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What is a fake domme - 12/1/2007 3:31:53 AM

shootingstar67

Posts: 195
Joined: 10/29/2007
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Although I am a born submissive trust issues and mental health issues make me unwilling to play as a submissive. I am thinking I want to play a domme for awhile to get different perspective. I think getting the view from the other side would be heathy and I could (maybe)still find enjoyment by proxy

Would I, a known submissive in my community, be accused of being a "fake domme" if I switched?

And what is a "fake domme" anyway? What would their motives be?

< Message edited by shootingstar67 -- 12/1/2007 3:36:48 AM >

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RE: What is a fake domme - 12/1/2007 3:33:51 AM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

I have no idea. How judgemental is your community?

You can "play" at being anything you want, as long as everyone knows you're only playing.

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Post #: 2

RE: What is a fake domme - 12/1/2007 3:39:14 AM

shootingstar67

Posts: 195
Joined: 10/29/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

You can "play" at being anything you want, as long as everyone knows you're only playing.

Yeah? I do hope I'll be respected for my open honesty about it.

It is just I hear so much about "fake dommes"

I would not be a domme who is a natural domme. Though I wouldn't be shocked if I grew to enjoy it.

As for the community I don't know how judgemental they are as I am very very new to it, and them.

But if they are too judgemental, and judge me that way.I guess i better find another group.

< Message edited by shootingstar67 -- 12/1/2007 3:46:16 AM >

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Post #: 3

RE: What is a fake domme - 12/1/2007 4:00:32 AM

MsCfromMelbourne

Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

LOTS of people test the waters as both Dominant and submissive when they are "very new to it" as you are. Congratulations on having an open mind and not boxing yourself up into any labelled category yet.

Loads of Dommes have a Mistress/Master and a submissive. Loads more have subbed or bottomed "to see what it was like". Some started one way and switched a few months or years later to the other. So what? Its no big deal in real life to try whatever you like. It just seems to be a big deal on the internet (why? I have NFI)

Perhaps have 2 profiles (one Domme, one sub) or just pretend you are one or the other until you meet someone who makes you LOVE Domme-ing (....or subbing....or switching.....You will know Mr Right when you meet him

)

Don't label yourself Dom, sub or switch just yet. Just tell people its too soon to tell, so you are keen to try it all before you defintiely make up your mind. I find most people really willing to help newbies find their way.

If your "community" is so keen to tell you how you must live and love, make new friends.

< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 12/1/2007 4:22:39 AM >

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Post #: 4

RE: What is a fake domme - 12/1/2007 4:16:26 AM

MsCfromMelbourne

Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

Oh and what is a "fake Domme"?

IMO, its a Domme who cannot establish and maintain a loving D/s relationship with a submissive. No more, no less.

I have met plenty of quiet spoken, gentle women with absolutely adoring slaves and subs.

And I have read a lot of crap written by boorish, pushy "Dominant" KnowItAlls who - surprise surprise - don't actually have a loving D/s relationship in their lives and probably never have. The most they can attract is the occasional male play partner, at best.

Fake Dommes don't really like submissive men (or maybe any men for that matter!)

Look carefully at the real life relationships of anyone who calls you fake. It could be a bit of the "pot calling the kettle black".

_____________________________

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Post #: 5

RE: What is a fake domme - 12/1/2007 4:46:50 AM

petpete

Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
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Greetings folks.. i hope that MsCfM posts get to be viewed from most of the members of this group and particular those that spread venom through there actions and advocation's.
Regards to A/all

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Post #: 6

RE: What is a fake domme - 12/1/2007 4:53:01 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

Dont give a fuck what others may think
Do you define yourself by the opinions of others?
Do what you desire, chase your goals and if they dont like it, tell then to pound sand.
Simple enough

(in reply to petpete)

Post #: 7

RE: What is a fake domme - 12/1/2007 4:53:58 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

EXACTLY what he said.

E

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Post #: 8

RE: What is a fake domme - 12/1/2007 5:17:32 AM

Politesub53

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

i dont see anything wrong with experimentation until you find out who you are. Just be honest with yourself and the people you get involved with and all should be fine. No one has the right to tell you who you should or shouldnt be, that your choice alone to make.

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 9

RE: What is a fake domme - 12/1/2007 5:44:15 AM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

That's a good question and one I worried about also when I found it was time to switch. I worried that people would not take me seriously or just see me as a flake who couldn't figure out what she wanted. I found that the opposite was true, at least here on these boards. I have not been very active in the local community so it really wasn't an issue there. The only time it made a problem for me is when I attended a function and the group leader kept trying to "hook me up" with unattached Dom males. All it took was a little communication to straighten things out.

I didn't jump in all at once. In fact a year later I barely have a toe in the water (but then I'm not much of a jumper). So I would recommend that you take it at a pace you feel comfortable with. Hang out here on the Mistress Board a bit and get a feel for the attitude and perspective. It took me a while to understand how my personality really fit as a Domme. I am not a hard, harsh, she-bitch type and I admit I had that stereotype in my head at first.

(in reply to Politesub53)

Post #: 10

RE: What is a fake domme - 12/1/2007 5:49:57 AM

unforegvn

Posts: 159
Joined: 8/25/2005
Status: offline

If your "community" calls you a fake, I would consider leaving. No one has the right to judge you, do what is best for you, life your life, if you don't what have your done!

(in reply to shootingstar67)

Post #: 11

RE: What is a fake domme - 12/1/2007 5:53:35 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

shootingstar67, maybe instead of trying for dom you should try topping.

One can be a great top with almost no dominant tendencies at all. Then you wouldn't worry about being "fake" and you'd learn a lot that you could then apply to evaluating potential doms if you decide to try the sub role that you feel you are more naturally inclined to.

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(in reply to shootingstar67)

Post #: 12

RE: What is a fake domme - 12/1/2007 7:06:36 AM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

The most genuine Dommes get called fakes. Fakes get called fakes. ProDommes get called fake. Do what feels right for YOU and fuck everyone else opinions. You never know, you might turn out to be the most genuine Domme of us all!!!

Edited to add: remember to have fun with this, whatever you decide. Don't make it a chore, just try things out to see what does it for you.

< Message edited by MissMagnolia -- 12/1/2007 7:08:56 AM >

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

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Post #: 13

RE: What is a fake domme - 12/1/2007 7:09:39 AM

BLKMADONA

Posts: 117
Joined: 6/11/2004
Status: offline

Well said Ms Magnolia, well said.

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

Post #: 14

RE: What is a fake domme - 12/1/2007 7:24:14 AM

SultryMomma

Posts: 48
Joined: 7/11/2004
Status: offline

I just had to quote this. This is excellent advice. Please listen to it and take it to heart. When I first started in all of this, I started out being submissive, had a Domme, was collared to her, the whole nine yards. Over time, she saw that I would probably make a good switch, so I started doing that for awhile. After a couple of years of that, I then decided I didn't want to switch and just wanted to be on the Dominant side of things. So I am a Dominant, have a collared submissive, (my husband), have one submissive that I am in a ldr with and from time to time, with the right person, still bottom. To give you an example: I wanted to learn fire play but, I am one the likes things done to me first before I do them to my submissive. So, I found someone in my local group that does excellent fire play and had him to it to me a few times. Hope this helps you in your journey. Just take your time and have fun. Don't box yourself into one thing right off the bat.

SM

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne

LOTS of people test the waters as both Dominant and submissive when they are "very new to it" as you are. Congratulations on having an open mind and not boxing yourself up into any labelled category yet.

Loads of Dommes have a Mistress/Master and a submissive. Loads more have subbed or bottomed "to see what it was like". Some started one way and switched a few months or years later to the other. So what? Its no big deal in real life to try whatever you like. It just seems to be a big deal on the internet (why? I have NFI)

Perhaps have 2 profiles (one Domme, one sub) or just pretend you are one or the other until you meet someone who makes you LOVE Domme-ing (....or subbing....or switching.....You will know Mr Right when you meet him )

Don't label yourself Dom, sub or switch just yet. Just tell people its too soon to tell, so you are keen to try it all before you defintiely make up your mind. I find most people really willing to help newbies find their way.

If your "community" is so keen to tell you how you must live and love, make new friends.

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

Post #: 15

RE: What is a fake domme - 12/1/2007 7:34:25 AM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

A fake Domme is one you have to blow up , or patch when she springs a leak .

(in reply to SultryMomma)

Post #: 16

RE: What is a fake domme - 12/1/2007 9:15:27 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: azropedntied

A fake Domme is one you have to blow up , or patch when she springs a leak .

Yeah, but she tends to have lousy aim with a single tail ;-)

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Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

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Post #: 17

RE: What is a fake domme - 12/1/2007 9:47:55 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood

quote:

ORIGINAL: azropedntied

A fake Domme is one you have to blow up , or patch when she springs a leak .

Yeah, but she tends to have lousy aim with a single tail ;-)

Hence the leaks!

OP, as long as you are honest about what you are and what you are doing, you are not fake. The "fake" label gets tossed around on the interwebs a lot, but IRL, not so much. There is plenty of room for all kinds of experimentation in the scene, and who knows, you might find that you like certain kinds of top play. Also, there are doms/tops who like certain kinds of things done to them for their own pleasure, and you will have new skills in your repertoire! Enjoy yourself, and explore, and don't worry about the judgements of strangers.

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[page 23 girl]

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

Post #: 18

RE: What is a fake domme - 12/1/2007 1:55:07 PM

petpete

Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline

For me a fake Domme is anyone that has no self discipline. One who Demands before She Earns. One that is prejudice and critical and cannot accept the fact that the world was not meant to be perfect. That for me is a fake domme....

< Message edited by petpete -- 12/1/2007 2:00:23 PM >

_____________________________

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!

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Post #: 19

RE: What is a fake domme - 12/1/2007 2:25:00 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Don't tell everyone you've suddenly turned domme. Just say you want to explore topping for a bit. If you like it and do more of it, then you may want to explore domming.

But if you have trust issues, this may not work either. You need to trust a sub or bottom not to get angry and hit you for hurting them, you need to trust them to tell you when they've had enough, you need to trust that they won't charge you with abuse.

Trust is needed on both sides of the fence.

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Post #: 20

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