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Disciplinary Advice and Thoughts Requested - 12/1/2007 10:37:06 PM

Muttling

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Joined: 9/30/2007
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Greetings all and thanks to those who read this post (I appreciate your consideration even if you don't respond)........

I am a submissive leaning switch and I have a dear friend who lives about 4 hours drive from me. We met through a kink web site and share many interests, but never pursued it because of the distance.   As of yesterday, we decided that we would give things an opportunity and see where they lead us.   I'm excited about this, but also a bit nervous.......

Enough background, here's the gravy......

She wants a partner who will give here vanilla love and compassion (no problem, I can do that with ease) but also be a bit of a disciplinarian for her.   (ummm....Not my expertise but I'm certainly interested in doing it and I want to do it right.)

I greatly welcome this opportunity and want her to serves the same role in my life. She has expressed a similar willingness.

My question is one for the experienced domme's among us.   What tips and suggestions do you have for two submissives who want to play disciplinarian to one another?

My initial reaction to her was that we first and foremost must establish a trusting relationship then let the kink aspects grow.   My second reaction was that the we both need to establish goals for ourselves, methods for measuring our goals, and appropriate punishment/reward for performance. The other would be more of an implementor of the things we set out for ourselves.....HOWEVER....

I want the implementor to be able to say what is and is not reasonable. I want the implementor to have final say in what is too light and what is too heavy.

I think we have a great concept going, but I have no idea as to how to make it work. Any thoughts, experiences, ideas, or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

< Message edited by Muttling -- 12/1/2007 10:40:54 PM >

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RE: Disciplinary Advice and Thoughts Requested - 12/1/2007 10:42:12 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Why the decision to change things? Why are you both choosing to be with people with no experience in this sort of situation?

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RE: Disciplinary Advice and Thoughts Requested - 12/1/2007 11:01:08 PM

Muttling

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Why the decision to change things? Why are you both choosing to be with people with no experience in this sort of situation?

Because we are interested in each other in many other ways and this aspect is not the only aspect of our relationship. (Actually, it's a relatively small aspect of it. An important one, but a small one.)

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RE: Disciplinary Advice and Thoughts Requested - 12/2/2007 12:14:37 AM

arayofsunshine55

Posts: 545
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From: San Francisco, CA
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She wants discipline in what area(s) of her life? She's have to say a lot more about what this means for her for me to consider doing with her.

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Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

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RE: Disciplinary Advice and Thoughts Requested - 12/2/2007 4:01:31 AM

Owner4SexSlave

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Tips and Suggestions. Well since you two don't have a D/s relationship, I'm going to work with that thought first. You both need to be able to push each other and keep each other on the toes, in terms of making certain the goals and steps towards those goals are maintained. A sort of mutal support system between you two that you need to work out. Do you respond better/best to negative or positive reinforcement or a combination of both? How does she respond to the different types of reinforcement?

Since you guys are just starting out a new relationship together, take things slow and simply experiment and get a feel for each other. Do a lot of talking and communicating along the way. Both you and her will need to make adjustments mentally and emotionally, let nature take it's course.

There is no subsitute for learning what another person needs and doing it and taking control over it. When you start a relationship you are making a commitment to work at it, this however does not mean rush things. Some people think working at a relationship means rushing things at a break neck speed. When you rush things at times, you are prone to make mistakes. However don't be afraid to make mistakes. Best thing is communication, you both need to be able to talk and listen and figure it out.

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RE: Disciplinary Advice and Thoughts Requested - 12/2/2007 7:09:53 AM

daddysliloneds

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ever been in boot camp? have a kid? been a kid? been a boss or an employee? extract from those scenario's what will work for you and go from there.

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