fantasizing about what being a sub/slave would be but before you had had any realtime experiene at all.




juliaoceania -> RE: To all sub/slaves (11/30/2007 7:56:38 AM)

I had only one recurring masochistic fantasy that I have had done to me, and that was repeatedly thinking about someone slapping my face before they had sex with me. I found this so threatening before I discovered my masochistic side that I would push it out of my mind. I thought I was mental (now I know I am[:D][:D][:D])

I called the above a "fantasy", but it was not technically a fantasy because it scared me so much that I just wouldn't allow it to be in my mind. I also fantasized about rough sex, but not about being spanked or tied up or any of the other yummy things he does to me.... but the face slapping is a way to get me to drop so fast and so hard into subspace that the first time he did it I nearly vomited. Since it just scared me in my thoughts, and the reality of it was that it made me hot and high on subspace... I would say the reality is so damn awesome compared to having the idea of it, there just is no comparison.

As far as the lifestyle and when it was new in my head, well I envisioned being sexually used constantly...lmao. I can honestly say that I did not think about the relationship aspects of it for a couple of months because I just wanted to play with this part of me. I loved the man that introduced me to this lifestyle, so he kinda reigned me in and woke me up to reality of it all...

But the reality being better than the fantasy happened with my Daddy. I love him deeply, and that has deepened over time in ways I cannot even communicate with words here. We have been through a lot together, and there is more for us to do together... basically the lifestyle is about what we are to each other for me. He stated not so long ago that when we found each other again, we were "home", and the lifestyle without him is not something I want.



batshalom -> RE: To all sub/slaves (11/30/2007 8:05:06 AM)

One particular relationship was unbelievably wonderful. It was so beautiful that I doubt I will ever have that sort of feeling for anyone ever again (although I'm definitely not opposed to the idea). Our compatibility happened immediately and stayed smooth for a period of years - it all fell into place so prettily from kink to vanilla to surrender to love.
On the flip side, some relationships have been nightmares, and worse for my emotional, mental, and physical health than I ever imagined.

To find someone who compliments with his Dom style to your sub style is indeed precious and a delight. I wish you well in your relationship and am happy for you.



Littlepita -> RE: To all sub/slaves (11/30/2007 8:20:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

For me it has gone beyond my wildest dreams. i never thought i would ever know such happiness, freedom and peace.



That is exactly what my life has become since knowing and loving my Sir. [:)]



peppermint -> RE: To all sub/slaves (11/30/2007 8:22:37 AM)

When i had my first scene or play or whatever you prefer to call it, it was just exactly as i'd imagined.  The floggers, the canes.....it all was just as my mind had thought it would be like.

What i hadn't imagined was finding a LTR that is 24/7 and how happy and content the relationship has made me.  I really wasn't looking for a live in situation.  Relocation wasn't even considered as i had my job and my family in the area.  Then when i was having a blast during one of my BDSM vacation times "IT" happened.  I met a man from out of state.  We clicked.  He spent the next 6 months convincing me via internet and phone that i could move to be with him.  He visited me for a few weeks.  We introduced the other to our families.  Even when i finally moved to him i planned things so i could move back if it wasn't working out.  It's worked out wonderfully.  I accepted his collar 1 1/2 years ago.  We're a team. 

So to answer your question simply....some things were just as i'd imagined...other things were wonderful and never imagined. 



BabyDollVanIsle -> RE: To all sub/slaves (11/30/2007 8:30:11 AM)

wow, what encouraging posts to read.

every new sub should read this thread...

baby doll



forg0ttenclone -> RE: To all sub/slaves (11/30/2007 8:56:25 AM)

I fought with myself for a long time, denying myself the need to submit, and thus creating a void inside of me that could not be filled by a non-D/s relationship.  Finally, i accepted the need upon finding the right one to submit to.  The "fantasy" i had in my head could not even come close to the reality of the real deal. 

There is so much more that i have encountered within myself through my submission to Her.  I knew i had a lot of walls within me, but never did I ever realize that i would have to over come so many to truly submit to Her completely.  It is indeed a journey for me.  With each passing day i find myself growing and over coming more and more. 

This lifestyle is more than a fantasy can begin to comprehend.  I am learning so much more about myself through my submission to my Goddess.  I cannot say thank you enough to Her for choosing to allow me the pleasure of offering her my gift of submission.



Shawn1066 -> RE: To all sub/slaves (11/30/2007 9:05:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

When the D/s lifestyle was still just all in your head do you find that your D/s life turned out to be better than your fantasies, the same or not all at what you thought it would be. For me it has gone beyond my wildest dreams. i never thought i would ever know such happiness, freedom and peace. i do hope that everyone has found that or will find that.



It has, in fact, turned out far better than my fantasies.  For the longest time, I thought it'd either have to go one of two ways:

1. I ignore my submissive/masochistic desires and trap myself into a vanilla relationship, where I'd hopefully be as happy as possible...but where I knew I'd always be missing something.  But hey, at least I'd have somebody to be close to and could relate to on a lot of areas.

2. Settle for a lifestyle relationship that'd likely have a very strong, intense dynamic...but not necessarily much depth.  I'd also thought I'd have to sacrifice a majority of my wants, needs, tastes, etc just to be accepted.

Thankfully, I've been able to get into a relationship that has a very strong, intense dynmic and also a warm feeling of intimacy and love.  I'm now living my fantasies, and the fun thing about it is that reality makes them a lot better.  In my fantasies, I never had some of the important trappings of reality..the good and the bad things that we all experience in every day life.  Simple things...like lazy days, unintentional comedy, and even the occasional miscommunication make everything very tangible...very real.  It's very hard to explain, actually...

Just that I'd take the real lifestyle over the fantasy/idealized lifestyle any day.



gorgeous1 -> RE: To all sub/slaves (11/30/2007 9:14:38 AM)

Well, my first true D/s sexual experience was not exactly what I had fantasized about because I had already read Anne Rice's Beauty Trilogy, and for those of you who have read it you know how utterly delicious and saturated it is...I gotta say, from a woman's standpoint I think those books are the BEST D/s PORN FICTION....EVER! (And if any of you disagree, PLEASE say so now and list YOUR favorite, so I can read it too!)

Anyhow...so my fantasies were very intricate and involved and so completely wrapped up in the physical and emotional that I think if my first experience had been anywhere close to it, I wouldn't have been able to handle it at all.

My first real D/s experience was as I have said before with my now husband. It involved just a riding crop, and that was enough to send me flying so high I felt like I was drunk. When I orgasmed, it was like the most COMPLETE physical fulfillment, and I collapsed into his arms and he held me so tight, it was COMPLETE emotional fulfillment, and I just knew that that feeling right then was perfection.

Will we ever achieve the complete saturation of the Master and slave experience of Beauty and her Prince? I don't know....but it's a nice goal to work towards, and the journey has been the sweetest I have ever known.



Mercnbeth -> RE: To all sub/slaves (11/30/2007 9:50:48 AM)

upon discovery that folks enter into consensual relationships based  on D/s this slave had never(among other things):
 
heard of or read the Story of "O", or the softcore pornstory of any other letter of the alphabet
 
fantasized about wearing a collar or leash, private or public
 
participated in public or private BDSM message boards, clubs, events or organizations
 
had an intimate, sexual relationship that was built on a mutual, agreed upon M/s or D/s foundation,
 
looked for a "Master" or "Dom"
 
sexually fantasized face-slapping, punching, kicking or beating
 
identified as a "submissive" or "slave"
 
spent any time thinking or dreaming about being in bondage, leather cuffs, ball-gags or a cage
 
a whole world was opened to this slave that she never realized existed and therefore never fantasized about.
 
it might sound boring to some, but this slave fantasized about being cared for and appreciated by a strong, confident, honest, sadistic man who this slave could surrender to that would use this slave and her talents/abilities any way he wished.
 
she never fantasized that we would fit so well together, that we would legally bind ourselves to each other in marriage, that we would have so dang much FUN together or that we would mean so incredibly much to each other.



fairerthanshe -> RE: To all sub/slaves (11/30/2007 10:04:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shawn1066

It has, in fact, turned out far better than my fantasies. 



Yeah, Shawn, but you have the hottest Mistress ever!

winks ~ fairer



DiurnalVampire -> RE: To all sub/slaves (11/30/2007 10:17:11 AM)

Oh, fairer, you make me blush.  And thats not easy!



sexyred1 -> RE: To all sub/slaves (11/30/2007 10:28:38 AM)

Of course D/s life actually LIVED out rather than THOUGHT about would be better than the dream. Most any experience is better for having lived it than imagined it, unless it killed you or irreparably damaged you.

I am bittersweet about my own experience in that I have found such incredible fulfillment in this, but with the WRONG person, who still haunts me to this day.

Will I ever find another to bring me to the same level of rapture? Probably not, but the positive side is that I will never let anyone hurt me again.

Shame that I had to find bliss in the arms of someone who also hurt me so badly, but that is what life is, when you take the chance to live fully, you take risks. Sometimes your heart gets broken, but you move it on.

I don't regret a moment of what I experienced in my life though, although when I wish I had not been hurt so badly, I also wonder if I would not have experienced the bliss I had, so it is a moot point.



fairerthanshe -> RE: To all sub/slaves (11/30/2007 10:31:13 AM)

Goodness, Mistress...just reading about your blush has brought my own scarlet hue to the surface...wanna share a pic of yours?

love ya' ~ fairer



hardbodysub -> RE: To all sub/slaves (11/30/2007 10:49:51 AM)

In general, I think it depends a lot on whether you are "on the same page" as the person/people with whom you connect. If the things that excite you are very different from what excites them, the reality won't be nearly as good as the fantasy. My first couple experiences were pretty boring to me. Despite my concerted effort to communicate interests and inclinations before meeting, the reality was that we had very different feelings on some pretty basic principles. A subsequent experience was much better.

Then there's always the issue of a specific activity that seems really exciting as a fantasy, but when you do it for real, you find you don't like it. This hasn't happened to me (yet), but it's easy to conceive of a sub being very excited by thoughts of being whipped, or extreme cbt, but when he actually gets to try it, he can't handle the pain.

Of course, sometimes the reverse is true. You might not find an activity interesting at all, but a skilled partner finds a way to introduce you to it in such a way that you end up being very excited by it.



DesFIP -> RE: To all sub/slaves (11/30/2007 11:00:11 AM)

I never had fantasies about d/s only about kink. I didn't go looking for a dominant partner, only for a bondage top. Until I typed bondagedotcom into the address bar, hoping for bondage porn, I had never heard the word submissive.

Until I met him, I had never felt submissive before. Probably because I had never before met a man who was confident, competent and patient.

I'm submissive to one.



takenbyjohnr07 -> RE: To all sub/slaves (11/30/2007 12:05:08 PM)

WOW! Everyone is writing such wonderful and thoughtful posts. Thanks so much!



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