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now here's a new one - 12/1/2007 11:48:02 PM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
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Male sub or slave gets pissed at Domme for attempting to give aftercare. I thought I had heard it all lol

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

Post #: 1

RE: now here's a new one - 12/1/2007 11:55:03 PM

Shawn1066

Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

Interesting...

I'd be interested to know why somebody wouldn't want aftercare.

I can certainly imagine somebody not wanting it, even if I don't quite understand the reason. What I can't understand is them getting pissed over it. That's just strange to me.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 2

RE: now here's a new one - 12/2/2007 12:49:36 AM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

I know some, though few in my meetings that wanted nothing to do with aftercare .One post exchange from what i saw was an intense exchange -snapped right out gave a thank you type hug and walked way showing off her new marks drinking her beverage like she just ordered them from qvc and they just arrived .I knew them both and asked her Dom out of curiosity why no aftercare , his reply the only after care she ever wants is a cold drink and a small hug .Anything more she will get angry , and i have seen more than one that way through the years .
In the end aftercare takes all shapes sizes and form ,from nothing to alot .

(in reply to Shawn1066)

Post #: 3

RE: now here's a new one - 12/2/2007 12:50:20 AM

youngpupforBCms

Posts: 49
Joined: 11/17/2007
Status: offline

Noob question here, whats aftercare, is it just like what it sounds like?

(in reply to Shawn1066)

Post #: 4

RE: now here's a new one - 12/2/2007 12:50:38 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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Maybe they need to process the experience alone.

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I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to azropedntied)

Post #: 5

RE: now here's a new one - 12/2/2007 1:04:55 AM

Shawn1066

Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: youngpupforBCms

Noob question here, whats aftercare, is it just like what it sounds like?

Aftercare, in my experience, is post-scene tenderness that generally helps a person cope with any tears/pain they may have and helps come back down from the high, so to speak, in a nice and balanced manner.

(in reply to youngpupforBCms)

Post #: 6

RE: now here's a new one - 12/2/2007 1:06:39 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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I'd add communication in there as well. Talking about what you each felt and aftercare can be for the top to feel grounded and ok with what they did as well as the sub.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Shawn1066)

Post #: 7

RE: now here's a new one - 12/2/2007 1:32:59 AM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

greetings dbg,

perhaps, as someone else mentioned, "aftercare" for them is processing the experience alone. the anger could be more out of needing that alone time and the intense emotions they may be feeling than any real anger at their mistress for trying to provide attention/care.

respectfully,
annabelle.

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 8

RE: now here's a new one - 12/2/2007 1:46:43 AM

MsCfromMelbourne

Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

Might have just been pissed at the Mistress and told her to shove her "aftercare" because the scene stank for him

Happens to all of us sooner or later

. My standard response is "What? Did you forget your safeword?" Its never our fault we cannot read minds......

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(in reply to hisannabelle)

Post #: 9

RE: now here's a new one - 12/2/2007 7:26:47 AM

MistressDolly

Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Male sub or slave gets pissed at Domme for attempting to give aftercare. I thought I had heard it all lol

If She wants to bake him some cookies, that's Her right as the Dominant.

_____________________________

m i s t r e s s d o l l y . c o m

m y s p a c e

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 10

RE: now here's a new one - 12/2/2007 8:08:34 AM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear defiantbadgirl, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I had a male sub who got ticked off at me for an attempt to give him aftercare. It was just him. In BDSM and or S&M--you have to be able to understand there will be those who are different.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 11

RE: now here's a new one - 12/2/2007 8:13:48 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

It's hard while coming back to earth to be forced to communicate or interact. I just want something to drink, water or tea, a blanket and a nap. And food after the nap.

If I'm really cold I want him to cuddle me so that I warm up faster. But I can't talk over what went well or what didn't until the next day. But if all he did was hand me a glass of water and pull up the quilt, I'd be fine.

_____________________________

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(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 12

RE: now here's a new one - 12/2/2007 8:54:44 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Everyone is different. I have met subs that needed aftercare that lasted longer than the scene, and others who just needed a check-in and a bottle of water. Do what makes them happy.

My exception to this is the user type of bottom who does not even check in to say thanks...THOSE people irk me!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 13

RE: now here's a new one - 12/2/2007 9:26:09 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Male sub or slave gets pissed at Domme for attempting to give aftercare. I thought I had heard it all lol

I had an occasional partner in NYC who was like that. He wanted to process things on his own. So give him a few days and he'd call me. Pretty much I dealt with it by not scene space until he was on the subway and leaving. It did throw me at first.

It backfired on him once on a birthday when he went to a club and basically got people to treat him like crap over the course of several scene with practically strangers. I was not there. He contacted me a few days later very upset and we talked. My best guess is that he wanted to be forced to cry and feel completely alone but didn't realize he'd also want some help picking up the pieces.

He is actually part of the inspiration for Dolan in "Servants of Destiny" for any who've read it.

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 14

RE: now here's a new one - 12/2/2007 10:18:07 AM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDolly

If She wants to bake him some cookies, that's Her right as the Dominant.

And if she wants to console a sub if he's in tears, that should also be Her right. While aftercare may not be mandatory for everyone, I've never heard of it being a hard limit. To each their own I guess. Guess I just find the whole idea of aftercare as a hard limit a bit strange.

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to MistressDolly)

Post #: 15

RE: now here's a new one - 12/2/2007 10:21:36 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Male sub or slave gets pissed at Domme for attempting to give aftercare. I thought I had heard it all lol

It's quite possible the domme was attempting to provide the "wrong" aftercare or at the wrong time. Sometimes I don't want to be touched - if you touch me I will fuss at you. Continue to touch me, the fussing will get louder. If still continued, as Valyraen just chimed in, the fussing will get progressively worse. When all is said and done, I will be mad at you for not listening to me.

This doesn't happen all the time, in fact it doesn't happen often. But it does happen and if a dominant wishes to provide aftercare they need to do it on the terms of their submissive or slave. Otherwise it isn't aftercare, just more service.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 16

RE: now here's a new one - 12/2/2007 10:50:52 AM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

Male sub wants to be beaten until he's bawling his head off and then completely ignored.

From alot of the responses I've gotten on here, this appears more common than I thought. Personally, I couldn't do it. I'd be too afraid it would cause some kind of psychological damage or something, plus I would feel like an ass. Just wanted to get some perspective from others on this. Thanks for the responses.

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 17

RE: now here's a new one - 12/2/2007 11:07:56 AM

LadyLegs

Posts: 176
Status: offline

Sometimes it's just that they are not yet ready for the aftercare, or the scene was not so intense for them that they need it.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 18

RE: now here's a new one - 12/2/2007 11:13:52 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Male sub wants to be beaten until he's bawling his head off and then completely ignored.

From alot of the responses I've gotten on here, this appears more common than I thought. Personally, I couldn't do it. I'd be too afraid it would cause some kind of psychological damage or something, plus I would feel like an ass. Just wanted to get some perspective from others on this. Thanks for the responses.

Find out what they want. To some, being left alone is aftercare. It provides time to process what just happened. It's important to understand that different submissives will need different things for aftercare. Some may want to be left alone, others may want you get them some water and stroke their back but not really talk to them or anything else. Others may want snuggling. The point is that you are only being an ass if you are giving them what you want to give them instead of what they need.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 19

RE: now here's a new one - 12/2/2007 12:06:00 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Male sub or slave gets pissed at Domme for attempting to give aftercare. I thought I had heard it all lol

Everyone is focusing on the issue of whether or not aftercare is needed/wanted/mandatory and no one seems to be taking a look at the fact that he "got pissed off at the domina" for something like this. He must be a huge asshole if she had time to go post this and he still hasn't apologized for inappropriate behavior like that. I can understand if shortly afterwards his attitude might have come off wrong, but if he never went back and explained, he must be a piece of work. Run fast.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 20

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