Completed my task and Master still not happy with me

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blondepisces -> Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 10:01:03 AM)
I have never posted before but have enjoyed reading many posts and appreciate that there is a place to go and talk to people who may understand. My family and a few friends know I am into this lifestyle and think I am either perverted or in an abusive relationship. I realy have no one to talk to about this and don't know why I am posting a situation I caused, but I guess if enough people tell me the same thing it will finally sink into my head what I must do. I hope that I am not blasted too much. At the very beginning of our involvement (which started out vanilla) my Master gave me a task to find other submissives to join us. I have always felt this was something really advanced and difficult to ask a novice sub, but I understood this task to be a test to prove my submissiveness to him and have been working delingently to do as he orders. I have never been collared by him because he says I am not worthy and not a real submissive. But he was willing to enter into this casual arrangement with me and meet for weekly D/s scenes. His behavior to me for the past 3 years has been hot and cold. He tells me he has given me many chances to be what he wants, has wanted to stop seeing me and continually tells me I am not really submissive especially when I do not produce subs to meet with us. I try to do everything he tells me, but do have difficulty with orders sometimes and freeze, unable to do as he asks. I think too much and just cannot get past my thoughts and do what he orders. He used to get so angry with me when I failed to follow an order. I was successful finding another femaile about a year ago but he was not happy with the type of person I introduced, so on I set out and renewed by efforts to find the 'perfect' sub he would want and maybe finally be happy with me. Well I recently found her and he is quite smitten with her. Unfortunately for me, his behavior towards me has not improved and has gotten much worse. I feel he does not appreciate what I have sacrificed and done for him. The hurt feelings and jeolousy of the tender way he acts towards the new sub is very difficult for me to deal with. Also, he does not want the subs talking with each other. I feel protective of this new sub because she is brand new to this lifestyle so I have communicated with her a little. She discovered she is not really into being controlled and just enjoys sex with him. She was thinking of discontinuing seeing him. I just wanted to be a sister sub to hear and be there to talk with if she needed it. I did not want to betray my Master's trust by talking to her. Somehow he knew we spoke and now accuses me of lying to him and betraying him. He is not speaking to me now and I really need to discuss this with him. I know I should probably just walk away and let him be happy with his new sub but can't help feeling used and so useless that I could not be the sub he wanted. I find it very difficult to fail at most things and just want to know what I did wrong.

adoracat -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 10:11:22 AM)
it sounds to me that you did perfectly. you gave up your time and your energy and your effort to find him his ideal slave, and he did NONE of the work for it, and reaped all the benefit. so now it turns out that the girl WASNT exactly what he wanted...and has feelings and ideas of her own. of course he's going to blame you for it. it couldnt be anything that HE did. the question to ask now is "is it worth trying to stay with someone who has so little regard for me that i will never be good enough, and that i end up failing no matter how hard i try?" and only you can answer that one. kitten

TwiztdErotic -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 10:11:50 AM)
It would seem to me that you are, in fact, in an abusive relationship. Perhaps not physically abusive, but certainly abusive in a mental aspect. One thing any 'Master' is going to have to take into account, is the fact that they must train their sub to be what they want. He can't simply tell you that you're not being the type of girl he wants and expect you to change without any idea as to how you might do so. I'm sure many others on this site will have much more to say and much better advice, but, from the way I took it, it looks to me as if he was just yanking you around anyway.

VieVivante -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 10:14:14 AM)
Where did you go wrong? More like where did you go right. I do not mean to kick you when you are down, and you have been ill used indeed. I just cannot imagine that you could have believed that finding him someone else was going to get you on his good side. Best advise I can give you now is to learn your lesson, painful as it is, and learn from your mistakes. Most important thing to remember, anytime some guy tells you you are not being submissive enough, that is a huge warning sign that they are only interested in manipulating you for their own selfish ends. You deserve better.

MrSpectacular -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 10:47:27 AM)
Sounds like you have a pretty screwed up dynamic. You run around and find subs for him. What do you get out of this? He must be pretty special for you to put up with this for 3 years. It sounds like you have major communication issues that you need to discuss with him. You should also for the next time establish some ground rules of your own. The paradox is you will have a better D/s relationship if you both know and commit to some ground rules early on. Good luck

blondepisces -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 10:56:16 AM)
Hello Adora, He is busy sweet talking her now and she has decided to continue seeing him only because she likes the sex with him but not the control. She is not sure if she will continue because she saw first hand how he treated me when we all participated in a scene. At least she and I are able to communicate in a good way. I have decided to step away from him and let their relationship blossom or not, but it is really not my business. I have promised to be there for her like a sister and offer advice or just a listening ear, if she needs it. I have experienced more pain than good from this relationship and have finally reached my limit. If I ever do decide to continue with this I hope that I have learned a very valuable lesson and to actually listen to advice that people in the lifestyle give me. Thanks for taking the time to reply to my post.

blondepisces -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 10:58:53 AM)
Thanks for your reply, Twizted. My family and friends that know about this arrangement, feel the same way, that he is emotionally and mentally abusive towards me. Many times they have asked me to stop seeing him because they know I am very good natured and want to please. It was a valuable and hard lesson to learn. I only hope thru speaking with others I can be strong and stay away from him.

blondepisces -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 11:01:33 AM)
Thank you Vie. I appreciate the advice and you are not kicking me when I''m down. I need all the positive energy I can get to fight my very strong desire to keep trying to make something work that was not right for me.

blondepisces -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 11:09:20 AM)
Hello Sir, The only excuse I can say is that I was new, believed and trusted what he told me, further complicated by the fact that I cared for him as a person. All the time spent online searching for subs, I did speak with other Doms and foolishly I did not listen to their advice. When he does agree to speak with me he just tells me that I 'just don't get what it is to be submissive' and it's not something that can be learned. When we talk he just feels I never understand what he is explaining. I agree we have a big communication problem, but it has always been blamed on me. I tried to communicate my limits but was told I was not trusting him and that my limits were to be pushed. Thank you for taking the time to read and reply to my post. I appreciate all comments and advice.

smilezz -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 11:17:32 AM)
Jezzzzusss...what a fucking nightmare. If the opportunity presents itself ..... tell him he is not dominant enough for you and adios .... bye .... ciao. I am not going to tell you to leave him, just offer my opinion..... quite honestly, you are going to do what you are going to do regardless of what I or anyone else says here. All I will say is... Good luck, ~smilezz~

lanie38 -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 11:20:51 AM)
My goodness hon...by your own words you've experienced more pain than joy...he's obviously taking advantage of your devotion and sweet nature..I would of told him to go f$#%%k himself a long time ago but that's me. Walk away, no RUN as fast as you can in the opposite direction..and don't look back. Best of luck to you.. ~lanie edited to add, at first glance, it seems to me he was using you to procure fresh meat for him to fuck because he obviously can't manage the task himself..I'm sure many women send him flying to the curb early on...you're a beautiful women and apparently thought your good looks might help in his quest...

agirl -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 11:22:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: blondepisces I have never posted before but have enjoyed reading many posts and appreciate that there is a place to go and talk to people who may understand. My family and a few friends know I am into this lifestyle and think I am either perverted or in an abusive relationship. I realy have no one to talk to about this and don't know why I am posting a situation I caused, but I guess if enough people tell me the same thing it will finally sink into my head what I must do. I hope that I am not blasted too much. At the very beginning of our involvement (which started out vanilla) my Master gave me a task to find other submissives to join us. I have always felt this was something really advanced and difficult to ask a novice sub, but I understood this task to be a test to prove my submissiveness to him and have been working delingently to do as he orders. I have never been collared by him because he says I am not worthy and not a real submissive. But he was willing to enter into this casual arrangement with me and meet for weekly D/s scenes. His behavior to me for the past 3 years has been hot and cold. He tells me he has given me many chances to be what he wants, has wanted to stop seeing me and continually tells me I am not really submissive especially when I do not produce subs to meet with us. I try to do everything he tells me, but do have difficulty with orders sometimes and freeze, unable to do as he asks. I think too much and just cannot get past my thoughts and do what he orders. He used to get so angry with me when I failed to follow an order. I was successful finding another femaile about a year ago but he was not happy with the type of person I introduced, so on I set out and renewed by efforts to find the 'perfect' sub he would want and maybe finally be happy with me. Well I recently found her and he is quite smitten with her. Unfortunately for me, his behavior towards me has not improved and has gotten much worse. I feel he does not appreciate what I have sacrificed and done for him. The hurt feelings and jeolousy of the tender way he acts towards the new sub is very difficult for me to deal with. Also, he does not want the subs talking with each other. I feel protective of this new sub because she is brand new to this lifestyle so I have communicated with her a little. She discovered she is not really into being controlled and just enjoys sex with him. She was thinking of discontinuing seeing him. I just wanted to be a sister sub to hear and be there to talk with if she needed it. I did not want to betray my Master's trust by talking to her. Somehow he knew we spoke and now accuses me of lying to him and betraying him. He is not speaking to me now and I really need to discuss this with him. I know I should probably just walk away and let him be happy with his new sub but can't help feeling used and so useless that I could not be the sub he wanted. I find it very difficult to fail at most things and just want to know what I did wrong. What do YOU think you did wrong? It sounds as if you DO think that you did the best you could. He said it was some submissives to join US.......I can't quite see where the US comes into it, can you? No contact means it's a him and her not a him, you and her. You were set a task to produce someone for him that he couldn't/wouldn't find himself.....despite being told you're not worthy* (never quite sure what that means, actually) If you're not the sub he wanted, as most of your post indicates, why did he stay around?.........Could the answer lie in the weekly D/s scenes? Could it be that you're not good enough but you're good enough for now? It's hard to see your own situation clearly sometimes( I know that to my own cost). Maybe discussing it here will give you a slightly different perspective, even if you discard what you don't need. agirl

blondepisces -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 11:27:44 AM)
Hi Smilezz, The opening to your comment made me laugh out loud. I don't know if I'll ever get the opportunity to tell him goodbye, but I can try to have some fun imagining it. Thanks for making my mood a little lighter.

masterlink65 -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 11:29:21 AM)
if the master doesnt appreciate the slave than how can the slave have respect for its master? if he is back and forth, hot and cold, he sounds beyond reasoning and open discussion to groundrules and expectations. slaves follow orders, and when slaves follow master orders, master should praise and or reward slave for a job well done. if slave does not follow orders, slave recieves punishment. it shouldnt be any harder to follow than that. alot of masters like to take, but never give. i tend to agree with smilezz on this.

smilezz -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 11:32:53 AM)
My pleasure. Life is to short not to have fun..if you are not having fun, you are doing it wrong. When all else fails.......laugh and smile ~smilezz~

mnottertail -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 11:35:32 AM)
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, gawd........... where to begin....... you got him some pussy------- If this and your profile and everything is all reasonably accurate, (It appears to mesh correctly)................ look, I am one of the last ones to say this, in fact this might be only the second time in my entire life; but... I looked at your profile, you got somewhich goin' on.......... Kick that piece of shit to the curb, and don't look back.......ever........ You did nothing wrong. Ron

Kumasan2 -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 11:36:56 AM)
Walk quickly but calmly to the exit doors, located at the front, back, and over the wings. Once there, move quickly away from the relationship to a safe area. Take stock of your situation once there and I think you will realize that it was an abusive one to begin with and may end up poorly if you continue on. That's my .02 cents, at least.

blondepisces -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 11:37:07 AM)
Hi Lanie, Thank you for the the hopes of good luck. There were many times I wished to tell him off, but even though most of my treatment was not good, I tend to see only the good in people much to my misfortune :) I tend to take all the blame for things as I should take most of the blame for this situation that I've gotten myself into. After all I did have a choice and I chose to keep trying with him. I will have to live with these memories and hopefully, I will not allow myself to enter into such an unhealthy relationship again.

Rastimmipitwax -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 11:41:06 AM)
Good grief, get the hell out of this relationship. D/s is about the needs of BOTH partners, the satisfaction of BOTH partners. If you enjoyed being treated how this guy treats you it would be one thing, but this is not a Dom you are dating, this is a piece of human shit. A Dom is responsible for the well-being of his sub/slave, and this guy is doing nothing for your well-being.

blondepisces -> RE: Completed my task and Master still not happy with me (12/1/2007 11:43:35 AM)
Hello Agirl, I feel all the comments and advice here are valuable. I realized I was the 'ok for right now' girl a long time ago, but always hoped he would come around and appreciate me. He even asked me in the past why I stay since he clearly did not show his appreciation for me. It's too complicated for me to explain since I know so many things about the man and know some of my reasons why I continued to seeing him . Sometimes I think I have a dark need to be treated badly and love the drama way too much. I will be working on that,, so thanks again for your reply.

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