RE: Long Term Separations - Putting BDSM on hold

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defiantbadgirl -> RE: Long Term Separations - Putting BDSM on hold (12/1/2007 3:56:17 PM)
It just made me mad that so many on here bashed the OP. Also, I did say that anyone who is drafted isn't guilty of not putting their families first. As far as the national guard, anyone who enlists knows they can be called to active duty at any time.

Dari -> RE: Long Term Separations - Putting BDSM on hold (12/1/2007 4:23:36 PM)
<cough> There is no draft in this country. And as I said - just because you wouldn't see it as anything but a job, doesn't mean you speak for all (or even the majority) of the men and women in uniform.

laurell3 -> RE: Long Term Separations - Putting BDSM on hold (12/1/2007 4:28:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dari quote: I'd like to further add that being in the military is a JOB. You are quite incorrect. For some, it is a job, or a way to pay for school. For a great many others, it is a duty, an honor, or a calling. They give their lives (by work or by bullet) that others may have a better one. Her boyfriend could be inclined either way, but to assume that everyone thinks it's a job, because YOU would see it as a job were you in - is rather short-sighted of you, don't you think? This is, however, getting a bit far afield of the original post, which was about how to direct her BDSM energies when her boyfriend and Dom was away, not about whether her boyfriend puts her (or should put her) first or not. Edited to add: laurell, I've been there, and it quite honestly sucks. But burdening him with her problems was not the answer - which is why I suggested other alternatives. I don't disagree with your suggestions Dari, in fact I think they are quite good to keep her occupied and do something meaningful that will mean something to both of them when he comes back.

defiantbadgirl -> RE: Long Term Separations - Putting BDSM on hold (12/1/2007 4:35:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dari <cough> There is no draft in this country. I didn't want to offend any Vietnam Veterns who were drafted during that war. And as I said - just because you wouldn't see it as anything but a job, doesn't mean you speak for all (or even the majority) of the men and women in uniform. Loved ones should always come first. There are other ways to make money without putting career before family. Putting family first is the greatest honor. Since there is no longer a draft, I see no reason why anyone should be bashing the OP (referring only to those who did).

defiantbadgirl -> RE: Long Term Separations - Putting BDSM on hold (12/1/2007 4:38:26 PM)
edited for accidental double post

smilezz -> RE: Long Term Separations - Putting BDSM on hold (12/1/2007 4:41:30 PM)
quote: And the thing about having someone serving their country in a war that is your SO is it is very difficult and upsetting. Cut her some slack people. Put yourself in her shoes. Waiting to find out if your bf is injured, wounded, dead or well is not a great place to be. I am in her shoes. You don't cut slack....you move on every single day and hold down the fort (so to speak). You do things as if he/she was here to the best of your ability, you strive to make each and every day a day worth breathing. You move on and wait for them to come home. You don't do the "WHAT IF'S". Cut her some slack? bullshit......get out there and live. ~smilezz~

laurell3 -> RE: Long Term Separations - Putting BDSM on hold (12/1/2007 6:18:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: smilezz quote: And the thing about having someone serving their country in a war that is your SO is it is very difficult and upsetting. Cut her some slack people. Put yourself in her shoes. Waiting to find out if your bf is injured, wounded, dead or well is not a great place to be. I am in her shoes. You don't cut slack....you move on every single day and hold down the fort (so to speak). You do things as if he/she was here to the best of your ability, you strive to make each and every day a day worth breathing. You move on and wait for them to come home. You don't do the "WHAT IF'S". Cut her some slack? bullshit......get out there and live. ~smilezz~ Well I would wish you my best thoughts also then. However, you are not her now are you? To assume because you are in a similar position that you think like her or that she should think like you is no different than assuming that all subs/slaves/masters/owners are the same. I've also been in that position, it never made me indifferent to other's requests for help.

BoiJen -> RE: Long Term Separations - Putting BDSM on hold (12/1/2007 7:19:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl quote: ORIGINAL: Dari <cough> There is no draft in this country. I didn't want to offend any Vietnam Veterns who were drafted during that war. And as I said - just because you wouldn't see it as anything but a job, doesn't mean you speak for all (or even the majority) of the men and women in uniform. Loved ones should always come first. There are other ways to make money without putting career before family. Putting family first is the greatest honor. Since there is no longer a draft, I see no reason why anyone should be bashing the OP (referring only to those who did). and what about love for one's fellow man? what about the belief in another's basic human rights and the drive to help provide those same rights for others? Isn't that a love? Isn't it great that you can get paid for that? Doesn't it suck ass that you have to risk your own life and family for that?

smilezz -> RE: Long Term Separations - Putting BDSM on hold (12/1/2007 9:23:13 PM)
You are right.........I am not her. I still call bullshit though.....and not cutting her or anyone else any slack about it. However, since the thread has been hijacked enough, i will let it go. ~smilezz~

RCdc -> RE: Long Term Separations - Putting BDSM on hold (12/2/2007 4:59:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MystressDream Let's see.... was the private email sent "so as not to start a flame war on the forum"? I find that a bit hard to believe considering she then blasted me here ON the forum.... along with calling me a "phycho" and repeatedly throwing out the "f you"s. If she hadn't made that post here, I wouldn't have responded at all. But, then, life goes on.... I won't be losing any sleep over her opinion of me any more than she will over my opinion of her. And my opinion is that outting private words from a private email - apart from being against TOS(although kudos on how you got around it) - is pretty bad taste and immature by the person doing it. What is said in private should be kept in private, regardless the relationship - pretty basic courtesy really - not just to the people involved but oneself and the people who endup having to read or hear the crap. My opinion is that I wouldn't share private discourse with anyone who can't keep their mouth shut and preferes to try and blacklist or make someone look bad due to their personal opinion of someone, by whining about the names called privately by someone whilst they are emotional. I am sure you won't loose any sleep though on peoples opinions - as you suggest. As has been said though - thread has been hijacked enough - so am out. the.dark. the.dark.

tulitukka -> RE: Long Term Separations - Putting BDSM on hold (12/2/2007 10:14:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl Loved ones should always come first. There are other ways to make money without putting career before family. Putting family first is the greatest honor. Since there is no longer a draft, I see no reason why anyone should be bashing the OP (referring only to those who did). And there's only one true way to live, right. I disagree with you. I'm cool with you choosing your relationships based on "the relationship should come first". For me, it doesn't. There's few things that I are more important to me than my girl and her son, but my ethics and morals are one of them. I'm not a soldier and I hope I will never be one, but for me there are things more important than my loved ones. People around can either deal with it, or leave. Luckily for me and my loved ones, at the moment it's unlikely that there will be issues that will put the well being of my loved ones and my ethics in a major conflict. And I hope it continues to be the case for the rest of my life. Similarly, you don't know why the guy is in the army. If it is, indeed, a calling he hears, or just a job. OP: do take all the good advice in this thread. Think about what it is you need, and find out ways of acting them out - yourself. In addition, find out positive ways to communicate about those to your boyfriend. You can talk about your emotions either in a fashion that takes his mind away from his job and makes him worry, or in a way that allows you to maintain your connection. For example, if you feel the need to submit and serve, you can figure out some ways you can do that. Perhaps some of it non-sexual (like serving other soldiers) and some of them sexual (such as using buttplugs while writing letters to him) - and then letting him know that you are doing all these things, because you wish to submit to him. It lets him know where you want to go in your submission and in a fashion that makes him feel closer to you and feel that you can handle things at home. Or the bad version of telling about the same feelings would be to plain tell him about your needs and in between the lines ask for his help. If you are having hard time figuring out how to say things, remember just trying to form your communication in a pleasing way for him can be a satisfying act of submission, because it's about you thinking how your writing makes him feel and you making his life a little bit better, easier, sexier, more fun, and more tolerable.

MystressDream -> RE: Long Term Separations - Putting BDSM on hold (12/2/2007 10:30:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark quote: ORIGINAL: MystressDream Let's see.... was the private email sent "so as not to start a flame war on the forum"? I find that a bit hard to believe considering she then blasted me here ON the forum.... along with calling me a "phycho" and repeatedly throwing out the "f you"s. If she hadn't made that post here, I wouldn't have responded at all. But, then, life goes on.... I won't be losing any sleep over her opinion of me any more than she will over my opinion of her. And my opinion is that outting private words from a private email - apart from being against TOS(although kudos on how you got around it) - is pretty bad taste and immature by the person doing it. What is said in private should be kept in private, regardless the relationship - pretty basic courtesy really - not just to the people involved but oneself and the people who endup having to read or hear the crap. My opinion is that I wouldn't share private discourse with anyone who can't keep their mouth shut and preferes to try and blacklist or make someone look bad due to their personal opinion of someone, by whining about the names called privately by someone whilst they are emotional. I am sure you won't loose any sleep though on peoples opinions - as you suggest. As has been said though - thread has been hijacked enough - so am out. the.dark. the.dark. ROFL... This tread has been so enlightening. First I am a "psycho", now I am "immature", what I write is "crap", and I "can't keep my mouth shut and prefer to try and blacklist or make someone look bad due to my personal opinion of someone" while "whining about the names called privately by someone who is emotional"???? *Oh my.... I have a very strong feeling that if I had agreed with YOUR opinion, then anything I said would have been fine.* I stand by what I said in my posts. If it offends you.... Oh well. Your insults and her name calling speak volumes about maturity. I don't intend to waste any more time on this thread. Not because you have "wounded" me, or because I believe any of the "crap" you have to say, but, because it isn't worth any more of my time. *Have a good day..... just be careful not to fall off of your self made throne. LOLOL*

RCdc -> RE: Long Term Separations - Putting BDSM on hold (12/2/2007 10:56:48 AM)
It's ok - you are being 'immature' (your words) - repeating it yourself doesn't wash any whiter. I did not name call - you did. But if the cap fits - please have at it. Oh and I did the goddess and throne thang before you even wet your CM ears. Seriously, it is not all it is cracked up to be, 'mystress'[;)] Have a great oncomming week. the.dark.

stella41b -> RE: Long Term Separations - Putting BDSM on hold (12/3/2007 12:33:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl quote: ORIGINAL: Aceton Choosing to be with someone in the military means realising that they choose not to choose you a great deal of the time. They enter the service knowing that their lives may be sacrificed. If your life could be sacrificed at any time, what do you think your personal life amounts to? What importance does that have? Virtually none. It's not that they can't love you, it's that their first loyalty will always lie elsewhere. Always. That means that if things like having a boyfriend around, or having a master around, or having a father for your children around (if you go that far) is a high priority for you, then don't date military people. Well said. I'd like to further add that being in the military is a JOB. What happened to the idea that family should always come before work? Those who are drafted don't have a choice, but I can't understand how anyone could voluntarily choose a dangerous career over their own family. To the OP, after five years your boyfriend should consider you family. If he has a close relationship with his blood relatives, I'm sure they are also going through hell worrying about him. For your sake and theirs, I hope he gets out of the armed forces as soon as he can legally do so. I can't believe how some of the people on here jumped all over you for daring to have needs. You're not the one who chose to put career before family. I strongly disagree here. How can you compare, for example, a secretary and a soldier? This is ridiculous and in my opinion you calling the military a job is highly offensive.. If not to the OP to people like me. You go explain to a grieving mother that her ten year old son has just been caught by a stray bullet and is now dead. Can you do it? Can you even imagine yourself being in such a situation? How would you help to evacuate a neighbourhood of people who don't speak your language, and you know you've got to get those people out fast or the whole area could be bombed. Or there might already be a bomb in there somewhere waiting to explode at any moment. Anybody can learn to be a secretary. Just stick them in front of a computer and keyboard and teach them. Not everybody becomes a soldier. Most don't get through even basic training. Just like in the police force. And you call the military a job? I find it funny you're criticizing the soldier, but what about the police officer, nurse, doctor, actor, journalist, musician, and others who are devoted to their careers but who still have families? It's not an either or situation you know, you can have both. Nobody's mentioned here the journalists who are also out there on the front line who fulfill the necessary role of getting information from the front line, without any guns or weapons, so that everybody knows what's going on, including the military and the government. Journalists also get killed, they get attacked, kidnapped, shot at, arrested, and all the rest, and what's more, they're easier targets than soldiers because they're unarmed. But the easiest targets of all are the photographers. Not everyone likes to be photographed and most cameras don't fire bullets. A career and a job aren't necessarily the same thing. And besides, how do you know that she met him before he signed up for the military? But such is life. Life isn't always fair and you don't always get what you want out of life, or even out of a relationship. Yes, we all have needs, but sometimes you just have to put those needs aside for the sake of the relationship. I mean, what is the most important issue here, their relationship or her needs?

LadyPact -> RE: Long Term Separations - Putting BDSM on hold (12/7/2007 7:03:54 AM)
I realize this thing has already gone off on way too many tangents. I'm even going to go so far as to say that I should probably keep My mouth shut. Sometimes, I don't listen to My own good advice. I'm a poly Dominant, so I probably don't belong here in the first place. That generally doesn't stop Me either. Just to keep the record straight, My husband's in the military. My submissive also happens to be in the military. In fact, for a long time, I said I wouldn't take a submissive who was military for some of these same exact reasons. Luckily, I got smarter than that. Unlike this post, that was one of the best decisions I ever made. Now, I've read the OP and I've read the replies. From where I sit, none of them are completely wrong, and some, while quite good, aren't exactly all right either. See, I've done this. In fact, in a couple of months, I'm about to do it again. The fact is, as a wife, I have a heck of a lot more rights and priviledges where Mistress Military is concerned than I would as Dominant or girlfriend. As a wife, there are legal rights and advantages that a girlfriend doesn't have. Whatever your thoughts on marriage, I can assure you that, from a military standpoint, one's held a little higher than the other. Either way, a deployment does effect the people who are left at home. In most cases, yes, you do 'suck it up and drive on', as one person said. There's a strength that you have to find, at times. It's something you learn. Every once in a while, there's also going to be times that you just can't suck up anymore at the moment. It can come from the oddest places, too. A random news report. Someone talking about their family at work. A daydream. A memory. Heck, it's even happened to Me just by looking at the calendar, and realizing just how much longer there really is to go. Dari said some really good things about how to channel all of that. Still, I won't advocate that you never say anything that you're really feeling. I'm not saying that the person at home should constantly bitch about the negative, but sometimes, it's dishonest to always say everything positive. The people who leave U/us here at home don't expect U/us to turn into these little robots that never feel anything while the people W/we love are gone. They don't really expect U/us never to have an emotion. Finding the balance in how to communicate these things is often the key. Honesty, without overburdening. It's one heck of a tightrope. Truthfully, the people on the other end of those letters and emails do start figuring it out when all they get is smoke blown up their ass. Most people in healthy relationships are going to miss sex once in a while. BDSM folks are going to miss the lifestyle they've created, too. It's only natural. Wanting these things is a major factor in why W/we are in relationships in the first place. Missing a person means you miss the whole person. At times, it's frustrating. My best advice, balance it out. Be strong, but also admit to needing him once in a while. It's perfectly ok to write out a letter talking about a fantasy you'd like to live out when he gets home. Tell him that you will still be desiring certain things with him when he gets back. Believe it or not, those fetish or sexually charge letters talking about scenes with you and him are a great release for you, and are pretty welcome on the other end, too. (I'd suggest the hand written type for this, rather than email.) It lets him know that the home fires are still burning, and he really has something to look forward to, in a fun way, when he gets home.

MisterP61 -> RE: Long Term Separations - Putting BDSM on hold (12/11/2007 1:00:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl Well said. I'd like to further add that being in the military is a JOB. What happened to the idea that family should always come before work? Those who are drafted don't have a choice, but I can't understand how anyone could voluntarily choose a dangerous career over their own family. To the OP, after five years your boyfriend should consider you family. If he has a close relationship with his blood relatives, I'm sure they are also going through hell worrying about him. For your sake and theirs, I hope he gets out of the armed forces as soon as he can legally do so. I can't believe how some of the people on here jumped all over you for daring to have needs. You're not the one who chose to put career before family. Wow. How exceptionally closed minded of you. I serve in the military BECAUSE I love My family. Do you have any idea of how many people are out there who want to kill you, and yes I said you because they do not care that you are not military, just because you are American? Because you are a woman who does not cover up her face and body? Because you can hold a job and because you can vote? I hold these basic Human rights very dear and I am willing to fight to make sure that you and everyone else in this country have and keeps theses rights. Have you ever heard the phrase "freedom is not free"? I even fight for your right to have the opinion you have, even though I believe it is close minded. If W/we all had to think the same and act the same, life would suck. I am well trained and I know the risks that are involved with My "job". However; it is a risk that I believe is worth it, if it will keep My Wife and kids out of harms way from the radicals that ARE out there, waiting for their chance to hurt, kill or maim them. By them I mean every mother, father, son and daughter out there, not just Mine. I also believe that I would much rather hear the truth from My wife when I am away, it is not always pleasant, but it lets Me know that I am wanted, loved, needed, and appreciated. They make the sacrifices as do I, and they support My desire to serve My fellow Men and Women in the "job" I do. It comes from a calling that I will not expect you to understand, but I will ask you to respect it. I am NO hero, I just do what I believe in My heart and soul to be the rights thing.

MystressDream -> RE: Long Term Separations - Putting BDSM on hold (12/11/2007 11:27:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MisterP61 quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl Well said. I'd like to further add that being in the military is a JOB. What happened to the idea that family should always come before work? Those who are drafted don't have a choice, but I can't understand how anyone could voluntarily choose a dangerous career over their own family. To the OP, after five years your boyfriend should consider you family. If he has a close relationship with his blood relatives, I'm sure they are also going through hell worrying about him. For your sake and theirs, I hope he gets out of the armed forces as soon as he can legally do so. I can't believe how some of the people on here jumped all over you for daring to have needs. You're not the one who chose to put career before family. Wow. How exceptionally closed minded of you. I serve in the military BECAUSE I love My family. Do you have any idea of how many people are out there who want to kill you, and yes I said you because they do not care that you are not military, just because you are American? Because you are a woman who does not cover up her face and body? Because you can hold a job and because you can vote? I hold these basic Human rights very dear and I am willing to fight to make sure that you and everyone else in this country have and keeps theses rights. Have you ever heard the phrase "freedom is not free"? I even fight for your right to have the opinion you have, even though I believe it is close minded. If W/we all had to think the same and act the same, life would suck. I am well trained and I know the risks that are involved with My "job". However; it is a risk that I believe is worth it, if it will keep My Wife and kids out of harms way from the radicals that ARE out there, waiting for their chance to hurt, kill or maim them. By them I mean every mother, father, son and daughter out there, not just Mine. I also believe that I would much rather hear the truth from My wife when I am away, it is not always pleasant, but it lets Me know that I am wanted, loved, needed, and appreciated. They make the sacrifices as do I, and they support My desire to serve My fellow Men and Women in the "job" I do. It comes from a calling that I will not expect you to understand, but I will ask you to respect it. I am NO hero, I just do what I believe in My heart and soul to be the rights thing. *MisterP61.......... THANK YOU!!!*

MisterP61 -> RE: Long Term Separations - Putting BDSM on hold (12/11/2007 12:56:40 PM)
MystressDream..... no Thank You.... without the support of others I have no "job"

LittleWench -> RE: Long Term Separations - Putting BDSM on hold (12/11/2007 10:23:30 PM)
~~~ FR ~~~ This thread struck home with me. I posted a similar thread yesterday before reading this. I said I was frustrated, antsy, irritable, feeling the BDSM "frenzy" (apologies slaveluci!). I found support, kind words, empathy. The OP is only feeling what I am and has been condemned for voicing such feelings simply because her guy is in service? In my post I didn't expand upon my yearning ache to feel my man's touch, the soft whisper of his breath on my skin, the comfort and warmth of his presence beside me in bed. I didn't expand upon how lonely and empty I feel without his companionship, his hand in mine, the quiet and steady support that I feel simply from his physical presence. I didn't expand upon all of the normal vanilla type feelings that come with separation because this isn't lovingyou.com. It's collarme.com so I talked about the BDSM aspect of my relationship. That doesn't make the other irrelevant, or less important. The OP can go to lovingyou.com and speak of the pain in her heart but can she speak of her BDSM feelings? She can go to armywives.com and speak of the fears in her heart, but can she speak of her BDSM feelings? She comes to collarme.com and speaks of her BDSM feelings and you roast her?

laurell3 -> RE: Long Term Separations - Putting BDSM on hold (12/11/2007 10:42:27 PM)
MisterP61 thank you for posting and thank you for the service. It's invaluable to me.

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