now here's a new one

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defiantbadgirl -> now here's a new one (12/1/2007 11:48:02 PM)
Male sub or slave gets pissed at Domme for attempting to give aftercare. I thought I had heard it all lol

Shawn1066 -> RE: now here's a new one (12/1/2007 11:55:03 PM)
Interesting... I'd be interested to know why somebody wouldn't want aftercare. I can certainly imagine somebody not wanting it, even if I don't quite understand the reason. What I can't understand is them getting pissed over it. That's just strange to me.

azropedntied -> RE: now here's a new one (12/2/2007 12:49:36 AM)
I know some, though few in my meetings that wanted nothing to do with aftercare .One post exchange from what i saw was an intense exchange -snapped right out gave a thank you type hug and walked way showing off her new marks drinking her beverage like she just ordered them from qvc and they just arrived .I knew them both and asked her Dom out of curiosity why no aftercare , his reply the only after care she ever wants is a cold drink and a small hug .Anything more she will get angry , and i have seen more than one that way through the years . In the end aftercare takes all shapes sizes and form ,from nothing to alot .

youngpupforBCms -> RE: now here's a new one (12/2/2007 12:50:20 AM)
Noob question here, whats aftercare, is it just like what it sounds like?

laurell3 -> RE: now here's a new one (12/2/2007 12:50:38 AM)
Maybe they need to process the experience alone.

Shawn1066 -> RE: now here's a new one (12/2/2007 1:04:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: youngpupforBCms Noob question here, whats aftercare, is it just like what it sounds like? Aftercare, in my experience, is post-scene tenderness that generally helps a person cope with any tears/pain they may have and helps come back down from the high, so to speak, in a nice and balanced manner.

laurell3 -> RE: now here's a new one (12/2/2007 1:06:39 AM)
I'd add communication in there as well. Talking about what you each felt and aftercare can be for the top to feel grounded and ok with what they did as well as the sub.

hisannabelle -> RE: now here's a new one (12/2/2007 1:32:59 AM)
greetings dbg, perhaps, as someone else mentioned, "aftercare" for them is processing the experience alone. the anger could be more out of needing that alone time and the intense emotions they may be feeling than any real anger at their mistress for trying to provide attention/care. respectfully, annabelle.

MsCfromMelbourne -> RE: now here's a new one (12/2/2007 1:46:43 AM)
Might have just been pissed at the Mistress and told her to shove her "aftercare" because the scene stank for him Happens to all of us sooner or later[>:]. My standard response is "What? Did you forget your safeword?" Its never our fault we cannot read minds......

MistressDolly -> RE: now here's a new one (12/2/2007 7:26:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl Male sub or slave gets pissed at Domme for attempting to give aftercare. I thought I had heard it all lol If She wants to bake him some cookies, that's Her right as the Dominant.

LadyHugs -> RE: now here's a new one (12/2/2007 8:08:34 AM)
Dear defiantbadgirl, Ladies and Gentlemen; I had a male sub who got ticked off at me for an attempt to give him aftercare. It was just him. In BDSM and or S&M--you have to be able to understand there will be those who are different. Just some thoughts. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs

DesFIP -> RE: now here's a new one (12/2/2007 8:13:48 AM)
It's hard while coming back to earth to be forced to communicate or interact. I just want something to drink, water or tea, a blanket and a nap. And food after the nap. If I'm really cold I want him to cuddle me so that I warm up faster. But I can't talk over what went well or what didn't until the next day. But if all he did was hand me a glass of water and pull up the quilt, I'd be fine.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: now here's a new one (12/2/2007 8:54:44 AM)
Everyone is different. I have met subs that needed aftercare that lasted longer than the scene, and others who just needed a check-in and a bottle of water. Do what makes them happy. My exception to this is the user type of bottom who does not even check in to say thanks...THOSE people irk me!

thetammyjo -> RE: now here's a new one (12/2/2007 9:26:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl Male sub or slave gets pissed at Domme for attempting to give aftercare. I thought I had heard it all lol I had an occasional partner in NYC who was like that. He wanted to process things on his own. So give him a few days and he'd call me. Pretty much I dealt with it by not scene space until he was on the subway and leaving. It did throw me at first. It backfired on him once on a birthday when he went to a club and basically got people to treat him like crap over the course of several scene with practically strangers. I was not there. He contacted me a few days later very upset and we talked. My best guess is that he wanted to be forced to cry and feel completely alone but didn't realize he'd also want some help picking up the pieces. He is actually part of the inspiration for Dolan in "Servants of Destiny" for any who've read it.

defiantbadgirl -> RE: now here's a new one (12/2/2007 10:18:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressDolly If She wants to bake him some cookies, that's Her right as the Dominant. And if she wants to console a sub if he's in tears, that should also be Her right. While aftercare may not be mandatory for everyone, I've never heard of it being a hard limit. To each their own I guess. Guess I just find the whole idea of aftercare as a hard limit a bit strange.

AquaticSub -> RE: now here's a new one (12/2/2007 10:21:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl Male sub or slave gets pissed at Domme for attempting to give aftercare. I thought I had heard it all lol It's quite possible the domme was attempting to provide the "wrong" aftercare or at the wrong time. Sometimes I don't want to be touched - if you touch me I will fuss at you. Continue to touch me, the fussing will get louder. If still continued, as Valyraen just chimed in, the fussing will get progressively worse. When all is said and done, I will be mad at you for not listening to me. This doesn't happen all the time, in fact it doesn't happen often. But it does happen and if a dominant wishes to provide aftercare they need to do it on the terms of their submissive or slave. Otherwise it isn't aftercare, just more service.

defiantbadgirl -> RE: now here's a new one (12/2/2007 10:50:52 AM)
Male sub wants to be beaten until he's bawling his head off and then completely ignored. From alot of the responses I've gotten on here, this appears more common than I thought. Personally, I couldn't do it. I'd be too afraid it would cause some kind of psychological damage or something, plus I would feel like an ass. Just wanted to get some perspective from others on this. Thanks for the responses.

LadyLegs -> RE: now here's a new one (12/2/2007 11:07:56 AM)
Sometimes it's just that they are not yet ready for the aftercare, or the scene was not so intense for them that they need it.

AquaticSub -> RE: now here's a new one (12/2/2007 11:13:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl Male sub wants to be beaten until he's bawling his head off and then completely ignored. From alot of the responses I've gotten on here, this appears more common than I thought. Personally, I couldn't do it. I'd be too afraid it would cause some kind of psychological damage or something, plus I would feel like an ass. Just wanted to get some perspective from others on this. Thanks for the responses. Find out what they want. To some, being left alone is aftercare. It provides time to process what just happened. It's important to understand that different submissives will need different things for aftercare. Some may want to be left alone, others may want you get them some water and stroke their back but not really talk to them or anything else. Others may want snuggling. The point is that you are only being an ass if you are giving them what you want to give them instead of what they need.

AAkasha -> RE: now here's a new one (12/2/2007 12:06:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl Male sub or slave gets pissed at Domme for attempting to give aftercare. I thought I had heard it all lol Everyone is focusing on the issue of whether or not aftercare is needed/wanted/mandatory and no one seems to be taking a look at the fact that he "got pissed off at the domina" for something like this. He must be a huge asshole if she had time to go post this and he still hasn't apologized for inappropriate behavior like that. I can understand if shortly afterwards his attitude might have come off wrong, but if he never went back and explained, he must be a piece of work. Run fast. Akasha

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