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One of the most frustrating things I've found... - 12/2/2007 10:39:41 AM

megan2007

Posts: 19
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

...About being switchy, is that I can suddenly go BOOM, from having fun, exploring the idea of my domme side, into total, needy, submissive'ness...

Not sure exactly why, hell maybe it's hormonal for me, or the stress I'm under lately...but it is sure as f-ck annoying as all hell!

Does anyone else experience this? If so, do you have any ideas of how to cope with it?

Thank you very much.

Take care and blessed be.

Post #: 1

RE: One of the most frustrating things I've found... - 12/2/2007 11:51:21 AM

SunNMoon

Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline

I do the same thing and I have no idea what the trigger is. Some times someone says something that can just flip the switch, or some days it’s stress.

I honestly just go with the flow, I also make sure anyone that I’m talking to (having any form of a ds relationship) is well aware of the fact that I switch and that I will switch within the relationship and that it will and can happen within a few minutes. I know sometimes when I switch to being submissive is that I want to be the center of attention and the receptive partner.

You mention that you are feeling needy when you do a fast switch? Is this happening when you are playing with a submissive? If so it might just be that you need a little reassurance if you are feeling a emotional need.

_____________________________

"We agreed to S&M only, sex and mockery." - Gray’s Anatomy.

(in reply to megan2007)

Post #: 2

RE: One of the most frustrating things I've found... - 12/2/2007 12:15:20 PM

megan2007

Posts: 19
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

*Soft smile to SunNMoon*

Thank you for your response!

No, does'nt happen per se' when I've been rp playing with a sub, though some of my Dom friends that I rp with, can bring out my sub side, even if I was quite happy exploring my domme side, just moments before*Small laugh*

I think that you're right though, it's probably becouse I'm emotional and needing reassurance at this time in my life...Something that for all the wonderful friends I have, I just cant have...*Shake head* But it helps a bit at least, to know that I'm not the only one that does this, thank you again.

Take care and blessed be.

(in reply to SunNMoon)

Post #: 3

RE: One of the most frustrating things I've found... - 12/2/2007 12:37:12 PM

SunNMoon

Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline

I know how that goes, I have one friend I talk to and he can normally put me into a submissive state within two seconds of talking to him. :) I very much relate to that.

You very much not alone. And if you need an extra hug from people just ask them, your friends will be more then happy to do that for you. (I know mine are).

Take care of yourself too.

Best

Kat

_____________________________

"We agreed to S&M only, sex and mockery." - Gray’s Anatomy.

(in reply to megan2007)

Post #: 4

RE: One of the most frustrating things I've found... - 12/2/2007 12:56:23 PM

xiam

Posts: 148
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

I've been experimenting with switching recently and i have experienced this same thing frequently... Make one feel a bit bipolar, doesn't it? Hehe. But i honestly think it's pretty common. Labels are useful to a certain point and then it's just about being who you are.

I suppose the ideal would to be with someone with whom you could easily adapt your roles depending on each others needs at the time... ie, if you are feeling vulnerable, he is able and willing to step up; and you, in turn, could do the same for him. Maybe?

Either way, don't stress it to much! :)

(in reply to megan2007)

Post #: 5

RE: One of the most frustrating things I've found... - 12/2/2007 5:35:44 PM

megan2007

Posts: 19
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

*Soft smile*

SunNMoon, again, thank you. And good to know too, that I'm not the only one as well, that has some Dom type friends, that can just make one go suddenly squish, into subness*L*

xiam, thank you for your response too! And yes, it is very distressing at times. But you are right, "labels" only go so far, everyone is a person, with all the ups and downs and ins and outs that come with such. And yes, who knows...maybe anouther switchy type person would be good to at least hang out with or something. Thank you.

Take care and blessed be.

(in reply to xiam)

Post #: 6

RE: One of the most frustrating things I've found... - 12/2/2007 7:15:20 PM

liketophoto

Posts: 763
Joined: 6/17/2007
Status: offline

Seem as time goes by I just seem more submissive. But I do not have a partner currently.
So everything seems moot.
Perhaps my masocistic side is developing because I cannot practice anything else right now.

Sorry not much of an answer.
Respectfully, LTP

(in reply to megan2007)

Post #: 7

RE: One of the most frustrating things I've found... - 12/2/2007 7:48:18 PM

megan2007

Posts: 19
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

*Smiles softly to LTP*

Thank you for responding as well. And yeah, I hear you about no partner, and no outlet*Nodding quietly*

Take care and blessed be.

(in reply to liketophoto)

Post #: 8

RE: One of the most frustrating things I've found... - 12/3/2007 3:09:47 PM

moonkitten4444

Posts: 2
Joined: 11/18/2007
Status: offline

You have no idea how nice it is to hear that I am not the only one feeling the pull of both desires! As Xiam said it does indeed make one feel bipolar at times. One moment I can be happily dominating my pet and the next I am the one wanting to be dominated.

Sometimes it is stress, sometimes hormones and somtimes when with someone more dominant I just become more submissive and vice versa.When I scene with a friend of mine, a male who is also a switch, we sometimes change roles in the middle, quite naturally and easily, though I usually wind up on bottom.

After giving it much thought one day I reached the conclusion that sometimes it is a combination of my own emotional needs at the time and the needs/personality of the person I am with. For instance, and I don't know if anyone else has this experience, I can meet someone for the first time and instantly react with dominant or submissive feelings towards them them. It is very awkward when at work...

-Kitty

(in reply to megan2007)

Post #: 9

RE: One of the most frustrating things I've found... - 12/3/2007 9:55:36 PM

BiteGirl

Posts: 293
Joined: 4/27/2006
Status: offline

I don't experience that, no. But I'm not a needy sub either.

(in reply to moonkitten4444)

Post #: 10

RE: One of the most frustrating things I've found... - 12/4/2007 8:54:27 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

As a Domme with a few switchy friends, I kow first hand it can also be the company. I have been told that at least 2 of my switch friends -cant- be dom around me. For whatever reason, they feel the need to be submissive around me, even if they arent subbing to me. Hormones and stress and all that other real-life outside of lifestyle interference can make a person needy, a vanilla as well as a lifestyler. The combination of the two... being around a Dom/me you are comfortable subbing to AND being stressed or hormonal will almost definately trigger the flip-flop.
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to BiteGirl)

Post #: 11

RE: One of the most frustrating things I've found... - 12/5/2007 8:14:11 AM

prucilla

Posts: 17
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

I have done the fast switch - I am working on training myself out of it because my pony, who has a very dominant personality for all he wants to be subby in the bedroom is upset by his Dommes switching on him all the time (both myself and his other Domme partner have this problem). I find lately I am relaly missing having sub space in my sex life. *ponder ponder*

_____________________________

"She changes everything She touches and everything she touches changes..."

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 12

RE: One of the most frustrating things I've found... - 12/5/2007 1:13:19 PM

Heartisan

Posts: 21
Joined: 10/21/2007
From: Denver, CO
Status: offline

Hi there, I am new to the site, and to the forums here so I am looking forward to meeting all of you. My real name is Jewel, and I've been in the lifestyle for about 10 years or so rt, and a bit online before that. I was very subbie at first with Master, but I got that other pull at some point too. So here is my two cents after about 9 years with the same Master, and being a switch for most of that time.

First off I hate the label switch. I call myself a middle because I don't *switch* like a light switch. I am sub to some, and dom to others. Though right now I am re-exploring my sub side after a few years of us not being active and trying to focus on that, I still have that pull from my dom side (especially at parties when I see a very cute submissive being submissive). I still have a rough time occasionally finding where I am at a particular moment, but in general once I started thinking of myself as more of a middle it helped. I am me, and I am always who I am no matter what. Even people who are always Dom can be needy sometimes, it's human nature. Women have the added hormonal issues to deal with as well.

Master and I came up with the concept of a continuum years ago. Picture a horizontal line with dominant on one end and submissive on the other. Very few people are completely at one end or another. Most fall somewhere in between. I found my *place* where I feel comfortable being... all the time. The problems occur when I try to be something other than what I am usually to please other people (Dom or sub). I think even as a Dom, we tend to want to *please* a bit as well. Find who you are, and be who you are and don't try to think of it as a light switch where one is turned off and the other is turned on. You can be both, even at the same time and for me, it's much easier once I saw it that way.

I hope this might be of some help to someone and am looking forward to more discussion on this or any other topic.

Be well,
Jewel

(in reply to prucilla)

Post #: 13

RE: One of the most frustrating things I've found... - 12/7/2007 5:40:59 AM

arayofsunshine55

Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline

Not my experience at all. I don't switch with the same person, so far. And it isn't some feeling which wells up inside me. It's what I want with one person or another.

And I don't experience my surrender as total neediness.

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to megan2007)

Post #: 14

RE: One of the most frustrating things I've found... - 12/7/2007 5:59:02 AM

Divina

Posts: 10
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline

Same as with arayofsunshine. I normally don't switch with the same person.
I am submissive when I surrender myself - first emotionally and then physically- to a person, which means that submissiveness for me is an emotional state of being. I am submissive with the person I love because my perception of love is a sacrificial one; I indulge in all the romantic notions of love you see.
On the other hand, domming someone is an absolute turn on per se, with no terrific emotional commitment present, at least not at the depth of feelings of sub mode.

If you are switching with the same person then just maybe your "switch" gets confused. Or, and with this I may be going on a limb here, you top someone in the effort to assume the strength that you are current missing in your life. You know, the "play the part, be the part" idea.

(in reply to arayofsunshine55)

Post #: 15

RE: One of the most frustrating things I've found... - 12/7/2007 11:08:26 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

OP, I'm not sure why you find it annoying or needy, it's who you are. I identify with people in certain roles. Being around someone that is dominant makes me inclined to be submissive. However, if that same dominant engages in activities that bring out the sadist in me, I will look at what our joint goal and agreed upon parameters are. Some people switch back and forth within sessions. I personally remember where I am and who I am with and what role I am in and get back with the program. I can't say it's ever annoyed or even concerned me as I accept it about myself.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Divina)

Post #: 16

RE: One of the most frustrating things I've found... - 12/7/2007 2:48:47 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Neediness does not equal submissiveness! Neediness evolves from insecurity where your psyche is telling you that you need to care for yourself...and sometimes rely on your partner to reaffirm how you know you should feel about yourself.

My opinions, of course.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to megan2007)

Post #: 17

RE: One of the most frustrating things I've found... - 12/11/2007 7:36:34 AM

WesCraftD

Posts: 5
Joined: 12/10/2007
Status: offline

i've learned that the experience of your emotions is best understood when you forget your past and your future. when you are playing one side and your medium of desire starts to switch, it is best to surrender to it. Admit that you don't know where the switch is coming from and you can actively seek out whatever answers you need. In fact they will more than likely come to you.

it's frustrating maybe because you seek to control your desires rather than submit to them. Even a domme is "knowingly" submitting to their inner most desire. When you let go of this need to control and consider the possibility of desire...you will find a world of understanding which isn't meant to boost your level of control, but rather to accentuate your experience without negatively compromising your emotions.

desires are like rivers...they lead to oceans, they sustain life, they topple mountains and find dams (inhibitions, fear) a temporary annoyance. But if you jump into a river expecting to find an ocean, you may very well run into some rapids. But if you understand that the rapids are a possibility you can prepare yourself emotionally to experience them, turning them [the rapids] into a tool for accentuating your experience rather than disrupting it. And when you get to the ocean, you'll find that it wouldn't have been as sweet without the jagged little rocks you had to pass on the way.

Happiness is not an emotion. It is a plateau of understanding that turns any emotion into a positive experience. Seek to understand - not control - and you will find that reassurance isn't necessary because you were sure from the beginning.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 18

RE: One of the most frustrating things I've found... - 12/28/2007 8:22:23 PM

KnOcala

Posts: 260
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

I classify myself as a switch, but my submissive side is not really needy, but desiring to be worshipful and objectified.

(in reply to WesCraftD)

Post #: 19

RE: One of the most frustrating things I've found... - 12/28/2007 10:27:23 PM

TomTame

Posts: 3
Joined: 12/21/2007
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

Does anyone ever experience it the other way around though? Needing suddenly to be dominant when they come to a point in their submission?

(in reply to KnOcala)

Post #: 20

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