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A hole in my heart - 12/2/2007 8:06:58 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

I lost one of my dearest friends today, she passed away suddenly. She was only 37 years old. She was a beautiful human being, a woman who was so full of life...so full of love. She was as tough as nails and as soft as butter. She walked many dark roads in her lifetime and had come to find peace and light in her service to her Master...the love of her life. She was devoted and proud in her slavery. She was one of a scarce few people in this world who really, really understood me...who I could be completely bare in front of. She accepted me with all of my flaws, encouraged me in all of my endeavors, supported me in all of my moments of weakness or sorrow...and never once stood in judgment of me. She brought so much to my life and we shared so much laughter, so much joy. She knew me in ways that no one else ever has...and shared herself with me in those same ways. I took it for granted that she would always just be there...and I will miss her immensely. I think there will always be a hole in my heart....

I know that losing someone we love is always a hard thing to bear regardless of whether or not they are in this lifestyle or not. But it feels different somehow because of our common orientation. Have you ever felt the void that someone in the lifestyle leaves differently?

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

Post #: 1

RE: A hole in my heart - 12/2/2007 8:08:02 PM

dcnovice

Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline

Mist, I'm so very sorry for my loss. You have my warmest sympathies.

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 2

RE: A hole in my heart - 12/2/2007 8:10:32 PM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

i think you are feeling this loss differently because this person you were so close to was the one person who you could open up to and be yourself with. That died when she died. i am very sorry for your loss and hope your grief passes in time. There really are no words to say that helps when someone dies, just know you'll be in many thoughts here at CM.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 3

RE: A hole in my heart - 12/2/2007 8:12:20 PM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Mist, I cannot answer your question as I have no experience with it, but I do wish to express my deepest sympathy for the loss of your friend.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 4

RE: A hole in my heart - 12/2/2007 8:12:42 PM

SunNMoon

Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline

I'm so sorry. My thoughts are with you and all who knew her.

_____________________________

"We agreed to S&M only, sex and mockery." - Gray’s Anatomy.

(in reply to dcnovice)

Post #: 5

RE: A hole in my heart - 12/2/2007 8:15:17 PM

Gwynvyd

Posts: 4949
Status: offline

Mist I am sorry sorry for your loss.. it is so hard to lose those who lift us up.

An old Master of mine had passed after I had moved away and went back to my Domme ways.. but I still think of him.. and miss him dearly. He taught me much. The first munch I went to after he had passed was so hard. Being around so many who knew him, and knew me.. and just the huge level of sorrow at such a great guy passing was so hard. Being back up here in town is harder still.

Time does help heal things.. it does.. but it will always be there. I wish you peace at this time.. I know it is hard. *hugs*

Gwyn,
Who misses Stu still.

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 6

RE: A hole in my heart - 12/2/2007 8:17:20 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

It is hard to lose a beloved friend and confidant...pay forward all those wonderful things she did for you in her honor...Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to SunNMoon)

Post #: 7

RE: A hole in my heart - 12/2/2007 8:19:08 PM

Muttling

Posts: 1612
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline

We have all lost people we love. Most of us have lost a person or people who were something very special to us and it is VERY hard. Those who haven't fealt such a loss will do so before they die.

I know the pain your feel and you have my warmest thoughts.

I wish you well my friend.

(in reply to Gwynvyd)

Post #: 8

RE: A hole in my heart - 12/2/2007 8:28:20 PM

calicowgirl

Posts: 98
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline

I am so very sorry for your loss.

cali

_____________________________

Let your dreams run wild... be brave enough to follow.

Anyone who can think of only one way to spell a word obviously lacks imagination. -- Mark Twain

(in reply to Muttling)

Post #: 9

RE: A hole in my heart - 12/2/2007 8:28:46 PM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

You have written a beautiful and touching eulogy for your special friend. The loss that you are feeling is very evident in your words and all i can offer is my sincere sympathy.

While i have never known anyone in this lifestyle who has died, i have suffered the loss of some who are very dear to me and i grieve them still, even though it has been more than 11 years.

Cherish the memories of your friend and she will live on in your heart.

slave joy
Owned property of Master David

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 10

RE: A hole in my heart - 12/2/2007 8:34:08 PM

masoslave2serve

Posts: 3
Joined: 11/12/2007
Status: offline

I am sorry for your loss.

< Message edited by masoslave2serve -- 12/2/2007 8:35:09 PM >

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 11

RE: A hole in my heart - 12/2/2007 8:35:17 PM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

Nothing to add to the beautiful things already expressed, but *hugs*

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to masoslave2serve)

Post #: 12

RE: A hole in my heart - 12/2/2007 8:35:37 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

My sympathies mist unexpected deaths are always the hardest to deal with. My thoughts are with you and her family.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 13

RE: A hole in my heart - 12/2/2007 8:38:15 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

The loss of a close friend whether lifestyle or not leaves the same great pain for me. Losing a close friend no matter where I met them or our interests leaves the same hole. You have my deepest sympathies.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 14

RE: A hole in my heart - 12/2/2007 8:43:48 PM

FullfigRIMaam

Posts: 718
Joined: 6/21/2007
Status: offline

I have felt that void, but it has to do with overall trust and practically unconditional love shared between us, not necessarily the lifestyle, though that wasn't a secret either between us.
I'm sorry for your loss Erin. Many warm hugs and prayers sent your way. M

_____________________________

"touching was and still is and will always be the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence." Erich Fromm

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 15

RE: A hole in my heart - 12/2/2007 8:44:24 PM

Darkhaven80

Posts: 76
Joined: 3/12/2007
Status: offline

I'm very sorry. Death is horrible for those close to the deceased. My thoughts are with her family and friends.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 16

RE: A hole in my heart - 12/2/2007 8:45:09 PM

MissOchistic

Posts: 315
Joined: 4/30/2007
Status: offline

I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. I've gone through it, as I think most of us have, but i think your right...somehow, someone else in the lifestyle feels a little different. Perhaps it's for the same reason we sometimes feel a closeness with someone after realizing they're in the scene and we had no idea.
Every loss does tear a tiny hole that can never really be fixed, but I hope soon you will feel better and grieve less. My best wishes to you.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 17

RE: A hole in my heart - 12/2/2007 8:55:56 PM

astarri

Posts: 265
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

You both very fortunate to have had each other for the time that you did. Those friendships are indeed rare and beautiful. I'm sorry for your loss truly and i hope you will soon be able to celebrate her life without feeling sadness.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 18

RE: A hole in my heart - 12/2/2007 9:05:57 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

Thank you all. I have been sitting here all day remembering the laughter that we shared. I've been talking to her all day...I've told her how much I love her...and how much this hurts. I bitched at her for her sucky timing...and for leaving before she showed me how to make that spaetzle like she promised me she would. I really believe that she is somewhere listening...but it will be hard not to hear her voice, her laughter...and her bitching at me back.

As badly as I hurt I can but only imagine the pain that her Master is feeling at this time. I called him awhile ago and got the answering machine. Hearing her voice felt like I had been stabbed with a knife. When he called me back we talked about the arrangements that have to be made. He will be allowing me to help him with the plans, which I am thankful for. I encouraged him to get some rest and to make sure to take time to eat. He said that he just made the first pot of coffee that he has had to make himself in 6 years. I told him that we will get through this....somehow.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 19

RE: A hole in my heart - 12/2/2007 9:12:07 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Many condolences on your loss. It's obvious that you loved your friend very much, and your love will keep her memory alive.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 20

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